Last and Forever

by Brooke, Rebecca

  He continued his path across my skin, hooking his fingers in the top of my panties, tugging them down my hips and legs, and finally scooting to the edge of the bed and dropping them to the floor.

  Eyes blazing, the gray darkening as he crawled farther up the bed on top of me. Our lips met again in a scorching kiss as his fingers explored my body, teasing me until I trembled beneath him.

  “Aiden…” I breathed, a fire racing through me. “I can’t…”

  That’s when he climbed from the bed, discarding his shorts. Suddenly his face fell. “I don’t have protection. I haven’t…”

  I reached out to him. “I’m on the pill. We don’t need it unless you think we should use one.”

  He took my hand and came back down on the bed. He played my body like an instrument until I writhed beneath him. I was so close to crashing over the edge already. When he slid inside of me, everything snapped into place. A sense of home and love washing over me.

  “Shit. It’s been so long and you feel so good.” Aiden clenched his eyes shut, his body unmoving.

  I ran my hands down his back and leaned up to whisper in his ear, “Don’t stop. I want to feel all of you.”

  His eyes popped open before he pulled back and thrust back in. This time he found a rhythm. We moved in sync, both reaching for the climax hovering at the edge. The moment his hand slid between us, toying with me, sparks flew and I called his name into the quiet room.

  His own pace picked up and with a few more thrusts his whole body tensed. He gathered me into his arms, rolling to his side as we slowly caught our breath.

  I cuddled in closer and he rested his chin on my head. “That…” he trailed off.

  I leaned back in his arms to see his face. “That was what?”

  “I didn’t think I could feel a connection like that again.” He lowered his head, stealing a kiss. “I love you.”

  The room shimmered. Even though we talked about it last night. And he’d said those exact words last night. Hearing them in the light of a new day completely undid the knot that had settled in my chest months ago when I realized I still loved Aiden.

  “I love you, too.”

  I cuddled back into his chest, letting his warmth spread through me. My eyes slipped closed and I started to doze when a voice woke me.

  “Dada.”

  My eyes snapped back open, darting around the room. Aiden chuckled.

  “She’s not in here.”

  He pointed above his head. We both glanced at the monitor on the bedside table. Aiden shook his head.

  “I thought for sure she’d sleep in after so much excitement yesterday.”

  Heat raced to my face. Exhaustion and weariness had ridden me so heavily I hadn’t even thought about what I’d do about clothes and a shower when we got up this morning. “What am I supposed to do about a change of clothes?”

  Aiden threw his legs over the side of the bed. “You’re worried about clothes when I’m sad I can’t lie here and cuddle with you anymore. You realize she’s only one and has no idea what you were wearing yesterday.”

  I smacked his arm. “It still matters.”

  He stood and grabbed a pair of basketball shorts from the chest at the end of the bed. “Nope. She’ll just be excited to see you.”

  I ran my hand through my sex tousled hair. “I can’t go downstairs and play with her like this.”

  He walked around to the side of the bed, taking a seat next to me as I tugged the sheet tighter to my chest. He tucked a stray hair behind my ear. “If you’re really worried about it, you could run home to shower and change while I get her up and ready for the day. I’ll have breakfast ready when you come back.”

  My shoulders relaxed. “I didn’t think about that.”

  “I figured as much. Just promise you’ll come back. I may have things figured out when it comes to us. But I still don’t know what to do about the band. I haven’t slept at all trying to figure it all out.”

  I let the sheet go and linked my fingers with his, not missing the way his eyes traveled down my chest, lingering on my ribs. “We’ll figure it out together.”

  “Dada. Dada,” Chloe sing-songed.

  Aiden moved to stand. “I better get her before she gets louder.” He pressed a kiss to my lips. “Be back soon?”

  “I should be back in about a half an hour.”

  He smiled. The same one I’d seen over the last few months as he slowly found his happiness again. Knowing I was the reason behind it made me feel light as air. I put my feet on the floor and found my clothes.

