Heartless Few Box Set

by MV Ellis

  Fourteen

  Marnie

  I’d learned to make myself small from an early age—even before my parents had decided that I wasn’t worth living for. They’d always been all about them, and I’d always felt like an inconvenient by-product of their love, rather than a cherished part of it. The state-ordered psychologist I saw after they died had said that nothing and nobody could take away or diminish the way I felt, but it was unlikely that my parents hadn’t loved me. They may have lacked the parenting skills to adequately demonstrate it and been hampered by mental illness and addiction, but apparently, nothing in their treatment of me suggested I had been unloved.

  Try explaining that to a three-, four-, or five-year-old who was never a consideration. I was just there. Not living but existing. I quickly learned that the less space I took up, the less mental real estate I commanded from them, the happier they were with me. The smaller, the better. If I could have made myself invisible, that would have been ideal.

  I curled myself into a ball next to Luke, hugging my knees to my chest. Fuck, he made my heart hurt. In fact, he made all of me hurt. No, that wasn’t right. He made me ache. All of me ached for him. When I was feeling weak and being stupid, I allowed myself to imagine what it would be like if things were different. If I were different. If I were the kind of woman who deserved the love of a man like him. The kind of girl who could match his gentle nature and give him the love he deserved.

  I was clearly feeling more stupid and weak than normal, allowing myself to think that way when Luke was within arm’s reach. When I could just stretch out my hand and run it through his thick dark hair like I’d imagined myself doing ten thousand times before. When I could brush my hand across the stubble of his strong jaw. When I could kiss his ripe, shapely lips just once.

  I woke up hours later, feeling disoriented. I remembered sitting on the couch earlier, but it took me a couple of seconds to properly orient myself and remember the circumstances. Luke. Luke had been here but evidently wasn’t anymore. He’d covered me up and run. Not that I could blame him. He was right to stay away from my crazy. I sat up, drawing the throw rug around my shoulders.

  “Hey, there, sleepyhead.”

  “Holy fucking shit, Luke! You scared me half to death. What the hell are you doing here?”

  “Huh? You don’t remember me being here before?”

  “No, I remember. What I meant was why are you still here?”

  He was sitting in the armchair opposite me, legs outstretched, and I guessed that he’d previously had his head bent back, resting on the back of the chair. Though he was now sitting up, staring right at me, a weird look on his face.

  “Are you okay? Are you still kind of asleep or something? Where the hell else would I be but here?”

  As far away as possible. Pretty much anywhere else on earth.

  “You asked me to stay, and I agreed, remember? Do you really think I’d ditch you as soon as you fell asleep?”

  “No, but….” You should have.

  “Right. So here I am. No buts.”

  “What time is it?”

  “Late. Or early. Depends on how you look at it. I’m not exactly sure, but it’s almost sunrise. Look.”

  He nodded toward the balcony, and sure enough, the day was on the verge of rearing its head, and as ever, it was beautiful. I headed over and opened the sliding door. I needed space all of a sudden. Just having Luke that close and knowing he’d been there while I slept was fucking with my mind. I stepped onto the compact balcony and reached around to close the door behind me, only to meet warm flesh instead of cool glass.

  “Luke, that’s twice in five minutes you’ve startled me.”

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to. I wanted to watch the sunrise with you, if that’s okay?” As I nodded my agreement, he was behind me, taking me by surprise a third time by reaching his arms around me and drawing me to his chest. He lowered his mouth to my ear.

  “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” I was buying time, trying to take my mind off what I was thinking and feeling.

  “Sure, it’s stunning, but not anywhere near as beautiful as you.” As the words left his mouth and his breath licked the sensitive spot behind my ear, I shuddered, equally affected by the morning chill in the air as the sensuality in his voice and words. Not to mention the bulge in his pants. Shit.

  “I need you to turn around, babe.”

  I didn’t. I wanted to so badly it was pitiful, but I just couldn’t.

  “Marnie. Marnie. I need to know you want this as much as I do.”

