by T. Smollett
The Painter is persuaded to accompany Pickle to a Masquerade inWoman's Apparel---Is engaged in a troublesome Adventure, and, with hisCompanion, conveyed to the Bastille.
The painter, at the request of Pickle, who had a design upon the count'ssense of hearing, favoured the company with the song of Bumper SquireJones, which yielded infinite satisfaction to the baron, but affectedthe delicate ears of the Italian in such a manner, that his featuresexpressed astonishment and disquiet; and by his sudden and repeatedjourneys to the door, it plainly appeared, that he was in the samepredicament with those who, as Shakespeare observes, "when the bagpipesings in the nose, cannot contain their urine for affection."
With a view, therefore, of vindicating music from such a barbaroustaste. Mr. Pallet had no sooner performed his task, than the counthonoured his friends with some favourite airs of his own country, whichhe warbled with infinite grace and expression, though he had not energysufficient to engage the attention of the German, who fell fast asleepupon his couch, and snored so loud, as to interrupt, and totally annul,this ravishing entertainment; so that they were fain to have recourseagain to the glass, which made such innovation upon the brain of thephysician, that he sang divers odes of Anacreon to a tune of his owncomposing, and held forth upon the music and recitative of the ancientswith great erudition; while Pallet, having found means to make theItalian acquainted with the nature of his profession, harangued uponpainting with wonderful volubility, in a language which (it was well forhis own credit) the stranger did not understand.
At length the doctor was seized with such a qualm, that he beggedPeregrine to lead him to his chamber; and the baron, being waked,retired with the count. Peregrine, being rendered frolicsome withthe wine he had drunk, proposed that he and Pallet should go to amasquerade, which he recollected was to be given that night. The painterdid not want curiosity and inclination to accompany him, but expressedhis apprehension of losing him in the ball; an accident which couldnot fail to be very disagreeable, as he was an utter stranger to thelanguage and the town. To obviate this objection, the landlady, who wasof their council, advised him to appear in a woman's dress, which wouldlay his companion under the necessity of attending him with more care,as he could not with decency detach himself from the lady whom heshould introduce; besides, such a connection would hinder the ladies ofpleasure from accosting and employing their seducing arts upon a personalready engaged.
Our young gentleman foreseeing the abundance of diversion in theexecution of this project, seconded the proposal with such importunityand address, that the painter allowed himself to be habited in a suitbelonging to the landlady, who also procured for him a mask and domino,while Pickle provided himself with a Spanish dress. In this disguise,which they put on about eleven o'clock, did they, attended by Pipes,set out in a fiacre for the ball-room, into which Pickle led thissupposititious female, to the astonishment of the whole company, who hadnever seen such an uncouth figure in the appearance of a woman.
After they had taken a view of all the remarkable masks, and the painterhad been treated with a of glass of liqueur, his mischievous companiongave him the slip; and, vanishing in an instant, returned withanother mask and a domino over his habit, that he might enjoy Pallet'sperplexity, and be at hand to protect him from insult. The poor painter,having lost his guide, was almost distracted with anxiety, and stalkedabout the room, in quest of him, with such huge strides and oddity ofgesture, that he was followed by a whole multitude, who gazed at him asa preternatural phenomenon. This attendance increased his uneasinessto such a degree, that he could not help uttering a soliloquy aloud, inwhich he cursed his fate for having depended upon the promise of such awag; and swore, that if once he was clear of this scrape, he wouldnot bring himself into such a premunire again for the whole kingdom ofFrance.
Divers petit-maitres, understanding the mask was a foreigner, who in allprobability could not speak French, made up to him in their turns, inorder to display their wit and address, and teased him with several archquestions, to which he made no other reply than "No parly Francy. D--your chattering! Go about your business, can't ye." Among the maskswas a nobleman, who began to be very free with the supposed lady, andattempted to plunge his hand into her bosom: hut the painter was toomodest to suffer such indecent treatment; and when the gallant repeatedhis efforts in a manner still more indelicate, lent him such a boxon the ear, as made the lights dance before him, and created such asuspicion of Pallet's sex, that the Frenchman swore he was either a maleor a hermaphrodite, and insisted upon a scrutiny, for the sake of hisown honour, with such obstinacy of resentment, that the nymph was inimminent danger, not only of being exposed, but also undergoing severechastisement, for having made so free with the prince's ear; whenPeregrine, who saw and overheard everything that passed, thought it washigh time to interpose; and accordingly asserted his pretensions to theinsulted lady, who was overjoyed at this proof of his protection.
