Heartless Few Box Set

by MV Ellis

  “I don’t get it. Why do you keep saying we can’t be together? What the hell is this if not us being together?”

  “Ha! Are you kidding me right now? You know the full story of the shit stain that is my life and family history. You know the genes I inherited. I’m damaged goods. Knowing what I know about my parents, I couldn’t inflict that on anyone. Especially not on you. You’re too good. You don’t deserve someone like me marring your world.”

  “Marnie, you have to stop thinking that way. It’s crazy talk. I said it before, and I’ll say it again. You’re not the legacy left to you by your parents. You’re you. You’re a survivor. You’ve battled through more shit just in your childhood than most people will fortunately have to deal with in a lifetime, and you’ve come out the other side. You’re standing, you’re walking, talking, and achieving. You have so much to be proud of. You’ve come so far from the shittiest start, and you’ve done it by relying solely on you. You’re right about one thing though. I don’t deserve you, but not for the reasons you think. I admire your strength and perseverance so much. In fact, I’m fucking in awe of you. I’m one who isn’t good enough, not the other way around.”

  I searched for any sign of a flicker of understanding from her. I was met with the carefully blank expression she’d cultivated over the years for times when she didn’t want to engage. Still as unbelievably gorgeous as ever but also vacant and noncommittal. It frustrated me that she’d turn that on me at such a crucial moment between the two of us. I carried on trying to make her see sense.

  “You realize that most people who’ve been through even half of what you have would be total wrecks by now, right? I guess it’s been your normal for so long that you can’t even see what an achievement it is for you to be here and functioning. What a feat it is to have kept your head above water and your shit together for all these years. I know you hate mental health professionals, but have you at least ever considered support groups where you can hear from people who have experienced something similar to you? Maybe you’ll find it useful to know you’re not alone? I know Stevie attends something for his addictions, and he finds it helpful.”

  She shook her head vehemently. God, she was stubborn. And I loved that about her. She was beautiful and sexy and smart, and she was the strongest person I knew—almost too strong at times. Knowing what I now knew about her, I couldn’t believe there hadn’t been one person she felt she could confide in about finding her parents’ bodies, not even Mia. I also felt strangely honored that she had chosen me. The fact that she’d carried that on her shoulders and in her psyche for all these years explained so much about her. It was a big piece of the puzzle of who she was: complicated, flawed, and deeply human.

  “I’m sorry,” she croaked, swiping at the tears on her cheeks.

  “Don’t be sorry. You have literally nothing to be sorry about. Nothing at all. Some really fucked-up shit has happened to you that was completely out of your control. Have you been perfect ever since? No, but who the fuck is? You’re human. You’ve made mistakes. We all do, but the missteps are what make us who we are. I love you for who you are.”

  “Will you stop saying that, please?”

  “Why would I stop? It’s the God’s honest truth. I love you. On your good days, your bad days, and your somewhere in-between days. I love you for what’s in here.” I placed my hand over her heart.

  “Well, you can’t.”

  “Sorry, Marns, that ship sailed a long time ago, and there’s nothing anyone can do to bring her back to port, not even you.”

  “Well, I don’t love you.”

  I paused for a minute before busting into spontaneous laughter, scaring the puppy awake in the process.

  “Shhhhhhh! Now look what you’ve done.” She turned toward the puppy. “Sorry, Ronnie, did loud Lukey wake you up? It’s okay, sweetie, go back to sleep.” She stroked “Ronnie,” lavishing her with tiny kisses and whispering endearments into her soft fur. The puppy whimpered appreciatively, nuzzling further into Marnie’s neck, before settling herself back down again and promptly falling back asleep.

  “Ronnie?”

  “Yeah, it’s her name. I decided just a moment ago, but I love it already.”

  “It’s cute, for sure, but you know she’s a she, right?”

  “Yep. I still think Ronnie’s a cute name, though.”

