The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle

by T. Smollett

  He is concerned in a dangerous Adventure with a certainGardener--Sublimes his Ideas, commences Gallant, and becomes acquaintedwith Miss Emily Gauntlet.

  He and some of his companions one day entered a garden in the suburbs,and, having indulged their appetites, desired to know what satisfactionthey must make for the fruit they had pulled. The gardener demandedwhat, in their opinion, was an exorbitant price, and they with manyopprobrious terms refused to pay it. The peasant, being surly anduntractable, insisted upon his right; neither was he deficient orsparing in the eloquence of vulgar abuse. His guests attempted toretreat; a scuffle ensued, in which Peregrine lost his cap; and thegardener, being in danger from the number of his foes, called tohis wife to let loose the dog, which instantly flew to his master'sassistance, and, after having torn the leg of one and the shoulderof another, put the whole body of scholars to flight. Enraged at theindignity which had been offered them, they solicited a reinforcementof their friends, and, with Tom Pipes at their head, marched back tothe field of battle. Their adversary, seeing them approach, calledhis apprentice, who worked at the other end of the ground, to hisassistance, armed him with a mattock, while he himself wielded a hoe,bolted his door on the inside, and, flanked with his man and mastiff,waited the attack without flinching.

  He had not remained three minutes in this posture of defence, whenPipes, who acted as the enemy's forlorn hope, advanced to the gate withgreat intrepidity, and, clapping his foot to the door, which was none ofthe stoutest, with the execution and despatch of a petard, split it intoa thousand pieces. This sudden execution had an immediate effect uponthe apprentice, who retreated with great precipitation, and escaped ata postern; but the master placed himself, like another Hercules, inthe breach; and when Pipes, brandishing his cudgel, stepped forward toengage him, leveled his weapon with such force and dexterity at hishead, that had the skull been made of penetrable stuff, the iron edgemust have cleft his pate in twain. Casemated as he was, the instrumentcut sheer even to the bone, on which it struck with such amazingviolence, that sparks of real fire were produced by the collision.And let not the incredulous reader pretend to doubt the truth of thisphenomenon, until he shall have first perused the ingenious PeterKolben's Natural History of the Cape of Good Hope, where the inhabitantscommonly used to strike fire with the shin-bones of lions which had beenkilled in that part of Africa.

  Pipes, though a little disconcerted, far from being disabled by theblow, in a trice retorted the compliment with his truncheon, which, hadnot his antagonist expeditiously slipped his head aside, would havelaid him breathless across his own threshold; but, happily for him, hereceived the salutation upon his right shoulder, which crashed beneaththe stroke, and the hoe dropped instantly from his tingling hand. Tom,perceiving, and being unwilling to forego, the advantage he had gained,darted his head into the bosom of this son of earth, and overturned himon the plain, being himself that instant assaulted by the mastiff, whofastened upon the outside of his thigh. Feeling himself incommoded bythis assailant in his rear, he quitted the prostrate gardener to theresentment of his associates, who poured upon him in shoals, and turningabout, laid hold with both his hands of this ferocious animal's throat,which he squeezed with such incredible force and perseverance, that thecreature quitted his hold; his tongue lolled out of his jaws, the bloodstarted from his eyes, and he swung a lifeless trunk between the handsof his vanquisher.

  It was well for his master that he did not longer exist: for by thistime he was overwhelmed by such a multitude of foes, that his whole bodyscarce afforded points of contact to all the fists that drummed uponhim; consequently, to use a vulgar phrase, his wind was almost knockedout, before Pipes had leisure to interpose in his he behalf, andpersuade his offenders to desist, by representing that the wife hadgone to alarm the neighbourhood, and in all probability they wouldbe intercepted in their return. They accordingly listened to hisremonstrances, and marched homewards in triumph, leaving the gardenerin the embraces of his mother earth, from which he had not power to movewhen he was found by his disconsolate helpmate and some friends whomshe had assembled for his assistance. Among these was a blacksmith andfarrier, who took cognizance of his carcase, every limb of which havingexamined, he declared there was no bone broken, and taking out hisfleam, blooded him plentifully as he lay. He was then conveyed to hisbed, from which he was not able to stir during a whole month. His familycoming upon the parish, a formal complaint was made to the master ofthe school, and Peregrine represented as the ringleader of those whocommitted this barbarous assault. An inquiry was immediately set onfoot; and the articles of impeachment being fully proved, our hero wassentenced to be severely chastised in the face of the whole school. Thiswas a disgrace, the thoughts of which his proud heart could not brook.He resolved to make his elopement rather than undergo the punishmentto which he was doomed; and having signified his sentiments to hisconfederates, they promised one and all to stand by him, and eitherscreen him from chastisement or share his fate.

