Goblins Wear Suits

by K. M. Shea

  “This concludes our presentation. Thank you,” Administrator Moonspell said, his voice stiff with fury.

  “Freedom,” I said, heading for the stairs. I wanted to join the gigantic crowd as soon as possible.

  “Afraid Moonspell will yell at you again if he catches you?” Devin asked.

  “Yep,” I said. Administrator Moonspell only had a few minutes to lay into me for breaking Krad’s curse when our war party dragged our sorry butts back to the MBRC the previous day. I didn’t want to give him the opportunity to revisit the topic since the first time was enough to make him spit in fury. (To his credit, he found out Asahi and Kadri went with me, the Beer Brothers were back, and Krad’s curse was broken all at once.)

  Devin helped me down the stairs, where Harrison was waiting.

  “Thanks,” I said to the Pooka before I turned to my bodyguard. “You look pretty sharp, Krusher.”

  The stony goblin had eschewed his usual suit for a tuxedo that looked awesome on him. “It’s Harrison, Miss Fae.”

  “Devin, could we speak to you?” a high elf I didn’t recognize asked Devin. He was with a lady that had huge, feathered wings tucked against her back.

  “Valan, Qwark, certainly. Just give me a moment,” Devin said before turning to me. “I’ll be around,” Devin he said, hugging me. I tried to squirm out of his grip until he said, “Ten seconds.”

  “Five,” I said.

  “Deal,” Devin said, renewing his embrace. He hugged me tightly for five seconds, and I bore it without a complaint or accusation. “Steer clear from Moonspell—and his eldest brat. Harrison, I’m counting on you,” Devin said before kissing me on the top of my head and slipping away with his associates.

  “Hey—you! Grr,” I said, narrowing my eyes at his retreating back.

  “Don’t you look happy? Here,” Hunter said, passing me a champagne flute that was filled with something purple and fizzy. “It’s sparkling grape juice,” he said after I sniffed at it.

  “Thank you,” I said before taking a cautious sip. The bubbles popped on my tongue, mimicking a burning feeling, although it tasted great.

  “You looked thirsty, and when the Beer Brothers find out there are refreshments they’ll clear the place out,” Hunter said.

  “I don’t understand how I never met them before,” I said.

  “I’m not surprised. There are less than a dozen of them, and the center rarely holds big receptions that are open for all to attend,” Hunter said, gesturing to the packed room.

  “It’s an occasion to celebrate, I guess,” I said.

  “You guess? You stopped an international, magic-fueled terrorist.”

  “Yeah,” I said.

  Hunter rolled his eyes. “You are impressed with the oddest things. A cookie elf could play you like an instrument, but the capture of a dangerous fugitive is minor to you.”

  “I didn’t say that,” I said. “But that does remind me. Krusher and I are great pals and everything now—,”

  “It’s Harrison, Miss Fae.”

  “But the threat is gone. Like, totally gone. I don’t think I need a bodyguard anymore. How much longer am I going to be guarded?”

  Hunter looked thoughtful. “I don’t know. Do you have any idea, Harrison?”

  “...Wait, what?” I blinked.

  “I forgot, we never told you,” Hunter said.

  “Never told me what?”

  “About a month ago the Center started to complain about having a non-MBRC guard assigned to you—one of its staff members. Really it was just that Moonspell had his robes twisted in a knot because I received that pixie powder distribution license for Firefly,” Hunter said, pausing to drink his sparkling grape juice. “So I asked the Pooka if he would provide paperwork that would say Harrison is his employee. Devin is considered a dignitary since he’s a Councilmember, so he’s allowed to have bodyguards and assign them to whomever he wants.”

  “So isn’t it name only, then?” I asked.

  “That was my plan, but the Pooka took him on. He’s been bankrolling him for the past month. Our agreement was that we would share information, and Harrison could call for goblin backup and assistance and remain plugged into my network.”

  My brain buzzed as I processed this information. Hunter seemed to expect a reply or something, but all I could do was sip my drink and stare at him.

  “The extra goblin guards were fully mine. We could get away with it because the MBRC board was embarrassed how easily Krad was able to attack you,” Hunter said.

  “Oh,” I said.

