No Kitten Around

by R. J. Blain

  “Not at all. It’s a good development. May I inquire where you got a puppy? I’ve been considering suggesting you volunteer at an animal rescue since you rescued your kitten. That was a pleasant surprise. How is Kitten, Destroyer of Worlds doing?”

  I loved that I could coerce a professional into addressing my ridiculous feline by her complete name without any sign of shame. “She’s doing well. She’s curious about her new roommate, but she’s deemed he isn’t a threat, so she’s having her dinner.”

  “Do you need an authorization to classify the puppy as a therapy animal? I can get the paperwork done.”

  “Actually, I need you to evaluate someone. She probably needs therapy as much as I do, and she brought this angelically cute puppy into my home. I’m incapable of evicting the puppy or the woman. I can’t tell if I’m the hostage or if they’re the hostage, but I’ve determined it’s a mutually beneficial arrangement.”

  “Your ex brought a puppy to your house, didn’t she?”

  “She found it abandoned on the side of the road on her way here from the airport and got suckered, Dr. Dentannin. I can’t judge her. I got suckered by a kitten. She says he’s a Pembroke Welsh corgi. He’s pretty adorable.”

  “Puppies usually are. While I was considering exposure therapy as a viable option, you didn’t have to go to extremes, Reed.”

  “I wouldn’t say I went to any extremes. I just drove home from work. Oh, I’m picking up a hobby.”

  “You? A hobby?”

  “Well, I guess it’s more like a sport. Is fencing a hobby or a sport?”

  “Fencing can be both. Something physical would do you good. If you’re going to pursue the extreme exposure therapy route, perhaps insist Ms. Young join you for lessons.”

  “Hey, Kennedy? Want to play with swords with me as a hobby?”

  Her brows went up. “I’m not sure if I should be concerned, but I’m game.”

  “She’s game. Now, about the actual reason I called.”

  “Go on, Reed.”

  “Kennedy probably needs therapy as much as I do and she made the mistake of saying so where I could hear her. Are you up for a challenge? I’m pretty sure both of us in a therapy session is going to be a challenge. I’m not even sure if we’re in the denial phase yet or not.”

  “You blitzed through the denial phase around the same time you crawled under your boss’s desk to avoid a panic attack. You went through the anger phase in Mississippi, and you’re progressing nicely to the acceptance phase. I would like a joint therapy session to discuss the hazards of your approach with Ms. Young, but your ability to adapt to this situation has far surpassed our expectations. I have a theory, which is why I’m supporting her presence in your life at this stage.”

  When any one of my doctors came up with a theory, things usually became uncomfortable for me in a hurry. “What theory?”

  “Your family history and base genetics indicates you probably share more traits with your angelic and demonic ancestors than your human ones. Your angelic ancestors are monogamous by nature, and they’re known to develop bonds with humans until the human’s death. Your demonic side allows you to recreationally wander as long as you’re not engaged in an official relationship, something you’ve done to fill the void in your life. Ever since you’ve been in therapy with me, you’ve pursued relationships without substance. However, there’s the issue of your demonic side. Demons, including succubi and incubi, are capable of forging bonds with humans after long-term exposure. Typically, these bonds dissolve after the birth of a child, but there are known cases of the bonds becoming permanent. This is typically the case when an angel is involved. While it usually takes two or three generations for magical abilities to pass down, it’s feasible you’ve gotten a full dose of these inclinations from your parents, who are categorized as vanilla humans with diverse genetics. With your interplay of genetics, it’s entirely possible you’ve bonded, on some level, with Ms. Young. It’s also feasible this bond is a two-way street, which would help explain many of your difficulties and her inclination to show up at your home. Logically, you’ve been processing her return into your life remarkably well. If anything, I’d compare your reaction to an addict getting a hit in the worst phases of withdraw.”

