Heartless Few Box Set

by MV Ellis

  “I only wish I was, but sadly not. Dan has been fucking a woman in my circle of friends pretty much right under my nose for the past two years.”

  “Oh, Milla. I just can’t even believe it. I’m so sorry. Why have you let me cry on and on about my crap all this time when you have your own shit to worry about?” I felt terrible to have monopolized the whole conversation and, worse still, to more or less have accused her of being out of touch with reality because her life is perfect.

  “Don’t be silly.” She sniffed, and I knew she was crying.

  “This is minor in comparison. Pretty basic suburban behavior. In fact, it's so basic, it’s a giant fucking cliché. Look how many dumb rom-coms feature this exact scenario. I’m divorcing his ass. We’ll do the co-parenting of the kids thing, and that’s that. Nothing to see here.”

  “Then why are you crying? It’s a big deal, of course it is. You don’t have to downplay your troubles to make me feel better. You must be so hurt.”

  “I totally am. I mean this was the guy I was going to grow old with. I had my life all mapped out. I thought I knew where we were going today, tomorrow, and forever. Maybe in the end, that was the problem. Maybe it was all too perfect and boring. I don’t know, but I do know that almost every day when he said he was going to boot camp, he was actually going to ‘booty’ camp, aka screwing Sophie Lange. So it turns out life wasn't as organized and predictable as I thought.”

  She went on to fill me in on the full details of Dan’s betrayal, leaving me openmouthed at how much of an asshole he was. He almost made Arlo and Luke look like gentlemen. Well, not quite that, but at least, as much of a douche as Arlo was, he was honest. He’d never promised me anything other than what we had, even from day one, and I was pretty sure he was that way with everyone. If you fucked Arlo Jones, that’s what you were doing. Fucking.

  “I’m so, so sorry. Dan’s clearly an idiot if he would do the dirty on you. You’re better off without him. You deserve way better than that douche. Onward and upward, as they say!”

  “And for you too!”

  “Well, I’m unemployed, unloved, and utterly disgraced, so let’s hope it doesn’t go downhill from this point!” We both laughed. It was the kind of manic, hysterical laughter that almost always ended in tears, and sure enough, by the end of the bout, we were both sobbing again.

  “How did it get to this? I’m a single mom, burning the candle at both ends, and in the middle trying to have a career and raise kids alone, all the while looking at my stretch marks and wondering if I'm ready for another man to see me naked. I’m not, by the way.” She chuckled nervously at this admission.

  “And I’m a has-been model with no prospects who’s been dumped by the manwhore she wasn’t even dating and rejected by the guy she’s secretly been holding a candle for since they were practically embryos. Maybe we should write a book or make this into a movie,” I offered up.

  “Sounds like the plot of a rom-com starring Maya Rudolph and Amy Schumer. Maya Rudolph would play me perfectly.” We dissolved into more laughter, the real kind this time, and by the time we were done, I genuinely felt better.

  “Oh, God, I really fucking needed that.” I hoped she could hear the gratitude in my voice.

  “Me too.” I could definitely hear it in hers.

  “Thank you. I don’t say this enough, but even though we don’t speak to or see each other as often as we should, or could, I really appreciate the friendship and love you show me. I hope you know it’s reciprocated. I love you.”

  “I know.”

  I really hoped she did. I knew I'd been a pretty crummy friend to her over the years—self-absorbed and too busy jetting off around the world modeling to catch up with her back home—but I was determined to make up for that now. We both needed it. We said our goodbyes, promising to be in touch more often and to meet in person soon. Just as I was about to hang up, Milla spoke again.

  “Oh shit. I almost forgot. Someone claiming to be Luke Jones slid into my DMs asking about you.”

  “Wait. What?” And she’s only just mentioning this now?

  "Yeah, some dude called ‘Jedi Jones’ but saying his real name was Luke hit me up asking if I’d seen or heard from you, or knew where you were. I didn’t respond, obvs, but I thought I’d let you know.”

