by Roya Carmen
But what he had to work on now, he thought as he flashed Natasha a smile, was his own happiness. And the first step toward that goal was forgetting all about Kirsten Beals.
He walked Natasha to the from door of her apartment building, a posh complex surrounded by an attractive landscaped courtyard.
"I had a great time," she told him with a wide smile and he could tell she was being genuine.
"Me too." He hadn't succeeded in forgetting about Kirsten, but the evening had been pleasant. "Let's do it again sometime."
"Definitely," she agreed. And she stood awkwardly for a beat or two. "I'd invite you in, but I need to get to bed. I’ve got an early flight tomorrow morning."
"Oh yes... Hawaii." She had told him all about the trip she was taking with her family; her parents and siblings.
"I'll call you when I get back, and maybe we could go out again."
"Two whole weeks," he pointed out. "I may very well go crazy waiting."
She laughed, a soft giggle. "That's sweet."
He hadn't meant to be sweet. He was in fact, going to go crazy, with no one to keep his mind off Kirsten.
He inched closer and kissed her on the cheek, a very gentleman move. He knew it was the right play. She was being demure, making him wait a little, making him desire her, giving him the thrill of the chase. Unlike Kirsten, Natasha knew exactly how this game was played. She smiled at him one last time and slipped into her apartment building. As she walked out of sight, she waved good-bye. He blew her a kiss, wishing he could just go to bed and sleep for two weeks.
Kirsten was trying to read a book, a classic, one of her favorites. But she just couldn't focus. She'd read the same paragraph three times now. She slammed the book closed, shut her eyes and stretched across the sofa. She thought about him. She'd promise herself she wouldn't. Just this once, she would indulge in thoughts of him.
She thought about the night they made love, how every touch, every kiss had sent a current through her, lit her up. She desperately wanted to feel that again, but she doubted if any man would ever be able to help her achieve that ever again. She couldn't imagine wanting anyone as much as she wanted Ethan. Her whole body ached for him.
She smothered her face with one of the fluffy feathery cushions on her mother's sofa. She realized she was going insane. She desperately needed to do something about this. She picked up her phone and reviewed the texts Cole had left her. Nothing crazy, just a few friendly hellos. She hadn't replied. After the incident at his place, she was a little gun shy about getting too involved with him. She knew what he wanted and she wasn't sure she was quite ready for that yet.
But it was Saturday night and she desperately needed the distraction. She bit her bottom lip as she waited for him to answer.
"Hey."
"Hi," she replied, feeling a little nervous.
"What's up?"
"Not much,” she told him. "Listen, I got your texts. I’ve just been swamped."
"No worries," he told her. "I know how it is."
"Good, I'm glad," she said. "So... anyway," she went on, hesitating for a beat or two. "I was wondering what you were up to tonight."
"Me and my buddy are going to a party," he told her and her heart sank at his words. She'd wanted to spend some time with him and do something fun, get her mind off things, namely off thoughts of herself naked with a certain Mr. Fox.
"Oh... cool," she said, at a loss for words. What was she going to do now? Binge watch Gilmore Girls?
"You could come with us if you'd like," he suggested. "It's this cool guy we know who lives in Georgetown. He does this every year. There's Blackjack and Poker... it's a casino party."
Kirsten perked up. That did sound like a lot of fun. "Isn't that illegal?" she couldn't help but ask. The words slipped out before she could catch herself.
He laughed. "Well, let's not tell anyone, okay?"
"My lips are sealed."
"So are you interested in tagging along?"
"Are you sure?" she asked. "It kind of sounds like a guys' thing. You probably don't want a woman cramping your style."
"No... seriously, Kirsten," he insisted. "I'd really like you to come. I actually thought of calling you up but I didn't want to be too pushy, since you hadn't returned my texts."
"I'm sorry about that," she apologized again. "Yes... I'd love to come. Can you pick me up?"
"Yep, I can," he told her and she could almost hear the happiness in his voice. "We'll meet my buddy Chris at the party."
