Josie

by Beth Gildersleeve

  “Oh, no, we had lots of trees. One in the formal living room, one in the family room, in the bedrooms and entryway, too.” Understanding dawned on Josie’s face.

  “Ah, you have people.”

  “Yes. We have people. They do all the interior and exterior decorating at the estate and at Witz Holdings.” He bent over and picked up the top of the tree. Not seeing a discernible front or back, he slid the base into the hole. “When I was a kid, my mom always insisted that we do the family room tree, but then I got bigger and she got busier, so she delegated that one, too. But that’s the only tree that has family decorations. The rest get changed based on what’s trendy for that season.” He dared a look at Josie. She looked sad.

  “I hope I don’t ever get that busy. I love decorating the tree and the house. Pulling out each ornament and remembering its history. That’s special to me,” she added softly. Gabe didn’t know what to say, but he liked the way that sounded.

  Gabe didn’t know what their future held. He wished he did. They both ran companies with crazy schedules. And when they added children, their lives would be even crazier. Something would have to give. Realistically, decorating might be one of those things. But he liked the idea of decorating the tree together each year and revisiting the good times through the ornaments. This is a tradition we won’t outsource, he promised himself.

  “Tell me about this one?” Gabe pulled a miniature bridge from its protective tissue.

  “The Golden Gate Bridge. I worked in my aunt’s restaurant in San Francisco after high school.”

  Gabe asked her some questions, but it was like pulling teeth. “You sound like it wasn’t a good time. How long were you there?”

  “I don’t regret going. I learned a lot in the few months I was there. And if I hadn’t gone, I wouldn’t have met Maria, the owner of the coffee shop down the street. She taught me how to roast the beans. Her family owned a coffee plantation in Costa Rica. So, after I left my aunt’s I went there and worked for almost a year before coming back home and starting school.”

  “Really? You lived and worked in Costa Rica for a year? How did I not know that?” Josie shrugged her shoulders. Gabe sensed this was another topic she didn’t want to discuss, but he asked a lot of questions, anyway. She answered but he felt she was holding something back, just like she had with her San Francisco tales.

  “Why do you hold on to some of these ornaments if they only make you sad?” he asked.

  “Parts of the memories make me sad but there are a lot of good memories, too.” She bit her lower lip and looked around the room. She fiddled with the velvet bow in her hand. Gabe knew Josie ran at the mouth when she was nervous. She didn’t fiddle. And she was rarely quiet. He wanted to withdraw his question. He’d never meant to make her uncomfortable.

  He took the poor bow out of her hands and set it aside. She smiled at him tightly. “All my bad memories are a result of following my foolish heart.” She looked at him and he softened his expression, hoping she’d continue. Josie was still a mystery to him and he wanted her to share her secrets with him. All of them. The good and the bad.

  She took a deep breath before warning, “You might not like what you’ll hear.”

  “I’ll take my chances,” Gabe said as he sat down next to her and reached for her hand. She pulled away and curled into a ball at the end of the couch.

  “I was so young. Small-town girl in the big city. I was dazzled by it all. Every day was a new adventure.” She shook her head sadly. “I fell in love in San Francisco. He was older than me.”

  “That’s not a crime,” he reassured her.

  “Michael was married. I didn’t know.”

  Gabe instantly leapt to her defense “Of course you didn’t know.” Gabe tried to keep his voice calm but his fists clenched at his side, wanting the opportunity.

  “You and Elle are the only ones who know,” she said as she shook her head.

  “Josie, please tell me you know it wasn’t your fault. I don’t know the whole story, and someday I hope you’ll tell me, but I know this wasn’t your fault. You were young and he took advantage of that.”

  She smiled tightly before continuing. “And then in Costa Rica it was Silvano. His family owned the coffee plantation.”

  Gabe gulped before asking, “Was he married, too?”

  Josie rolled her eyes and sighed. “No, but he pretended to love me. He’d banked on his charm and pretty face to get me down the aisle and get citizenship.” Gabe didn’t say anything as she looked out the window. “You know, I don’t think he ever told me the truth about anything important.”