  “I think you misunderstand him most of the time,” Hunter said.

  “Who, Krusher?”

  “No. Devin.”

  I gave Hunter a look, and he shrugged. “Or maybe you don’t. I don’t care. It would suit me just fine if I was number one in your heart.”

  “Fran is number one. Madeline is number two. You and Aysel might tie for third place.”

  “The best friend isn’t a surprise, but really? A vampire?” Hunter shook his head. “You are slipping, Morgan. There’s no way you will leave the magical community.”

  “Watch me,” I said.

  “I will,” Hunter smiled, his topaz eyes glittering.

  “If you will excuse my interruption, I would like to speak to Miss Fae. I believe the MBRC board owes her a great debt of gratitude,” Blood Binder said, carefully standing behind Hunter in his shrunken/greyhound bus-sized body.

  “Of course,” Hunter said. “I’ll see you in school tomorrow.”

  “Yes,” I said, relief drenching the word.

  Hunter laughed. “Until then, take care. Harrison, if you would continue the reports?”

  “Yes, Sir,” Harrison said.

  “Great. Enjoy,” Hunter said, disappearing in the packed crowd.

  “Miss Fae, we are so thankful for your help and assistance in capturing Krad Temero,” the fairy board member said, taking my hand and squeezing it.

  “I don’t think our troops could have done it without you,” the dryad added.

  “If there is anything we can do for you, please do not hesitate to ask,” Blood Binder said.

  “Actually, there is something,” I said, biting my lip.

  Elros raised an eyebrow at me. “That was swift.”

  “Elros,” Dante, the wizard, scolded.

  “I would like the dark elf and ex-Fidem member Ethan to be put in a rehabilitation program. It doesn’t have to be now. I understand if you want to wait to make sure he’s not just pretending he’s changed.”

  Ranulf, the werewolf board member, seemed to hear my request as he and Luka joined Elros. “That’s a tough request, Morgan.”

  “I know, but I don’t think it will happen unless someone from upper management intervenes,” I said.

  “Ethan-the-nameless has committed crimes. He must be punished for them,” Luka said.

  “Yeah, I totally agree,” I said. “But that doesn’t mean he should be imprisoned for life. The guy helped us when we really needed it. That should count for something,” I said.

  Blood Binder sighed. “What we have refrained from saying, Miss Fae, is that frankly our rehabilitation staff are terrified of him. Dark elves have not been kind to our society since we hid. Distrust and dislike has been forced into us.”

  “If you give us a few months, we might be able to release him into your custody,” Ranulf said, folding his arms across his massive chest as he pondered the idea. “You have high enough clearance, and the knowhow. Although I’m aware you don’t usually handle rehabilitation cases.”

  “That is a stupendous idea!” the fairy representative said.

  “It won’t work,” I said. “I’m planning to leave the MBRC after the school year is over. It will take longer than a few months to get Ethan into human society. He fared well on his own before, but now that he’s going through the MBRC he’ll have to take classes and tests.”

  “Oh,” the dryad said, drooping.

  “We will try,” Blood Binder s
aid.

  “I will ask my staff to look at it, but I would not hold much hope,” Elros said. “Aysel Moonspell was requesting the same thing earlier. He was refused.”

  “Thank you,” I said. “Even if you just try, I would be very grateful.”

  “We will miss you when you leave,” the fairy representative said.

  “I heard as much from Madeline, but I hoped you would reconsider,” Luka said.

  I shook my head. “Krad, the whole Fidem mess,” I shivered. “I can’t,” I said.

  “I won’t pretend to understand, but we always knew we couldn’t depend on you forever. Thank you for your service, Morgan,” said Blood Binder. “It’s been our pleasure.”

  “Thank you,” I said. “And I’ll still be around for a few more months.”

  “Oh good,” Dante said in relief. “Weller Goblin Enterprises has another export contract renewal coming up in two months.”

  “Dante,” the fairy hissed.

  “What? He behaves so much better when she is there,” Dante said.

  “I am sure there are many people who would like to thank you and recognize your sacrifices today. We won’t take up anymore of your time,” Blood Binder said.

