by Dixon, Ruby
"Oh boy." Veronica scrubs a hand down her face. "Ashtar, let him in before someone else wakes up and sees your magic wand."
Ashtar just growls, baring sharp teeth at me. He doesn't move. "I do not want to."
"This is healer shit, I promise." She reaches out and taps his leg. "I'm not going to touch any dangly bits. I just want to talk to him a little."
The drakoni gives me another mutinous look and then ducks back inside his tent. I follow him in, and as I do, he stands in front of his mate, protecting her from me, and glares in my direction. Veronica just looks amused as she adjusts the furs around her body, hiding it from view.
"Aw, did you bring Glory for a visit?" She beams at the baby.
"I wanted Angie to sleep later. She is very tired."
Veronica's eyebrows go up. "So…okay. I’m going to let that comment slide and focus on the reason that you’re here. The ejaculation. Was it self…administered or did you have help?"
"Veronica," Ashtar growls, a warning in his voice. She only gives him another pat and watches me.
"Angie touched my cock," I admit. "Should I…tell her not to do so?" The thought is devastating. I never knew such pleasure as when she touched me like that. But if it will cause my body to malfunction, I suppose we must stop. I cannot do anything that will compromise my health, because I must be strong to take care of Angie and Glory.
The healer stifles a giggle behind her hand. "Sorry. I really need to work on my bedside manner." She clears her throat and composes her face. "No, you don't have to stop. It's a normal thing when a woman touches a man. When you, ah, work your body up to a climax, you will ejaculate—"
"Twice," I correct, so she understands the severity of the situation. "In one night."
She giggles again. "Yes, twice is fine. You can do it more often than that, if you really wanted to. I promise you it won't hurt anything."
"But…" Glory makes a noise and then sucks on her fist, distracting me. I touch her fat cheek to make sure she does not need anything and then turn back to the healer. "Are you certain it is normal? I have always been told that a clone will not ejaculate. We do not have the capability. We are sterile."
"Oh, you precious snowflake, I just want to reach out and pinch your cheek." Veronica makes a squeezing motion with her hands. "You have been so very lied to, you innocent thing. If your plumbing works anything like humans—and I bet it does, because you guys look like you could be our cousins—the ejaculation thing is normal when you climax. And you can climax as often as your body allows it. Your sperm count may be lower because you're a clone, but that doesn't have anything to do with jizz. And here I'm talking about a stranger's jizz before breakfast. Wow, my life is weird." She blinks.
"So…this is normal," I ask slowly, just to be certain. "I am not…malfunctioning?"
"I mean, if you want a high sperm count, I don't know about that. I'd have to touch you to be sure—" She breaks off with a nervous giggle when Ashtar begins growling. "But you know what? I won't. We'll let the cooties handle that situation. TLDR—whack away, my friend." She waves a hand in the air. "Your dangler is working perfectly normal."
"I see." I think for a moment, considering. Angie did not seem alarmed by my come. Perhaps it is in fact normal for all males to ejaculate as such. I thought it was another thing that had been adjusted with clones so we would not procreate. Perhaps the suppressants had more to do with it than I thought, and the rest was just arena chatter, rumors spread by men who had never had and never would mate with a female.
I grunt. Interesting. "Do you think Thrand can ejaculate, too?"
"Er, I wouldn't speculate and don't want to know other than from a healing perspective." When her mate bristles, she gives him a soothing touch. "But if something's injured I can fix it. Otherwise, what he does under the furs is his own business."
I nod. Before I can ask more questions, there is a scratch at the half-open door and then my beautiful Angie leans in. Her eyes widen with surprise as she sees me with Glory in my lap. "Oh. Vordis, you're here." Her face goes pale, her eyes flaring with shock. "Glory—"
"Everything is fine," I reassure her before she can panic. "I merely had questions for the healer. I am done now."
"Oh. That's why I'm here." Angie's cheeks pinken. "Do you have a second, Veronica? I promise I won't take long."
"Of course," Veronica says, and smacks her mate before he can say anything.
Ashtar just scowls and puts a possessive hand on his mate's fur-covered knee, as if laying claim.
