Goblins Wear Suits

by K. M. Shea

  “Krusher,” I hissed.

  I knew he was still assigned to me. He sat three tables away from Fran and me at the bagel place!

  “Krusher! Stop fooling around,” I said.

  Silence.

  “…Harrison? This isn’t funny. Sink, where is Harrison?”

  When the pixie nor the goblin replied I wedged a hand down the front of my jacket, gripping my obnoxious, eye-catching necklace.

  “Parasite.”

  I recognized that youthful voice.

  I yanked on my necklace, pulling it free from my neck. It tangled in my sweater, but I knew the alert was tripped, so I left it and reached into my purse as I turned around to face Krad Temero.

  “Harrison!” I called.

  “Your guard is occupied. I couldn’t have him—or the pixie—sweeping in to save you,” Krad said, tucking his hands into pockets of his too-big-for-him black jacket.

  It was easier to smother my fear than I would have thought. I mean, it was still pretty hard to equate the magic that made me feel hundreds of spiders with the ten-year-old standing in front of me. I didn’t really fear Krad so much as I feared he might use his magic.

  “Pretty sure I don’t need my guard to toss a kid out of my way,” I said, tapping my booted foot on the slick sidewalk.

  Krad’s childish face twisted in anger. “You don’t know who you mock, human!”

  “No, I totally know who I’m mocking: Krad, the dark elf who is supposedly so scary but is somehow dense enough to get locked in the body of a kid.”

  “Your stupidity is what gives you such braveness. Even my very name is steeped in darkness!” Krad said.

  “I hate to break it to you, but Krad sounds German—which in no way has anything to do with darkness.”

  “Fool!” Krad scoffed. “Krad is the word dark spelled backwards.”

  I snorted.

  Krad planted his hands on his hips. “What?”

  “Hm?”

  “You laughed.”

  “No I didn’t.”

  “Yes you did.”

  “Well, maybe I did. But that’s only because that is the dorkiest naming technique I have ever heard.”

  “What?”

  “Also it’s dark spelled backwards in English, a human language. And you are a self professed human hater. Way to go with that one, Einstein.”

  Krad’s jaw dropped and he stared at me, taken aback by the realization.

  “You know, you look like a pretty big hypocrite,” I continued.

  “What?” Krad snarled.

  “You yammer about hating humans, and then you wear human clothes?” I said, indicating to his gray scarf and clearly human made jacket.

  “Silence! I will not allow you to sully the air with your careless words!” Krad said. He was so mad he didn’t notice that I was rummaging through my purse still.

  I made a great show of sighing as my hand closed around my baby cast-iron skillet in my purse. “Look, kid—,”

  “KID?”

  “I can’t play with you all day. Just hurry up and tell me what you want,” I said, rolling my eyes.

  “I am not so stupid as to announce my intentions,” Krad said, shoving his nose into the air.

  “Really? Because you did that last time we met,” I said.

  Krad gave me a hateful look, his eyes thinning into angry wedges. He started walking towards me, taking small steps to compensate for the ice and snow. “As long as the Fairy Council focuses on cohabitating with humans, the strength of the magical community will never be returned,” he sneered. “Moonspell and his ilk fester with weakness. His rehabilitation center is fueled by weak animals—like you.”

  “Is that what you think?” I asked before I whipped out my cast-iron skill and swung it at Krad.

  Krad ducked, but his feet slipped out from underneath him and he fell on his butt, giving me a chance to run.

  “It’s no use running from me,” Krad said, scrambling off the ice and giving chase. “I will take you as my prisoner!”

  I was running unfortunately slow thanks to the ice. “I thought I said it earlier. I can’t play with you—,”

  “I am nearly a hundred years old! I do not play!”

  “In that case, PERVERT!”

  Krad had nearly caught up with me—for a ten year old he sure was zippy—but my accusation disarmed him. “What?”

  “You’re a hundred year old man chasing after a fair maiden. There’s only one thing you could possibly want,” I said before taking another swing at him with my skillet.

  “What? I never,” Krad said before grabbing my wrist, stopping me midswing. So I dropped skillet, which fell on his arms.