  “Ronnie it is, then.” Not that she was asking me for permission, and not that she needed to. Ronnie was her dog, after all. She looked at me quizzically.

  “Why the hell were you laughing?”

  “Why not? You said something funny. Isn’t it customary to laugh when somebody makes a joke?” Sarcasm was totally unwarranted, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself.

  “I said I don’t love you. What’s so funny about that?”

  “The part where it’s a big fat lie, that’s what.”

  “Ha! I thought I was dealing with Luke, but that statement is pure Arlo. Why is it impossible to conceive that I don’t love you?”

  “Because your body language is telling a completely different story to the words you’re saying and always has. Because I’ve known you for as long as I have. Ego or no ego, look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t love me, and to be clear, I’m not talking about purely as a friend.”

  Silence. Marnie stared resolutely ahead.

  “Marnie?”

  She turned to me and met my gaze. A single tear slipped from the inky depths of her stunning wide-set eyes.

  “I don’t love you.” Even after the lie left her lips, she continued to stare me out, not backing down. She always had had balls of steel. That’s how she’d survived this far, putting up a wall so high nobody could find her behind it. The thing was that I had found her, and now that I had, I wasn’t prepared to lose sight of her.

  “Liar.” It was delivered softly and without recrimination. I wasn’t asking her to confirm or deny. It was a statement of fact. She blinked, still staring at me as another solitary tear slipped from the other eye.

  Damn. This woman could break me if I let her. Would break me if I didn’t stop her.

  I reached up to Marnie’s shoulder, lifting Ronnie and placing her into her new owner’s lap. The puppy didn’t stir, her tiny ribcage rising and falling rhythmically as she slept peacefully. I kind of envied her carefree life. She hadn’t been in the house more than a few minutes before she felt secure enough in Marnie’s embrace to relax completely and pass out. I wished Marnie would trust me the same way—drop her defenses and tear down her walls. Instead, she maintained her silence, the look in her eyes telling me everything I needed to know.

  She loved me. Of course she did. She always had, and in some deeply hidden inner recess of my mind, I’d always known; I’d just never dared acknowledge the fact. But I was ready now. It had taken me damned near half my life, but I wasn’t going to waste any more time.

  I gently traced the tear tracks down Marnie’s face, finishing at her lips. I circled their delicate outline with the tip of my finger, as ever, awed by their rosebud perfection. She really was like a china doll. I leaned forward and replaced my finger with my lips, allowing my eyes to slip closed, focusing on the sensations as I pressed gently against her. I inhaled deeply, and her unique scent filled my nostrils and permeated my psyche. It had always reminded me of home.

  I leaned in further, willing her to kiss me back. A few moments later I got my wish. Marnie pushed her lips upward against mine but hesitated as though still deciding whether she wanted to go ahead. Seconds later she had clearly made up her mind. She pushed harder, her tongue jabbing at my lips, requesting entry. For me, there was no hesitation. I returned the movement, pushing my tongue into her mouth. Hard.

  We’d kissed before, and a lot more besides, but this time felt different. Previously we’d both skirted around our issues, not daring to mention the unmentionable. Both apparently scared to be the one to lift the lid on our fifteen-year-old can of worms. Now the lid was definitely off, and the worms were roami
ng free. We had gone past the point of no return, but I had no idea what lay in wait on the other side.

  I pulled back abruptly, quickly getting to my feet. Marnie looked highly confused.

  “Wha—” Before she could finish, I’d scooped up the dog again, holding her tiny body in what seemed like a giant hand, and used the other to pull Marnie to standing also.

  “Let’s go upstairs.”

  “I—”

  I started moving toward the hall, unsure if Marnie was following. It was only as I started taking the stairs two at a time that I knew she was with me.

  “Luke! Wait a second, I’m coming.”

  “Shhhh… you’ll wake up the dog, and I really want her asleep for the next little while.” I headed into the bedroom with Marnie hot on my heels. I reached the bed and grabbed a throw pillow, which I laid on the floor before gently placing Ronnie in the center. I couldn’t believe she was still sound asleep.

