by T. Smollett
Nor is the Physician sacred from his Ridicule--They reach Arras, whereour Adventurer engages in Play with two French Officers, who, nextMorning, give the Landlord an interesting Proof of their Importance.
The doctor remained sullen and dejected during the whole journey: notbut that he attempted to recover his importance by haranguing upon theRoman highways, when Mr. Jolter desired the company to take notice ofthe fine pavement upon which they travelled from Paris into Flanders;but Pallet, who thought he had now gained the ascendency over thephysician, exerted himself in maintaining the superiority he hadacquired, by venting various sarcasms upon his self-conceit andaffectation of learning, and even tittering puns and conundrums upon theremarks which the republican retailed. When he talked of the FlaminianWay, the painter questioned if it was a better pavement than theFleminian Way on which they travelled: and the doctor having observed,that this road was made for the convenience of drawing the Frenchartillery into Flanders, which was often the seat of war, his competitorin wit replied, with infinite vivacity, "There are more great guns thanthe French king knows of drawn along this causeway, doctor."
Encouraged by the success of these efforts, which tickled theimagination of Jolter, and drew smiles (as he imagined) of approbationfrom our hero, he sported in many other equivoques of the same nature;and at dinner, told the physician, that he was like the root of thetongue, as being cursedly down in the mouth.
By this time, such was the animosity subsisting between these quondamfriends, that they never conversed together, except with a viewof exposing each other to the ridicule or contempt of theirfellow-travellers. The doctor was at great pains to point out the follyand ignorance of Pallet in private to Peregrine, who was often conjuredin the same manner by the painter, to take notice of the physician'swant of manners and taste. Pickle pretended to acquiesce in the truthof their mutual severity, which, indeed, was extremely just; and bymalicious insinuations blew up their contention, with a view of bringingit to open hostility. But both seemed so averse to deeds of mortalpurpose, that for a long time his arts were baffled, and he couldnot spirit them up to any pitch of resentment higher than scurrilousrepartee.
Before they reached Arras, the city gates were shut, so that theywere obliged to take up their lodgings at an indifferent house in thesuburbs, where they found a couple of French officers, who had also rodepost from Paris so far on their way to Lisle. These gentlemen were aboutthe age of thirty, and their deportment distinguished by such an airof insolence, as disgusted our hero, who, nevertheless, accosted thempolitely in the yard, and proposed that they should sup together. Theythanked him for the honour of his invitation, which, however, theydeclined upon pretence of having ordered something for themselves;but promised to wait upon him and his company immediately after theirrepast.
This they accordingly performed; and, after having drunk a few glassesof Burgundy, one of them asked, if the young gentleman would, forpastime, take a hand at quadrille. Peregrine easily divined the meaningof this proposal, which was made with no other view than that offleecing him and his fellow-travellers; for he well knew to what shiftsa subaltern in the French service is reduced, in order to maintain theappearance of a gentleman, and had reason to believe that most of themwere sharpers from their youth: but, as he depended a good deal upon hisown penetration and address, he gratified the stranger's desire; and aparty was instantly formed of the painter, the physician, the proposer,and himself, the other officer having professed himself utterly ignorantof the game; in the course of the play, he took his station at the backof Pickle's chair, which was opposite to his friend, on pretence ofamusing himself with seeing his manner of conducting the cards. Theyouth was not such a novice but that he perceived the design of thispalpable piece of behaviour, which, notwithstanding, he overlooked forthe present, with a view of flattering their hopes in the beginning,that they might be the more effectually punished by their disappointmentin the end.
The game was scarce begun, when, by the reflection of a glass, hediscerned the officer at his back making signs to his companion, who,by preconcerted gestures, was perfectly informed of the contents ofPeregrine's hand, and, of consequence, fortunate in the course of play.Thus they were allowed to enjoy the fruits of their dexterity, untiltheir money amounted to some louis; when our young gentleman, thinkingit high time to do himself justice, signified in very polite terms tothe gentleman who stood behind him, that he could never play with easeand deliberation when he was overlooked by any bystander, and beggedthat he would have the goodness to be seated.
As this was a remonstrance which the stranger could not, with my showof breeding, resist, he asked pardon, and retired to the chair of thephysician, who frankly told him, that it was not the fashion of hiscountry for one to submit his hand to the perusal of a spectator; andwhen, in consequence of this rebuff, he wanted to quarter himself uponthe painter, he was refused by a wave of the hand, and shake of thehead, with an exclamation of pardonnez moi; which was repeated with suchemphasis, as discomposed this effrontery; and he found himself obligedto sit down in a state of mortification.
The odds being thus removed, fortune proceeded in her usual channel;and though the Frenchman, deprived of his ally, endeavoured to practisedivers strokes of finesse, the rest of the company observed him withsuch vigilance and caution, as baffled all his attempts, and in a verylittle time he was compelled to part with his winning: but, havingengaged in the match with an intention of taking all advantages,whether fair or unfair, that his superior skill should give him over theEnglishman, the money was not refunded without a thousand disputes, inthe course of which he essayed to intimidate his antagonist with highwords, which were retorted by our hero with such interest as convincedhim that he had mistaken his man, and persuaded him to make his retreatin quiet. Indeed, it was not without cause that they repined at thebad success of their enterprise; because, in all likelihood, they hadnothing to depend upon for the present but their own industry, and knewnot how to defray their expenses on the road, except by some acquisitionof this kind.
Next morning they rose at daybreak, and resolving to anticipate theirfellow-lodgers, bespoke post-horses as soon as they could be admittedinto the city; so that, when our company appeared, their beasts wereready in the yard, and they only waited to discuss the bill, which theyhad ordered to be made out. The landlord of the inn presented his cartewith fear and trembling to one of those ferocious cavaliers, who nosooner cast his eye upon the sum total, than he discharged a volley ofdreadful oaths, and asked if the king's officers were to be treated inthat manner? The poor publican protested, with great humility, that hehad the utmost respect for his majesty, and everything that belonged tohim; and that, far from consulting his own interest, all that he desiredwas, to be barely indemnified for the expense of their lodging.
This condescension seemed to have no other effect than that ofencouraging their arrogance. They swore his extortion should beexplained to the commandant of the town, who would, by making him apublic example, teach other innkeepers how to behave towards men ofhonour; and threatened with such confidence of indignation, that thewretched landlord, dreading the consequence of their wrath, imploredpardon in the most abject manner, begging, with many supplications, thathe might have the pleasure of lodging them at his own charge. This wasa favour which he with great difficulty obtained: they chid him severelyfor his imposition; exhorted him to have more regard for his ownconscience, as well as to the convenience of his guests; and, cautioninghim in particular touching his behaviour to the gentlemen of the army,mounted their horses, and rode off in great state, leaving him verythankful for having so successfully appeased the choler of two officers,who wanted either inclination or ability to pay their bill; forexperience had taught him to be apprehensive of all such travellers, whocommonly lay the landlord under contribution, by way of atonementfor the extravagance of his demands, even after he has professed hiswillingness to entertain them on their own terms.
CHAPTER L.