  Jedi Jones was Luke's social media handle, but nobody except super close friends and family knew about it. Weird.

  Twenty-Four

  Luke

  The next few days were like a literal hell on earth. I was going through the motions in fulfilling my responsibilities, but in no way was I truly present for any of it. My mind was constantly on Marnie. I was racked with worry and guilt. I tried to walk the fine line between showing concern for her safety and stalking, though after DMing her childhood best friend using the social media profile I shared with nobody but my closest friends and relatives, I wasn’t sure how well I’d managed.

  I rang or messaged her a couple of times a day but never received any response. Worse still, all the messages showed as unread and the calls continued to go straight to voice mail. It was one thing to know that she was ignoring Arlo when he’d messaged her earlier in the week but another to think that maybe something had happened or that she’d even done something. It wasn’t totally out of the bounds of reason.

  I decided to try the modeling agency one more time but this time be smarter about it.

  “Hello, Wildefire Model Management. This is Kerri speaking. How can I help you?” Kerri again with the bored tone of voice reserved for people who knew they were destined for bigger things but were just temporarily slumming it until a better offer came their way. Yeah, good luck with that, Kerri.

  “Hi, Kerri. I’m calling to book a model for the Heartless Few’s next music video, potentially shooting in a few days. Sorry for the short notice—a bit of a bungle with the record label. I just wanted to check avails for Marnie Harloe for the next week or so.”

  “I’m sorry, I wouldn’t know. Marnie is no longer on our books. But we do have many gorgeous girls available. If you can tell me exactly what you’re looking for, I’m sure we can arrange for a few to come for a casting.”

  “Marnie is exactly what we’re looking for. I was told that you were her agency and have been for years. Is she on another job?"

  “No, sir. As I said, Marnie is no longer with us. Her contract elapsed and was not renewed as of a number of months ago.”

  “Huh. So who is she with now?”

  “I am afraid we don’t know that information, though the last we heard, she remained unsigned. We do have plenty of other models who would be suitable though if you'd like to—”

  “No. Thank you.” Channeling Arlo, I hung up the phone without properly finishing the call. I was way too preoccupied and worried about Marnie to be my usual polite self.

  I had a slight moment of questioning—maybe the receptionist thought I was a paparazzo trying to sniff Marnie out for a scoop and was therefore deliberately giving me false information—but if not, this was a worrying development. A few months, she’d said, so maybe when we were on tour, or even before. Why hadn’t Marnie said anything? Worse, it seemed increasingly unlikely that she was simply away for work, so where the fuck was she? I’d been past the apartment enough times that if she were there, she probably would have opened up by now, purely to get me to shut the hell up.

  The gnawing feeling grew stronger. I had to do something drastic.

  Me: I know you don’t want to speak to me, and that’s cool, but please just let me know you’re safe before I file a missing person’s report.

  Marnie: I’m fine.

  Thank fuck! I nearly cried with relief which almost immediately gave way to searing rage. I was so angry with her I couldn't even think straight. I had been worrying about her for days, stressing and thinking the worst, and she’d been fine all this time but never bothered to consider that her actions may have consequences for others, namely me. Or she’d realized but had zero fucks to give and
was happy to let me sweat. Sadly, either scenario wouldn’t have surprised me. She wasn’t known for her sensitivity to the needs of others. Even the thought made me feel like a giant hypocrite, given my recent behavior. Still, once I knew she wasn’t dead, I could seriously have killed her with my bare hands. Figuratively, at least.

  At rehearsal later that morning, I looked around the break room and noted that Arlo was nowhere to be seen. I was worried about him also. Not in the same way as I had been about Marnie. He was with me for upward of twelve hours a day, so unlike Marnie, I could see he was physically okay.

  Mentally and emotionally, it was a different story. He was as fucked up as I’d seen him since our dad died. In fact, it was a similar reaction—almost as though he was mourning the deterioration of his relationship with London following the release of the video in the same way he'd mourned Dad. The difference now was that Arlo wasn’t a kid anymore, and nobody had died. Still, he was taking the situation with London particularly badly.

