The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle

by T. Smollett

  After sundry unsuccessful Efforts, he finds means to come to anExplanation with his Mistress; and a Reconciliation ensues.

  Peregrine, disconcerted at their sudden disappearance, stood for someminutes gaping in the street, before he could get the better of hissurprise; and then deliberated with himself whether he should demandimmediate admittance to his mistress, or choose some other method ofapplication. Piqued at her abrupt behaviour, though pleased with herspirit, he set his invention to work, in order to contrive some meansof seeing her: and in a fit of musing arrived at the inn, where he foundhis companions, whom he had left at the castle-gate. They had alreadymade inquiry about the ladies; in consequence of which he learnt thatMiss Sophy was daughter of a gentleman in town to which his mistresswas related; that an intimate friendship subsisted between the twoyoung ladies; that Emilia had lived almost a month with her cousin, andappeared at the last assembly, where she was universally admired: andthat several young gentlemen of fortune had since that time teased herwith addresses.

  Our hero's ambition was flattered, and his passion inflamed with thisintelligence; and he swore within himself that he would not quit thespot until he should have obtained an undisputed victory over all hisrivals.

  That same evening he composed a most eloquent epistle, in which heearnestly entreated that she would favour him with an opportunity ofvindicating his conduct: but she would neither receive his billet, norsee his messenger. Balked in this effort, he inclosed it in a new coverdirected by another hand, and ordered Pipes to ride next morning toLondon, on purpose to deliver it at the post-office; that coming by suchconveyance she might have no suspicion of the author, and open it beforeshe should be aware of the deceit.

  Three days he waited patiently for the effect of this stratagem, and,in the afternoon of the fourth, ventured to hazard a formal visit, inquality of an old acquaintance. But here too he failed in his attempt:she was indisposed, and could not see company. These obstaclesserved only to increase his eagerness: he still adhered to his formerresolution; and his companions, understanding his determination, lefthim next day to his own inventions. Thus relinquished to his own ideas,he doubled his assiduity, and practised every method his imaginationcould suggest, in order to promote his plan.

  Pipes was stationed all day long within sight of her door, that he mightbe able to give his master an account of her motions; but she neverwent abroad except to visit in the neighbourhood, and was always housedbefore Peregrine could be apprised of her appearance. He went to churchwith a view of attracting her notice, and humbled his deportment beforeher; but she was so mischievously devout as to look at nothing buther book, so that he was not favoured with one glance of regard. Hefrequented the coffee-house, and attempted to contract an acquaintancewith Miss Sophy's father, who, he hoped, would invite him to his house:but this expectation was also defeated. That prudent gentleman lookedupon him as one of those forward fortune-hunters who go about thecountry seeking whom they may devour, and warily discouraged all hisadvances. Chagrined by so many unsuccessful endeavours, he began todespair of accomplishing his aim; and, as the last suggestion of hisart, paid off his lodging, took horse at noon, and departed, in allappearance, for the place from whence he had come. He rode, but a fewmiles, and in the dusk of the evening returned unseen, alighted atanother inn, ordered Pipes to stay within doors, and keeping himselfincognito, employed another person as a sentinel upon Emilia.

  It was not long before he reaped the fruits of his ingenuity. Next dayin the afternoon he was informed by his spy that the two young ladieswere gone to walk in the park, whither he followed them on the instant,fully determined to come to an explanation with his mistress, even inpresence of her friend, who might possibly be prevailed upon to interestherself in his behalf.

  When he saw them at such a distance that they could not return totown before he should have an opportunity of putting his resolution inpractice, he mended his pace, and found means to appear before themso suddenly, that Emilia could not help expressing her surprise in ascream. Our lover, putting on a mien of humility and mortification,begged to know if her resentment was implacable; and asked why she hadso cruelly refused to grant him the common privilege that everycriminal enjoyed. "Dear Miss Sophy," said he, addressing himself to hercompanion, "give me leave to implore your intercession with your cousin.I am sure you have humanity enough to espouse my cause, did you but knowthe justice of it; and I flatter myself that by your kind interpositionI may be able to rectify that fatal misunderstanding which hath mademe wretched."--"Sir," said Sophy, "you appear like a gentleman, andI doubt not but your behaviour has been always suitable to yourappearance; but you must excuse me from undertaking any such officein behalf of a person whom I have not the honour to know."--"Madam,"answered Peregrine, "I hope Miss Emy will justify my pretensions to thatcharacter, notwithstanding the mystery of her displeasure, which, uponmy honour, I cannot for my soul explain."--"Lord! Mr. Pickle," saidEmilia, who had by this time recollected herself, "I never questionedyour gallantry and taste; but I am resolved that you shall never havecause to exercise your talents at my expense; so that you tease yourselfand me to no purpose. Come, Sophy, let us walk home again."--"Good God!madam," cried the lover, with great emotion, "why will you distract mewith such barbarous indifference? Stay, dear Emilia!--I conjure you onmy knees to stay and hear me. By all that is sacred, I was not to blame.You must have been imposed upon by some villain who envied my goodfortune, and took some treacherous method to ruin my love."