  What?

  Almost against my own free will, I turned. Then I kind of wished I hadn’t. The look on his face almost broke me. He caught my gaze and held it, laying himself open to me. I could read him like a book, and suddenly I realized it was a book I already knew the words to by heart. The honesty in his eyes shook me, yet so did the familiarity. What he was feeling now he had felt before. Had been feeling for years. He’d been looking at me this way for as long as he’d been looking at me.

  “Luke…?”

  “Yeah. Everything you’re thinking right now. Yes.”

  His eyes strayed to my lips. I knew he wanted to kiss me, and I knew I wanted him to. I allowed the blanket I still had wrapped around my shoulders to fall to the ground. Reaching up, I caressed his jaw with both hands. Such a simple, almost innocent touch, yet it felt so much like heaven I wasn’t sure I could cope with anything more. I guess my body had other ideas because as though on autopilot, before I knew what was happening, I was on tiptoe pressing my lips to his.

  For fifteen years I had imagined this moment. I’d thought about it from every angle. What he would feel like, what he would taste like, how he’d smell. The look on his face. What I’d feel. As it turned out, not even a decade and a half of mental planning could have prepared me for the real deal. As he parted his soft, full lips and kissed me back, crashing them against mine, I felt visible for the first time in forever. Visible and wanted.

  For once, I didn’t feel the need to make myself small, to minimize my impact on the world. For the first time, I felt like it was okay to be me. Luke slipped his hands behind my neck, drawing me to him, and something about the movement made me feel like I belonged to someone. My whole life I’d felt like an outsider, even in my own home, but in that moment, I felt right.

  The light of the sunrise gave the world a magical rose-tinted haze, and like the new day over the city, I felt reborn. The new Marnie was loved and deserved love. She dared to desire, and those desires would be met. She had come alive in the present, was excited for the future, and was not weighed down by the past. The new Marnie was real, unlike the persona I’d been wearing for the past fifteen years.

  I pressed my lips forward, desperate for more of Luke, though I was sure there would never be enough. How could there ever be? When I’d wanted something, or someone, so badly for as long as I had wanted him, how could I ever make up for lost time? How could I fill the gaping void that not being with him had created? I didn’t know, but I was determined to try. As Luke slid his tongue to my lips, asking permission to go further, deeper, I opened to him. I wanted this of course, but more than that, in that exact moment, I would have given him anything he’d asked for, and more. I would have given him everything. Period.

  I reached up and looped my hands around his neck, drawing him to me. I wanted us to be fused together so tightly it was impossible to tell where I ended and he began. In fact, if I could have become part of him, I would have. Instead, I was determined to explore every inch of his mouth. Already he tasted as sweet as a thousand sunrises, and so right it was scary. Letting myself feel that way went against all my rules, and I knew I’d pay for it dearly later, but right at that moment, I didn’t care. I was prepared to pretend this could be real, and long-lasting, and that someone would be willing to stay for me.

  I knew it was an illusion, and that today, tomorrow, or soon after that, the bubble would burst, but again, in the heat of the moment, I didn’t
care. I’d wanted Luke so long and so hard that no matter what happened after this, it would be worth it for what I was feeling then. For how Luke made me feel just by the way he kissed me. The gift of feeling like someone who mattered was priceless, and I was going to treasure it always.

  I leaned my body heavily against Luke’s, and he took a few steps backward toward the balcony door to steady us. He angled his hips upward slightly, and there was no mistaking his rock-hard erection. I loved that he wanted me as badly as I wanted him. I pulled my lips away from his slightly, momentarily locking gazes with him again. What I saw in his eyes almost tore my heart still beating from my chest. So many unsaid words delivered in one look.

  So much baggage. So much wasted time. My emotions were raw, and I couldn’t bear to keep feeling that way. I tilted my head back slightly, and taking my cue, Luke transferred his lips to my neck, distributing tiny kisses all over it. With each impossibly soft touch, he muttered, “Oh my God,” over and over again. I wasn’t sure if it was a prayer or a plea, but I was certain that it was the calm before the storm. I’d never wished for a storm so hard in all my life.