  Krad yelped and jumped back. I retrieved the skillet and started running again. “Old man pervert!” I called over my shoulder.

  “I am not a pervert!” Krad shouted as he gave chase.

  “You’re worse than a vampire. At least they’re openly perverted. I bet you were happy you got cursed so it gave you a disguise!” I panted, a little short on air.

  Yelling and running isn’t the most efficient thing to do, but my shout fest was keeping me from being afraid.

  “You are infuriating,” Krad said.

  “Should have thought twice before you attacked the teenage girl, you snot-faced brat. Just try and come at me, bro,” I said. “YEEK!”

  Krad grabbed my arm by which I held my skillet and yanked.

  When I started slipping I reflexively dropped the skillet, which Krad kicked out of range.

  I fell, but I yanked Krad down with me. I rolled away when he tried reaching for me, and, for the first time, realized we were running on the unsalted sidewalk of a salted, sanded street.

  “Stupid,” I grumbled, jumping into the middle of the road—it wasn’t like I had seen any traffic since I first started running.

  I was shocked when Krad jumped on my back. He slid off, but got a hold of my scarf, which he clung to as he dropped.

  Dragged by my throat, I dropped to my knees, coughing. In an act of vengeance I kicked Krad’s booted feet. He fell on me, and I had him in a good choke hold when he slapped at my face with his bare hand and activated his magic.

  I screamed when the fear I was hiding behind humor overwhelmed me, turning into all consuming, mind shattering terror.

  The amplified fear buzzed in my brain. I dropped Krad and curled over my knees, my heart beating franticly—as if it might burst out of my chest. I couldn’t see, I couldn’t hear. It was like being dropped in a pitch black cavern filled with water and drowning. My lungs burned with the need for air.

  I felt spider legs on my skin, could have sworn the claws of a bear pressed into my back. Even though I was on land I was positive a shark circled me, jaws gaping open and crusted with blood. Then I was sinking in quicksand. Muck filled my mouth and blocked my nose.

  Above it all, I could feel darkness looming above me, pushing me down, and holding black magic to my throat.

  I screamed in mindless terror.

  There was shouting besides my own, and the darkness retreated—although the rest of my fears and terrors still plagued me.

  “Morgan!”

  I choked on the imaginary quicksand and screamed when the nonexistent shark bit me. Even though I knew these things couldn’t be true, I could feel them. It felt more real than the stinging January air.

  There was more shouting, and suddenly my fears were gone. I was splayed on the sidewalk, my body stiff with cold.

  “Morgan!”

  I could hear Sink, but I had to blink a few times before I saw her shimmer into view, her angular facial features twisted in concern.

  I shuddered with fear and looked up the street. Harrison was standing half a block away, hurling fireballs at Krad.

  Unwilling to leave me to pursue Krad, Harrison backed up to stand closer to me. Seconds later an MBRC guard team ran up the street.

  “What is it?” the team leader, a hobgoblin, asked.

  “Krad, this way,” Sink
said, popping in and out of visibility as she led the way down the street, chasing after Krad.

  “H-h-Harrison,” I said, my teeth chattering.

  Harrison knelt at my side. “The Princess is secured,” Harrison said into his earpiece before he picked me up like a father carrying his child. “Support from the MBRC has arrived. I am taking her back to the Center.”

  I clung to the massive goblin, my knees too jelly-like to support me. “H-Harrison. I’m s-scared.”

  Harrison’s voice was soft when he said, “It’s Krusher, Miss Fae.”

  I was safe. For the moment.

  “Morgan, would you like anything to drink? A tea, a cappuccino, or maybe a frappe?” Corona, a long-time MBRC acquaintance of mine, asked, clasping her paws together.

  Corona resembled a large lizard with her reptile-like body and tail and her alligator face and snout. She walked on her hind legs, called most people honey, and was as sweet as could be. I was never more thankful for her comforting presence as I was then, sitting on a sofa and swaddled in blankets.

  “I’m fine,” I said.

  “A hot drink would do you some good, honey. How about hot chocolate? I could send one of the vampires to Starbucks for you,” she offered.

