The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle

by T. Smollett

  He embarks for France--Is overtaken by a Storm--Is surprised withthe Appearance of Pipes--Lands at Calais, and has an Affray with theOfficers at the Custom-house.

  Scarce had the vessel proceeded two leagues on the passage, when, thewind shifting, blew directly in her teeth; so that they were obliged tohaul upon a wind, and alter their course. The sea running pretty highat the same time, our hero, who was below in his cabin, began to besqueamish, and, in consequence of the skipper's advice, went upon deckfor the comfort of his stomach; while the governor, experienced in thesedisasters, slipped into bed, where he lay at his ease, amusing himselfwith a treatise on the cycloid, with algebraical demonstrations, whichnever failed to engage his imagination in the most agreeable manner.

  In the mean time the wind increased to a very hard gale, the vesselpitched with great violence, the sea washed over the deck, the masterwas alarmed, the crew were confounded, the passengers were overwhelmedwith sickness and fear, and universal distraction ensued. In the midstof this uproar, Peregrine holding fast by the taffrail, and lookingruefully ahead, the countenance of Pipes presented itself to hisastonished view, rising, as it were, from the hold of the ship. At firsthe imagined it was a fear-formed shadow of his own brain; though hedid not long remain in this error, but plainly perceived that it was noother than the real person of Thomas, who, jumping on the quarter-deck,took charge of the helm, and dictated to the sailors with as muchauthority as if he had been commander of the ship. The skipperlooked upon him as an angel sent to his assistance; and the crewsoon discovered him to be a thoroughbred seaman, notwithstanding hislivery-frock; obeyed his orders with such alacrity, that, in a littletime, the confusion vanished; and every necessary step was taken toweather the gale.

  Our young gentleman immediately conceived the meaning of Tom'sappearance on board; and when the tumult was a little subsided, went up,and encouraged him to exert himself for the preservation of the ship,promising to take him again into his service, from which he should neverbe dismissed, except at his own desire. This assurance had a surprisingeffect upon Pipes, who, though he made no manner of reply, thrust thehelm into the master's hands, saying, "Here, you old bumboat-woman, takehold of the tiller, and keep her thus, boy, thus;" and skipped about thevessel, trimming the sails, and managing the ropes with such agility andskill, that everybody on deck stood amazed at his dexterity.

  Mr. Jolter was far from being unconcerned at the uncommon motion of thevessel, the singing of the wind, and the uproar which he heard abouthim: he looked towards the cabin-door with the most fearful expectation,in hope of seeing some person who could give some account of theweather, and what was doing upon deck; but not a soul appeared, and hewas too well acquainted with the disposition of his own bowels to makethe least alteration in his attitude. When he had lain a good while inall the agony of suspense, the boy tumbled headlong into his apartment,with such noise, that he believed the mast had gone by the board; andstarting upright in his bed, asked, with all the symptoms of horror,what was the cause of that disturbance? The boy, half-stunned by hisfall, answered in a dolorous tone, "I'm come to put up the dead-lights."At the mention of dead-lights, the meaning of which he did notunderstand, the poor governor's heart died within him: he shivered withdespair, his recollection forsaking him, he fell upon his knees in thebed, and, fixing his eyes upon the book which was in his hand, began topronounce aloud with great fervour, "The time of a complete oscillationin the cycloid, is to the time in which a body would fall throughthe axis of the cycloid DV, as the circumference of a circle to itsdiameter."

  He would in all likelihood have proceeded with the demonstration of thisproposition, had he not been seized with such a qualm as compelledhim to drop the book, and accommodate himself to the emergency of hisdistemper: he therefore stretched himself at full length, and, puttingup ejaculations to Heaven, began to prepare himself for his latter end,when all of a sudden the noise above was intermitted; and as he couldnot conceive the cause of this tremendous silence, he imagined thateither the men were washed overboard, or that, despairing of safety,they had ceased to oppose the tempest. While he was harrowed by thismiserable uncertainty, which, however, was not altogether unenlightenedby some scattered rays of hope, the master entered the cabin: then heasked, with a voice half-extinguished by fear, how matters went upondeck; and the skipper, with a large bottle of brandy applied to hismouth, answered, in a hollow tone, "All's over now, master." Upon which,Mr. Jolter, giving himself over for lost, exclaimed, with the utmosthorror, "Lord have mercy upon us! Christ have mercy upon us;" andrepeated this supplication, as it were mechanically, until the masterundeceived him by explaining the meaning of what he had said, andassuring him that the squall was over.

