Lucky and the Electrocuted Ex

by Emmy Grace

  I can’t help laughing at his back when he turns to walk away.

  4

  When we return to the house, Liam steps outside. He gives me a nod before he does. I know what that means.

  He’s going to call Clive.

  I set Gumbo down with every intention of following Liam to listen in, but Beebee corners me before I can even make it out of the kitchen.

  “You plan on puttin’ anything on that tree? It’s naked as a jaybird,” she observes, looking back at my bare Douglas Fir and shaking her head.

  “I’m going to. I just haven’t had a chance yet.”

  When Beebee turns back toward me, the curve of her mouth straightens, and her brows tip up on the inner edge. “What is it, chère? What’s wrong?”

  Beebee’s got a sixth sense about people. Maybe a seventh and an eighth sense, too. I learned early on that there’s not much point in trying to hide things from her, especially if she really wants to know what’s going on. She’s as tenacious as she is perceptive.

  My shoulders slump as the dam starts to break. “I just don’t understand my blessing, Beebee. I seem to have good luck when it comes to not getting myself killed and getting strange men to do what I want them to do, but it’s like my blessing works against me the rest of the time.”

  Suddenly, I’m on the verge of tears.

  “Lucky, that blessing was for your good, but there ain’t no blessing gonna blot out life. Just like the good book says, ‘it rains on the just and the unjust.’ That’s just the way of it. Peaks and valleys, chère. Peaks and valleys.”

  I’m not proud of the amount of whine that’s in my voice. My only excuse is that it’s been a hectic year.

  Or ten.

  “I feel like I’m in one big valley, though, Beebee. I need a peak.”

  “You’ll get one right on time. He’s never late. Don’t you worry your pretty head about it.” She pats my cheek, but neither the touch nor her words (no matter how true) make me feel any better.

  “Maybe you should unbless me. Just in case.”

  Beebee actually flinches, one hand flying to her throat like I asked her to sacrifice a live animal at a midnight ceremony in the woods where no one wears clothes as they dance around a fire.

  She looks pretty horrified, but not as horrified as I feel at the mere idea of such a ceremony.

  “I would never!” she exclaims.

  “Please, Beebee? It’s giving me so much trouble. I had to leave Gator Cove, now Gavin found me here. And I’ll never really know where I stand with Liam because of it. Not for absolutely, one hundred percent sure.”

  Beebee quiets, staring at me for one long minute before she speaks. “Do you love him?”

  My heart flutters. “Who?”

  Playing dumb to the rescue!

  It has yet to fail me.

  “You don’t fool me with that nonsense. You know exactly who.”

  “I…I…”

  Even as I stammer, there’s one word going through my head.

  Yes.

  Yes.

  Yes.

  With her forty extra senses, Beebee seems to read my mind. She nods once. “That’s what I thought. And that’s why you just need to be patient. Your sway with men will fade the deeper you love. Then you’ll know.”

  “Wait, what? You mean, I won’t be lucky anymore?”

  Beebee’s smile is sweet and tolerant. Despite the many, many ways I’ve tried her patience and determination over the years, she’s always remained both—sweet and tolerant.

  “You’ll always be lucky. Our Lucky. It’s just that you won’t have a need to bend men anymore.”

  Bend men?

  I’d never thought of it that way, but I can see why she’d call it that.

  This is good news, but part of me isn’t very thrilled to hear it. Considering how many murders I’ve investigated, it’s been kind of useful to be able to charm men.

  I guess it’s true. You should always be careful what you ask for.

  “Oh. I didn’t know that.”

  “Just hold on, chère. All will be clear soon enough.”

  Liam walks back through the front door at that precise moment. His eyes meet mine. He smiles his almost nonexistent smile and nods. I smile back. I don’t feel it deep down, though. Instead, I feel a new little kernel of dread. That same old worry that maybe, just maybe what Liam feels for me isn’t real. I told Regina I wanted to know. Looks like I’m gonna get to find out, sooner rather than later, because the fact of the matter is, I am in love with Liam Dunning.