  “How did you find out?”

  “I overheard him bragging to a buddy. I left so fast I didn’t even say good-bye.” She started to laugh. Fat tears rolled down her face and she clutched her sides. “I’m on a thirteen-year lunch break!” she choked out.

  Gabe chuckled. “They probably gave up after year two.” His comment started Josie giggling all over again. The sound was a mixture of laughter and regret. He leaned over and pulled her into his arms and she didn’t resist. His fingers played with her soft hair and eventually she quieted. He kissed the top of her head. “I get it,” he admitted and she looked up at him. He brushed the new tears from her cheeks. “Your past won’t let you trust easily, and I haven’t done anything to earn it. In fact, I’ve worked my way into a hole. I’ll do better. I promise.” She nodded her head and uncurled herself from his arms.

  “Well, then. We should get back to work,” she said as she looked around the room. Gabe wanted to know more but he didn’t want to push. He could tell that her confessions had cost her and he knew getting the mess in the living room straightened up would help her regroup.

  They emptied the ornament box, and Gabe moved it to the side of the room. He’d haul it down to the garage later. Gabe spotted the small red box against the wall and opened it. It was a round, silver ornament with the Eiffel Tower etched on the side of it. Gabe tweaked the red bow at the top. Josie looked up from the large bow she was making. She smiled and Gabe smiled back at her. Finally, a memory she’d be happy to share.

  “Ah, Paris,” she sighed. “That was a great trip.”

  “What? A trip? Not studying with a world-renowned pastry chef?” he teased.

  “No. Pure vacation with my college roommates.”

  “Your would-have-been bridesmaids, right?”

  “Right.” She nodded her head. Gabe thought she looked happy that he’d remembered this small detail. “Every year in August we take a trip together. Next to Elle and Josh, they’re my best friends.” Gabe had never minded being an only child but at times like this, when Josie said her brother was one of her best friends, he’d wished for a sibling to torment, torture, and treasure.

  Gabe asked about her friends and their lives and Josie easily answered them as she finished the wreath. “I’m a few years older than the rest of them since I started college late. They like to tease me about it. Every museum and gallery we went to they’d ask about a senior discount for me.” Gabe handed her the ornament. She needed to be the one who put it on the tree. Josie cradled it in her hand. “Several of us bought this ornament to seal our pact.”

  “What pact?”

  “The Betting on Paris pact. I think that’s what we called it. There was a lot of wine involved that night, that much I do remember.”

  “Josephine Dorothy Wright, what did you do in Paris?” he teased.

  “Nothing illegal, I promise you.” She laughed. “You won’t need to call your attorneys on this one. Although, I might need a loan from you.” She frowned. “I can’t remember what the penalty was for failing.”

  “How did you fail?” Gabe swept the tissue paper off the couch and sat next to her. She’d seemed so happy about Paris earlier but now she seemed upset. He couldn’t imagine Josie failing at anything.

  “I can’t even remember how the conversation started, but we’d all come to the conclusion that we needed to put ourselves and our careers first
. No more taking care of everyone else and being the doormat at work. Having all the great ideas and follow-through while someone else got the credit. That sort of thing.” She shrugged. “I think we also discussed no dating. No wait, it was no falling in love. We could date as much as we wanted as long as it didn’t interfere with our goals.”

  “What if the goal was love?” he asked.

  She scoffed. “It wasn’t. Trust me. Cupid had scorched most of us. Nope, this is the year to reach our goals.” Josie pushed herself to stand and walked toward the tree. She hung the ornament front and center and then stood back to admire it.

  “That was August. It’s December now. I still don’t get it. How’d you fail?” he asked.

  “I got married.” Josie looked over her shoulder at Gabe. He must have interpreted that as an invitation because he stood up and joined her by the tree. He wrapped his arms around her from behind and she leaned into him. She wished for more of this. The holding and cuddling. The affection.

