He bent forward again and I came in the condom, deep inside him. I didn’t want to move or leave his body as the sounds of our panting echoed in the room. I grabbed the edge of the condom and pulled out, then I took it off and tied it up before throwing it in the bin.
“Well, you should definitely go away more often.” His face was flushed and his skin had a beautiful shiny hue to it. I bent down and kissed him and then lay beside him on the bed, sated and not alone. It was unlike any other time I’d come home. I should be frightened and running away, but instead I was elated and satisfied.
We got cleaned up and made sure Jess was set to go over to Stuart and Jamieson’s place. I was nervous about going out, but I would just go with it. Stuart was with me and we had Jess. Fuck, if I couldn’t do this, I was royally fucked for my mum’s gala.
A calm came over me as the three of us walked down the street. I was itching to take his hand or put my hand at his back, but I couldn’t. I huffed into the chilly night and could see my own breath.
“Hey, what’s up?” Stuart asked, nudging me. “This is supposed to be fun. We get to spend some time together. Be relaxed.” He stopped for a moment and said, “If you want to stay home, it’s okay.” His shoulders drooped, but I was sure he thought I didn’t notice.
I debated how much to tell him. I’d done interviews with top television hosts and walked international runways with just boxer shorts on. I pushed my hand through my hair and bit my lip. “I’m just nervous about being out with you.” Glancing at him, I tried to gauge his reaction. “Not … not that I’m embarrassed by you. But simply being in public and that I want to touch you. Oh, how I want to touch you, to hold your hand—something! But I can’t do it.” I let out a frustrated sigh again.
Stuart looked at me, then down at Jess. We stopped a moment to let Jess pee. He started to talk, then stopped himself, then started again. “I do too, believe me. But it’s fine. I can handle it too. If”—he stopped and Jess whined—“you aren’t grumpy to me when it’s just us. Deal?”
“You drive a hard bargain, that’s for sure. I don’t even know how not to be grumpy.” We reached some stairs and he scooped Jess up.
“I think you know more than you think you do. I know it’s hard for you and you’re trying your best. While I’m cheeky, you know I’m here for you. This is us.” He winked and then sashayed up the stairs, leaving me dumbfounded.
I walked up after him and the door was opened for us. A tall, lanky guy with bleached blond hair and pierced ears greeted us. Where had I seen him before? Oh, yes, the morning I’d tried to sneak out.
“Hey, Stuart. Jess. And y-you ...” he stuttered. “You are—is it really you?” He cleared his throat and gave me a bear hug that lasted far too long and was so awkward that Stuart had to step in and break us apart.
“Yes, it’s really him in all his manly glory. Now can we eat? ’Cos I’m starving,” Stuart said, laughing.
“Um, I really appreciate you keeping it … us”—I glanced quickly at Stuart—“to yourself, Jamieson.”
“Oh, it’s no problem, sir, I mean, Mr. Easton.”
Stuart shoved him playfully. “You can call him Marshall.”
“Did you see the Gossip Wire magazine today?” he asked.
I pushed my hands through my hair. “No, I never really pay attention to those things. Brenna tells me stuff sometimes, but very rarely.” I picked up Jess and held her facing me. “Hey, Jess, you like it here too?” Then I kissed her and put her down. She proceeded to do a perimeter check of the room. “Why, ah, do I want to know?”
Stuart stalked over to him, leaving the oven, and covered his mouth. “Jamieson, Marshall doesn’t like gossip, and you should just leave those magazines alone.” He looked over at me, putting his hand over his heart. “I’ve never read such trashy gossip,” he tried to say sincerely.
“Okay then. You didn’t check up on me after Jamieson told you who he thought I was that morning?” I asked.
“Okay, I’ll just get this delicious food ready,” Stuart said and raced back to the kitchen.
“Ha ha, I love it,” Jamieson said. “You are so onto him. Come on, let’s sit down.”
The three of us ate and Jamieson did most of the talking, which was surprising as that was usually Stuart’s doing. “This is sooo delicious,” I said and looked to Stuart. He seemed to be staring at me. “What, do I have something on my chin?”