  A yellow delivery van pulls to a stop in the driveway behind Liam’s head. It provides a very welcome distraction, as does Regina when she spots it and goes racing toward the door.

  “Oh good! It’s here,” she says, pushing past Liam and stepping out onto the porch. I follow her.

  “What is ‘it’?”

  “You don’t remember?” she asks, not even looking over at me as the delivery guy opens the back doors and wheels out a big box strapped to a dolly.

  “Why do I get the sinking feeling that’s a product that I agreed to test and just don’t have a recollection of right this minute?”

  Now Regina turns to me, and she’s smiling like the cat that ate the canary. “Because that’s exactly what this is.”

  “Why do you look happier than usual about it? Are we being evaluated again?”

  The last time we were evaluated, which was just a few weeks ago, it didn’t go all that well. I ended up trapped in an orange sumo suit, floating in the lake like human fishing tackle. Oh, and there was a dead body. So…yeah.

  “Because I’ve figured out that when you’re expecting Liam to come over, you’ll agree to anything I ask and then hardly remember a word of it later.”

  “Evil,” I gasp. “And genius.”

  Regina nods. “Right? If you two ever start having sex, I’ll be able to talk you into anything.”

  “Are you sure this is appropriate best friend behavior? I feel like you’re kind of taking advantage of me.”

  “Oh, I totally am. It’s the boss in me. It can’t be helped.”

  “Well, in fairness, I’m probably going to have to ban you from my house during certain hours. I hope you understand.”

  She’s still grinning. “I figured you’d try something like that, which is fine. I’ll work around it.”

  “Are you challenging me?” I emphasize the word challenge and she picks up on it right away.

  She nods. Raises her chin.

  I nod. Narrow my eyes.

  She takes a step back.

  I take a step back.

  We both assume the fencing position. “En garde!” we say simultaneously.

  We’ve never made it past that point. We always start giggling at how ridiculous we look. Which is just what we do now.

  The delivery guy wheels the big box between us as we laugh. I shake my head as I watch him pass. “You’re a devious wench. You know that, right?”

  Regina flips her hair over her shoulder. “Admire me if you must.”

  “Oh, I do. Just like you’ll admire me when I outsmart you.”

  “And so goes our friendship. Brilliance and genius, back and forth.”

  “And humility. Can’t forget that,” I add with six parts sarcasm.

  “I am pretty full of myself today, aren’t I?”

  “You are. I assume this has something to do with Marshal McGruff.”

  Her light brown cheeks stain with a touch of pink over the apples. “I can’t help it. He makes me feel like I can conquer the world.”

  “Just as a good boyfriend should,” I say, trying not to think about my situation with Liam. Pondering the unsolvable is like taking a voluntary trip down the rabbit hole—stupid and futile. And confusing.

  “I’m sure you feel the same way when you’re with Liam.”

  I nod. “I do. Mostly.”

  “Uh oh. What happened?”

  I wave her off. “Nothing that needs to be discussed right now. W
e’ve got company. And, evidently, I’ve got a new product to test. Right before Christmas. Yay me.”

  That last bit was fifteen parts sarcasm.

  Regina takes me by the hand and drags me along behind the delivery guy. She squeezes in past him and tells him to follow her to the bathroom. It’s only then that I notice something that probably would’ve already caught the attention of a normal person.

  There’s a toilet sitting on the back, left corner of my porch.

  Not something you see every day. Of course, that begs the question why, which then triggers a memory, albeit a vague one, of a conversation Regina and I had a week ago.

  Then it dawns on me.

  Lord help us all. I know what the man is delivering.

  I race into the house after them, stopping when I get to the bathroom door where the guy is dismantling the cardboard container with a box cutter.

  “Please tell me I dreamed that you wanted me to test a new toilet. Please tell me it wasn’t real.”