  I wanted to get home and back as soon as possible. Aiden still had another hurdle to figure out and I wanted to be here to help him decide. In the end it was up to him what he wanted to do, but I’d make sure I was here to support him in any way.

  28

  Aiden

  Bacon sizzled in the frying pan, while Chloe sat in her high chair playing with the cereal I’d placed on her tray to hold her over until breakfast was ready. I flipped the bacon and went back to daydreaming about my morning in bed.

  If you had asked me months ago, I would have told you I was never bringing another woman to my bed. That the guilt would eat me alive. But there I stood in the middle of the kitchen, my heart soaring.

  And it all had to do with Lexi.

  I loved her and probably had for longer than I realized. Somewhere in the last four months, I’d fallen for her. She dragged me out of the depths of misery and brought me back to life. The desire to be near her whenever possible should have been a clue. I needed her. The idea that it could be because I loved her never crossed my mind. I hadn’t expected to fall in love again, but somehow I had.

  The only thing that made my chest ache were the words inked across her ribs. I hadn’t even known she had a tattoo. Much less one she’d gotten to find someone to love her. She told me it was in the past, and it was, but a part of me wished I’d known. Then I looked at Chloe and realized knowing then might have made things worse. I would have hurt her more by not feeling the same for her then. The thought of hurting her and her not being there when I needed her all those months ago made me understand why I had to leave it in the past, where it belonged. We had a future. One where we were on the same page at the same time.

  The sound of the front door opening and closing had my heart starting to race. I stood at the stove, taking the bacon out of the pan while I kept one eye on the kitchen door, waiting to see her again.

  “Le Le,” Chloe shouted the minute she stepped into the room.

  “Hey, princess. Daddy making you breakfast?” Lexi walked over and picked Chloe out of her high chair. She squealed and clapped.

  “Yay, Le Le.” Chloe played with the long strands of Lexi’s hair that had fallen over her shoulder.

  They made the perfect picture. A pictured I’d longed for almost a year. Christine may not be here with us, but I knew she watched us, happy that we finally found someone to love us both. My heart was full.

  I walked over and pressed a kiss to Lexi’s lips. Her eyes widened before they slipped closed and she melted into the kiss with me. At least until I felt two small hands press against my chest.

  I pulled back and looked down at Chloe with her narrowed little eyes. My heart leapt into my throat. Did she not like having another woman in her life? Was it too soon for her?

  She blew a raspberry at me and grabbed Lexi’s checks. “My Le Le.” She leaned forward and kissed a wide-eyed Lexi.

  We both burst into laughter and my pulse slowed. Apparently, she just didn’t want to share Lexi with me. We’d work on that. I left Lexi bouncing Chloe on her hip, a smile on both their faces.

  I made three plates and cut Chloe’s into little pieces. Lexi placed Chloe into her seat as I brought the plates back to the table. Chloe reached for the eggs as soon as her plate was set in front of her. Lexi grabbed two mugs from the cabinet and filled them from the pot of coffee I made earlier. She joined me at the table.

  “Thank you.” I reached for
the mug she handed me.

  “Welcome.” Lexi picked up her fork, starting in on her breakfast.

  I took one bite, but it soured in my stomach. It had been fun playing around with the two of them. A good distraction from the decision I had to make. What did I really want to do about the band? This was a final decision. One I thought I already made. But the more I thought back on it, a part of me always thought they’d be there.

  “Want to talk about it?”

  I glanced up from my plate to see Lexi focused on me instead of her own breakfast.

  I shrugged. “I kept saying I wasn’t going back.” I shrugged. “I guess a part of me thought they’d always be there if I decided to go back.” I set my fork down. “I know it wasn’t realistic, but I don’t think I even recognized it until now.”

  She reached across the table and covered my hand with hers. “You wanted a change without giving up everything you always knew. You were grieving. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

  “It wasn’t exactly fair to them.”