  I turned to Marnie as she stood in the doorway, eyeing me cautiously.

  “Come here.”

  “Luke.”

  I said nothing, just outstretched my hands and waited. As ever, Marnie seemed to be weighing her options. I waited some more, one eyebrow cocked in question.

  “Don’t look at me like that. I can’t—” She looked uncomfortable in her own skin, in the room, in my presence. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, and when she opened them again, I saw a clarity that hadn’t been there before. She stepped fully into the room and began pulling her oversized, gray T-shirt off over her head.

  I hadn’t realized until that point that she was naked underneath it. I gulped. Suddenly, even breathing was hard work. Without taking my eyes off her, I began unbuttoning my distressed black denim shirt, dispensing with it as quickly as possible. I feasted my eyes on her beautiful naked body as I moved to remove my jeans and boxer briefs. Her skin was like alabaster, pale and smooth, stretched taut over her firm breasts and exquisite curves. She was perfect. Made for me, and me for her. We were made for each other.

  “I should probably…” She nodded toward the bathroom. “I was about to jump in the shower when you came home—I mean, back. When you came back.”

  “I don’t care.” It was the truth. She could have been covered in dirt from the backyard, and she still would have been everything to me. I waited for her to approach the bed. She did, and I again outstretched my hands, taking hers in mine, bringing them to my lips and kissing every knuckle. The gesture seemed to surprise her, and rightly so, maybe. When faced with the gift of Marnie, I guessed her fingers weren’t an obvious place to start. I wanted to believe we had all the time in the world, that I could savor every part of her and not have to hurry because we had forever.

  Thirty-Six

  Marnie

  Sometimes the smallest things affect you the most. That tiny, gentle gesture of kissing each of my fingers while holding my hands in his almost brought me to my knees. It was so intimate and unhurried, so different to how I was used to being treated in the bedroom. I normally felt like I was working against the clock. In that unusual move, Luke told me that there was no need to rush. We had all night. In fact, we had a lifetime.

  I looked into his vivid green eyes, so alight with desire, devotion, and love. My heartbeat faltered, and then kick-started again as Luke led me onto the bed. We knelt facing each other, eyes still locked in place. I let my guard down completely and let him see me. I let him find me, like he said he would.

  It was hard to allow myself to be so vulnerable, to open myself up to possible rejection, but I did it because I wanted Luke. I wanted to be whole for him. Wanted what other people had—safe, comforting love and commitment. I wanted to be found.

  Luke lowered his head, reaching down to hold each of my breasts. He tweaked both nipples at the same time, sending shockwaves through my body. He did it again, then bent down to kiss me. No permission sought this time, he slipped his tongue into my mouth, exploring hungrily while maintaining his hold on my breasts. Sweet Jesus. I was headed for a record—climax after only a few minutes—and he hadn’t even touched my clit. Somehow this time, I was more aroused than I could ever remember being.

  Adamant that I wanted to come with Luke inside me, I pulled my mouth away from his and moved backward on the bed, out of reach of his magic hands.

  “Condoms in the top drawer.” I motioned to the nightstand with my chin.

  Luke reached over and plucked a foil packet from the box. As he followed my movements, sliding further onto the bed himself, I gently pushed him backward. Taking the hint, he lay on his back and handed me the condom. I took it from him and had him sheathed in no time.

  I positioned my knees between his legs and proceeded to nibble and kiss my way around his amazing body. Each kiss seemed to stoke Luke’s desire, to the point where I thought he might be the one to come before he got inside me.

  “Marnie, you’re killing me here. I’m so ready for you.”

  Not that it needed saying. His throbbing dick made his feelings quite clear without words. I moved further up his body, positioning my entrance above the tip of his cock. I hovered there a little, enjoying the torturous anticipation building between us. Unable to wait any longer, I raised up before lowering myself quickly onto him.