"Sounds good."
Kirsten couldn't figure out what to wear. She had never been to a casino party in Georgetown. She would be surrounded by strangers and she was sure she would probably cling to Cole. She thought about Cole and what his friends might be like. She had met Max, obviously. But she was under the impression that Max wasn't a typical friend. Max was a high-finance guy who collected art. She was sure his other friends were quite different. She pictured them dressed in black, sporting tattoos and body piercings like Cole did.
She finally settled on a little black dress, and she decided to pair it up with her worn brown riding boots, which she used to wear when she hiked with Logan. As she applied her makeup and styled her hair, she decided to go for bombshell sexy, like the night Meghan had made her up, the night she first had sex with Ethan.
And there she was, thinking about him again. This happened so often, it was excruciating. The worst part was that she knew he was right next door, and that she could easily become undone and walk right up to his door. She was surprised she hadn't done it yet. She had had amazing willpower. Because numerous times a day, she would think about him, her body would swell with desire and she ached to reach out to him. But she didn't want to be that woman, desperate, clingy, and wild. She was better than that.
She picked up the phone and dialed, her fingers shaking.
Meghan answered on the third ring. Kirsten was nervous making the first move. But she had really liked Meghan and the two of them had gotten along famously. A girlfriend could do her good, occupy her mind, even if that girlfriend just so happened to be a Fox too.
“Hi, Meghan," she ventured. "How are you?"
“Hi, Kirsten," Meghan cheered, clearly glad to hear from her. "I'm so happy to hear from you. I was actually thinking about calling you."
"I was just doing my hair and makeup," Kirsten told her. "And it made me think of you."
"Are you going out?"
"Yep... to some party with this guy I'm seeing."
"Oh..." Meghan trailed off.
"What?"
"Oh... it's just that I kind of thought you were seeing my brother," she clarified. "You're all he talks about."
Kirsten's breath hitched at Meghan's words. "Oh..."
"And I was under the impression that you two... you know... that night I gave you the makeover."
Kirsten blushed. "Well... sort of," she confessed. "But he and I are too different.”
She laughed, a soft chuckle. "I know he can be quite the Casanova, but lately, he's been different.”
"Really?" Kirsten asked, intrigued.
"Well, anyway, listen... you and I should get together for lunch sometime soon."
Kirsten perked up. "I'd like that."
"I don't work too far from you," Meghan went on. "And I know this great little Vietnamese place and they have the best bubble tea. You like bubble tea?"
Kirsten smiled. "I've never had it, but it does sound fun."
"It's a date then," Meghan cheered. "I'll text you the details."
Kirsten smiled as she pressed on end call. Perhaps something good could come out of all this, after all. A new friendship. She studied her reflection one last time, satisfied with the results. Very rock-chick cool.
As she made her way to the lobby, she was filled with energy, anticipating a fun night. Cole was stretched across the lobby sofa, looking delicious. Yes... 'delicious' was definitely an apt word to describe him. He did a double-take when he spotted her. "You look... different," he
said as he stood to meet her. "You look amazing."
"Thanks," she said, taking in his worn leather jacket and the motorcycle helmet hanging off his hand. "Uh... you came here on a bike."
He flashed her a wide grin. "Yep... didn't you notice it in my driveway when you were at my place?"
"No..." Was he expecting her to ride on his bike? She had never ridden on a motorcycle before. She was ill-equipped to do so, wearing a short dress, no jacket, and no helmet. There was no way she was going on that thing without a helmet.
He smiled wide as he grabbed her hand. "You look terrified. I'll ride safely... there's nothing to worry about."
"But..." Kirsten tried to object.
He handed her the helmet and peeled off his jacket as they made their way to the shiny Harley. It was a beauty. "Here, you can have my jacket too."
"Are you sure?"
He helped her into the jacket which hung off her. He laughed. "God... you are tiny."
She scowled at him. She much preferred the term 'petite'. "And this thing..." she ventured, still holding on to the helmet.