  “Maybe not. But you had a lot more to focus on than what was fair.”

  Lexi’s stomach growled and I pointed to her plate. “Finish eating. We can talk about this after breakfast.”

  She opened her mouth to argue, but I held up my hand. “I promise we’ll talk, but I won’t be able to concentrate on the conversation if I know you’re hungry.”

  She dipped her head slightly and picked her fork back up. I forced down the food in front of me to keep her from arguing. We ate in complete silence. Not the comfortable relaxed kind, but the type that pressed in on you. Made you realize that something weighed heavily on your mind. The kind of thing you couldn’t forget and push off to deal with another day.

  Lexi finished and picked up all the plates and took them to the sink while I cleaned up Chloe. When the dishes were loaded into the dishwasher and the kitchen cleaned, I carried Chloe out to the living room and turned on her favorite channel. She waddled over to her little chair and sat down to watch.

  The weight on my shoulders was heavier and I took a seat on the couch, leaning my arms on my knees and resting my head in my hands. I felt the couch dip down next to me.

  Lexi placed her hand on my back. “Talk to me. We can figure it out together.”

  “I’m not sure what to do.”

  “Do you want to play again?” Wasn’t that the million-dollar question.

  I glanced over at her. “A part of me does.”

  “What about the rest of you?” She rubbed circles over my back, relaxing the tightness in my muscles.

  “The rest of me is afraid. What if I can’t step out on that stage?”

  She stopped for a moment before her hand started moving again.. “What if you can? You played for me and Jackson last night.”

  “I did, but what if it was a one-time thing?” I shook my head. “Miles is already gone. What if there’s nothing left to save?”

  She slipped her hand in mine and linked our fingers. “Are you more afraid of getting up on the stage or that it’s too late to save any of it?”

  A sigh left my lips. “A little bit of both.”

  She laid her other hand on top of our clasped ones. “This isn’t who you are. You can’t keep hiding here. Your fans miss you. Chloe needs you to be the man her mother fell in love with. The man with a guitar in his hand. The man I watched from afar as long as I can remember, never imagining a day when you might actually be mine. And if you want to be that man again, I’ll do anything you need me to for that to happen.” She caressed the back of my hand with her thumb. “It’s what Christine would want you to do.”

  Her words hit me square in the chest. Lexi was right, Christine wouldn’t have wanted me to give up in the first place. She knew finance was only the backup plan, but in the wake of her death I made it the plan. I whispered my last fear. “What if there’s nothing left to save?”

  “Well, you won’t know until you talk to them. And if it is, we find you a new path in the music industry. Your fans will always back you.”

  She let her comment linger in the silence while I tried to weigh all the choices in my head. It only felt right to talk to Miles first.

  “I’m gonna grab my phone and call Miles.”

  Lexi smiled. “Go and I’ll keep my eye on Chloe so you can have some privacy.”

  I leaned over and kissed her. “Thank you.”

  She let go. I grabbed my phone off the table and went down the hall to the office, shutting myself inside. My hands shook as I found Miles’s number and hit send.

  After a few rings his voice came over the line. “Aiden?” The disbelief in his voice hit me square in the chest.

  “It’s me.”

  “I…uh…I honestly never expected to hear from you again.”

  I dropped down into the chair behind the desk. “I don’t blame you. A lot of things have happened over the last few days.”

  A heavy sigh left his lips. “You talked to Jackson.”

  “I did. He’s in town.”

  “Look, I’m sorry, but I couldn’t—” Anguish filled his tone.

  I held my hand up to stop him, even if he couldn’t see me. “I don’t blame you. I walked away and I shouldn’t have. I was wrong.”

  “Are you thinking about coming back?” I could imagine the way his brows would draw together with the bit of frustration I could hear in his tone.

  “I am.”

  “Goddamn it.” A loud rattling sound filled the phone. “Why now? We waited a fucking year and now that we’re starting to find our way you decide to saunter back in and save the day. Fuck you, Aiden.”