He cleared his throat. “Ah, no, it was the noises you were making. Interesting. That’s all.”
“Oh, interesting, is it?” I stared at him through lust-filled eyes, trying to portray what I was thinking through my gaze. Hell, I’d make those noises a million times more if he wanted.
“Ahem, guys. I’m still here. Do you need me to leave tonight, ’cos I can stay with my pal over the road.” Jamieson looked between us from one to the other like a tennis ball going back and forth at Wimbledon.
I looked up then, seemingly having forgotten where I was—where we were. “We’re staying at my place,” I replied gruffly and continued eating, pushing the garlic bread through the delicious tomato sauce. My mood had completely changed. I let my thoughts drift to secret rendezvouses and never being able to eat at a restaurant with the man I loved. Wait … love? No, not that. But even just coming here was pure luck that we’d not been seen. Sitting back in my chair, I sighed, and when Stuart started rubbing my neck, I sank into his touch.
“Oh, we are, are we?” Stuart asked, licking his lips. Fuck. All I thought about then was him earlier and having his delectable ass. How did he manage to change my mood in an instant? It was a marvel I’d yet to figure out.
I swallowed hard, suddenly feeling unsure. “Uh, yeah, do you want to?” I took his hand and kissed it. “I missed you … us.”
“Awww, two lovebirds. Stu, I thought you said he was grum—” Stuart jumped up to cover Jamieson’s mouth again.
“You know, I am grumpy, until he comes around,” I admitted, smiling at Stuart.
“Oh, that was really romantic,” Jamieson said, and leaned back as if he was swooning.
“Yes. Yes, that’s all very cute and well, but he needs to be nice to everyone. Isn’t that right?” Stuart asked, staring pointedly at me. I didn’t respond much. He rubbed my hair. “We’re working on it.”
16
STUART
I lay on the covers in Marshall’s bed. It was the middle of the night, but I wasn’t sure of the time. There were sounds outside, but I tried to block them out. We’d come home and after Jess was settled, given each other blow jobs and got into all kinds of positions. He had—we both had—a voracious desire.
I was happy he was back from his trip, but I had no idea what we were really doing. And since when was I even the type to ask or dissect that. I was used to happy-go-lucky, out guys, who enjoyed fun, public displays of affection, getting to know each other, and good times. Taking it a day at a time.
Here I was—with Marshall—who was in the closet, mostly grumpy, couldn’t communicate, and didn’t know what he wanted. And yet, I couldn’t deny the desire and attraction towards him. And I would never make him come out before he was ready. That week at his house, even when he was in a mood, was actually the best week I’d had in a long time. Was I ready for us to sneak around and be hidden? But what Jamieson said was in the back of my mind too. Marshall had done things he’d never done before for me. He’d put himself out on a limb. That was something to think about.
His arm fell across my chest and I tried to fall asleep again. “What in the world are you thinking about?” he said. I’d assumed he was asleep.
“Oh, sorry if I woke you. Just stuff.” I rolled over on top of him and gave him a kiss. “I’m done now. Thinking.” He kissed me back and rolled his hips up. I matched his movement as we moved in unison. I stretched over to grab the supplies and rode him in the dark night in our little cocoon.
The next morning, I woke and got dressed, then went to take Jess out. I wouldn’t fret over us or what
ever “us” meant. Marshall was home for a few days, so I’d enjoy every moment. I talked to Jess as we walked towards the park. The days were turning from summer to fall, and while I could see the sun rising, I could also see my breath in front of me.
“So, your daddy has to go away again soon. What should we do until then?” I asked, receiving no reply apart from her small bark into the air. I continued talking, regardless. “Yes, we’ll have some fun times with him, try to make him smile, and then wish him safe travels.”
A dark silhouette was walking towards us. Jess growled, which was a new sound from her. “Hey, it’s okay,” I said, kneeling down beside her. I brought the lead in tighter and rubbed her neck. The growling continued as the stranger got closer.
