A Crooked Mile (Rust Book 1)

by Samantha Arthurs

  “Hey, I wasn’t insinuating anything. I’m just saying that you’ve been with that boy an awful lot,” her mother pointed out, raising her flour covered hands as a gesture of surrender. “I just thought maybe you’d be going over there when we’re done here.”

  “Well the answer is no. It was basketball tryouts today, which means practice will start soon and then the season. I doubt we’ll be finding as much time to get together to work, which is just as well. We can film his bits first, and then I can work on mine after. His brother offered to edit everything, so we don’t have to shoot it in order,” Ramona told her, sliding her first batch of cookies onto the oven rack below the bread. “Plus his dad has been home a lot this week, which is why we met at the library.”

  “You've never met his parents?” Her mother asked then, looking a little bit startled by that. “Is nobody home when you go over there? I'm not sure I approve of that, Ramona.”

  Ramona snorted and then caught herself before she could laugh, knowing better even though she really wanted to. “His mom is usually around the house. I've sort of met her; she at least knows that I'm there. She doesn't say much, I guess she’s the quiet type. Alec doesn't want me over when his dad is home though; I guess he's not the greatest guy in the world.” She paused then, something occurring to her in the moment. She asked the question before she could reconsider, feeling a little bit queasy once the words were out of her mouth. “Mom? What would you do if you thought a friend of yours was being hurt by someone in their family? Like, if you had been my age and that had happened to someone you knew, what would you have done? I mean without having any concrete evidence of course, just going on pure speculation.”

  Her mother looked concerned as she put down the bag of flour in her hands, dusting her palms off on a dish towel. It didn't take a genius to piece things together, since they had just been talking about Alec and his father, but her mother was tactful enough to dance around that fact instead of making Ramona feel bad for bringing it up.

  “Well, I'm not sure. I guess I might have told someone, maybe a teacher or a guidance counselor. I probably would have talked to my friend first though, told them my suspicions and tried to get them to admit there was a problem. Talking to someone is a good way to vent your concerns and fears, but it doesn't always help in the long run. If the person in question is in denial, then there's not a whole lot that can be done,” she finally said, her eyes focused on her daughter. “So his father is a pretty rough guy, huh?”

  “I'm honestly not really sure. I just know that they don't seem to get along, and that his father causes a lot of tension for him at home. He came to school one day with a bruised face, but played it off like he'd done it wrestling with his brother. I mean maybe he did, but it sounded pretty far-fetched,” Ramona admitted quietly, checking on her cookies. She had lost the zeal for baking by now, the serious nature of their conversation seeming to suck the fun out of the room. “Sometimes I can tell that he's off in another place, he's not focusing on what's happening in the here and now. He seems really sad sometimes too, even when he's acting like he's perfectly fine. It's just not what I'd consider normal. I mean maybe its normal for him, but it doesn't seem that way.”

  It felt good to voice her concern, to have all of that out in the world where it was known and not just bottled up inside. She had never been good at that, keeping her emotions stoppered up internally, and her mother was a good person to talk to. She always had good advice, and she never got upset or raised her voice. Ramona knew she was lucky to have the parents she did, who were understanding people who tried to reason and work things out instead of letting anger take the wheel. She couldn't imagine living in a home like Alec's, where one parent was in left field and the other was a commandeering asshole that made you feel insignificant.

  “Just be careful, Mona,” her mother advised, taking the second loaf of bread from the oven so it could cool. “I don't mean that there's something for you to fear in the situation, it's just very easy to scare people off with your concern. If you really think that something is going on there, something violent, then try and bring it up. Find the right time, the right place, and choose your words very carefully. Don't accuse, and don't be overly pushy. Let him know that you're a safe person to talk to, and if he admits it then you go from there. You can talk to me too, if you think you need an adults help. You know that dad and I are always here for you.”

  Ramona did know, and it made things seem a little less bleak. Next time Alec was in one of his low moods, she would try and approach the topic as gently as her mother was suggesting she do. She was thinking about that, about the way she would word things, when she glanced out the kitchen window. Small flakes were falling from the sky and she smiled, exhaling slowly as she watched the first snow of the season drift down from the heavens.

  Maybe, just maybe, it was a sign. Maybe, just maybe, things would be okay and it had all been a fluke. The world is full of maybes, and every now then one or two just have to be right.

  Chapter Thirteen: Cold Hard Earth

  October came in not so much like a lion, but like an entire herd of them. That first snow was merely a sign of things to come, the temperature beginning to make its first real significant drops during the day. The days became chillier, but it was the nights that became downright cold. Coats and scarves were brought out of storage for another winter, and people made the necessary trip into Fort Benton for snow boots and new tires. It was all so ridiculously routine, but what came unexpectedly was the rain.

  The snow sprinkled down on the last two days of September, and then the rain took over. It was cold and more than wet enough to be completely miserable, and anything that was more or less untouched, like the empty fields and the fairgrounds, turned into cold, hard ground that crunched wherever you walked. Every road that wasn't paved, including the ones that were gravel, turned into muddy messes from continuously being traveled over. It was only when the rain came to stay and the roads became gory with mud and muck that Ramona finally gave up riding her bicycle to school and succumbed to the bus.