  He seemed to be hardly sleeping, if at all, though I couldn’t exactly sling shit about that. I was barely subsisting on a couple of hours a night, if that, myself. Even still, I made an effort to be professional and cooperative, while Arlo was even more of an asshole than even I had thought possible. When he wasn’t drunk or high, or a delightful combination of both, he was throwing his weight around like a bull with a sore dick. He stomped and shouted his way around the studio, and God help anyone who did the slightest thing to get in his way—they may as well kiss their head goodbye. Arlo was liable to rip it off and kick it around like a football.

  Ironically, all the histrionics were punctuated by moments of literal genius from a songwriting perspective. He was on fire. The only silver lining to the shit he’d been going through was that he seemed to have new material in abundance, and better still, it was the best he’d ever written. It might have been smashing him in the feels, but London’s decision to get on a plane heading to the other side of the world, leaving Arlo high and dry, was the best thing that had happened to the band bar none.

  Arlo was renowned as a talented songwriter, and the Heartless Few’s chart-topping, record-breaking discography was testament to that fact. However, nothing he’d written before had expressed this depth and richness of emotion because, quite clearly, he’d never felt that way before. London’s entrance into and then departure from his life had been game-changing on all fronts. I knew the feeling, except for me, it was nothing new. Feeling like total crap because you couldn’t have what your heart desired the most had been standard procedure to me for longer than I cared to admit.

  Apart from the novelty of the situation, the other aspect where Arlo's experience was vastly different from mine was that as ever, the focus was on Arlo. Everyone had been walking on eggshells around him, even more so than usual. Everything was about him and making sure that he was okay. Nobody except Ryan had any idea that something had happened between Marnie and me, which was how I’d wanted it to stay. The downside was that while we all went out of our way to accommodate Arlo because he was going through a tough time, for me, it was business as usual.

  I looked around the rec room and spotted Arlo’s cigarettes—he seemed to be back on the habit since London had left. I had never been much of a smoker. I’d dabbled with the habit for a few weeks when we were kids but hadn’t really gotten into it. Arlo, on the other hand, had taken to it like a duck to water. Of course. Still, he’d quit a few years ago, but started up again when all the shit with Marnie and London went down. As much as I resented his over-the-top antics, I was also more than a little concerned.

  He’d had periods before where he’d hit it really hard, as we all had—some more than others. Stevie had had his well-documented battles with substance abuse, to the point where I’d almost thought he wasn’t going to make it. But again, this felt different. Arlo seemed more destructive, unstable. I was by no means an expert in predicting my brother’s thoughts and feelings, but I suspected that in the past he had partied hard in order to help him feel, while now it seemed he was doing it to block out unwanted feelings. The outcome was the same, but the motivation was different, and not in a good way.

  I snuck out, cigarettes in hand, and made my way to the parking lot. I found a secluded spot in the far corner and sat on the ground, back against the wall, knees bent into a V. I lit one of Arlo's cigarettes and took a long drag before resting my forearms on my knees and hanging my head between them. I closed my eyes and concentrated on shutting out everything but the sensation of the smoke entering, circulating around, and then leaving my lungs.

  The exercise worked almost too well, as I was startled to hear Ryan's voice cutting through the silence.

  “That bad, huh?”

  I squinted up at him. The low morning sunlight shone directly into my eyes like an interrogation torch, so I raised my hand to create a visor. I still couldn’t see properly, and Ryan was backlit like some kind of mythical being.

  “Worse.”

  “Shit. Really? What’s happening now?” He moved alongside me and slid his back down the wall until he mirrored my position—seated on the floor, legs bent at the knee.

  “Marnie’s okay, apparently.”

  “Umm... color me purple and call me Shirley, but that sounds like a good thing to me. What am I missing?”

  “Nothing, man. It’s a good thing except that I was worried half out of my mind, to the point where I was actually thinking of calling the police and putting in a missing person’s report. Especially after I found out that she’s no longer with the modeling agency—I don't think they renewed her contract. I had thought that one of the reasons for her radio silence could have been that she was working in some far-flung place, although that has never stopped her from communicating in the past.” I took another pull on the cigarette.