  I looked Kennedy over, thought about it for a few moments, and realized he was likely right. As far as drugs went, Kennedy packed a far bigger punch than any medication a doctor had ever managed to make me swallow. Knowing my father, who lived and breathed for my mother, I could readily buy what my doctor was trying to sell me. “I’m not going to bother arguing with that assessment. You’re basically saying this is my fault.”

  “Essentially, yes. I’ll confer with the CDC to see what the probability of this is. It could also be a matter of your unknown genetics. There are several species known to form bonds with others, including elves, various brands of divinity, shapeshifters of certain species, gorgons to a degree, harpies—”

  “Harpies?”

  “Harpies are rare, but they’re intriguing if you want some disturbing evening reading. Harpies are masochistic sadists. They form bonds with human men for reproduction purposes before killing them. They then wallow in their grief before it’s time for them to reproduce again. We’ve been doing some research into possible causes for your reactions to Ms. Young, even before your request for a check of your genetics.”

  “I see you’ve been a step ahead of me.”

  “It’s our job. Genetic influences would explain a lot. If she’s willing, a disclosure of Ms. Young’s genetics might help with your case.”

  “Hey, Kennedy?”

  “What?”

  “Would you be willing to undergo a DNA test?”

  “Why?”

  “Dr. Dentannin seems to think there might be genetic reasons for you taking leave of your senses and bringing yourself and a puppy to my home for a probable permanent duration, but most of the blame is probably mine.”

  “My genetics are on file with the CDC, so it’s a simple authorization form away. I’ll consent, sure.”

  “Do you happen to know the results?”

  “I do.”

  “Here’s Kennedy,” I informed my doctor before handing her the phone. “You talk, I’ll do chores.”

  She chuckled, took my phone, and shook her head with a smile. “Good evening, Dr. Dentannin. It’s nice to speak with you again.”

  I left her to discuss her genetics with my therapist while I tried to figure out how to transform a home meant for one and a cat to two, a cat, and a dog. If she held some of the blame for my leave of absence from my common sense, I’d find out about it soon enough.

  Any other day of the week, I would’ve been concerned about Kennedy talking to my therapist for an hour while I struggled through making Kitten’s and my home fit the addition of a puppy and a woman. My closet would be a problem; my suit collection took up most of it, and I’d have to do some serious culling to make space.

  Kennedy found me with a suit in each hand trying to decide which one would get the ax.

  “Is that an Armani?” she blurted.

  I checked the label. Sure enough, I’d been on the brink of axing a suit that had dinged me at least three thousand. I frowned, put both back and decided to change my approach based on how much I’d spent on the damned things. That helped; within five minutes, I had a pile of ten candidates for donation on the bed while she watched with an arched brow.

  “Reed, should I be concerned?”

  “I have to put them somewhere so you have space in the closet. I should’ve checked the labels first. And yes, they’re both Armani. Normal people buy jeans. I buy suits. I’m not even sure why I had two of them.”

  “The one cut was for formal events, the other was for business meetings with people with more money than sense. They’re both good suits. If you put either one on the bed, I’m returning them to your closet. I don’t need much space in the closet, by the way. Please tell me you own something other than suits.”

/>   “Not much,” I admitted.

  “You do your chores in a suit?”

  “Not the expensive ones. I might be crazy, but I’m not that crazy.”

  “We need to go clothes shopping and get you casual clothes.”

  “This weekend,” I agreed.

  “So, what’s this you were saying about fencing?”

  “It’s not technically fencing. Someone recommended I pick up some form of self-defense, and it was strongly suggested I should avoid firearms due to my heritage.”

  “Angels use swords when they use weapons at all.”

  “Exactly, and I have enough angelic blood Luna said I’d be wise to avoid firearms. Against my better judgment, I trust her on that part. I’m going to get lessons on how to handle a sword. I’m also having a nice weapon forged on Luna’s dime. Cutting a deal with an angel wasn’t one of my smarter moves, but it was the only way I could think of to get her to leave me alone. She’s up to something. I just don’t know what.”