"I will see you back at our hut," I tell Angie, getting to my feet. I adjust Glory on my hip—I'm enjoying carrying her, oddly enough, and touch Angie's shoulder. "I will keep Glory with me so you may have a moment in private with the healer."
Her eyes grow soft. She touches her daughter as if to reassure herself that she's fine, and then beams up to me. "Thank you, Vordis. That's so sweet of you."
I nod, and then because I am full of bursting emotions that need to come out, I put a hand behind her neck and give her a fierce, possessive kiss. Her mouth tastes like her favorite morning tea, and of promise, and when I release her, I like the dazed, pleased look in her eyes. "Do not take long," I murmur, touch her cheek, and then am on my way.
If Angie is mine, I am going to kiss her as often as I like…and I like the thought of kissing very often.
23
ANGIE
I’m a little surprised—and dazed—as I sit down in Veronica’s tent. Ashtar’s naked as a jaybird (and it’s sad, but I’m starting to get used to that), and Veronica just looks as if she has the giggles. Me, I’m still thinking about Vordis and that fierce kiss. I didn’t think anything would be sexier than my big, crimson hunk of alien holding my tiny crimson baby, but that kiss just might do it. Dreamily, I touch my mouth and think of last night, and how good it felt to sleep with him. How right it felt, like the last pieces of my happiness were clicking into place.
"So?" Veronica asks, her lips quirking with silent amusement. "How can I help you this fine morning?"
I blush, because I imagine my feelings are written all over my face. I'm just so…happy. "I want to know if I can have sex yet."
Veronica throws her head back and laughs, delighted. "Not you, too? Damn, you horndogs. This is adorable. I'd say get a room, but you're way ahead of me." She grins and reaches out to give my hand a squeeze when my jaw drops. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding."
"What do you mean, me too? What was Vordis asking?" I'm suddenly wildly curious. Did he come to ask Veronica about sex with me?
"Oh no," she says and puts her hands in the air with a subtle shake of her head. "I remember enough about human laws that you're not supposed to say shit about other people's medical issues. If he wants you to know, he can tell you himself."
"Vordis has medical issues?" I echo, shocked. "Is he okay?"
Ashtar just groans and gets to his feet, stalking out of the tent. "I will get you food, my mate, since it is clear you will be a moment."
We watch him leave, and I glance at the healer. "Is this a bad time?"
"According to Ashtar, yes. According to me…well, also yes. It was not my favorite moment to be interrupted, but you're here, so we can chat." She smiles at me, her face lighting up with her own joy. "Sorry if Ashtar's a little grumpy. I think it's adorable how protective he is. I mean, he thinks all the guys in this camp are coming to hit on me. Can you believe it?" She giggles. "Like he thinks he has to beat them away with a stick. From me. It's so freaking cute."
My stomach sinks. "Did Vordis—"
"Oh, no." She waves a hand in the air. "He gushed about you the entire time. Ashtar just thinks that they're all out to get his woman, the big goof. Sorry, I'm all distract-y this morning. That's what happens when someone arrives at the clinic when the doctor's mid-coitus." She gives a little sigh. "You were saying?"
"Sex? Do you think enough time has passed?"
She straightens. "Oh. Right. So you and Vordis are gonna move ahead with things?" She wiggles her eyeb
rows at me. "Did you see him holding your baby? God, if that wasn't the cutest. Don't tell Ashtar I said that, but men holding babies is starting to really affect me. Must be pregnancy hormones. If I even mention it, though, Ashtar's gonna go around trying to hold every baby in camp." Her expression turns dreamy. "Actually maybe I should mention it."
"He can hold Glory, if you like. As thanks for you helping me out," I say, trying to gently steer the conversation back. Veronica's in a chatty, distracted mood this morning, gushing about her man. I want to hear about my man, or better yet, about my body and whether or not it can handle my man yet. "Do you think it's been enough time? I was chatting with Liz and Harlow the other day and they said they bounced back pretty fast, but they played it by ear. I don't know if I'm good enough at determining that sort of thing so I thought I'd ask if you could tell me."