  They connected well in the bedroom, she had no complaints about the sex, but she wished for affection outside of it as well. Gabe still held her hand in public but when they were home, it was lovers in the bedroom and friends everywhere else. Why couldn’t he meld the two? She was the only one making an effort with her spontaneous hugs and quick kisses. Hopefully he’d catch on soon that physical affection didn’t always have to lead to naked-time.

  “You were blackmailed. They’ll understand,” he said close to her ear. “Especially when you accomplish your goals for the year.”

  “It would be nice to know what those were though,” she admitted.

  “I thought it was to get two or three new stores up and going.”

  “It is, but it doesn’t hold the same appeal as it used to. It just feels like there should be more. It’s the same routine day in and day out.” Gabe kissed the skin beneath her ear. She shivered as he worked his way down her neck. She tilted her head to the side to give him better access. His hands roamed her stomach and slid underneath her sweater. If Josie stepped out of his arms, it would be another lesson in physical affection only, but as Gabe’s warm hands slid across her stomach she forgot all about her lesson plan. One hand went north. The other south. She moaned as they reached their destinations. Her head fell back against Gabe’s shoulder and his lips captured hers. Josie squealed when he picked her up. “What are you doing?”

  “I’m breaking up your routine, Mrs. Kane.”

  “Thank you,” Josie whispered above his lips. It was the last coherent word she said for a very long time.

  The bedroom was dark when she awoke. Josie stretched and purred. Two naps and great sex all on the same day. This was a routine she could get behind except Gabe wasn’t in bed with her. She’d have to fix that. She sat up and heard noises from the living room. Hockey? she wondered. Her nose twitched. Chinese? At the thought it could be Senor Wu’s, she hopped out of bed. Not only did Senor Wu’s deliver, but they delivered both Asian and Mexican cuisine. She slipped her sweater over her head and grabbed the nearest pair of yoga pants. Undergarments will just slow him down later, she rationalized.

  Josie stepped into the bathroom and ran a brush through her hair. She frowned at her reflection in the mirror but it didn’t dim the light in her eyes. Josie pointed her finger at her reflection. “You did fail. Admit it! You’re in love with your husband.”

  She bent over and brushed her hair from the underside. Maybe extra blood to her head would help her come up with a plan to deal with this unexpected and unwanted feeling. What was she going to do now? Her stomach growled. Okay, other than eating, what am I going to do? The only one she could talk to about this was Gabe, but he wasn’t an option. He’d been very clear that theirs was a marriage of convenience. And everyone else thought she’d married for love, not to keep the Haven Woodworks open and guarantee Jamie’s job.

  Josie decided that the best course of action was none. She’d hold her secret in her heart. It would be safest this way. She was embarrassed enough about sharing her past relationship mistakes with him. Confessing her love to him and having it unrequited would be a new level of living hell for her. Silence was the safest option. For both of them. But it made her sad. What if he felt the same way, too?

  She trod down the stairs barefoot and stopped in her tracks. Gabe was pawing through the paperwork she’d brought home and her laptop was open. “What are you doing?” Josie fled down the remainder of the steps.

  “I can’t find some of my papers. I thought they may have gotten mixed up in yours,” he explained as he neatened the piles. Liar! she roared in her head. He hadn’t been home all week, so there was no way his papers were mixed up in hers.

  “And you thought they’d be on my laptop?” She squeezed between him and the desk, shut the laptop down, and then placed it back in her bag where she’d stored it that morning.

  “You should have that password protected, you know? Anyone could get on it and steal your secrets.”

  “I don’t have any secrets to steal, and I shouldn’t have to password protect my laptop for privacy. It was in my bag, Gabe. Turned off. What were you looking for?” She took a step toward him. Gabe held up his hands in surrender.

  “Fine. You caught me. I wasn’t looking for any papers. We were discussing your goals earlier and I interrupted your thoughts. I was trying to figure out what they were.”

  “Why?”

