“I’ll stay,” he promised, lowering her to the floor. “Come on.”
“How do I look?” she asked, straightening her blouse.
He smoothed her hair. “Perfect. As always.”
Carol returned to the dining room, feeling like she would burst from the good news. “Sorry, everybody. Something came up.”
“I bet it did,” Petra said and smirked.
Carol ignored her. “Before I get the cake, I have an announcement to make.”
“Are you coming with us?” May asked.
“No, I’m going to do something else.”
Daniel touched her arm. She swayed against him, drawn by his warmth. Looking up, she expected to see him smiling, but instead, he frowned and shook his head. She disregarded his warning, plunging into the news head first.
“I’m getting married!”
Everybody at the table exchanged shocked glances. She watched them eagerly, waiting for somebody to speak, but the silence continued, growing pregnant with tension. Edna was the first to find her voice. “Congratulations, dear.”
Her voice seemed to snap the others from their stupor. “It’s about time!” Rodney announced.
“That’s wonderful news,” May added.
Carol looked around, slightly hurt. “What’s wrong? I thought you guys would be happy for me.”
“We are happy for you,” Edna assured her. “We want you to be happy.”
“I’m not happy for her,” Petra cut in. “Why should I be? Most people waste their entire lives. Why should we be happy about Carol wasting hers?”
Carol gasped. She didn’t know how to protest Petra’s comments. How could she? She herself had thought and said as much dozens of time in the past decade.
“I think it’s time we go,” Rodney said, standing.
“You don’t have to leave,” Carol protested.
“You and Daniel probably want to be alone. You can give us all the details tomorrow. Come on, May.”
May stood. That was the signal for the rest of them to do the same. They hugged Carol as they passed, looking vaguely uncomfortable. She struggled to keep her face a pleasant mask, to hide her hurt, but she knew Daniel could sense her feelings. He stiffened beside her, nodding cordially as their guests left, but not speaking.
“What was that all about?” Carol asked once they were alone. “I thought they would be happy for me.”
“They don’t see you as the marrying sort, I suppose.” He hooked his finger beneath her chin, lifting her face toward the light. “Carol, how do they see you?”
“What do you mean? I don’t understand.”
“Why don’t you tell me about Alabama? You never talk about it.”
“I didn’t know if you’d be interested.”
“I am. I’ll grab a few beers, you get the cake. It’s a beautiful night outside. We’ll go out on the porch.”
The stars were crisp against a dark blue sky, the thin air sharp, the temperature mild. They settled on the top step, shoulder to shoulder, splitting a can of beer between them.
“I’m not sure where to begin,” Carol said, “there was just so much.”
“How did you meet Edna?” Daniel prompted.
Carol smiled, warmed by the memory. “We were in Montgomery at the time. I was working in the car pool. Everybody who could drive brought in people from all over. Thanks to you, I knew how, so I had a group of young ladies with me. We were going to hear Dr. King speak, but as you can imagine, it wasn’t an easy drive. There were so many people in the city that the streets seemed to be bursting. The majority of them were there for Dr. King and were peaceful. But there were a few folks who didn’t like what was going on, and they wanted everybody to know it.
“I was cutting down a narrow side street, trying to avoid the chaos, when I almost ran over a young boy. He was running and crying, and he didn’t see me coming. I slammed on the brakes, and I narrowly missed him. I got out of the car to make sure he was fine, but he kept running. He was smart. Because several men were chasing him. So I made sure I was between him and them.”
“Jesus, Carol…”
She smiled. “I know it sounds scary now, but I didn’t really think about it. They were going to leave me alone at first until they noticed the girls in my car. They called me some choice names…I’m sure you can imagine…”
“I can,” Daniel said, “but I don’t want to.”
“When I still didn’t back down, they decided flinging slurs at me wasn’t enough, and they’d show me what a group of big men could do to a fragile little thing like me. I tried to talk them down, you know, but they wanted me to beg. Meanwhile, the girls in the car didn’t know if they should run to get help. I could tell they were terrified.” Carol broke off to take the beer from Daniel. He wrapped his arms around her.
“There were four of them. Since they weren’t going to back down, and I wasn’t about to run away on foot, I had two options. Get in the car and hope they didn’t break the windows while I tried to get it started, or defend myself. I wasn’t armed, of course. Nobody was. But I knew I was stronger than they expected, and I had the element of surprise on my side.
“I braced myself as they closed in around me. I know, it was a stupid thing to do. But at the time, I was more afraid of what would happen to the girls than what they’d do to me, and I knew that damned old car. It takes five minutes to get it started. I actually managed to kick one of them between the legs, but I realized that I wouldn’t be able to fight the other three off.
“But I didn’t need to. Out of nowhere, a woman starts shouting, calling each of them by name. She’s got this huge, booming voice and she sounds really angry, you know? She’s yelling at them, threatening to call their wives and their mothers, and marching down the alley, her arms swinging. She pushed her way into the center of the circle. Her eyes were wild. I don’t remember quite what she said, but before I knew it, they were gone.