  She never saw Alec there, he was either getting rides with Cameron still or with his mother, and she was reduced to sitting alone in the middle seat by the exit. Nobody else wanted it because it was chilly near the door, even though it was supposedly sealed tight. Also nobody particularly wanted to sit with a social pariah, which Ramona was even with her new, weird connection to Alec. It was just as well, nobody she really knew rode the bus to the high school anyway.

  It was a long ride, especially in the morning when the sun still wasn't ready to really show its face yet. She got on the bus at 6:30 in the morning, and didn't step off until almost exactly 8 o'clock on the nose. After leaving Route Four they covered a good portion of the county, all the way out past the lake and back. Since all the farm kids who didn't live in Rust still had to attend school they had to be picked up, and it could be quite the undertaking.

  She was exhausted by the time she got to school, making it to her locker in time to dump her books before sprinting to English. It was a tiresome schedule, and it made her long for spring to come. Spring was a damp time too, but at least the promise of summer was on the air. Right now all they had was the promise of more winter to come, and it would only get worse from here. The rain made things feel constantly dreary and she wanted to just curl up and sleep, but real winter? Real winter was a beast all its own, and one she was not looking forward to facing head on.

  They were just heading into the second week of October now, which meant the weeks for their project were slowly ticking away. They had gotten everything written, and were now focusing on videoing the parts that felt clear and concise, while doing rewrites on everything that didn't seem to fit or that didn't have a real place. That part seemed to bother Alec the most, he liked the parts where they candidly talked about the book without any real format, but Ramona argued that nonsensical talk served no real purpose toward their grade. They'd bickered about it back and forth, and
decided to see if they had enough material to work with otherwise. She got the distinct impression that he wasn't used to losing, but unfortunately for him that was life.

  Ramona dashed into class and settled into the spot beside of Alec, which today was against the far wall. He liked the seclusion of being tucked away in the back, where he could work in peace without constantly having to worry about the teacher watching him too closely. She preferred it when they sat in the front row, but she was willing to compromise for the sake of sanity. She had just taken out her notebook when she noticed that Alec didn't have any of his stuff with him, frowning a little as she found a clean page to open up to.

  "So is this some sort of silent act of protest?" She asked, writing the date at the top of the paper. They had been assigned to read To Kill A Mockingbird this week, and she was looking forward to seeing what Alec had to say about it. It did not appear, however, that he would be saying much of anything. "Are you lobbying for better nuggets in the cafeteria? Or maybe for new uniforms for the basketball team? I have to admit, the ones you're sporting are looking pretty tired."

  Alec rolled his eyes but smiled, one of his soft smiles that didn't really go anywhere. In their weeks of working together she had come to learn the varying facets of his facial expressions and what they all meant. "No, I'm leaving early today," he told her simply, chewing on a corner of his thumbnail. "Once a month I go to Benton for an appointment, so my mom takes me out during second period. She only makes me come so I'm not counted absent for the day. It's really stupid, but she's convinced herself that future colleges will look, and care, about that sort of thing."

  Ramona thought back, and she could vaguely remember him being gone around this time in September. She guessed she had never noticed before though, if this was a continual thing anyway. "Oh, well, lucky you. You get to eat an edible lunch somewhere that is not the hell hole otherwise known as the cafeteria, and you get to skip out on math class. I'd take the time to envy you, but my calendar is otherwise full.”

  “Has anyone ever told you that you're a smart ass before? Because I get the distinct impression that they probably have,” Alec snorted, shaking his head at her a little. Raising his gaze he glanced across the room and found Cameron staring at him, looking thoroughly annoyed.

  Alec and Cameron had become good friends when Alec had moved back to Rust partway through their freshman year. It had felt nice to be included, to have a friend who had his back, but lately things had changed and not for the better. Part of the problem was that Cameron was pushing too much, was trying too hard to be a show pony. It had started well before Ramona had come into the picture, but she was the straw that had broken the camel’s back. His refusal to let the situation go, or accept it for what it was, had been too much for Alec. He was always being told to cut negativity out of his life, and as much as it sucked, Cameron had become a negative thing.

  They hadn't spoken in well over ten days. It had really come to a head on the drive home from school, when Cameron had made a remark about Ramona yet again. He'd point blank asked Alec what he saw in a “heavy girl”, and the argument that had ensued had been a nasty one. The end was result was that Alec had walked home, and that they had not communicated since. He knew that Cameron was likely aware of what day it was, since he was one of the few that knew just where Alec went at this time every month. He didn't know the reason, that wasn't the business of anyone really, but he had been trusted enough with at least most of the truth.

  Alec wondered just how long Cameron would be willing to keep his secret, or if it was even still a secret at all by that point. He tried not to fuss about it though, or to let himself get upset. If Cameron felt the need to tell people, then he told people. He would find a way to talk around it like he always did if someone asked questions, and if things got very personal then he would just make up a story. His friends were not the most astute people in the world, and they would very likely believe whatever drivel he decided to feed them if it became necessary.

