I moved into the chair next to me. My fingers ran along the familiar strings. Could I actually play?
Lexi watched me, eyes wide, enraptured. My hands shook as I strummed my thumb down the strings, listening as the music filled the room. I cleared my throat and adjusted the guitar in my lap. Nervous energy poured through me, making my leg bounce up and down.
I can do this.
I repeated the phrase in my head. It was the only way to show Lexi that what I felt and said was real. I swallowed hard and when I looked up, Lexi took the seat across from me. Her entire focus was on me.
I strummed my thumb down the strings once more. The fingers on my other hand moved of their own volition. Holding down the strings, changing the sound of the music being played. I let my heart lead me. The words pouring from my lips and my heart before I could even think about them.
The last note filled the room and I looked up to see Lexi’s glassy eyes. A single tear slipped down her cheek.
“Aiden, I don’t know what to say.”
I abandoned the guitar on the couch and dropped to my knees in front of her. With her face cradled in my hands, I brushed away the tears.
“You don’t have to say anything. I just wanted you to know how I feel about you.”
She opened and closed her mouth a few times before finally finding her voice.
“I never thought…I never dreamed that you would feel this way about me.”
I slipped my hands in hers. “I do. I love you. I think I’ve loved you in some capacity all my life.”
She tried to tug her hands from mine, but I held on tighter, unwilling to let her go. “That’s the love you’ve felt for your best friend. The best friend I’ve always been. The one sitting on the sidelines watching you with every woman other than me.”
I shook my head so hard it made the room spin for a moment. “No. That’s not what I mean. I may have loved you as a best friend when we were younger, but trust me when I tell you that things are very different now.”
“And how is that?”
“Things are different now because I know the difference between the love I have for my friends and the love I have for you. I honestly don’t know what I would do without you. I don’t know what Chloe and I would do without you.”
She sat silently, not moving a muscle.
“We need you. I need you.”
She lifted her own hands and cupped my face. “Maybe I’m crazy or a glutton for punishment, but I love you, too. I always have.”
“Always have?”
She giggled through her tears. “I’ve loved you since I was twelve years old. And no, I don’t mean the best friend kind of love.”
I pushed to my feet and sat down next to Lexi, wrapping my arm around her shoulders and pulling her closer to me. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
She buried her face into my shirt, shrugging. “No reason.”
I placed my finger beneath her chin and lifted her face to mine. She directed her eyes over my shoulder, but I wasn’t letting that statement go that easily. “Is that why you stopped talking to me when we left for college?”
She sighed and stood from the couch. Her feet moved rapidly across the floor. “What else was I supposed to do? Keep talking and texting with you? Listening about every new girl you met along the way?” She whirled around to face me. “I didn’t think I could handle getting my heart broken over and over again while I plastered on a smile pretending to care about whoever you were dating at the moment. I had to protect my own heart.”
I reached out and snagged her wrist, tugging her back over until she had no choice but to sit on my lap. “Then why not tell me before we left?”
“And what would that have changed? Would you have changed any of the choices you made?” There was no heat in her voice now, just exhaustion. The evidence of it was in the dark circles beneath her eyes. Something that had been there for the last few weeks.
Would I have changed anything in my life?
As hard as it was for me to admit, and I knew the hurt it would cause her, I let the truth slip from my lips.
“No. Even with all the pain I’ve endured. I can’t imagine a world where Chloe didn’t exist and I wouldn’t have her without Christine. Hell, a piece of me will always love Christine.”
“Exactly.”
I held her chin between my thumb and forefinger. “No. Not exactly,” I said softly. “I would’ve never flaunted every girlfriend I had in front of your face. I would’ve left that for Jackson to listen to. I would have done anything in my power to keep from hurting you the way I obviously did over the last few months and years.”
“And I wouldn’t expect you to change anything. Your life with Christine and Chloe made you into the man you’ve become. Doesn’t mean it didn’t break my heart a little the day you said I do. But I was determined to move on without you. To find someone to love me.”
“I do love you.”
“I know, but you weren’t ready to love me this way before. As hard as this path has been, you had to travel it to end up here.”
“And the only reason I made it down that path is because of you. I would’ve gotten off the train a long time before now if you hadn’t convinced me to get on with you.”
She leaned forward and briefly pressed her lips to mine. “I’m very glad that you did.”
I linked my fingers with hers and let us both sit and absorb the moment. Things had taken a turn I’d never expected when I’d moved back home almost a year ago, but I couldn’t have been any happier that they did.
“So what happens now?”
I glanced down at her. “How about I take you on an actual date instead of a night out as friends. I promise to even give you a kiss at the end.”
She rolled her eyes and smacked me on the arm. “I’ll take the date, but I think I want a little bit more than a peck on the lips.”
“I think that can be arranged.” I was surprised to hear the husky timber of my voice.
I used my free hand to cup her jaw and brought her face to mine. Our lips connecting, my tongue dove into her mouth, desperate for the taste of cherries to hit my tongue again. The cherry liquor from the martinis were even better mingled with the taste of her.