“Turns out she lived in the building behind us, and witnessed the whole thing from her kitchen. She knew them because she used to be a schoolteacher. I introduced myself and invited her to join us, and well, she just kept showing up, every day, asking what she could do to help.” Carol tilted back her head, finishing the beer.
“That’s why I never asked. Hearing things like that…” Daniel shook his head. “Do you think it was worth it?”
“Oh, yes. There was something in the air, Daniel, something I can’t describe, but we could all feel it. Even when we were locked in some dank jail cell with no clean water, or even a toilet, we knew that it mattered, that somebody would notice. I just wanted to help, so I wasn’t on the front lines too much. I wasn’t marching or participating in the sit-ins personally, but I did everything I could. If they needed drivers, I drove. If they were hungry, I found food. If they were in jail, I helped raise the money to bail them out. And it made a difference to them.” Carol wiped her eyes.
“Then I suppose you would do it all again if you could?” he asked gently.
“Yes. I mean, I’m sorry Daniel, I know it…ruined a lot of things…for us…but I wouldn’t change anything. We mattered.”
“I’m just happy you don’t have any regrets. That’s all.” Daniel kissed the top of her head.
“I’m sorry about tonight. I’m sorry about what they said to you. I didn’t expect such…hostility.”
Daniel brushed his finger across the cake, coating his finger in frosting. “Cake?”
She opened her mouth, allowing him to slide his finger between her lips. She shivered at the distinct, salty taste of his skin beneath the sweet treat. He smiled as she licked his finger clean. “Don’t worry about it. They think I’m the enemy.”
“Well, why on Earth would they think of you like that? And why would they treat you like the enemy?” Carol asked, bewildered. She couldn’t comprehend of anybody disliking Daniel, much less hating him.
“Because I took you away from them. They didn’t come here tonight to hear your big announcement, they c
ame to bring you back to the fold.”
Carol sighed. “They need to get over it, because I’m not going back.”
“Maybe they know you better than you think,” Daniel suggested.
“What are you trying to say?”
“Nothing. Nothing. Look, I wanted to talk to you tonight.”
“Oh, right. What’s going on?” she asked, cracking open the second beer.
“I got a letter from my mother. She wants to see Rebecca, but she’s getting a bit too old to travel off the mountain. I thought I’d take her up for a visit.”
“Just her?”
“I didn’t think you’d want to go.”
A car rumbled down the block, its headlights casting them in a temporary glow. She blocked her eyes with her hand until it passed, plunging them into darkness again. Carol wished she could see Daniel’s face. “I think I’d like to go this time. It’s been a long time.”
“Ten years.”
“Yeah, I guess so. I can’t believe that much time has passed. I’m not sure where it all went. When do you want to go?”
“I’ve got some time coming next week. We’ll have to take her out of school, but she’s a bright girl. I imagine she can survive a week or so out of school. What do you think?”
“I think you’re right about that. It scares me how bright that child is.”
“She gets it from her mother.”
Carol shook her head. “No, I don’t think so. She’s your daughter in every way.” Daniel shivered as she spoke. “Are you getting cold?”
“Maybe a little.”
“Let’s go upstairs. That bed’s been awfully cold.”
They stood, Daniel wrapping his fingers around hers. She led him up the stairs, silently, her heart in her throat.
He had finally come home.
* * * *
“When’s Daddy going to move back home?” Rebecca asked, hopping on Carol’s bed, unable to sit still. She had been bouncing around the house since she found Daniel in the kitchen that morning.
“Don’t do that,” Carol said, grabbing her hand. “Sit down.”
“Sorry. But when is he moving back?”
“When we come back from Mountain Grove. Which do you like better? The red dress or the blue dress?”
“The red dress.”
Carol tossed it into the suitcase. “That’s what I thought.”
“What’s Mountain Grove like?” Rebecca asked, kicking her legs against the bed.
“Very cold this time of year. Do you know what your gloves are?”
“With my boots.”
“Good.”
“What else is it like?”
“It’s not like living in the city. There probably won’t be many kids your age, and there really isn’t anything to do.”
Rebecca grimaced. “Then why does anybody want to live there?”
“I don’t know. But your dad is excited about taking you up there. That’s where he grew up, and his parents before, and their parents were some of the first settlers.”
“Wow,” Rebecca breathed.
“Have you finished packing?” Carol asked, lifting her from the bed.
“No.”
“Then what are you doing in here?”
Rebecca patted Carol’s face. “I just wanted to talk to you.”
Carol kissed her cheek. “Why don’t you go finish up before dinner?”
“Okay, Mommy.” She raced to the door, shouting with glee when she reached the hallway. “Daddy’s here!”
Carol felt like shouting with glee herself when she heard Daniel’s voice. His visits were the highlight of each day. Sometimes he was able to get off work and come by in the middle of the day. Sometimes he’d just have enough time for a quick lunch. Other times she didn’t see him until it was nearly dinner, but she didn’t care, as long as he was there.
“Are you two going to be ready?” Daniel asked, eyeing the pile of clothes in the middle of the room. “It looks like a cyclone’s been through Rebecca’s room.”
“We’ll be ready. Hey, what are you doing?” she asked as Daniel shut the door behind him.
“I’ve got something to show you,” he said, pulling something out of his back pocket.