  “It’s concerning when angels meddle in the affairs of humans. They don’t unless it’s important, and their perspective on what’s important tends to be a little different from ours. What else did she want?”

  “She wants me to meet with a demon or devil of all things. He’s from Mississippi, and he’s been trying to contact me for years. I’ve been dodging his invitations, as I have a severe allergy to paperwork from Mississippi.”

  “Understandable. Have you found out anything about this gentlemen?”

  “His name is Lucavier, and I’m inclined to think he’s a devil rather than a demon. Everything I’ve read about demons leads me to believe he’s not one. What I don’t know is why I have an angel and a devil interested in me. Whatever the reason, it can’t be good.”

  “That’s an understatement. The last time devils and angels had interest in the same person, three cities were wiped off the map and a dragon took up residence in Florida.”

  While I’d heard about the destruction of three cities in Georgia, I hadn’t dwelled on it, nor had I paid it more than minimal attention. However horrifying the loss of life, there hadn’t been anything I could do about it. “I wasn’t paying all that much attention to it, honestly.”

  “Few did. It’s easier to cope that way. Georgia’s a mess, but the cities will revive faster than anyone expects. A pair of archangels, the devil, and the devil’s heir and her consort are involved in the rebuild.”

  “The devil?”

  “Satan himself, yes. The CDC has been running around like a chicken with its head cut off about it. That the forces of good and evil are working together so openly is worrisome. The CDC is worried that’s just the opening volley, but no one has any idea what could possibly happen next. The dragon’s built himself a castle in Florida and seems content to stay out of sight unless he’s hungry, and when he’s hungry, he puts in an order for a couple of cows, paid for through some human associate. The CDC’s decided to leave that mess alone for now, as honestly, we’re not sure if we have the weaponry required to take out a dragon capable of razing and devouring three cities in as many days.”

  “Is that part of your job as an FBI-CDC liaison? You keep track of these incidents?”

  “In part. Whenever there’s a legal issue magic might be involved in, liaisons are called in to offer insights into the situation. I’m often a legal consultant, so my job is to help the various departments in the FBI and CDC get their ducks in a row. Sometimes, my job is to go to a site, look over the evidence, and assign it to the FBI or the CDC. I have authorization to do that in some cases. Other times, I help with evidence gathering and evaluation of dual-jurisdiction cases. In the case with your work, I was brought in because you have a special flag. That flag essentially marks you as someone to handle with care, so a liaison needs to be on hand if needed. It’s also a step up from general law enforcement. If you’re charged with anything, your case would immediately be bumped to the FBI due to the cruel and unusual punishment verdict.”

  “Sending you should’ve classified as cruel and unusual punishment.” I arched a brow at her.

  “I really hadn’t expected you to hide under your boss’s desk. I was more expecting a screaming match, but you didn’t even give me much of a dose of that, either. Initially, I hadn’t been told you suffered panic attacks at the mere mention of my name. They gave me better disclosure after your kidnapping. I probably would’ve asked someone else to come had I known.”

  “That’s probably why you weren’t told. I’m astonished my therapists didn’t kill someone for even suggesting you be tossed into the same building with me.”

  “I have it on good authority they authorized it, and maybe that’s why they hadn’t initially told me. My boss told me after I went to California. The CDC really wanted you to make progress, so they bent a lot of rules.”

  I scowled. “They were probably pissed I’d stalled in therapy.”

  “That’s what I gathered. Exposure and shock therapy might’ve been extreme, but I’m comfortable with saying it worked.”

  “Considering I’m trying to clean my closet so you have room to fill half of it, I think you’re right.”

  “I’m still worried about your kidnapping. It makes no sense. Why would someone make you disappear for almost a week? They’d gone to a lot of effort to keep you alive but made it easy for you to escape on your own. It doesn’t make sense.”

  I’d tried to avoid thinking about the accident and all the trouble it had caused. “I don’t know. I have trouble imagining why one person would want me let alone several, and there were several distinct sets of footprints.”