The affronted gallant persevered in demanding to know who she was, andour hero as strenuously refused to give him that satisfaction: so thathigh words ensued; and the prince threatening to punish his insolence,the young gentleman, who was not supposed to know his quality, pointedto the place where his own sword used to hang, and, snapping his fingersin his face, laid hold on the painter's arm, and led him to anotherpart of the room, leaving his antagonist to the meditations of his ownrevenge.
Pallet, having chid his conductor for his barbarous desertion, made himacquainted with the difficulty in which he had been involved; and flatlytelling him he would not put it in his power to give him the slip again,held fast by his arm during the remaining part of the entertainment, tothe no small diversion of the company, whose attention was altogetherengrossed in the contemplation of such an awkward, ungainly, stalkingapparition. At last Pickle, being tired of exhibiting this raree-show,complied with the repeated desires of his companion, and handed herinto the coach; which he himself had no sooner entered, than theywere surrounded by a file of musqueteers, commanded by an exempt,who, ordering the coach-door to be opened, took his place with greatdeliberation, while one of his detachment mounted the box, in order todirect the driver.
Peregrine at once conceived the meaning of this arrest, and it was wellfor him that he had no weapon wherewith to stand upon his defence; forsuch was the impetuosity and rashness of his temper, that, had he beenarmed, he would have run all risks rather than surrender himself to anyodds whatever; but Pallet, imagining that the officer was some gentlemanwho had mistaken their carriage for his own, desired his friend toundeceive the stranger; and when he was informed of the real state oftheir condition, his knees began to shake, his teeth to chatter, and heuttered a most doleful lamentation, importing his fear of being carriedto some hideous dungeon of the Bastille, where he should spend the restof his days in misery and horror, and never see the light of God's sun,nor the face of a friend; but perish in a foreign land, far removed fromhis family and connexions. Pickle d--d him for his pusillanimity; andthe exempt hearing a lady bemoan herself so piteously, expressed hismortification at being the instrument of giving her such pain, andendeavoured to console them by representing the lenity of the Frenchgovernment, and the singular generosity of the prince, by whose orderthey were apprehended.
Peregrine, whose discretion seemed to forsake him on all such occasions,exclaimed, with great bitterness, against the arbitrary administrationof France, and inveighed, with many expressions of contempt, againstthe character of the offended prince, whose resentment, far from beingnoble, he mid, was pitiful, ungenerous, and unjust. To this remonstrancethe officer made no reply, but shrugged up his shoulders in silentastonishment at the hardiesse of the prisoner; and the fiacre was juston the point of setting out, when they heard the noise of a scuffle atthe back of the coach, and the voice of Tom Pipes pronouncing, "I'llbe d--d if I do." This trusty attendant had been desired by one of theguards to descend from his station in the rear; but as he resolved toshare his master's fate, he took no notice of their entreaties, untilthey w
ere seconded by force; and that he endeavoured to repeal with hisheel, which he applied with such energy to the jaws of the soldier, whofirst came in contact with him, that they emitted a crashing sound likea dried walnut between the grinders of a Templar in the pit. Exasperatedat this outrage, the other saluted Tom's posteriors with his bayonet,which incommoded him so much that he could no longer keep his post, but,leaping upon the ground, gave his antagonist a chuck under the chin, andlaid him upon his back, then skipping over him with infinite agility,absconded among the crowd of coaches, till he saw the guard mount beforeand behind upon his master's fiacre, which no sooner set forward,than he followed at a small distance, to reconnoitre the place wherePeregrine should be confined. After having proceeded slowly through manywindings and turnings to a part of Paris, in which Pipes was an utterstranger, the coach stopped at a great gate, with a wicket in themiddle, which, being opened at the approach of the carriage, theprisoners were admitted; and, the guard returning with the fiacre, Tomdetermined to watch in that place all night, that, in the morning, hemight make such observations as might be conducive to the enlargement ofhis master.
CHAPTER XLVI.