“Right now? But it’s so early,” she protested with mock horror.
Daniel chuckled. “Nothing like that. We’ll save that for later. Here.”
Carol took the envelope from him. She studied his face, looking for clues of its contents, but he didn’t betray any of his thoughts. Wary, she tore open the envelope and looked inside. “I don’t understand.”
“I think you do.”
She took out the bus ticket, holding it up to the light. She read the words several times, unable to trust her own eyes. “San Francisco? What is this about?”
“I’ll drop you off at the bus depot tomorrow morning.”
“No, you won’t, because I have no idea what this even means,” Carol said, angrily stuffing the ticket into the envelope. She pushed it into his hands. “I don’t want it.”
“Carol, I know you want to join May. It’s not too late.”
She shook her head. “Is this some sort of test? Are you testing me? Because, Daniel, that’s not fair.”
He took her elbow, guiding her to the bed, where she sat. “No, no. This isn’t a test, Carol. It’s not a joke. I’ve been watching you this past week, watching what you do. You want to go. I know you’ll never say anything. But you want to go.”
“No!” she protested, pushing him away. “I don’t want to go. I don’t. I can’t think about it. I can’t even consider it. I have to stay here with you and Rebecca.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m afraid if I leave, you won’t be here when I come back.”
He looked stricken, like she had slapped him. “I’m sorry, Carol. I was wrong. You shouldn’t…you shouldn’t be worried about losing me.”
“Oh, my God, Daniel, don’t apologize to me. You were right. It’s not reasonable to disappear for years at a time and expect nothing to change. I mean, a part of me expected Rebecca to still be in diapers when I returned! I want to have a life with you, Daniel. I’m ready for that now.”
“And you’re ready to completely ignore every instinct that tells you that you can make a difference? You’re unhappy, Carol, and I can’t stand to see you like that.” He stared at her with the most intense eyes. She thought he could look right into her soul.
“It doesn’t matter, Daniel. I can’t save the world. I’m not going to single-handedly stop the war. I’m just one person.” Even as she said it, she didn’t quite believe it. Her father had always told her she’d change the world.
“You told me you made a difference in Alabama,” Daniel countered. “You know it.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It matters because it’s going to eat away at you. Every day, a little bit of you will die. Then one day, ten or twenty years from now, you’ll look at me and you’ll hate me. I don’t want that. I never want that.” He drew her toward him.
Carol knew he was right. He knew her. He knew her heart and her mind. She could deny the truth of his words for the rest of the evening, but that wouldn’t make a difference. He’d still be right in the morning, and every day after that. “I’m just going to help with the protest in San Francisco and the one in Washington,” she promised. “Then I’m coming home. What about Rebecca?”
“Maybe we should tell her about this together. She might not understand what’s going on.”
“You’re right. Come on.”
They found Rebecca squatting in the middle of the room, surrounded by toys. The open suitcase beside her was also bursting with toys. And a single pair of gloves. All her clothes were safely tucked away in her closet and dresser.
“What’s going on in here?” Carol asked. “I told you to pack.”
“I did pack,” Rebecca insisted. “I was only going to bring one toy, but then I thought the others might be lonely, so I tried to pack th
em all, but then I didn’t have enough room for clothes. I can bring another bag, right?”
Carol looked to Daniel. “How about you choose two toys,” he suggested. “I’m sure the others will understand.”
“How can I just choose two? I love them all.”
“I’ll choose two,” Daniel said, crouching beside her. “How about Cynthia and Teddy?” He asked, holding up a battered baby doll, and a tattered stuffed bear.
Rebecca looked doubtful as she studied Daniel’s offerings, finally nodding. “I think that’ll work.”
Carol smiled at the exchange, happy that Daniel would be in Rebecca’s life full-time again. He had visited several times a week for the past three years, but they were always necessarily short. Shorter than Rebecca would have liked, at any rate. But at least he hadn’t disappeared from her life completely, like Carol had.
Like Carol planned to do again.
How could she possibly explain this to the child without upsetting her?
“Becky, your mom and I have something to discuss with you,” Daniel said, handing her the doll.
Rebecca looked at him with frightened eyes. “You’re still moving home, right?”
“Yes.”
“And we’re still going to visit Grandma, right?”
“And Grandpa Thorn, too,” Daniel promised.
Rebecca relaxed. “Oh. Good.”
“Becky, your mom is going on another trip,” Daniel said.
Rebecca jumped to her feet. “Where?”
Carol brushed Rebecca’s hair away from her face, noting absently that her hair needed a trim. “San Francisco, for now. And maybe Washington DC.”
Rebecca hugged Carol’s legs. “But I don’t want you to go. I’ll miss you.”
Carol kneeled in front of her daughter, pulling her into her arms. “I’ll miss you, too, baby. Every day. But I promise, I’ll write and call, whenever I can.”
“Why do you have to go?”
“Because I need to help people. Little girls like you.”
Rebecca leaned back, looking at Carol with intense eyes. “Are you helping the people on the TV? The people on the news?”
Carol nodded. “I want to. I want to try. Is that okay? If you don’t want me to go, Rebecca, I won’t.”
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