Our mouths moved together, taking what we each needed from the other. Her body pressed to mine made my heart thunder in my chest. The scent of her perfume surrounded me until I became dizzy with the desire to be closer to her than I had before.
Over the last few months, she’d become my world. Vital to my survival, yet so much more. I wanted to shower her with everything she deserved. Show her the love I had for her. I broke the connection of our lips and held her in my arms.
She was quiet for a moment, as our breathing slowed.
“Will you do me a favor?”
I glanced down at her smiling face.
“Name it and it’s yours.”
25
Lexi
I reached behind me, afraid to ask the question, but I knew I had to. Tonight, Aiden picked up a guitar for the first time in almost a year. His hands had stopped shaking the moment they started to play. I missed the sound of his voice when he sang. I missed the sound of the guitar strings as his thumb moved across them. I had to know if he missed it as much as I did.
I wrapped my fingers around the neck of the guitar and pulled it onto my lap. “Will you sing again for me?”
This time an apprehensive light filled his eyes. Not the same desperation that he had a little bit ago.
He swallowed hard. “I don’t know if I can.”
“You just played for me. What’s different now?”
“I’m not afraid you’re going to leave anymore.”
I pushed the guitar toward him. “How did it feel to play again?”
He ran his fingers along the edge of the instrument. His eyes were glassy like he was seeing a long lost friend again. “Wonderful,” he whispered so low I almost didn’t hear him. “I missed it.”
I covered his hand w
ith mine. “I know you miss it. You can’t keep yourself away from it anymore.”
He sighed. “I know. But every song makes me think of Christine and I don’t want to be stuck in my head like that again. I will always love her and miss her, but I also know I want to go on living my life and I’m afraid I won’t be able to if every song I play reminds me of her.”
“You once told me they’d find a new lead singer. Write new music that wasn’t attached to you. You’re a song writer. Write new music.”
“That won’t stop the fans from wanting to hear the old songs. Songs they love.”
I rested my head on his shoulder. “Maybe with new music, the audience can help you learn to love the old songs again.”
“Maybe.”
I extended the guitar to him once more. “And maybe you can get back on that stage and sing those new songs.”
“I can’t,” he whispered. He stood and began pacing the room, his head shaking adamantly back and forth. “I can’t get on the stage again.”
The guitar sat there, calling his name. I could tell by the way his eyes moved to it every time he passed. Something held him back. Something besides Christine, otherwise he wouldn’t have been able to sing for me only a few minutes ago without a care in the world.
I stood and stepped into his path, making his feet come to a screeching halt. “What are you so afraid of?”
His shoulders hunched. “Nothing.”
I ducked down, trying to see his face. “Don’t say nothing. Something has you running from music. You told me it was the memories of Christine, but I think there is more to it. Talk to me.”
The silence stretched on so long I was afraid he wouldn’t answer. After what seemed like hours, he dropped his head back and stared at the ceiling. When he brought his face back down, his eyes were glassy and my whole body tensed, bracing for his answer.
“I’m afraid to lose everything again.”
I wrapped my arms around his waist, wanting to infuse some of my own strength into him. “What would you lose?”
“Chloe, you, everyone.”
“You’re not going to lose me or Chloe.”
He tried to step back, but I held on tighter. “You can say that, but you can’t guarantee it. The last time I stepped out onto that stage, I told the crowd we were expecting Chloe any day. I actually got a text during our last song that Christine had gone into labor.”
Shit. That was the missing piece no one had told me. It made more sense why he wouldn’t want to play for a crowd again. The last time he did it, his world had been completely torn apart.
“Aiden, I want you to listen to me. The are no guarantees in life, but are you really living life if all you do is hide from the world to avoid getting hurt? Are you really willing to give up something you’ve loved your entire life out of fear?”
Indecision warred on his face. One little thing could give him that final push. And, I couldn’t keep the secret any longer. If a relationship was going to come from the night’s revelations, it had to be built on honesty.
The promise I made to Jackson weighed on my mind. At the time, he had a point. But I couldn’t be so sure anymore. The look in Aiden’s eyes as he held the guitar. The way he seamlessly sang to me a few moments ago with his heart on the line.
I knew he’d never forgive me if I didn’t tell him.
“Aiden.” I lifted my head. I needed to see every expression as it passed across his face. “I have something to tell you.”
He slowly moved his gaze away from the guitar and to me. His brows drawn together.
“What is it?”
I sucked in a breath, hoping he wouldn’t want to kill the two of us for keeping it from him.
“I talked to Jackson the other day.”
He studied me for a moment before speaking. “I’d ask why he called, but I have a feeling there was more to that conversation than catching up.”
“You’d be right. He called to talk about you.”
Aiden rolled his eyes and set the guitar to the side. “Of course he did. God forbid he talk to me when he was here earlier.”