He grabbed it and adjusted it just so on her head. The sensation of it was odd... foreign.
She wrapped her arms tightly around his torso as they sped off into the Seattle night. She felt a rush as they headed toward Georgetown. The speed, the wind, the thrill… it was all so cool.
The party was exactly as she expected. Ultra cool tattooed hipsters, and Goth girls with vintage Doc Martens and way too much eye makeup. Kirsten stood out, but just a little. A nose ring and arm tattoo, and she'd fit in seamlessly. Foreign beer seemed to be the drink of choice. She craved a cocktail but there didn't seem too much of those going around. She wondered where the bar was.
The music was good, a mix of alternative indie rock and remakes of old 80s songs. She was quite familiar with all the old 80s songs because she had been listening to them all her life with her mom. Duran Duran, The Thompson Twins and The Cure were favorites of Lorraine's.
Cole rested a hand on the small of her back as he lead her through the crowd huddled in the small industrial loft space. He introduced her to a bunch of people, whose names she promptly forgot despite herself. There were just too many people, too much stimulation. A blackjack table and two poker tables were set up, and the smell of marijuana smoke permeated the air. She didn't particularly want to partake but she couldn't help but think that this was the coolest party she'd ever been to. Mind you, she hadn't been to many.
Cole fetched her a gin and tonic and a few hours later, she was on her third one, feeling pretty good and kicking ass at the blackjack table. She’d always loved the game. She’d played it often with Lorraine. Feeling nostalgic, she appreciated the fact that she hadn't had a standard childhood. Hers had been filled with 80s music, mani-pedis, books, blackjack and cards, waffles for dinner, trips to the beach, shopping, and dancing in the living room.
She was feeling light and smooth as Cole rubbed her shoulders and dug his fingers into her hair. "You want to get out of here?"
She turned to him, wanting to ride on his bike into the night, to be wild and free again. She wondered if he had drunk too much. "Are you okay to drive?"
He smiled. "Always. I don't drink."
She stared at him, wide-eyed. "Why?"
"Well, let's just say I drank a little too much when I was younger, and I discovered it was all or nothing for me," he told her as he wrapped his jacket around her shoulders. "Well, when it comes to alcohol and drugs, anyway..." he added, and with a pensive expression, he said, "and with relationships too, I suppose."
All or nothing. That's how she was too. No casual flings. No 'friends with benefits' arrangements. She wanted to be 'all in'. She supposed that was the reason it had been so hard with Ethan. He didn't want either all or nothing. He was happy somewhere in the middle.
They hopped on the bike and flew off into the night. He brought her to a quiet spot where they could appreciate the beauty of Seattle's night skyline. She often forgot how beautiful her city was. "Thank you for taking me here."
He wrapped an arm around her waist. "No problem."
The scene was very romantic but all she could think about running away, not necessarily to get away from him, but to just be wild. She was feeling restless... crazy. She wanted to be impulsive, irresponsible for once in her life. She was so tired of being the good girl.
She turned to him, a wide smile practically splitting her face in two. "I feel like doing something crazy."
He laughed out loud. "Like what?"
"I don't know..." She worried her bottom lip, trying to come up with options. She couldn't even come up with anything, proof that she was pretty much useless when it came to fun.
"I have an idea or two," he offered. "How about I give you a few options, and you pick one."
She grinned playfully. “Sounds like fun."
11
I sort of… did something crazy
Cole stared off into the distance, a finger on his bottom lip. She couldn't help but appreciate the man's pure sex appeal. Then why wasn't she climbing all over him? She didn't quite understand it.
"Okay, first off,” he started with a wicked smile, "we could get naked and have sex right here."
She laughed. "Oh... of course, you would suggest that."
"Hey, a man's gotta try."
Kirsten had told herself she wouldn't go there yet. Sex only made everything complicated. And she was having so much fun with him. She didn't want to jeopardize that. "Yeah... I'm sure. What else you got?"
He bit his lip again. "You could ride my bike.”