  Regina’s expression is one of pure, maniacal satisfaction. She nods. “Oh, no. It was real. And this is not just any toilet. It’s a smart toilet. With a bidet and an air dryer.”

  “A what and a what?” Liam asks as he comes up behind me.

  “A bidet and an air dryer.”

  Liam scrunches up his face. “Why would you want either one of those things on your toilet?”

  “Maybe a man wouldn’t, but for a woman, it’s like going to the salon to get a blow-out. You get washed and dried and come out feeling like a million bucks.”

  “A fancy toilet makes a woman feel like a million bucks?” he asks doubtfully. I turn to look at him and his expression is nothing short of comical. There’s a short pause after which he shakes his head in disgust. As he walks away, I hear him mumble, “You people are weird.”

  Regina chats with the delivery guy, who is obviously more than just a harbinger of torture. He either works for the toilet company or works somewhere in Consumer Global. I know this because he pulls out a wax seal and some tools and goes about setting the new toilet. And seems to know what he’s doing. As far as I know, no other delivery people install toilets, so I’m thinking he's much more.

  Although, I’ll admit there’s a chance I could be wrong. It seems I’m wrong a lot lately.

  I turn away from the disturbing sight of the smart toilet when Liam calls my name. He’s standing at the door, and Clive is right beside him.

  My heart sinks.

  For a few brief minutes, Beebee’s revelation and the arrival of a toilet distracted me from the more disturbing part of my day—finding the dead body of my ex right behind my house. And what that could mean for me.

  I walk over and we all step back out onto the porch. I try not to focus on how strange it is to see the very old Chief Sherriff of Salty Springs standing on my front porch right beside a toilet.

  Only in the south, y’all.

  Only in the south.

  5

  “Liam tells me you’ve got a bit of a problem there, lucky lady,” Clive begins when the door is shut and the three of us are alone on my front porch. As always, he’s kind and gentle.

  “You could say that,” I admit. “You know I would never do something like this, right, Clive?”

  His wrinkles shift into a reassuring smile as he claps one gnarled hand onto my shoulder and squeezes. “Course I know that. You’re good people. Never been wrong about a person’s character as long as I’ve been alive. The good Lord gave me discernment, and I know you’re the real deal. Don’t you go worrying yourself about that.”

  I sigh in relief. That makes me feel much better.

  “Good, because I know it looks bad.”

  Clive flicks his eyes to Liam. “Liam here tells me he’ll be working on it day and night until the real culprit is identified.”

  “We both will,” I clarify.

  “Lucky, you’re too close to this. You need to let me—”

  I cut Liam off, jabbing a finger into his chest. “If you think for one second that I’m going to sit idly by while you investigate a murder that someone is trying to pin on me, you’ve lost your dang marbles.”

  “Lucky, I—”

  I hold up a hand to cut him off as I look back to Clive, shaking my head. “It’s like he doesn’t know me at all.”

  Clive grins, his eyes shifting between Liam and me. “Glad to see you two have patched things up. Makes my heart hurt to see you argue.”

  “Well, you can rest assured we won’t be arguing over this. There’s only one way this will happen.”

  I glare over at Liam, daring him to contradict me. He just glares right back.

  “You know I’ll have to get Tamala over here, right?”

  Tamala is the medical examiner for the town next to ours. Salty Springs isn’t really big enough or violent enough to warrant our own.

  At least it wasn’t until I arrived. It might be now.

  Maybe Regina was right. Maybe I did bring some of this bad juju with me.

  I brush the thought away. I can’t focus on blessings or blessings that act like curses right now. I have to clear my name before my name actually needs clearing.

  “I know. That’s fine. We’ll come and give you a statement, and you can just let us know when you hear back from her with the particulars. Maybe she’ll come up with something that will help us get to the bottom of this, lickety split.”

  “It’ll get figured out, Lucky. Don’t fret,” Clive encourages mildly.

  Don’t fret?

  How can I not fret?

  I don’t ask that question, though. I know Clive is just trying to help, so I smile and nod and keep my waspishness to myself.