I’d never felt scared or worried while walking Jess alone before, or any other dog for that matter, but this didn’t bode well for us. Should I pick Jess up and run, or hope for the best and wait until the person passed. As they drew closer I couldn’t see the person’s face. It wasn’t quite full light out, but also they were wearing a dark hoodie, half covering their face.
Fuck. And I’d stupidly not brought my cell phone and could picture clearly where it was charging on Marshall’s nightstand. Trying to take deep breaths, I stood up slowly and walked in the same direction we were going, towards the person. As we got closer, Jess continued to growl, but I just figured she didn’t like the look of them, so I kept the lead tight.
The person’s pace picked up and as they walked past, they almost knocked the wind out of me as they elbowed me in the side, and then whispered so closely in my ear, I could smell that they were fond of mint. I couldn’t even make out what they’d said. I was able to keep my balance, but a bright light flashed across my eyes. Hearing Jess bark, I blinked like an owl a few times, and when I got my bearings again, the person was gone. Well, that was weird, I thought.
Our walk was shorter, because I was spooked by the scenario, but Jess still got enough exercise and did her business. We walked up the stairs at Marshall’s, and I looked behind me more times than I should have. I was being ridiculous. It was probably just some idiot that wanted money and got scared when Jess barked.
“Good girl, you’re a good girl.” I locked the door and went through to get her one of the chicken flavoured treats from the cupboard. I sat cross-legged on the kitchen floor, gave her a treat and pulled her into my lap. I didn’t even know why, but I started crying into her head. “It’s okay. I’ve got you. It’s okay. Och, I’d never let anything happen to ye, wee lassie.”
Later, although I’m not sure how much time had passed, I sensed footsteps and looked up to see Marshall. My eyes had dried up, thank goodness. “Hey, good morning. Jess and I have already been out. Ah, I’ll make the coffee,” I said, standing up while carefully unfolding from Jess. Walking over to the coffee machine, I could smell the delicious scent of Marshall and knew he was directly behind me.
Choosing to ignore it, I added the pod to the Keurig machine and reached up for a mug. His hands on both sides of my waist made a shiver run through me, but I continued with my task. His grip became tighter, and he slowly turned me round to face him. Now, my butt was against the counter, and he was directly in front of me.
“What’s wrong, Stuart?” he asked, looking me directly in the eye. I tried to avoid the eye contact but wasn’t very successful as he grabbed my chin and wouldn’t let me move my head. “I haven’t had my coffee yet, so I’ll be moody and really hard to deal with later if you don’t spit it out.”
“And how is that different from any other day,” I retorted and smiled at him.
He stared me down. “Okay, fine.” Then he dropped his hands and I immediately felt a sense of loss and missed his touch. He turned on his heel and walked back towards the bedroom. The whole atmosphere around us changed. It wasn’t the happy cocoon we had together when we were here. Instead, I felt the emptiness and more.
“Wait,” I called after him. He didn’t stop, but then closed the door to his room. What a grumpy asshole, I thought. I shrugged my shoulders and looked down at Jess. “Well, what do I do now?” Jess padded over to Marshall’s door and collapsed down in front of it with her little paws sticking out.
“Thanks for taking his side.” I sighed again and walked over to his door, knocking and then peeking inside. “Hey.” He was stretched out on the bed and I got no reply. I walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. “Something weird happened this morning when I went out with Jess.” I looked at him, trying to gauge his reaction. He cracked open one eye and closed it again, sighing. I continued, twining my hands together. “I didn’t want to alarm or worry you.” I cleared my throat. “And I don’t want you to stop me from walking Jess. So …” I trailed off.
He sat up and pulled me to lay beside him, cuddling me. “Listen,” he said pointing between us, “whatever this is going on here with us, I can promise you now, I won’t let it interfere with your work with Jess. I know you treat her well. Okay?” He rubbed my arm absently. “Now, can you tell me what is going on?”
I started talking. Rambling. “It was really bizarre. We were the only ones in the park really. A few others going around the path. And suddenly this person—I don’t know what gender—”
Suddenly a ringing blared in the room. Marshall’s phone. “Do you need to get that? Isn’t that the ringtone for Brenna?”