“You know as well as I do that he talked to you today. But there was something he needed to tell you, he just wasn’t sure if you were ready to hear it or not.”
That had his attention. “What do you mean whether I was ready to hear it or not? What happened?”
Now or never. Better just to blurt it out and let the chips fall where they may.
“The rest of Violet Obsession is parting ways.”
The bomb dropped. The words were out in the open, ready for whatever Aiden wanted to do about them. But he didn’t do anything. He didn’t even say anything. He sat there frozen, staring blankly at the wall.
“Aiden?” I gave him a light shake, waiting for some kind of reaction, but he still didn’t move.” I shook him again. “Aiden!”
This time his gaze slowly moved to mine. “What do you mean Violet Obsession is parting ways?”
I shook my head. “That’s all I know. Jackson said something about without a lead singer, they didn’t have a band.”
“They couldn’t find anyone? I’m sure there’s a million singers out there dying to jump into an already successful band.” His brows drew in, a frown pulling down the corners of his lips.
“Is it so hard to believe that maybe they couldn’t find the right voice? I’m sure there were plenty of people who wanted that spot, but they were looking for the right voice. Your voice.”
He leapt from his seat and started pacing the floor again. “I can’t believe they couldn’t find someone else. That’s some cop out bullshit right there.” He ran his hand through his hair as his feet ate up the carpet one way then turned to do the same in the other direction. “I bet they didn’t even try. Why would they throw away everything we worked for?”
I reached out and grabbed Aiden’s hand, stopping his movements. “Stop and listen to yourself. I know you’re upset, but the people you talked so fondly about wouldn’t just throw away everything you all worked so hard for.”
“Then how do you explain them splitting up?”
I shook my head and stood to wrap my arms around his waist. “I don’t know. Jackson said something about spending the last six months trying to find a new singer with no luck.”
His eyes rounded and almost immediately narrowed to slits. “Six months. They only spent six months searching?” His voice rose with each word. “I’ve been gone for a year.”
“They were hoping you’d decide to come back. They wanted to give you time to grieve first.”
He threw his hands up in the air. “Of course they didn’t listen to me when I left. I said I wasn’t coming back. They knew it.”
“Aiden—”
He stepped back out of my arms. A vein throbbed at his temple and I took a step back even when I knew that his anger wasn’t directed at me.
“That motherfucker.”
26
Aiden
I yanked my phone out of my pocket, hitting Jackson’s number immediately.
The phone only rang twice before he answered. “Aiden?” His tone was curious, almost as if couldn’t believe I was calling. He had been here only a few hours earlier.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Anger heated my tone.
“Jesus Christ.” Silence filled the phone for a few seconds. “Put Lexi on the phone.”
“No.”
Lexi’s eyes were wide as saucers.
“Aiden, put Lexi on the phone,” he demanded.
“No.” My voice grew louder.
Lexi reached out a hand. “Let me have it.”
“No.” I stood up out her reach. “God dammit, Jackson. You’re not going to yell at Lexi for telling me what you, hell, what Miles, Kylee, or Dylan should’ve told me. You were in my fucking house today and said nothing.”
“And exactly why were they supposed to tell you anything? You walked the fuck away leaving them high and dry. No lead singer, no band.”
�
�My fucking wife died.” My voice echoed off the walls so loud I saw Lexi wince out of the corner of my eye.
“I know that. They know that. Fuck. The whole world knows that.”
“Exactly, everyone was in every part of my business from her funeral to trying to get every bit and piece of information they could get about Chloe.”
“No one blamed you for needing a break. Jesus. Anyone would need some time after something like that. But you didn’t just take a break. You left.”
My hand clenched into a fist at my side and I did everything in my power to keep from hurling the phone across the room. “They could’ve told me they were going to break up. Hell, they could’ve stayed together and found a new lead singer.”
“Not that it’s any of your business at this point, but they tried to find a new singer. None of the songs sounded right in someone else’s voice. Every test audience they used hated every person they brought on. They brought in guys, girls. They even had Miles try with someone on guitar. Nothing worked. Nothing. They had no choice.”
“They could’ve asked me.”
“And what the fuck were you gonna do? You left, swearing you’d never sing again. Call you? Beg and plead for you to come back? You know that’s as ridiculous as it sounds.”
I threw my hand up in the air. “Then why the fuck did you tell Lexi?”
“Hoping she’d keep it to herself,” he muttered.
Blood roared through my ears. “What?”
“I said I hoped she’d keep that shit to herself until she thought you were ready to hear it. I didn’t want you finding out from some gossip blog. Apparently, she picked the wrong time.”
I was about to let Jackson have it for even asking that of Lexi when the phone was yanked out of my hand and she moved around one side of the table before I could catch her.
“It was the right time.” Her eyes never left me as she talked to Jackson. I stalked her from one side to the other, but she moved out of my reach, changing directions each time I did.
“Don’t start with me Jackson Hadden. I promised not to tell him until I thought he was ready. And he was.”
Last and Forever Page 17