The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle

by T. Smollett

  Peregrine moralizes upon their Behaviour, which is condemned by theDoctor, and defended by the Governor--They arrive in safety at Lisle,dine at an Ordinary, visit the Citadel--The Physician quarrels with aNorth Briton, who is put in Arrest.

  These honourable adventurers being gone, Peregrine, who was presentduring the transaction, informed himself of the particulars from themouth of the innkeeper himself, who took Heaven and the saints towitness, that he should have been a loser by their custom, even ifthe bill had been paid: because he was on his guard against theirobjections, and had charged every article at an under price: but suchwas the authority of officers in France, that he durst not disputethe least circumstance of their will; for, had the case come under thecognizance of the magistrate, he must, in course, have suffered by themaxims of their government, which never fail to abet the oppressionof the army; and, besides, run the risk of incurring their futureresentment, which would be sufficient to ruin him from top to bottom.

  Our hero boiled with indignation at this instance of injustice andarbitrary power; and, turning to his governor, asked, if this too wasa proof of the happiness enjoyed by the French people. Jolter replied,that every human constitution must, in some things, be imperfect andowned, that in this kingdom, gentlemen were more countenanced thanthe vulgar, because it was to be presumed that their own sentimentsof honour and superior qualifications would entitle them to thispre-eminence, which had also a retrospective view to the merit of theirancestors, in consideration of which they were at first ennobled; but heaffirmed, that the innkeeper had misrepresented the magistracy, which,in France, never failed to punish flagrant outrages and abuse, withoutrespect of persons.

  The painter approved of the wisdom of the French government, in bridlingthe insolence of the mob, by which, he assured them, he had oftensuffered in his own person; having been often bespattered byhackney-coachmen, jostled by draymen and porters, and reviled in themost opprobrious terms by the watermen of London, where he had once losthis bag and a considerable quantity of hair, which had been cut offby some rascal in his passage through Ludgate, during the Lord Mayor'sprocession. On the other hand, the doctor with great warmth alleged,that those officers ought to suffer death, or banishment at least, forhaving plundered the people in this manner, which was so impudentand barefaced, as plainly to prove they were certain of escapingwith impunity, and that they were old offenders in the same degree ofdelinquency. He said, that the greatest man in Athens would have beencondemned to perpetual exile, and seen his estate confiscated for publicuse, had he dared in such a licentious manner to violate the rights ofa fellow-citizen; and as for the little affronts to which a man maybe subject from the petulance of the multitude, he looked upon them asglorious indications of liberty, which ought not to be repressed, andwould at any time rejoice to find himself overthrown in a kennel by theinsolence of a son of freedom, even though the fall should cost him alimb; adding, by way of illustration, that the greatest pleasure he everenjoyed was in seeing a dustman wilfully overturn a gentleman's coach,in which two ladies were bruised, even to the danger of their lives.Pallet, shocked at the extravagance of this declaration, "If that be thecase," said he, "I wish you may see every bone in your body broke by thefirst carman you meet in the streets of London."

  This argument being discussed, and the reckoning discharged without anydeduction, although the landlord, in stating the articles, had an eyeto the loss he had sustained by his own countrymen, they departedfrom Arras, and arrived in safety at Lisle, about two o'clock in theafternoon.

  They had scarce taken possession of their lodgings, in a large hotel inthe Grande Place, when the innkeeper gave them to understand, thathe kept an ordinary below, which was frequented by several Englishgentlemen who resided in town, and that dinner was then set uponthe table. Peregrine, who seized all opportunities of observing newcharacters, persuaded his company to dine in public; and they wereaccordingly conducted to the place, where they found a mixture of Scotchand Dutch officers, who had come from Holland to learn their exercisesat the academy, and some gentlemen in the French service, who were upongarrison duty in the citadel. Among these last was a person about theage of fifty, of a remarkably genteel air and polite address, dignifiedwith a Maltese cross, and distinguished by the particular veneration ofall those who knew him. When he understood that Pickle and his friendswere travellers, he accosted the youth in English, which he spoketolerably well; and, as they were strangers, offered to attend them inthe afternoon to all the places worth seeing in Lisle. Our hero thankedhim for his excess of politeness, which, he said, was peculiar to theFrench nation; and, struck with his engaging appearance, industriouslycourted his conversation, in the course of which he learned that thischevalier was a man of good sense and great experience, that he wasperfectly well acquainted with the greatest part of Europe, had livedsome years in England, and was no stranger to the constitution andgenius of that people.