  “Shit!” we cried in unison. Holy. Fucking. Shit. I reached out my arms toward him.

  “Shhhhh… we gotta keep quiet, or we’ll wake up the dog and not get to finish.”

  I had zero experience being a doggie mama and failed to see why, but I took his word for it.

  “Hold my hands.” I needed to hold on so I could set the pace as we moved together. He reached up immediately, and I took hold. I met his gaze again, and the lust in his eyes ratcheted my desire up several notches. I needed to start moving before I came while we were still motionless.

  Using his hands to steady myself, I slammed up and down his shaft as deep and hard as our bodies would allow. I took him so deep that the pleasure and pain of it was almost too much to bear.

  “I’m close,” I panted.

  “Me too.”

  Good. I picked up the pace, slamming down on him even harder. Hitting the spot over and over.

  “Arrrrrrrgggggh!” My garbled cry pierced the air as we came together.

  I woke up sometime later to the sound of a baby crying and the smell of poop. It took a little while for me to situate myself and realize that the sound was Ronnie whining, rather than a baby. However, the smell of poop was most definitely poop. I elbowed Luke in the ribs. He was the one who had gotten me into this mess in the first place. If I was going to be up in the middle night tending to a puppy’s needs, he would too.

  We’d failed spectacularly as doggy parents so far, having done nothing to settle poor Ronnie into her new surroundings, let alone feed and water her, or lay down the puppy pads Luke had brought home with him, before we’d fallen into bed together. I’d like to think that we made up for the shitty—figuratively and literally—start by looking after Ronnie faultlessly from that point onward.

  We set up a bed for her in the bedroom using the pillow she was already familiar with inside a shallow cardboard box and replicated the same in the front room using the blanket she’d arrived with. We also set up her water and food bowls and put the piddle pads in the laundry room, attempting several times to encourage her to do her business there. Of course, every other spot in the house seemed like the perfect place to poop and pee. The specifically designed pads, not so much.

  I had no idea being a puppy parent would be so hard. It seemed that Ronnie thought that nighttime was prime playtime, also eating time, pooping time, and peeing time. Pretty much anything except sleeping time. If she wasn’t as cute as a button and didn’t like anything more than to lick me to death, then curl up and doze in the crook of my neck, I may have been tempted to tell Luke that he would have to find someone else to take her on. As it was, there was nothing I wouldn’t do for her.

  I woke much later again to a space in the bed
where Luke had been, and no sign of either him or Ronnie. I headed to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth. I was hungry, deciding to shower after breakfast. My morning hair was never too crazy—one of the perks of having inherited my dad’s thick, bone-straight Asian hair. I shook it out and called it good. Pulling on another oversized tee as I left the room, I padded out onto the landing in search of my two loves, one old, one new. As I reached the top of the stairs, I stopped in my tracks, stunned by the sound filling my ears.

  I knew right away that it was Luke singing and playing guitar, but I was in shock because it wasn’t something I’d seen or heard him do before, outside of playing rhythm guitar—while Arlo, the quintessential attention-whore front man, played lead—and singing backing vocals with the rest of the band. Hearing Luke take a more upfront role, singing solo and playing the melody was a revelation. He was a really good singer. No, he was a great singer, and it seemed he’d been hiding his talents all these years playing in Arlo’s shadow.

  I sat down on the top step, careful not to make a sound on the creaky floorboards, and listened to the lyrics Luke was singing.

  Our love blooms in the shadows where we both hide

  But where I need you is here right by my side

  I found Nirvana in your eyes, and you’re where I want to be

  So deep in your heart why can’t you see, you’re a vital part of me

  The shadows are deep, just like my feelings for you

  I look inside, see the truth, but can’t work out what to do

  To reach you, make you see you’re worth it, so good for me

  To teach you, you’re the lock, but also the key

  You’re there where you’ve always been, wanting me

  Waiting to be found, silently asking to be seen

  You’re trapped inside your head, you’re the answer, only you