  “I’m inclined to agree. Kidnapping an adult isn’t easy, and considering they had to pull you out of wreckage, several people had to be involved. I’ve seen the pictures. You weren’t getting out of that car without help. Frankly, I’m amazed you survived the crash at all. They crunched your vehicle like a tin can.”

  “It could have been trashed after the accident. I don’t remember anything of it. One instant I was driving home, the next I was in the farmhouse. What bothers me most is Luna’s insistence my kitten shouldn’t be in the car during the accident. Luna isn’t the type to give a shit what happens to anyone outside of her areas of interest. But why would an angel have any interest in a cat?”

  “That’s a very good question. As I said, what angels perceive as important is a little different from what we think is important.”

  I frowned, shrugged, and did another sweep through my suits in search of a cheaper one I could donate. “I don’t suppose you know what would happen to an angel if she lied, do you?”

  “They fall.”

  “They fall? From grace?”

  “It’s only happened once that I know of since the CDC started recording all things magical. The angel fell out of favor and was unable to return to heaven. Without being able to replenish his spiritual energy, he started to degrade. The CDC isn’t quite sure about the progression, but it’s believed the angel needed energy and tried to get it from any source possible. He started targeting angelic children to siphon their divinity. Two people were seriously injured, and it’s luck alone no one was killed. The angel eventually corroded.”

  “Corroded? How?”

  “Fell apart. The pictures were pretty gruesome. It looked like a decapitation gone horribly wrong.”

  “Did the angel have a head?”

  “Yes, but his was so corroded the CDC was unable to learn anything about it.”

  “Why do you know so much about angels?”

  Kennedy sighed and sat on the edge of the bed. “When I found out you had a trio of angels monitoring you at the CDC’s request, I looked into them. I found the file about the fallen angel by accident. It was disturbing.”

  “What happened to the people he attacked?”

  “They recovered, but it took the help of an archangel. Their divinity was stolen from them, and it seems only a direct conduit from God could fix it, and the archangels tend to be the on
ly ones who can open that conduit unless He appears and handles it directly. That’s something I don’t have access to: the CDC locks down the movements of the divine pretty tightly, so while I can get access to the basics, appearances and similar records are sealed.”

  I wrinkled my nose at the thought of any divines paying Earth a visit. Earth had enough problems with magic without the heavy hitters joining the fray. “Were there any notes on how long it took for the angel to fall after he lied?”

  “According to the file, witnesses claim it was immediate. The instant he spoke a falsehood, his wings darkened and patches of his skin decayed. He lasted several months before death. As far as I can tell, there’s no hiding an angel’s fall from grace, but we only have one known instance.”

  I shook my head, wondering what could drive an angel into suiciding through telling a falsehood. “Did the file mention what the lie was about?”

  “Yes, it did.”

  When Kennedy didn’t elaborate, I listened to her silence. I would wonder what had been so important to drive an angel into sacrificing his divinity and life, but some questions were best left unasked.

  If Kennedy wanted to tell me, she would.

  “Instead of worrying about emptying my closet, I should probably be more worried about finding a place closer to work. My commute is long.”

  “Three hours a day is more than just long.”

  “I didn’t have anything else to do with the time.” I couldn’t turn back time, and while my angelic ancestors could peek into the past, they couldn’t change it. “That’s changing, it seems.”

  “Between the two of us, I think we could afford a second property. I’ll sell my place in Mississippi, as I wouldn’t ask you to move back there.”

  I doubted I’d ever be able to return to Mississippi for any length of time. I wasn’t even sure if my parents still lived there or not, but I had no intention of going anywhere near where they might be. Running into them topped my list of people I wanted to avoid, and my angelic, demonic, and human grandparents took the next six spots. I still didn’t know why my angelic grandparents avoided me so much, but I guessed it had something to do with the unknown percentages of my heritage courtesy of my father.