  “You married me so I could reach my goal and it’s only fair that I help you. You haven’t lost the Paris bet. You only got married.” He said it is as if they were discussing the weather. Like their marriage was no big deal. Nothing to get excited about. His tone doused Josie’s small flicker of hope that he might love her, too.

  “I told you earlier, I don’t know what my goals are.” Josie plopped down on the couch. She didn’t have the energy to stand. She felt betrayed after seeing Gabe rifle through her papers. And it was obvious he didn’t share her feelings. She pounded the decorator pillow with the Nutcracker appliqued on it and then tossed it to the floor.

  Gabe set the takeout containers on the table and handed her a plate and silverware. “We can eat and talk at the same time. Breakfast was scarce, lunch non-existent, and I burned through the cookies and pumpkin bread with you.”

  Josie didn’t know why she was embarrassed about his reference to their recent bedroom activity. Even though she’d never been one to bed hop, she wasn’t embarrassed about sex or a prude. She’d only engaged in it when her heart had been invested.

  Gabe had been her only exception. She’d propositioned him on their wedding night because he was her husband and they’d agreed on having children. It had been a rational decision. Her eggs weren’t getting any younger and her biological clock was ticking. And she’d been afraid that if they postponed “the event,” it would make things even weirder between them. Except now he wasn’t the exception since she, unfortunately, loved the conniving snoop. Damn him!

  “I’ve been craving Senor Wu’s mango spring rolls all week long,” Gabe said as he covered his rolls in peanut sauce. “I wonder if I could convince him to open a location near Woodland?”

  Josie swallowed around her vegetarian pad Thai. Had he already decided that he wanted to live at the estate? Every time she brought it up, he said they’d talk about it later. Was he again ignoring her and what she needed and wanted? She was more confused than ever. Did she marry the nice guy or the selfish shark?

  “Nope. I’m pretty sure Senor Wu is happy staying right here in Haven.” Just like me, she thought. “So you’ll just have to be here more.”

  Gabe didn’t respond and they finished their meal in silence.

  “I’m full,” Josie said as she put the lid on the rest of her food and set the container on the table.

  “Good. More dessert for me.”

  “Well, there’s always room for dessert. I need to keep an eye on my competition.”

  Gabe chuckled. “They’re no competition for you. You can out bake them and,
with some practice, I bet you could out cook them, too.” And with kind words and a gentle caress on the knee, most of Josie’s irritation died. Most, not all.

  Gabe carried the leftovers into the kitchen and brought back the dessert and two forks. He waited while she savored the first bite of the tres leches cake. When she opened her eyes, he was staring at her.

  “What? Is there food on my face?” she asked as she swiped the napkin around her mouth.

  “No. I just like to watch you eat. Until you, I didn’t think women even liked food.”

  “Well, I do and I’ve got the belly and butt to prove it.” She pushed the plate toward Gabe. She’d lost her appetite. Her jeans had been snugger lately. She’d been blaming Gabe’s dryer, but maybe that wasn’t the cause. Diet starts on Monday. For real this time.

  Gabe filled the fork but instead of eating it, he brought it to her lips. “Humor me. Tell me what you’d do differently.” He coaxed her lips open and she closed her eyes to concentrate on the flavors. The cake was rich but not very flavorful.

  “For starters, it’s December. They should use some eggnog.”

  “And for the other eleven months?” he asked as if he really wanted her opinion.

  Josie’s response was to get off the couch, go to the kitchen, and return with chocolate and caramel sauce. “We don’t have homemade so this will have to do.” She squirted both sauces over the cake and then took another bite. “I’d still add a bit more vanilla and some cinnamon, if I were making it.”

  “What would it take for you to make this and the homemade chocolate and caramel sauces?”

  “A life-ectomy. I don’t have the time. That’s why there are squirt bottles in our fridge.”

  “But if you had the time, would you?”

  “Yes,” Josie said without hesitation. “I love baking and experimenting in the kitchen. It’s one of the things that attracted me to coffee roasting. The science and the experimentation. Each batch is like a science project.” Josie curled up in her corner of the couch.

  “What’s keeping you from getting the time?”