  “Do you think you could bring her in the other way? I can’t really make my family leave, and it might freak them out to know Gavin’s up there, dead as a doornail, just a little ways behind my house, ya know?”

  “Will do. Give me a couple of hours.”

  “Okay. I’ll get the tree decorations out. We can do that while we wait.” Before Clive can make it more than a couple of steps, I stop him. “Oh, I meant to ask if Gavin’s family happened to mention what he was driving.”

  He bobs his head in the affirmative. “A 1972 Chevelle. Bright red with black stripes, I believe the mother said.”

  The same car he drove when I dated him. And the same car he drove when he tried to kidnap me.

  “Got it. Thanks.”

  Liam and I stand side by side, watching Clive make his way slowly—painfully slowly—to his official Salty Springs law enforcement SUV. He drives like a bat out of hell and walks like a turtle from the 1900’s. Clive is a walking, talking paradox.

  Neither of us says anything until Clive is completely out of sight. Liam snakes a hand up my back and under my hair, where he cups my nape and squeezes.

  “Don’t worry,” he says simply.

  But I will anyway.

  “Does Paul have any kind of overflow parking for the residents of the Spring Water Inn?”

  Paul is the guy I thought would be perfect for Regina, but they just never managed to hit it off. Probably because fate knew that a hot-as-heck Federal Marshal was just around the corner for her. He’s a nice guy, though, and the proprietor of the only real place for non-residents to stay in all of Salty Springs.

  “Not that I know of. Why?”

  “We need to find that car.”

  “And we will. It’s not like Salty Springs is a thriving metropolis. There are only so many places it could possibly be.”

  “Liam?” I glance over at him, making my eyes as big as I can. I even pout my lips a little. I’m not sure what good that might do, but I’m willing to try anything that might help.

  Rather than his usual “yeah,” he frowns down at me in abject suspicion. “You’re going to ask me to do something I’m not going to like.”

  “Why would you say that?”

  “Because I know you. And this…” He swipes a finger in a circular motion around my face.
“This is trouble.”

  “My face? Why?”

  “Oh, it’s not just the face. It’s what you’re doing with the face.”

  I blink slowly. “What am I doing with it?”

  Liam actually growls at me. “Good God, woman, are you gonna ask me for a kidney or something? How bad is it?”

  I roll my eyes at that. “Oh, stop. I was just going to ask if you would do me a favor.”

  “Like what? Give you a kidney?”

  “What is it with you and kidneys today?”

  “It’s the only thing I can share and still live.”

  “Are you saying you’d give me a kidney if I asked?”

  “Probably, but I hope to God that’s not what you’re asking.”

  That softens me up in all the right places. I turn fully toward Liam run my hands around his waist, resting my chin on his chest. “That’s mighty cool of ya.”

  “I tell you that I’d be willing to give you a vital organ, from my own body, and you think it’s ‘mighty cool’?”

  “That’s a high compliment from me. Cool is the nineties version of completely and totally awesome in every possible way.”

  Liam runs his hands along my shoulders. “So, what you’re really saying is that you’re into me and you want me to take off all your clothes.”

  I chuckle. “Only if you want to be the man responsible for giving my Beebee a heart attack.”

  “Well, we can plan the taking off of the clothing for a different time and location. Awesome people like me are flexible.”

  “Then I must be really, really awesome,” I say with a broad grin, hinting at the flexible part.

  Liam’s pupils flare and his jaw goes a little slack. “Damn.”

  I giggle as I raise up on tip toe and give Liam a smacking kiss. “That’ll teach you to tangle with the likes of me.”

  He just stares down at me, blankly. After a few seconds, he shakes his head like he’s shaking fuzz out of it. “Sorry. What was that? I was daydreaming of your beautiful flexible legs—”

  Regina chooses this very unhandy moment to interrupt by flinging open the door and saying in an extremely loud voice, “The toilet’s in, Lucky, and it is the absolute shiz.”