  During the rest of the class period he managed to deflect and dodge enough that Mrs. Bond never got around to calling on him, which meant he hadn't had to talk. After the period was over he bade farewell to Ramona, heading on to his next class. They were barely twenty minutes in when he was called to the office, signing out with a wave to the secretary as he went. His mother was waiting for him right on time, and he was glad to see her. School had become a never ending source of stress, and he couldn't wait to be in Doctor Linn's office trying to work out a game plan. She would know what to do, and the ways he could cope with how he felt more often than not these days.

  The road to Fort Benton was heavily trafficked today and moving slow because of the weather. It was still raining, constantly wavering between a drizzle and a down pour. They were predicting cooler temperatures the following week though, and the rain would likely finally turn to snow with a little bit of ice mixed in. That was just another thing to add to his anxiety, to put additional weight on his chest to suffocate him further. Winter was not his friend, not at all, and the colder it got the more he could feel himself being pulled under.

  He was a mess by the time they got to Doctor Linn's office, his mother letting him out at the door while she went to find a parking spot. He headed straight upstairs and gave the receptionist his name, finding a seat though he sat right on the edge as if poised to spring at a moment’s notice. He was leaning forward with his hands hooked over the back of his neck, feeling a bit woozy, when his mother knelt in front of him and spoke to him in a soft voice. The panic attack had been swift and sudden, and it was all consuming. He couldn't really catch his breath, and tears had pooled at the corners of his eyes. His mouth trembled and he'd gone a garish shade of pale, flexing and then relaxing his fingers over and over again where they were clenched together.

  Someone finally got Doctor Linn, who hurried out of her current appointment to try and help. It took ten minutes, a lot of soft talking, and a glass of water before Alec began to calm down. He felt suddenly embarrassed, like a puppy who had piddled on the rug, glancing at the concerned faces of the adults gathered around him as his face turned pink. He looked down at his trembling hands instead, still clutching the little plastic cup of water even as he shook.

  “I think I'm okay,” he quietly protested, looking very apologetically at Doctor Linn then. “I'm sorry. You have another patient. I'm so sorry.”

  “It's okay, she understood,” Doctor Linn assured him, rising slowly to her feet. “Come on, sweetheart. Let's get you into a good, quiet place where you can relax more. Mom, why don't you wait out here like normal? I think Alec is going to be just fine.”

  He could see his mom looking at him nervously, and watched as she reluctantly agreed with a nod of the head. While she settled into a sticky vinyl chair, Alec followed Doctor Linn back into her comfortable office. She was right about needing the quiet place, and the moment they were inside his shoulders visibly relaxed. He collapsed onto the sofa as though he had run a marathon, finally releasing the little plastic cup to sit it on the end table. Today the room smelled like lemon oil with a hint of lavender, the noise machine hissing in the corner. She'd gotten a tiny fountain since his last visit, and the sound of the water tumbling gently over the rocks was intensely soothing. Alec thought that he could probably just fall asleep right there, curled up on her sofa.

  “You can lie down if you want to, Alec. I have pillows,” Doctor Linn offered, rising up from her chair. He waved her off though and thanked her, knowing if he did lie down then he really WOULD probably fall asleep. “Do you want to talk about what just happened? It's been a very long time since I've seen you have one of those.”

  Alec nodded, rubbing his hands together slowly. It had been a long time since he'd lost it like that, at least in public, and he took in a few deep breaths to get himself together. “I feel like lately things are just getting progressively worse instead of better. I feel like I'm a different person and it's changing my relationships with people, mo
stly with my friends.”

  Doctor Linn nodded solemnly, starting to take notes in the thick folder she was balancing on one knee. “Why do you think that is, Alec? What do you believe has changed about you, and what might be the catalyst for that?”

  “It’s just everything. Even when I’m with my friends I don’t feel happy, I’m just not satisfied with any of that anymore. We’re really different people, and that’s becoming clearer every day. Even me and Cam, we used to get along like gangbusters. Now it’s like he suddenly only cares about his reputation and just all this petty stuff that never felt like it mattered before,” Alec confided, everything spilling out of him. “He’s been ragging on me a lot lately, and we’ve had some fights. We haven’t spoken in a while, and the world just feels totally upside down. A lot of it I guess might just be my moods; I’m up and down a lot lately. More down that up, but you know what I mean.”

  “I do,” Doctor Linn agreed, studying him as he slouched a little lower on the sofa. “I can understand why it would be frustrating for you, starting to move on and grow up while your friends stay the same. That isn’t easy, we all struggle with that, but it isn’t a bad thing. It isn’t even the end of the world, even though sometimes it might seem like it. We get older, our personalities start to flesh out more, and sometimes we just aren’t the same as we used to be.”

  That made Alec feel exasperated, eyes a bit brighter as he raised his head to look back at her. “It all started over a stupid English assignment. I got paired with this girl named Ramona, who I barely even knew. I guess she had this bad stutter as a kid and everyone used to make fun of her, and they all think it’s some big deal to work with someone on something for school. I don’t understand that, it’s not like I chose this. The truth is though that Ramona isn’t that bad, she’s actually a pretty decent person, and I’m tired of having to defend myself on this. Why are people like this? Why can’t they just let it go?”