  Such a sudden transition from fear to joy occasioned a violent agitationboth in his mind and body; and it was a full quarter of an hour, beforehe recovered the right use of his organs, By this time the weathercleared up, the wind began to blow again from the right corner, and thespires of Calais appeared at the distance of five leagues; so that thecountenances of all on board were lighted up with joyous expectation andPeregrine, venturing to go down into the cabin, comforted his governorwith an account of the happy turn of their affairs.

  Jolter, transported with the thought of a speedy landing, began tolaunch out in praise of that country for which they were bound. Heobserved, that France was the land of politeness and hospitality, whichwere conspicuous in the behaviour of all ranks and degrees, from thepeer to the peasant; that a gentleman and a foreigner, far from beinginsulted and imposed upon by the lower class of people, as in England,was treated with the utmost reverence, candour, and respect; and theirfields were fertile, their climate pure healthy, their farmers rich andindustrious, the subjects in general the happiest of men. He would haveprosecuted this favourite theme still farther, had not his pupil beenobliged to run upon deck, in consequence of certain warnings he receivedfrom his stomach.

  The skipper seeing his condition, very honestly reminded him of the coldham and fowls, with a basket of wine which he had ordered to be senton board, and asked if he would have the cloth laid below. He couldnot have chosen a more seasonable opportunity of manifesting his owndisinterestedness. Peregrine made wry faces at the mention of food,bidding him, for Heaven's sake, talk no more on that subject. He thendescended into the cabin, and put the same question to Mr. Jolter, who,he knew, entertained the same abhorrence for his proposal; and meetingwith the like reception from him, went between decks, and repeated hiscourteous proffer to the valet-de-chambre and lacquey, who lay sprawlingin all the pangs of a double evacuation, and rejected his civility withthe most horrible loathing. Thus baffled in all his kind endeavours,he ordered the boy to secure the provision in one of his own lockers,according to the custom of the ship.

  It being low water when they arrived on the French coast, the vesselcould not enter the harbour, and they were obliged to bring to, andwait for a boat, which in less than half-an-hour came alongside from theshore. Mr. Jolter now came upon deck, and, snuffing up the French airwith symptoms of infinite satisfaction, asked of the boatmen, with thefriendly appellation of Mes enfants, what they demanded for transportinghim and his pupil with their baggage to the pier. But how was hedisconcerted, when those polite, candid, reasonable watermen demandeda louis d'or for that service! Peregrine, with a sarcastic sneer,observed, that he already began to perceive the justice of his encomiumson the French; and the disappointed governor could say nothing in hisown vindication, but that they were debauched by their intercourse withthe inhabitants of Dover. His pupil, however, was so much offended attheir extortion, that he absolutely refused to employ them, even whenthey abated one half in their demand, and swore he would stay onboard till the packet should be able to enter the harbour, rather thanencourage such imposition.

  The master, who in all probability had some sort of fellow-feeling withthe boatmen, in vain represented that he could not with safety lie-toor anchor upon a lee-shore: our hero, having consulted Pipes, answered,that he had
hired his vessel to transport him to Calais, and that hewould oblige him to perform what he had undertaken. The skipper, verymuch mortified at this peremptory reply, which was not over and aboveagreeable to Mr. Jolter, dismissed the boat, notwithstanding thesolicitations and condescension of the watermen. Running a littlefarther in shore, they came to an anchor, and waited till there waswater enough to float them over the bar. Then they stood into theharbour; and our gentleman, with his attendants and baggage, werelanded on the pier by the sailors, whom he liberally rewarded for theirtrouble.