  “Thank you,” I said. “I’m glad that—,”

  “Morgan! Morgan, Esmeralda said I should come get you,” Perseus said, squeezing his horse body between Blood Binder and Dante. “Dave is talking a troll into showing him some wrestling moves.”

  “So?”

  “They’re getting started—here and now!”

  “Igottagobye,” I said, shoving my empty glass in the fairy’s hands before I hurried after Perseus, stumbling in my skirt and borrowed boots. “Where did you leave them?”

  “Over—,” there was a deafening crash on the left side of the room. “…there,” Perseus said.

  “Fantastic. Let’s go—before anything else is ruined.”

  “Okay. Can I record this for an Instagram video?”

  “NO!”

  It was a full week before I returned to the MBRC to work. I had to catch up with my homework, get all my notes in order, and make up with my parents who were not happy with me for being gone so long. (You think the MBRC would have gotten Hunter or his goons to persuade them to accept it, but noooo they didn’t have clearance for that!)

  My first day back, a Monday afternoon, I actually snuck inside—with Harrison’s help. I didn’t want the dozens of interruptions I was sure to have because I was still trying to file paperwork for Ethan’s release and rehabilitation.

  Since no one was supposed to know I was in—besides Baobab and Harrison anyway—I was shocked when the door to my office was slammed open. “Mornin’,” Grogrintork said, shuffling into my office with his three bodyguards.

  The bodyguard that was infatuated with Baobab stopped to give her a deep bow before one of his companions grabbed a chunk of his hair and dragged him along.

  “Grogrintork, what a pleasant surprise,” I said with a genuine smile. “What can I do for you?”

  “I wanted to make sure ye were alive ‘n’ kickin’,” Grogrintork said. “I heard ‘bout you takin’ on Krad of Fidem. You’re a brave gal!”

  “I wasn’t alone, and I did the least fighting,” I said as Grogrintork plopped down in a chair in front of my desk.

  “Still. Tis a great thing,” Grogrintork said. “Dark elves be no joke. I heard the MBRC’s got custody of Krad?”

  “Yes.”

  “They plannin’ to charge him with anything?”

  I hesitated. “I don’t know,” I finally said. “When the MBRC took him captive his curse was broken and…I think he’s changing.”

  “That’d be a miracle,” Grogrintork grunted.

  “Yeah,” I said. “Now, what are you really here for?”

  “What? Ye don’t believe me?” Grogrintork said, puffing up like a marshmallow melted in a microwave.

  “It’s not that I don’t believe you, I just doubt you hauled your bodyguards and yourself all the way to my office on a day no one knows I’m here to ask how I’m doing,” I said.

  Grogrintork nodded his head. “I talked it over with some of the other clans. They didn’t take too kindly to the idea of learnin’ to service coffee machinery,” he finally said.

  At the dwarf representatives words I leaned back in my chair. “I see,” I said, unable to keep the disappointment out of my voice. I was counting on that being the solution to the dwarf problem.

  “We’re a proud race, see? The idea of servin’ others like that, doing low labor, didn’t sit right,” Grogrintork continued. “We decided we’d rather get desk ‘n office jobs.”

  I tried to keep back a sigh. They were turning into the nightmare I had originally thought they were.

  Coffee machine repair work was necessary to the MBRC, and they thought it would be belittling? They obviously had higher expectations than I was prepared to deliver—there was no way I could launch them high up in department positions.

  Perhaps their lack of jobs wasn’t just because of the elves. Maybe it was that they were unwilling to do what they viewed as crappy work to make the sacrifice for the future.

  I sat there, thinking and staring at Grogrintork. “Then I don’t think I can help you anymore,” I finally said. “I can’t get you office work. The MBRC does a lot of internal promotions. Office jobs are snapped up almost immediately by internal personnel, unless it’s something specialized—like teaching human psychology,” I said.

  “So ye won’t help us,” Grogrintork said, frowning slightly.

  “No, you just aren’t willing to accept the help I can give you,” I said.

  “You mentioned liaisons,” Grogrintork protested. “We deserve liaisons ‘least!”

  “Not if you aren’t willing to work in the MBRC,” I said, starting to feel a shred of sympathy for Administrator Moonspell. No wonder he was a sourpuss.