  “Miles, wait. It’s not like that.” He didn’t say anything, but I could hear heavy breathing coming from the other end. “Please, listen to what I have to say.”

  “Start talking,” he snapped. Miles didn’t often lose his temper, but when he did, he was hard to talk down from the ledge. I had to get this right the first time or it would be likely he’d hang up on me the moment I finished speaking and that would be it.

  “This isn’t about me coming in to save the day. If it hadn’t been for what happened last night, I would have never known until the news broke and maybe not even then. I stopped looking. I didn’t want to know. Didn’t want to be reminded of a life I couldn’t have anymore.”

  “What do you mean couldn’t have? You chose to leave.” Anger still simmered in his voice, but it was no longer outright rage.

  “I mean I couldn’t pick up a guitar. At first when I left it was to grieve. To find a way to live without Christine. But after some time I tried to pick that guitar and play again. Each and every time I broke out in a cold sweat. My hands would shake and my vision would gray. I couldn’t play a single note. How was I supposed to come back when I’d be more likely to throw up on stage than play a single note?”

  “And now you can?” The edge had left his tone.

  “I did last night.”

  “Before or after you found out?”

  I ran a hand through my hair. “Once before and once after to make sure it hadn’t been a one-time thing.”

  “I don’t get it. What changed?”

  I thought about the woman down the hall. The one who didn’t give up on me even when I was ready to give up on myself. “Lexi.”

  “Who’s Lexi? That name sounds really familiar.”

  “Lexi is my best friend from childhood.”

  “The one you were hoping would come to the wedding.”

  “Yes. She didn’t and I understand so much better now why she didn’t.”

  I told him what happened last night with Lexi. How I’d picked up the guitar without thinking. The words pouring from me.

  “I wish I had known.”

  “I didn’t tell you and that’s on me.” I dropped my head into my hands, knowing this was all my fault.

  “I’m happy you can play again, but you know I can’t come back, right? I signed a one-year deal with Cerulean Dream.”

  It was my t
urn to sigh. “I know. That’s not why I called. I don’t want to try and salvage what’s left of Violet Obsession with Kylee and Dylan if you don’t want me to.”

  He was silent for a long moment. “A part of me wants to scream no. That you need all four of us, but I’m not stupid. You’re the face of the band, which makes you much harder to replace than me.”

  “You’ll be hard as hell to replace,” I argued

  “Thanks for trying to boost my ego, but I’m realistic, not stupid. Anyone can play the keyboards.” I could hear the smirk in his voice.

  “But not everyone can fit with the three of us.”

  “No, they can’t. And Kylee would kill me if I said no. Finding something new has been hard. Not everyone wants to give the girl drummer a shot. I’m just glad she’s at her place right now instead of mine or she’d kick me in the balls for even having reservations about this conversation.”

  “So you’re okay with it?”

  “Okay as I’ll ever be. I can’t let what we started die if it can be saved, even if that means I’m not a part of it.” His voice had grown raspy.

  I felt the lump form at the back of my own throat. Things had changed when I’d walked away and some of it was too broken for me to fix it.

  “You know you will always have a place with us if you ever want it.”

  “You and I both know life isn’t that simple. No one is going to agree to a temp job for a year, but thanks for wanting me.”

  I swallowed hard, the room blurring before me. “Always, man. Always.”

  “Are you going to talk to Kylee and Dylan?”

  “Yeah. I’m going to call them later.”

  “They’ll both say yes.”

  “I hope so…” I let the word fall off as I tried to find a way to voice my next thought. “I’m sorry, Miles. I wish I’d figured it out sooner.”

  “Me too. Good luck. You know I’ll always be rooting for you guys.”

  “Thanks. Good luck to you, too.”

  I hung up with Miles conflicted. My heart ached with the loss of Miles because of me. Then the butterflies assaulted my stomach as I picked up the phone.