  I didn’t just want Luke, I needed him with every fiber of my being. I stared at him solemnly, urging him to take the next step I knew we both craved. We stood rooted to the spot, greedily devouring each other with our eyes, unguarded in our desire and longing for each other. I felt a rush of elation in anticipation of what we were about to experience.

  Taking my cue, he grabbed the back of my neck, pulling our lips apart and resting his forehead against mine.

  “You’re sure?”

  I nodded solemnly. More sure than I’d ever been about anything in my life.

  “Good.”

  With that he started moving forward, walking me backward further onto the balcony until my legs backed up against of the wooden loungers I would often sunbathe on in summer.

  “Sit down.”

  I sat. I liked the commanding side of him I’d never seen before. It turned me on beyond belief. The tone of his voice alone had me wetter than I could ever remember being.

  He remained standing, fishing in the back pocket of his incredibly snug jeans before retrieving his wallet. I liked the way the outline of his dick strained against his pants, and I immediately thought of all the ways I wanted him. He took out a condom and handed it to me, discarding the wallet on the small table to the side of lounger. I undid the condom wrapper while he made light work of his zipper and then his pants and boxer briefs. Handing him the condom, I then removed my own pants and the cami I was wearing the night before. As the sun rose, the chill in the air was diminishing, and I was certain that the goose bumps dimpling my skin were caused by arousal, not cold.

  I shifted back on the reclining chair, not taking my eyes away from Luke’s. I wanted to read every emotion as it played out on his face. As I slid further up the lounger, Luke knelt on it, positioning himself between my legs. The look on his face read pure, unashamed desire, his emerald eyes shining brightly. Instinctively, I drew my knees up. He reached down and massaged my clit in a circular motion, sending bolts of arousal coursing through my body.

  “Holy shit!” I clamped my mouth shut, I hadn’t meant to speak the words aloud.

  “You like that?” I nodded slowly. I liked it almost too much. I didn’t want to come, but I wasn’t sure I could hold back with the intensity of my arousal. I reached down between my legs and gripped Luke’s wrist, stilling his hand but increasing the pressure on my clit. He maintained the force while moving nearer to me on the lounger. Seconds later, he’d swapped his hand on my clit for his dick at my entrance. I sucked in a sharp breath but kept eye contact, nodding slowly.

  Not missing a beat, Luke slipped inside me, igniting the most powerful frisson of arousal I’d ever experienced. I was shameless in my desire for him, pulling him deeper inside using my legs as I curled them around his butt.

  “Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.” The same chant as before, but this time it punctuated every thrust as we coaxed each other toward climax. I felt out of control, but for once, I loved the sensation, reveling in the surrender of my body to his. I reached up again, locking my hands behind the nape of his neck, bringing his mouth to mine. I spoke between kisses.

  “More. Harder. I want all of you.”

  Luke was quick to oblige my fervent demands, pumping into me in swift but unrelenting thrusts. My orgasm flared inside me with the heat of a thousand suns, and I was completely overwhelmed by a scorching sensation when I came around his straining dick. Taking my lead, he let go too, slamming into me in one last savage push. He collapsed down on top of me, lax and spent. I knew the feeling.

  Fifteen

  Luke

  I lay on top of Marnie, my thoughts in disarray. Overwhelmingly, I was euphoric at what I’d experienced, both physically and emotionally. I’d known I was in love with Marnie, this was not news, but I couldn’t have ever predicted how deeply affected I’d be by the sex between us. It was so much more than the physical. In fact, though that side of things was staggeringly intoxicating and I still felt drunk on sensation, the emotional connection was what left me struggling to think or see straight. In fact, I could barely breathe, let alone function in any other way.