"I can check with your cootie and see how things are shaping up," Veronica agrees, putting out her hands and indicating I should touch her.
Eagerly, I grasp her hands in mine and wait, studying her face.
She closes her eyes, concentrating, and for a moment, I feel the insane urge to laugh. To think that I left a place of doctors and machines and science and now “healing” involves holding hands with a woman while she communes with my cootie? It seems so ridiculous…but here I am, waiting eagerly for her answer.
A funny look crosses her face and she frowns.
"What?" I ask, unable to wait. "What is it?"
She opens one eye, squinting at me. "Nothing. Just give me a second." And she closes her eyes again, concentrating.
Anxious, I wait in silence, holding my breath. Is something wrong? Did my body not heal properly after giving birth? I've felt amazing, other than the sleep deprivation that all new moms feel. Even my breasts don't hurt despite all the nursing I've been doing. I just feel…great. Or I thought I did. Now I'm worried.
After what seems like forever, Veronica opens her eyes and gives me a steady look. "Hope you like babies."
Huh? "Of course I like them. What do you mean, ‘hope you like babies’?"
She gives my fingers a squeeze and then releases my hands. "There's good news and bad news. Which do you want first?"
Oh god. Bad news? My stomach clenches and for a horrific moment, I wonder if I'm going to vomit. "Bad news?" I whisper, sick at heart. "What kind of bad news?"
"Oh, I'm scaring you. I'm sorry." She grimaces. "Damn, I really, really need to work on my bedside manner. Okay, the good news is that your body is doing awesome and you can boink Vordis to your heart's content and there shouldn't be any problems. I didn't notice your body in pain or any particular spots in recovery from injury. Your cootie's strong and ready to motor…and that's part of the bad news. Your cootie is really ready to motor." When I just frown, she continues. "You're about to resonate in the next few days, unless I miss my guess. I can feel it building up. It's like the cootie itself carries the vibration in it before it actually happens. I felt it in Gren before he resonated to Willa, and yours feels the same."
I gasp, snatching my hands out of hers. I'm shocked. This is the last thing I expected to hear. "Resonance? So soon after having a baby?"
Veronica shrugs. "It's possible your cootie is impatient? I mean, if your body couldn't handle it, it wouldn't happen, but like I said, you've recovered quickly, so I guess everything's ready on that end. But yeah, resonance. Like, really soon."
"Oh my god." I press my hands to my mouth, utterly surprised. I love Glory, but I never thought resonance was going to be on the table for me. I thought it was going to be something that happened to everyone else, because my womb was already occupied. It was one of those ‘maybe someday’ things. But resonating…now? That means I'd have two very young children close together…
More than that, it means I'm going to freaking resonate to someone just after I've reconciled my feelings for Vordis. "Who?"
"I wish I could tell you." She grimaces. "With Gren, it was pretty obvious that his cootie was screaming for Willa. Yours isn't telegraphing quite so much."
"But…Vordis…"
She bites her lip.
I feel utterly deflated. "He's going to leave the camp for good if I end up with someone else." Hell, I'm going to be a wreck if I end up with someone else. I don't want anyone else but my wonderful, caring a'ani gladiator. No one else has ever truly seen me like he has. I know cooties always pair people up happily, but I can’t imagine being happy with anyone but Vordis.
I open my mouth to speak, but Veronica raises a hand.
“I know what you’re thinking,” she says. “You’re thinking about Mari and T’chai, right? How I turned off their resonance? I would say you need to really, really, really be certain that it's what you want. I mean, so far no one's been matched up with someone they can't stand. Cooties are pretty good at picking out from what I've seen." Her face flushes bright red and I can tell she's thinking about Ashtar. "You don't want to turn something off you might want turned on later, that's all I'm saying."
I swallow hard. "So if I want more children later, my choice is to let this happen and hope for the best?" When she nods, I get sick as a sudden thought hits me. Oh god, what if it's Thrand?
Vordis will die if I resonate to Thrand. He won't be able to take it. I don't think I'll be able to take it, either. Grief chokes me. "Oh, Veronica, this isn't fair."