  Miss Sophy, who possessed a large stock of good nature, and to whomher cousin had communicated the cause of her reserve, seeing the younggentleman so much affected with that disdain which she knew to befeigned, laid hold on Emilia's sleeve, saying, with a smile, "Not quiteso fast, Emily. I begin to perceive that this is a love-quarrel, andtherefore there may be hopes of a reconciliation; for I suppose bothparties are open to conviction."--"For my own part," cried Peregrine,with great eagerness, "I appeal to Miss Sophy's decision. But why do Isay appeal? Though I am conscious of having committed no offence, I amready to submit to any penance, let it be never so rigorous, that myfair enslaver herself shall impose, provided it will entitle me toher favour and forgiveness at last." Emily, well nigh overcome by thisdeclaration, told him, that as she taxed him with no guilt, she expectedno atonement, and pressed her companion to return to town. But Sophy,who was too indulgent to her friend's real inclination to comply withher request, observed that the gentleman seemed so reasonable in hisconcessions, that she began to think her cousin was in the wrong, andfelt herself disposed to act as umpire in the dispute.

  Overjoyed at this condescension, Mr. Pickle thanked her in the mostrapturous terms, and, in the transport of his expectation, kissed thehand of his kind mediatrix--a circumstance which had a remarkable effecton the countenance of Emilia, who did not seem to relish the warmth ofhis acknowledgment.

  After many supplications on one hand, and pressing remonstrances on theother, she yielded at length, and, turning to her lover while her facewas overspread with blushes,--"Well, sir," said she, "supposing I wereto put the difference on that issue, how could you excuse the ridiculousletter which you sent to me from Winchester?" This expostulationintroduced a discussion of the whole affair, in which all thecircumstances were canvassed; and Emilia still affirmed, with greatheat, that the letter must have been calculated to affront her; for shecould not suppose the author was so weak as to design it for any otherpurpose.

  Peregrine, who still retained in his memory the substance of thisunlucky epistle, as well as the verses which were inclosed, couldrecollect no particular expression which could have justly given theleast umbrage; and therefore, in the agonies of perplexity, beggedthat the whole might be submitted to the judgment of Miss Sophy, andfaithfully promised to stand to her award. In short, this proposal was,with seeming reluctance, embraced by Emilia, and an appointment made tomeet next day in the place, whither both parties were desired to comeprovided with their credentials, according to which definitive sen
tencewould be pronounced.

  Our lover, having succeeded thus far, overwhelmed Sophy withacknowledgments on account of her generous mediation; and in the courseof their walk, which Emilia was now in no hurry to conclude, whispereda great many tender protestations in the ear of his mistress, whonevertheless continued to act upon the reserve, until her doubts shouldbe more fully resolved.

  Mr. Pickle, having found means to amuse them in the fields till thetwilight, was obliged to wish them good even, after having obtained asolemn repetition of their promise to meet him at the appointed timeand place, and then retreated to his apartment, where he spent the wholenight in various conjectures on the subject of the letter, the Gordianknot of which he could by no means untie. One while he imagined thatsome wag had played a trick on his messenger, in consequence ofwhich Emilia had received a supposititious letter; but, upon fartherreflection, he could not conceive the practicability of any such deceit.Then he began to doubt the sincerity of his mistress, who perhaps hadonly made that a handle for discarding him, at the request of somefavoured rival; but his own integrity forbade him to harbour this meansuspicion; and therefore he was again involved in the labyrinth ofperplexity. Next day he waited on the rack of impatience for the hour offive in the afternoon, which no sooner struck than he ordered Pipesto attend him, in case there should be occasion for his evidence, andrepaired to the place of rendezvous, where he had not tarried fiveminutes before the ladies appeared. Mutual compliments being passed, andthe attendant stationed at a convenient distance, Peregrine persuadedthem to sit down upon the grass, under the shade of a spreading oak,that they might be more at their ease; while he stretched himself attheir feet, and desired that the paper on which his doom depended mightbe examined. It was accordingly put into the hand of his fair arbitress,who read it immediately with an audible voice. The first two words ofit were no sooner pronounced, than he started, with great emotion, andraised himself upon his hand and knee, in which posture he listenedto the rest of the sentence; then sprang upon his feet in the utmostastonishment, and, glowing with resentment at the same time, exclaimed,"Hell and the devil! what's all that? Sure you make a jest of me,madam!"--"Pray, sir," said Sophy, "give me the hearing for a fewmoments, and then urge what you shall think proper in your own defence."Having thus cautioned him, she proceeded; but before she had finishedone-half of the performance, her gravity forsook her, and she was seizedwith a violent fit of laughter, in which neither of the lovers couldhelp joining, notwithstanding the resentment which at that instantprevailed in the breasts of both. The judge, however, in a littletime, resumed her solemnity, and having read the remaining part of thiscurious epistle, all three continued staring at each other alternatelyfor the space of half a minute, and then broke forth at the same instantin another paroxysm of mirth. From this unanimous convulsion, one wouldhave thought that both parties were extremely well pleased with a joke,yet this was by no means the case.