  Doggy was with Corona, and he jumped up on my lap when I rearranged my blankets, shedding a few blue scales when he rubbed against my arm. “I really don’t want anything.”

  “She will take a lavender or chamomile tea and a few crackers. Thank you, Corona,” Doctor Creamintin said as he bustled into the room.

  Corona nodded and glided from the room in her swaggering, reptilian gait. Doggy leaped from my lap and scurried after her, flapping his wings in the chase.

  “I’m not hungry or thirsty,” I said as the door closed behind them.

  “I imagine you are not, but your body is incapable of gauging what it needs at this moment. Tea and a snack would do you some good. Tilt your head back please,” Doctor Creamintin said before shining a light in my eyes.

  “Your entire system is swimming in adrenaline,” he said, fixing a stethoscope over his ears and pushing back my blankets to listen to my heart and lungs. “Your heartbeat and breathing are erratic. Lavender or chamomile will help calm your system.”

  I didn’t say anything and fixed my blankets when Doctor Creamintin stepped back.

  “Now, how do you feel?” he asked.

  “Terrible.”

  “Were you hurt?”

  “No,” I said, scrunching my eyes shut. “He was just using his amplifier magic on me. Harrison got to us before he could do anything else.”

  “Did he say anything to you?” Doctor Creamintin asked, pen poised above a white pad.

  “Not really,” I said. “We fought a bit. He doesn’t seem to appreciate being treated like a kid. He said he wanted to take me prisoner, but that was it.”

  “I see,” Doctor Creamintin said, writing my observations down.

  “Where is Harrison?” I asked, twisting in my blanket cocoon.

  “He is just outside the room.”

  “Krusher?”

  The door clicked open. “Yes, Miss Fae?”

  “Are you okay?”

  “Yes, Miss Fae.”

  “I’m glad. Did you tell Hunter? How did he take it?”

  “Yes, Miss Fae.”

  “Yeah, I didn’t think he would take it very well. Thanks, Krusher,” I said.

  Harrison closed the door as I wriggled deeper into my blankets.

  “You two have a unique line of communication,” Doctor Creamintin said.

  “Has anyone asked to see me?”

  “By anyone you mean…?”

  “Devin, Asahi, or Madeline?”

  “I believe Madeline is waiting for your release with a few other students of yours. Devin…Devin does not know,” Doctor Creamintin said, flipping through a few charts. “Now then. I’m giving you a clean bill of health, although you are not cleared to leave. You must drink the tea and snack Corona brings, and remain quiet for an hour. Do you understand?”

  “Yeah,” I said.

  “Good. I will check in with you on Monday,” Doctor Creamintin said as he gathered his papers and tools. He paused at the door. “I’m very sorry you had to experience this again, Morgan.”

  “Yeah, me too,” I said, pulling my blankets closer.

  “Rest up,” Doctor Creamintin said before he left, shutting the door behind him.

  When the good doctor was gone I got out my MM—magic mirror—and held it in front of me. “Call Devin, please,” I said.

  The mirror swirled before Devin’s image appeared. He wasn’t human, but in his horse form. Based on the way the image rippled, he was probably looking in a pool of water.

  “Hi, Devin,” I said, sniffing as I fumbled with my MM. “K-Krad attacked me again. I’m okay. Harrison and Sink were with me and fought him off,” I said.

  Devin blinked his yellow moon eyes at me, and his image was gone.

  I exhaled and dropped the MM back in my purse.

  The door swung open and Corona walked in. “I used some lavender tea from Orion, and swiped some green tea cookies for you from a Japanese tanuki. Just what the doctor ordered,” she said, putting the tray down on a coffee table. She passed the steaming mug to me, which began to thaw my chilled hands.

  “Drink up! Lavender is calming,” Corona said.

  I sipped the hot drink, which—I’m not gonna lie—tasted like weeds and a dash of soap. Still, I didn’t think I could get by without drinking it, and it was warming me up, making my belly glow with heat. “Thanks, Corona. For the tea, and for being here,” I said.