She looked at him, wide-eyed. "On the streets of Seattle?"
"No... on farm roads in Northern Canada... of course, Seattle."
She shook her head. No way. This option presented a very real risk of physical injury, not just for her but for him as well. And she would not be responsible for the death of such a beautiful man. "Next..."
"Okay... no bike… How 'bout petty robbery?"
She couldn't believe what he was saying. "What?!"
"We could go into a 7-11, and you could steal something small like a pack of cigarettes or something."
"I don't even smoke," she pointed out. "And don't they keep those behind the counter?"
He cocked a brow. "Okay... that might be a little ambitious," he conceded. "How 'bout a pack of gum or a chocolate bar?"
She didn't like the idea of committing a crime. She wondered if she could end up in a jail cell for something as small as stealing a chocolate bar. She wouldn't do well in a jail cell with a bunch of delinquent women.
She slouched. "I guess I'm just not the wild type."
They stood in silence for a beat or two. "I've never seen you naked," he said out of the blue.
She wondered what he was up to. Back to the sex suggestion, she concluded. Men...
"Do you have any tattoos?" he asked.
She shook her head. She had always thought tattoos could be beautiful. Cole’s certainly were. But she had never had the courage to get one. They were so permanent.
"I know a 24 hour place downtown," he told her. "I think they cater to the piss drunk crazy kids."
She laughed. "Like us?"
She thought about it. This was such a crazy night, a crazy time in her life, so many memories; the break-up with Logan, Ethan... Cole. Perhaps something tasteful and small, somewhere discreet on her body, where it could be hidden from the world. It wouldn't be so crazy. When she'd be forty-five with a mini-van, a picket fence and two tweens, it could help her remember that she had been young and crazy once. "I like that option."
His eyes grew wide. "Really?"
She nodded enthusiastically. She had made up her mind.
"They're pretty permanent, you know."
"I know," she said. "That's what makes it so crazy."
To Kirsten's relief, the place seemed relatively clean and professional. The tattoo artist was a pretty, pink-haired woman around her age. Her arms were covered with b
eautiful tattoos.
She greeted Cole with a kiss on the cheek. Kirsten concluded that she must have been an old girlfriend. "We got a virgin, here," Cole offered. "I'd like you to meet Kirsten."
She extended her tattooed arm. "Hi... I'm Sandra," she offered. "I'm Cole's sister."
Kirsten smiled. "It's nice to meet you."
Less than an hour later, they were perusing the binders of tattoo designs. For some reason, Ethan had managed to creep up in her mind. He had a tendency to do that. She thought of his wicked smile when he teased her. "Do you have any dragonflies?"
Sandra grabbed the binder from her. “Yep, we do." She feverishly flipped through the designs and pointed her purple-tipped finger at three different dragonfly designs. The last one was Kirsten's favorite. It was beautiful and exactly what she had in mind.
"That one." Kirsten pointed. "Somewhere discreet."
"Sure." Sandra smiled. "The first one should always be hidden. See how it feels. How 'bout on the hip?"
Kirsten smiled and she turned to Cole who wore a wicked grin. It was perfect... sweet and a little naughty, just like her.
Kirsten winced as she pushed through the pain, and tried not to look as Sandra worked her magic just above her right hip bone. Cole stood by her for support. "That is going to be one sexy tattoo."
Kirsten laughed, not missing the fact that she was lying next to him, with her dress pulled up and panties pulled down. It was certainly not under the circumstances he would have preferred. "How long does it take to heal?"
"About two weeks," Sandra told her. "We're almost done here. You've been great."
Kirsten winced, yet again. "Trying to be a tough girl."
By the time Cole dropped her off at her place, the sun was rising. She couldn't believe she had pulled an all-nighter. Always the responsible one, she had never done that before. She had also never gotten a tattoo before. Her mother would probably kill her. She smiled as she handed Cole his jacket and helmet back. "Thanks so much," she offered with a sweet kiss on his cheek. "That was... the best night."