  Confiding in this friendly protestation, he appeared unconcerned on theday that was appointed for his punishment; and when he was called tohis destiny, advanced the scene, attended by the greatest part of thescholars, who intimated their determination to the master, and proposedthat Peregrine should be forgiven. The superior behaved with thatdignity of demeanour which became his place, represented the follyand presumption of their demand, reprehended them for their audaciousproceeding, and ordered every boy to his respective station. They obeyedhis command, and our unfortunate hero was publicly horsed, in terroremof all whom it might concern.

  This disgrace had a very sensible effect upon the mind of Peregrine,who, having by this time, passed the fourteenth year of his age,began to adopt the pride and sentiments of a man. Thus dishonourablystigmatized, he was ashamed to appear in public as usual; he wasincensed against his companions for their infidelity and irresolution,and plunged into a profound reverie that lasted several weeks, duringwhich he shook off his boyish connections, and fixed his view uponobjects which he thought more worthy of his attention.

  In the course of his gymnastic exercises, at which he was very expert,he contracted intimacies with several youths who were greatly hissuperiors in point of age, and who, pleased with his aspiring geniusand address, introduced him into parties of gallantry which stronglycaptivated his inclination. He was by nature particularly adoptedfor succeeding in all adventures of this kind: over and above a mostengaging person that improved with his years, he possessed a dignifiedassurance, an agreeable ferocity which enhanced the conquest of the fairwho had the good fortune to enslave him, unlimited generosity, and afund of humour which never failed to please. Nor was he deficient inthe more solid accomplishments of youth: he had profited in his studiesbeyond expectation; and besides that sensibility of discernment whichis the foundation of taste, and in consequence of which he distinguishedand enjoyed the beauties of the classics, he had already given severalspecimens of a very promising poetic talent.

  With this complexion and these qualifications, no wonder that our heroattracted the notice and affections of the young Delias in town, whosehearts had just begun to flutter for they knew not what. Inquirieswere made concerning his condition; and no sooner were his expectationsknown, than he was invited and caressed by all the parents, whilethe daughters vied with each other in treating him with particularcomplacency. He inspired love and emulation wherever he appeared: envyand jealous rage followed of course; so that he became a very desirable,though a very dangerous acquaintance. His moderation was not equal tohis success: his vanity took the lead of his passions, dissipating hisattention, which might otherwise have fixed him to one object; and hewas possessed with the rage of increasing the number of his conquests.With this view he frequented public walks, concerts, and assemblies,became remarkably rich and fashionable in his clothes, gaveentertainments to the ladies, and was in the utmost hazard of turningout a most egregious coxcomb.

  While his character thus wavered between the ridicule of some and theregar
d of others, an accident happened which by contracting his viewto one object, detached him from those vain pursuits that would in timehave plunged him into an abyss of folly and contempt. Being one eveningat the ball which is always given to the ladies at the time of theraces, the person acted as master of the ceremonies, knowing how fondMr. Pickle was of every opportunity to display himself, came up, andtold him, that there was a fine young creature at the other end of theroom, who seemed to have a great inclination to dance a minuet, butwanted a partner, the gentleman who attended her being in boots.

  Peregrine's vanity being aroused at this intimation, he went up toreconnoitre the young lady, and was struck with admiration at herbeauty. She seemed to be of his own age, was tall, though slender,exquisitely shaped; her hair was auburn, and in such plenty, that thebarbarity of dress had not been able to prevent it from shading bothsides of her forehead, which was high and polished; the contour of herface was oval; her nose very little raised into the aquiline form,that contributed to the spirit and dignity of her aspect; her mouth wassmall; her lips plump, juicy, and delicious, her teeth regular and whiteas driven snow, her complexion incredibly delicate, and glowing withhealth; and her full blue eyes beamed forth vivacity and love: her mienwas at the same time commanding and engaging, her address perfectlygenteel, and her whole appearance so captivating, that our young Adonislooked, and was overcome.

  He no sooner recollected himself from his astonishment, than he advancedto her with a graceful air of respect, and begged she would do him thehonour to walk a minuet with him. She seemed particularly pleased withhis application, and very frankly complied with his request. This pairwas too remarkable to escape the particular notice of the company; Mr.Pickle was well known by almost everybody in the room, but his partnerwas altogether a new face and of consequence underwent the criticismof all the ladies in the assembly. One whispered, "She has a goodcomplexion, but don't you think she is a little awry?" a second pitiedher for her masculine nose; a third observed, that she was awkward forwant of seeing company; a fourth distinguished something very bold inher countenance; and, in short, there was not a beauty in her wholecomposition which the glass of envy did not pervert into a blemish.