  He was immediately plied by a great number of porters, who, like somany hungry wolves, laid hold on his baggage, and began to carry it offpiecemeal, without his order or direction. Incensed at this officiousinsolence, he commanded them to desist, with many oaths and opprobriousterms that his anger suggested; and perceiving, that one of them didnot seem to pay any regard to what he said, but marched off with hisburthen, he snatched a cudgel out of his lacquey's hand, and overtakingthe fellow in a twinkling, brought him to the ground with one blow. Hewas instantly surrounded by the whole congregation of this canaille, whoresented the injury which their brother had sustained, and would havetaken immediate satisfaction on the aggressor, had not Pipes, seeing hismaster involved, brought the whole crew to his assistance, and exertedhimself so manfully that the enemy were obliged to retreat with manymarks of defeat, and menaces of interesting the commandant in theirquarrel. Jolter, who knew and dreaded the power of the French governor,began to shake with apprehension, when he heard their repeatedthreats, but they durst not apply to this magistrate, who, upon a fairrepresentation of the case, would have punished them severely fortheir rapacious and insolent behaviour. Peregrine, without furthermolestation, availed himself of his own attendants, who shouldered hisbaggage and followed him to the gate, where they were stopped by thesentinels until their names should be registered.

  Mr. Jolter, who had undergone this examination before, resolved toprofit by his experience, and cunningly represented his pupil as ayoung English lord. This intimation, supported by the appearance of hisequipage, was no sooner communicated to the officer, than he turned outthe guard, and ordered his soldiers to rest upon their arms, while hislordship passed in great state to the Lion d'Argent, where he took uphis lodging for the night, resolving to set out for Paris next morningin a post-chaise.

  The governor triumphed greatly in this piece of complaisance and respectwith which they had been honoured, and resumed his beloved topic ofdiscourse, in applauding the method and subordination of the Frenchgovernment, which was better calculated for maintaining order andprotecting the people, than any constitution upon earth. Of theircourteous attention to strangers, there needed no other proof than thecompliment which had been paid to them, together with the governor'sconnivance at Peregrine's employing his own servants in carrying thebaggage to the inn, contrary to the privilege of the inhabitants.

  While he expatiated with a remarkable degree of self-indulgence onthis subject, the valet-de-chambre coming into the room interrupted hisharangue by telling his master that their trunks and portmanteaus mustbe carried to the custom-house, in order to be searched, and sealed withlead, which must remain untouched until their arrival at Paris.

  Peregrine made no objection to this practice, which was in itselfreasonable enough; but when he understood that the gate was besieged byanother multitude of porters, who insisted upon their right of carryingthe goods, and also of fixing their own price, he absolutely refused tocomply with their demand. Nay, he chastised some of the most clamorousamong them with his foot, and told them, that if their custom-houseofficers had a mind to examine his baggage, they might come to the innfor that purpose. The valet-de-chambre was abashed at this boldness ofhis master's behaviour, which the lacquey, shrugging up his shoulders,observed, was bien a l'Anglaise; while the governor represented it as anindignity to the whole nation, and endeavoured to persuade his pupil tocomply with the custom of the place. But Peregrine's natural haughtinessof disposition hindered him from giving ear to Jolter's wholesomeadvice; and in less than half-an-hour they observed a file of musketeersmarching up to the gate. At sight of this detachment the tutor trembled,the valet grew pale, and the lacquey crossed himself; but our hero,without exhibiting any other symptoms than those of indignation, metthem on the threshold, and with a ferocious air demanded their business.The corporal who commanded the file answered, with great deliberation,that he had orders to convey his baggage to the custom-house; and seeingthe trunks standing in the entry, placed his men between them and theowner, while the porters that followed took them up, and proceeded tothe douane without opposition.

  Pickle was not mad enough to dispute the authority of this message; butin order to gall and specify his contempt for those who brought it, hecalled aloud to his valet, desiring him, in French, to accompany histhings, and see that none of his linen and effects should be stolen bythe searchers. The corporal, mortified at this satirical insinuation,darted a look of resentment at the author, as if he had been interestedfor the glory of his nation; and told him that he could perceive he wasa stranger in France, or else he would have saved himself the trouble ofsuch a needless precaution.

  CHAPTER XXXVI.