  “Anyway, once I found that out, I ran out of reasonable or logical explanations for her being incommunicado and started to conjure up all sorts of gruesome shit. Once I let my mind go there, it really went there, and I was terrified. I decided to send her one last message explaining that I was on the verge of involving the police. I got a response seconds later.

  “Of course, ultimately, I’m happy she’s okay—well, I don’t know if that’s strictly true, but I do know she’s none of the things I had been imagining in my worst-case scenarios. So now I kind of want to yell at her for making me just about die of a heart attack worrying about her and for not putting me out of my misery sooner. On the other hand, I still have no fucking clue where she is, as I’m fairly sure she’s not at her apartment at this point. I just wish she'd agree to speak to me.” I glanced sideways at Ryan. He was frowning deeply and staring at the ground between his feet.

  “Yeah, man, this whole thing is rough. So if she’s not at her place, what are the options? A hotel? A friend. A relative?”

  “Could be any of the above, which means she could be anywhere in the city, the country, or even the world.”

  “Or she could be with someone….” He paused, glancing sideways at me this time.

  “You mean a guy?” Just saying the words cut deep.

  “Yeah, that’s exactly what I mean. It’s not outside the bounds of reason. This is Marnie we’re talking about here.”

  “And what the fuck is that supposed to mean, exactly?” I jumped to my feet as though I’d been bitten in the butt by a bull ant.

  “It’s supposed to mean that she’s a stunningly beautiful woman. Do you think that fact has escaped the notice of all men except you and Arlo?”

  “No, of course not, but the thought of her with anyone makes me want to string whoever it is up by his ball sack.”

  “Really? I would never have guessed. ’Cause you seem so calm and not at all overly wound up over it right now.”

  “I know, right? I’m the most laid-back guy, except when it comes to Arlo and Marnie, separately or together. The two of them can press my buttons like nothing and nobody else on the fucking planet. When it concerns Ma
rnie especially, I have zero chill.”

  “I hadn’t noticed.” We both laughed hard at that one, but my laughter ended abruptly, dying in my throat. I slid back down the wall, returning to my previous position.

  “I really just wish I knew where she was. If nothing else, I need to apologize.”

  “You’ve tried hitting up all her friends and family, obviously?”

  “I went through her social media friends lists and contacted anyone I could, but nobody seems to know anything. As for family, you know she’s an only child, as were both her parents, so she has no aunts and uncles. Her dad was estranged from his family. She’s never seen or met any of them, so nothing doing there. She pretty much had nobody apart from her grandma after her parents died.” As the words left my lips, an idea hit me.

  “Oh shit. That’s it! Why the fuck didn’t I think of it before? Thank you!” I jumped up again, heading back toward the studio. Ryan scrambled to his feet and hurried after me.

  “‘It’ what? What’s going on? You gonna tell me where the fire is all of a sudden, man? What didn’t you think of?” he puffed out as we stepped inside.

  “I think I know where Marnie is. I have to go. Can you cover for me with the guys again, please?"

  “Yeah, sure. This time I’ll tell them you ate bad seafood, accidentally shat your pants with diarrhea and need to go home to change.”

  “Fuck you, dude.” I was laughing though, knowing that Ryan would do no such thing, though even if he did, I had zero fucks to give. All I cared about was finding Marnie.

  Twenty-Five

  Marnie

  I wandered around the house aimlessly, unsure of what to do with myself. Thoughts rushed around my mind at warp speed, and I couldn’t settle. I turned on the TV and flicked through the channels, but nothing interested me. Besides, I couldn’t focus for long enough to watch a whole show anyway. I tried scrolling through social media on my phone but had a similar experience. I was looking but not seeing, not taking anything in. My body was tired, but my mind was spinning like a merry-go-round. I decided to lie down on the dusty couch and at least rest my eyes for a little while.