  The men, however, looked upon her with different eyes; among them herappearance produced a universal murmur of applause: they encircled thespace on which she danced, and were enchanted by her graceful motion.While they launched out in the praise of her, they expressed theirdispleasure at the good fortune of her partner, whom they d--d for alittle finical coxcomb, that was too much engrossed by the contemplationof his own person, to discern or deserve the favour of his fate. He didnot hear, therefore could not repine at these invectives; but while theyimagined he indulged his vanity, a much more generous passion had takenpossession of his heart.

  Instead of that petulance of gaiety for which he had been distinguishedin his public appearance, he now gave manifest signs of confusion andconcern: he danced with an anxiety which impeded his performance,and blushed to the eyes at every false step he made. Though thisextraordinary agitation was overlooked by the men, it could not escapethe observation of the ladies, who perceived it with equal surpriseand resentment; and when Peregrine led this fair unknown to her seat,expressed their pique in an affected titter, which broke from everymouth at the same instant--as if all of them had been informed by thesame spirit.

  Peregrine was nettled at this unmannerly mark of disapprobation, and,in order to increase their chagrin, endeavoured to enter into particularconversation with their fair rival. The young lady herself, who neitherwanted penetration nor the consciousness of her own accomplishments,resented their behaviour, though she triumphed at the cause of it, andgave her partner all the encouragement he could desire. Her mother, whowas present, thanked him for his civility in taking such notice of astranger, and he received a compliment of the same nature from the younggentleman in boots, who was her own brother.

  If he was charmed with her appearance, he was quite ravished withher discourse, which was sensible, spirited, and gay. Her frank andsprightly demeanour excited his own confidence and good-humour; and hedescribed to her the characters of those females who had honoured themwith such a spiteful mark of distinction, in terms so replete withhumorous satire, that she seemed to listen with particular complacencyof attention, and distinguished every nymph thus ridiculed with such asignificant glance as overwhelmed her with chagrin and mortification. Inshort, they seemed to relish each other's conversation, during whichour young Damon acquitted himself with great skill in all the dutiesof gallantry: he laid hold of proper opportunities to express hisadmiration of her charms, had recourse to the silent rhetoric of tenderlooks, breathed divers insidious sighs, and attached himself wholly toher during the remaining part of the entertainment.

  When the company broke up, he attended her to her lodgings, andtook leave of her with a squeeze of the hand, after having obtainedpermission to visit her next morning, and been informed by the motherthat her name was Miss Emilia Gauntlet.

  All night long he closed not an eye, but amused himself with plans ofpleasure, which his imagination suggested in consequence of this newacquaintance. He rose with the lark, adjusted his hair into an agreeablenegligence of curl, and dressing himself in a genteel gray frock trimmedwith silver binding, waited with the utmost impatience for the hourof ten, which no sooner struck than he hied him to the place ofappointment, and inquiring for Miss gauntlet, was shown into a parlour.Here he had not waited above ten minutes, when Emilia entered in a mostenchanting undress, with all the graces of nature playing about herperson, and in a moment riveted the chains of his slavery beyond thepower of accident to unbind.

  Her mother being still abed, and her brother gone to give orders aboutthe chaise, in which they proposed to return that same day to theirown habitation, he enjoyed her company a whole hour, during which hedeclared his love in the most passionate terms, and begged that he mightbe admitted into the number of those admirers whom she permitted tovisit and adore her.

  She affected to look upon his vows and protestations as the ordinaryeffect of gallantry, and very obligingly assured him that were she tolive in that place she should be glad to see him often; but as thespot on which she resided was at a considerable distance, she could notexpect he would go so far, upon such a trifling occasion, as to take thetrouble of providing himself with her mamma's permission.

  To this favourable hint he with all the eagerness of the most ferventpassion, that he had uttered nothing but the genuine dictates of hisheart; that he desired nothing so much as an opportunity of evincing thesincerity of his professions; and that, though he lived at the extremityof the kingdom, he would find means to lay himself at her feet, providedhe could visit her with her mother's consent, which he assured her hewould not fail to solicit.

  She then gave him to understand that her habitation was about sixteenmiles front Winchester, in a village which she named, and where, as hecould easily collect from her discourse, he would be no unwelcome guest.

  In the midst of this communication they were joined by Mrs. Gauntlet,who received him with great courtesy, thanking him again for hispoliteness to Emy at the ball, and anticipated his intention by sayingthat she should be very glad to see him at her house, if ever hisoccasions should call him that way.

  CHAPTER XVIII.