  Emilia imagined that, notwithstanding his affected surprise, her lover,in spite of himself, had received the laugh at her expense, and in sodoing applauded his own unmannerly ridicule. This supposition could notfail of raising and reviving her indignation, while Peregrine highlyresented the indignity, with which he supposed himself treated, in theirattempting to make him the dupe of such a gross and ludicrous artifice.This being the situation of their thoughts, their mirth was succeeded bya mutual gloominess of aspect; and the judge, addressing herself to Mr.Pickle, asked if he had anything to offer why sentence should not bepronounced? "Madam," answered the culprit, "I am sorry to find myselfso low in the opinion of your cousin as to be thought capable of beingdeceived by such shallow contrivance."--"Nay, sir," said Emilia, "thecontrivance is your own; and I cannot help admiring your confidence inimputing it to me."--"Upon my honour, Miss Emily, resumed our hero, "youwrong my understanding, as well as my love, in accusing me of havingwritten such a silly, impertinent performance. The very appearance andaddress of it is so unlike the letter which I did myself the honourto write, that I dare say my man, even at this distance of time, willremember the difference."

  So saying, he extended his voice, and beckoned to Pipes, who immediatelydrew near. His mistress seemed to object to the evidence, by observingthat to be sure Mr. Pipes had his cue; when Peregrine, begging she wouldspare him the mortification of considering him in such a dishonourablelight, desired his valet to examine the outside of the letter, andrecollect if it was the same which he had delivered to Miss Gauntletabout two years ago. Pipes, having taken a superficial view of it,pulled up his breeches, saying, "Mayhap it is, but we have made so manytrips, and been in so many creeks and corners since that time, that Ican't pretend to be certain; for I neither keep journal nor log-book ofour proceedings." Emilia commended him for his candour, at the sametime darting a sarcastic look at his master, as if she thought he hadtampered with his servant's integrity in vain; and Peregrine began tolive and curse his fate for having subjected him to such mean suspicion,attesting heaven and earth in the most earnest manner, that far fromhaving composed and conveyed that stupid production, he had never seenit before, nor been privy to the least circumstance of the plan.

  Pipes, now, for the first time, perceived the mischief which he hadoccasioned; and, moved with the transports of his master, for whom hehad a most inviolable attachment, frankly declared he was ready to makeoath that Mr. Pickle had no hand in the letter which he delivered. Allthree were amazed at this confession, the meaning of which they couldnot comprehend. Peregrine, after some pause, leaped upon Pipes, andseizing him by the throat, exclaimed, in an ecstasy of rage. "Rascal!tell me this instant what became of the letter I entrusted to yourcare." The patient valet, half-strangled as he was, squirted acollection of tobacco-juice out of one corner of his mouth, and withgreat deliberation replied, "Why, burnt it, you wouldn't have me to givethe young woman a thing that shook all in the wind in tatters, wouldyou?" The ladies interposed in behalf of the distressed squire, fromwhom, by dint of questions which he had neither art nor inclination toevade, they extorted an explanation of the whole affair.

  Such ridiculous simplicity and innocence of intention appeared in thecomposition of his expedient, that even the remembrance of all thechagrin which it had produced, could not rouse their indignation, orenable the to resist a third eruption of laughter which they forthwithunderwent. Pipes was dismissed, with many menacing injunctions to bewareof such conduct for the future; Emilia stood with a confusion of joy andtenderness in her countenance; Peregrine's eyes kindled into rapture,and, when Miss Sophy pronounced the sentence of reconciliation, advancedto his mistress, saying, "Truth is mighty, and will prevail;" thenclapping her in his arms, very impudently ravished a kiss, which she hadnot power to refuse. Nay, such was the impulse of his joy, that he tookthe same freedom with the lips of Sophy, calling her his kind mediatrixand guardian angel; and behaved with such extravagance of transport, asplainly evinced the fervour and sincerity of his love.

  I shall not pretend to repeat the tender protestations that were utteredon one side, or describe the bewitching glances of approbation withwhich they were received on the other, suffice it to say that theendearing intimacy of their former connection was instantly renewed, andSophy, who congratulated them on the happy termination of their quarrel,favoured with their mutual confidence. In consequence of this happypacification, they deliberated upon the means of seeing each otheroften; and as he could not, without some previous introduction, visither openly at the house of her relation, they agreed to meet everyafternoon in the park till the next assembly, at which he would solicither as a partner, and she be unengaged, in expectation of his request.By this connection he would be entitled to visit her next day, andthus an avowed correspondence would of course commence. This plan wasactually put in execution, and attended with a circumstance which hadwell-nigh produced some mischievous consequence, had not Peregrine'sgood fortune been superior to his discretion.

  CHAPTER XXIV.