"I know, honey." She reaches out and squeezes my hands. "That's the shitty part of being the healer. Sometimes I have to deliver bad news. But if you love Vordis and he loves you, go talk to him, okay? Maybe you can make it work? Taushen was telling me that his parents were a three-mating. Something about his mom was already pleasure-mated to someone else when she resonated to his father? They all raised him and were happy together. It's not weird to these people."
"It's weird to me," I tell her, and try to imagine a happy hearth with both Vordis and Thrand (or some other stranger) sitting there. I can’t do it. The thought makes me sick at heart, but I nod. "I'll talk to Vordis. Maybe…maybe we'll think of something." All the hope has gone out of my soul.
Why can't this planet cut me a damn break?
24
ANGIE
Instead of heading directly back to Vordis’s hut, I go walking along the beach, like I did when I first arrived here and thought the world was full of unfairness and misery. Being pregnant with a mystery baby ended up being amazing, because it brought me my little Glory. But if I resonate to anyone other than Vordis, this will be nothing but misery. I feel like this entire world is toying with me, handing me happiness only to pull it away again, like a donkey trying to reach a carrot on a string.
What will I do if I lose Vordis? How will I stand it?
I stare out at the crashing waves, but just like before, they don’t give me answers or peace of mind. They drive endlessly against the beach, a stormy reminder of just how fucked up this world is. And they make me sad. When I’m with Vordis, I’m not alone, and now this world wants to take him away from me. I could ask Veronica to shut off my cootie, but what if Vordis resonates to someone else? What if I’m robbing myself of more children—or whoever I resonate to? What if Vordis will stay even if it means sharing me?
I groan, pressing my hands to my forehead in frustration. What do I do?
I think of Vordis. His loving kisses and his intense surprise when I touched him last night. I know I shouldn’t say anything to him until I decide my path, but my instincts tell me to confess my new problem to him. I want to hear his thoughts, get his advice, let him hold me as I weep my problems out. When I share things with Vordis, they always seem to end up a little better. He’s been my rock through all of this.
I’m not alone. Even if it’s devastating news, he’ll want to be there to help me.
I turn away from the roaring waves and head back to the hut, a little more determined. I’m panicking, but Vordis will help me sort out my mind. He’ll help me see the best way to handle things. Best of all, he can hold me when I freak out. He ca
n stroke my hair and tell me he’s got it under control. He won’t let me end up some other guy’s mate, no matter what my cootie says.
I know trying to fight a biological imperative seems ridiculous, but when I realize Vordis won’t let anything bad happen to me, I relax. I put a hand over my heart. It’s hammering with nervousness, but there’s no resonance. Not yet.
Maybe Veronica’s wrong. Maybe it won’t be resonance for a long while, or ever. Didn’t she say that Gren’s cootie felt different than mine? It could just be a mistake.
Come on, planet, I tell it silently, as if this alien world is to blame for all my problems. Do me a solid. Don’t let this mess up my relationship with Vordis. I want it far too much. I want him far too much.
The planet doesn’t answer, naturally. I move to the hut, my target in sight, and I see a plume of smoke rising from the roof, a sign that he’s made a fire this morning. I touch a hand to the front of my tunic and grimace when I find that the soft leather is damp, my breasts leaking. Time to feed my daughter.
The screen’s over the entrance of the hut and I pause, wondering if I should ask for permission to enter. I discard the idea a moment later. I trust Vordis, and he’s been there for me every step of the way, even when I didn’t believe it. He’d want me inside, because I’d be with him. So I push it aside and enter.
My heart melts at the sight in front of me. Vordis has Glory on the furs, and the baby kicks her little legs in the air, cooing at him as he makes faces at her. Her tiny hand is around one of his fingers, and he’s grinning between each goofy face, screwing up his features and then chuckling when she laughs. “You are a brave girl,” he tells her. “Fierce like your mother and just as beautiful.”
I put a hand on my throat, as if I can hold back the knot growing there. Brave? Beautiful? I’m neither, but I love that I am those things in his eyes. More than anything, I love that he seems to adore my daughter, too. Most of the other men have completely ignored her—and me—in pursuit of the other women on the island. Vordis has been there a hundred and ten percent of the way.