  “If ye find us acceptable work we would,” Grogrintork argued.

  I massaged my eyes. The dwarves were good natured—I could see it in Grogrintork and his guards. If only I could make him see…”

  I straightened up and smiled. “If you would come with me—all of you. Baobab, would you come as well? We need to step outside for a few minutes.”

  “Certainly, Miss Fae,” Baobab said, although her curiosity was clearly piqued as she, Grogrintork, and his men trooped for the door.

  I led them outside—the smitten dwarf was close at Baobab’s heels—and down the teaching department’s hallway. After a bit of walking we reached the main chamber of the MBRC—the center of the web.

  I led them down flights of stairs until we were just two stories above the main floor.

  The chamber, as usual, was crowded with magical beings.

  Two Japanese kirin were being escorted by a British hobgoblin. A giant stepped over a hippogriff, who had stopped to snap at a manticore. A phoenix flew out of the administrative wing and dove down to the bottom floor, shedding sparks and spreading the scent of ash as she flew. An ice dragon lowered its head to avoid her, although it didn’t stop talking with the high elf, dryad, and naiad that were conversing with it.

  A small group of four, big eyed selkie kids were being led towards the MBRC help desk, where Corona beckoned to them and smiled in welcome.

  Sacmis was down on the main floor with Frank, Frey, and Madeline. All four of them were deep in conversation, and Frank kept suspiciously scratching himself.

  Fairies of all sizes buzzed, walked, and glided through the chamber. One fairy barely bigger than my hand flew past Baobab and her dwarf admirer, carrying a message for another magical being. Another fairy, one that was about as tall as a high elf, wore a leaf crown on her head and extended her hand to a minotaur, who knelt before her and pressed his bull forehead to her palm.

  A hobgoblin was shouted at for bouncing on a genie, and a griffon from our floor jumped onto the railing before throwing itself in the air and spiraling up towards an upper floor, his beautiful black wings p
umping to push him up.

  “You see all of this?” I asked, gesturing widely to the mind boggling assortment of legendary creatures before us. “They’re working together to merge their magical society with the human world. They’re doing things they’ve never done before to reach that goal.”

  “Unicorns are having their horns removed and joining therapy riding barns,” I continued. “Goblins pump goods and produce into the center like grocery stores. Naiads are being hired out as gardeners, and lots of dryads work in boating companies or give lake and river tours. The Michigan mermaids run an aquarium, and fairies do everything from running smoothie stands to working in the fashion industry. Some elves are architects, others are home economics teachers.”

  “What are you tryin’ to say?” Grogrintork asked.

  “I’m saying that no work is beneath you, if you do it with all your heart. If it helps your people be rehabilitated, there is no shame in it. The center needs espresso machine repairmen, just as it needs CEO cyclopes to donate, and fairies to run messages. The center needs you.”

  Grogrintork rested his hands on the railing as he peered out over the central chamber with me.

  “Being rehabilitated does not mean doing the same thing, only with humans. It means changing and adapting to another way of life,” I said, watching a vampire coven skirt the edges of the chamber. “To be rehabilitated, to join the MBRC, you’ve got to be willing to set aside the old ways and to change. It’s not less enjoyable. It’s just different.”

  “You have a choice, Grogrintork,” I said, waving when Madeline caught sight of me. “You can change with this world, doing things your kind has never done before and breaking everything you thought was absolute, or you can be left out.”

  Grogrintork eyed me. “Ye really believe in this place. Dontcha?”

  I thought for a moment. “I do.”

  “What about politics? What about beings who do wrong—like Krad Temero?” Grogrintork wanted to know.

  “The MBRC isn’t perfect,” I acknowledged, observing a three headed hydra being led to the stables by a werewolf. “But it’s still beautiful. It messes up and makes mistakes, and sometimes—a lot of times even—things are overly political. But you have to look at the good it does for people. Dave—a vampire I know—has gone from being a total weirdo, to acceptably unusual and employed in a position he enjoys. Entire packs of werewolves have united to help preserve forests and parks. There are so many cases, I can’t list them all. That’s why I teach at the MBRC. That’s why I’m here. I believe in what they’re doing, and I see the joy it brings,” I said.