  I pushed off her, aware that I was probably crushing her under my dead weight. As I moved back, I feasted my eyes on her. She was so sublimely beautiful, I felt it on a primal level, like in the fabric of my soul. She was created for my eyes only, to fit only me. She was fucking breathtaking. I sat on the edge of the recliner to give her some space, tentatively looking into her eyes again, afraid of what I would see.

  The thought that she might not feel the way I did, might not have been building up to this every moment of every day for the previous fifteen years of her life, chilled me to the core. A huge sigh of relief escaped from me involuntarily when I was met with Marnie’s own rapt expression. She was radiant with love and affection, which I couldn’t believe was directed my way. I would sooner have accepted the fact that she was a mirage, or that the whole encounter was some drunken fantasy, than that the woman I’d loved since before I really knew what love was, wanted me back. She loved me back.

  I smiled, feeling the shyness creep back in.

  “Hey.” My voice was hoarse and thick with emotion.

  “Hey, yourself.” She quirked an eyebrow, as though to say “What now?”

  The truth was, I had no fucking idea where to go from there—except for straight to a chapel in Vegas to make her formally mine. I shook the stupid thought from my mind before it could properly take root.

  “That was…”

  “…intense?” she finished for me.

  I nodded. Understatement of the fucking century.

  I turned away slightly to dispose of the condom. When I was done, I reached for the blanket Marnie had discarded earlier and slung it around my shoulders before turning to her. I grabbed her hands and pulled her back onto her feet and into my arms, wrapping the blanket around both of us. She shivered, but I got the impression it wasn’t only to do with the cold. Right there with you, babe.

  She snuggled into my arms, resting her head on my chest. I rocked us back and forth, gently humming under my breath while resting my cheek on her head. I loved the contrast of her thick, sleek black hair as it grazed across my lightly stubbled jaw. Before long, she pulled back, smiling at me.

  “Ready to go again so soon, Lukey?” She motioned down at the erection bobbing between us.

  Hell, yes, I was ready to go again. In fact, I had been as soon as I’d come. Marnie definitely brought out the wild Neanderthal in me like no woman ever had.

  She gave me a smile that could have eclipsed the rising sun. “Good. So am I.” She turned away from me, leading me by the hand to the rail at the edge of the balcony.

  “This time I want it from behind.”

  “Shit, Marnie, I want that too, but I don’t have another condom. Sorry.”

  “I’m clean. Condom every time, teste
d regularly. You?”

  “Same. Clean as a whistle.” I prided myself on it.

  “So we’re good. I’m on birth control because of the modeling—” Did I imagine it, or was there a hitch to her voice then? “—but I’d still prefer you to pull out, all right? I’m a little superstitious about getting knocked up. I lowered my head and nodded into her neck.

  “Sure.”

  Marnie braced her hands against the rail and spoke in a low, husky voice. “Okay, so fuck me like you mean it.”

  Her words were like a red rag to the bull of my libido. I lowered my head further, grazing her earlobe with my teeth, before speaking into her ear, my voice a low growl, almost menacing. “Be careful what you wish for, Marns. It might just come true.”

  Where I’d been gentle, almost hesitant the first time around, I was neither this time. I dropped the blanket and slipped my arms around her, taking a breast in each hand before tweaking her nipples. Hard. Marnie moaned out in what sounded like a mixture of agony and ecstasy, at the same time pushing her toned and taut ass hard up against my painfully throbbing dick. Jesus.

  Feeling smashed into me from all angles, and all I could think about was gratification, hers and mine.

  “Ready?” I spoke gruffly again. Marnie nodded without hesitation. Good.

  She stood on tiptoe, her lithe legs straining with the effort, allowing me better access to her core. I stroked her a few times with my finger, finding her wet and ready for me, so I gently guided myself inside her, no doubt giving her a false sense of security. Her contented sigh confirmed my suspicion. I gave her a few moments to acclimatize before withdrawing almost to the point of pulling out completely, then slamming home. Marnie cried out, but again pushed back harder into me, squeezing me tightly as she did. My dick pulsed. This time it would be all about the release, without the sensuality of our previous union.