“I’ll get it later. Now continue.” The ringing stopped, and I was about to talk again when it blared once more. He grabbed the phone off the dresser and was about to put it on silent. “Wow, she’s emailed as well. SOS. Yikes.” He stared at me. “Don’t go anywhere. I still want to hear this story.”
Jess trotted in and I scooped her up, hugging her and sitting down again as Marshall talked. I didn’t intentionally listen in, but he said not to move.
“Yes. Okay, what? Gossip Central? I don’t even know what that is.” Marshall paced back and forth on the carpet beside his bed. I waved my hand in front of his face to get his attention and then went through to the living room to get my phone. He pulled me back, but I ran away, willing to suffer the consequences later.
I grabbed my phone, typed in the Gossip Central website address and ran back to the bedroom. I could still hear part of Marshall’s one-sided conversation and then I glanced at the website and saw—what the fuck?—a photo of me. Sketchy and grainy, but definitely me. The headline read:
MARSHALL EASTON AND THE DOG WALKER: WHAT IS THE RELATIONSHIP?
I heard more of Marshall’s conversation as I read further. “How do you know? Really? Okay, thanks.”
The article seemed to be completely made up of hearsay and vague connections of myself and Marshall. I was wracking my brain, trying to figure out the photo, and then, an epiphany. Wow, that asshole this morning went to a lot of effort to get this shitty pic, I thought. Ridiculous.
Marshall hung up and then rushed over to hug me. I was so stunned by this rare display of affection that he initiated, I started beating on his chest like a gorilla, trying to push him off—not because I didn’t want a hug, but because I was so baffled.
“Uh, hey, what’s going on, Marshall? All okay with Brenna?” I hedged and backed away. My legs hit the bed and I ended up falling down to a sitting position.
“She told me something.” He bit his lip. “I can’t believe you’re involved in this mess. Do you want to leave? I can give you a disguise and sneak you out to a waiting car with tinted windows or something like that. Like they do in the movies.” He was breathing sporadically, and I was lucky I understood any of what he said.
Pulling him down beside me, I picked up my phone and showed him the story and the dodgy photo. “Can you believe this? It’s laughable.”
He continued reading, then took my hand. “I understand, uh, if you want to leave. And quit too. You’ll get paid. I’ll make sure of it.”
When I gazed at him, he wouldn’t even look back at me. He was staring at the far wall. I passed Jess over to him. “You better smile or somet
hing. Jess knows you are sad and it’s making her sad.” As if on cue, Jess turned her little head up to lick his nose. “Now, get your act together,” I said. “Did you see that joke of a story? It’s all made up stuff, grasping at straws. They know nothing. We”—I pointed between us—“know it’s true, but no one else does. So the main question is, do you care?” I pranced around, talking out loud. “They are just desperate for a story. When the next scandal erupts, you’ll be forgotten.” I clasped my hands over my mouth. “Not forgotten, forgotten, but this little story will be.” I walked over and kissed him on the lips. “Now, we can either give them something to really talk about or keep it as we have been.”
Just then Jess walked over. “And like I could live without Jess here. No gossip rag is going to keep her away from me.” I laughed and looked over to see Marshall with a small smile too. “What did Bren say? Was she freaked out or …?”
“She assured me not to worry and that it’d blow over. According to her, I’ll soon be a footnote on everyone’s fish and chips’ wrappers, and well … she asked what was going on between us?” His eyebrows creased as he looked at me. “I said nothing. I … she’s been with me for years, but we really only discuss business stuff, you know?” He rubbed his nose. “I will tell her when it’s just … I need time.”
“Okay, of course. That’s fine. I’m not worried about some stupid tabloid. I’m more worried about if you’re feeling bad for not telling her.” Pushing my hand through my hair, I stopped for a moment before continuing, “And if you want to completely come out or not.”
“This is way too heavy for first thing in the morning. But I’m not ready to fully come out, for sure. I know that much. Is that okay?” He stretched, his frame almost covering the whole bed. “Plus, you never finished telling me about earlier.”
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