  “Wild unicorns couldn’t keep me away,” Corona said, passing me a plate of cookies. “Eat one—Doctor Creamintin said so,” she reminded me when I stared at the plate.

  I took one of the green hued cookies and nibbled on it. It was a strange combination of sweet and bitter. It tasted a little like a sugar cookie, but it had the slight bitterness of green tea mixed in it as well.

  “They’re good,” I said, finishing the cookie before drinking my flowery tea.

  Corona nodded. “I’m glad you like them. Now, honey, are you really okay?”

  “Yeah. I wish someone would give that Krad brat a good spanking, though,” I said, my voice flat.

  Corona didn’t laugh at my attempt of humor. “It was worse, wasn’t it?” she asked.

  The second cookie tasted like sawdust in my mouth thanks to Corona’s astute observation. I washed it down with tea before nodding in defeat.

  “I’m sorry, Morgan,” Corona said. “This isn’t right.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You’ve done so much for us magical beings. You’ve given up so much. And now you’re being targeted and attacked?” Corona shook her head. “It’s not fair.”

  “Life isn’t fair,” I said without an ounce of conviction.

  “That is a terrible saying,” Corona said.

  “Yeah, but it’s true. I mean, usually I’ve been told it by a teacher who is giving out extra homework, or my mom when she orders me to watch my little brothers. But this…,” I paused, unable to continue. Unfair didn’t even begin to describe my situation.

  Someone knocked on the door.

  “Come in,” I said, assuming it was Devin.

  I assumed wrong. It was Orion and Toby, a centaur and a hobgoblin. Both worked with Corona, and I had worked a bit with Toby before obtaining a tutoring position with Asahi.

  “Hi,” I said, a little disappointed.

  Toby didn’t say anything. He walked up to the sofa and frowned deeply at me.

  “How are you, Toby?” I asked, pulling a blanket tighter.

  “This no good,” Toby said. “We find guy who did this to you and then the minotaurs will play with him real good he won’t know what hit him and you’ll be safe,” Toby said in one breath.

  I blinked, trying to process his punctuation-less sentences. “Yeah, I hope so,” I said.

  Toby gru
nted and tossed a package of Starbucks coffee—his absolute favorite flavor, which showed what a supreme gift this was—and scurried out of the room.

  “You stop by and help me answer questions okay we answer them 1 2 3 fast,” Toby said before he closed the door.

  “The hobgoblin sees the sputtering light in your soul and wishes to strengthen it,” Orion said.

  As a centaur, Orion’s personal policy was to speak in riddles and metaphors I couldn’t understand.

  “That’s sweet of him,” I said when it seemed the centaur expected an answer.

  Orion tilted his head and studied me. “To him who is in fear, everything rustles.”

  I turned to give Corona a pained expression.

  The gator patted my shoulder. “We’re trying to comfort her, Orion,” she reminded the centaur.

  Orion bowed. “Minds that are ill at ease are agitated by hope and fear. One must stumble through the fog to see the dawn of the day.”

  Before Orion could philosophize further, the door slammed open. In stormed Devin—still in his horse form. He whinnied and tossed his head as he pranced to the sofa I was splayed out on.

  “Devin,” I said when he lowered his horse head to touch my cheek. He blew on my neck and lipped my hair. “What are you doing?”

  Corona smiled. “We’ll give you two some privacy,” she said.

  “Please don’t,” I said.

  Corona laughed and slithered out of the room. Orion followed her. “Rest and your soul will no longer be weary,” Orion advised me before he gently shut the door.

  I put my hands around Devin’s nuzzle and pulled his head away from me. “Was that really necessary?” I said.

  Devin snorted at me.

  “Go change,” I said, pointing to a changing screen shoved at the back of the room. “I refuse to have this conversation while you are a horse.”

  Devin snorted but pranced off, disappearing behind the screen. He squealed—still as a horse—and moments later jogged out from behind the screen, the remaining sparks of his magic leaping from his clothes.

  “Are you alright? Did he hurt you?” Devin asked, his eyes scanning me from head to foot.

  “Krad only got to use his emotion amplification magic. Harrison and Sink arrived before he could do anything.”

  “Why weren’t they with you?”