  Having dined, and drunk to the healths of the English and French kings,two fiacres were called, in one of which the knight, with one of hiscompanions, the governor, and Peregrine seated themselves, the otherbeing occupied by the physician, Pallet, and two Scottish officers,who proposed to accompany them in their circuit. The first place theyvisited was the citadel, round the ramparts of which they walked,under the conduct of the knight, who explained with great accuracy theintention of every particular fortification belonging to that seeminglyimpregnable fortress; and, when they had satisfied their curiosity,took coach again, in order to view the arsenal, which stands in anotherquarter of the town; but, just as Pickle's carriage had crossed thepromenade, he heard his own name bawled aloud by the painter; and,ordering the fiacre to stop, saw Pallet, with one half of his bodythrust out at the window of the other coach, crying, with a terrifiedlook, "Mr. Pickle, Mr. Pickle, the for the love of God halt, and preventbloodshed, else here will be carnage and cutting of throats." Peregrine,surprised at this exclamation, immediately alighted, and, advancing tothe other vehicle, found one of their military companions standing uponthe ground, at the farther side of the coach, with his sword drawn, andfury in his countenance; and the physician, with a quivering lip, andhaggard aspect, struggling with the other, who had interposed in thequarrel, and detained him in his place.

  Our young gentleman, upon inquiry, found that this animosity had sprungfrom a dispute that happened upon the ramparts, touching the strength ofthe fortification, which the doctor, according to custom, undervalued,because it was a modern work; saying, that by the help of the militaryengines used among the ancients, and a few thousands of pioneers, hewould engage to take it in less than ten days after he should sit downbefore it. The North Briton, who was as great a pedant as the physician,having studied fortification, and made himself master of Caesar'sCommentaries and Polybius, with the observations of Folard, affirmed,that all the methods of besieging practised by the ancients would beutterly ineffectual against such a plan as that of the citadel of Lisle;and began to compare the vineae, aggeres, arietes, scorpiones, andcatapultae of the Romans, with the trenches, mines, batteries, andmortars used in the present art of war. The republican, finding himselfattacked upon what he thought his strong side, summoned all his learningto his aid; and, describing the famous siege of Plateae, happened tomisquote a passage of Thucydides, in which he was corrected by theother, who, having been educated for the church, was also a connoisseurin the Greek language. The doctor, incensed at being detected in sucha blunder in the presence of Pallet, who, he knew, would promulgate hisshame, told the officer, with great arrogance, that his objection wasfrivolous, and that he must not pretend to dispute on these matterswith one who had considered them with the utmost accuracy and care. Hisantagonist, piqued at this supercilious insinuation, replied withgreat heat, that for aught he knew, the doctor might be a very expertapothecary, but that in the art of war, and knowledge of the Greektongue, he was no other than an ignorant pretender.

  This asseveration produced an answer full of virulence, including anational reflectio
n upon the soldier's country; and the contention roseto mutual abuse, when it was suppressed by the admonitions of the othertwo, who begged they would not expose themselves in a strange place,but behave themselves like fellow-subjects and friends. They accordinglyceased reviling each other, and the affair was seemingly forgot;but after they had resumed their places in the coach, the painterunfortunately asked the meaning of the word tortise, which he hadheard them mention among the Roman implements of war. This question wasanswered by the physician, who described the nature of this expedientso little to the satisfaction of the officer, that he contradicted himflatly in the midst of his explanation; a circumstance which provokedthe republican to such a degree, that, in the temerity of his passion,he uttered the epithet, "impertinent scoundrel;" which was no soonerpronounced than the Caledonian made manual application to his nose, and,leaping out of the coach, stood waiting for him on the plain; while he,the physician, made feeble efforts to join him, being easily retainedby the other soldier; and Pallet, dreading the consequence in which hehimself might be involved, bellowed aloud for prevention.

  Our hero endeavoured to quiet the commotion by representing to the Scotthat he had already taken satisfaction for the injury he had received,and telling the doctor that he had deserved the chastisement which wasinflicted upon him; but the officer, encouraged perhaps by the confusionof his antagonist, insisted upon his asking pardon for what he had said;and the doctor, believing himself under the protection of his friendPickle, far from agreeing to such concession, breathed nothing butdefiance and revenge; so that the chevalier, in order to preventmischief, put the soldier under arrest, and sent him to his lodgings,under the care of the other French gentleman and his own companion; theybeing also accompanied by Mr. Jolter, who, having formerly seen all thecuriosities of Lisle, willingly surrendered his place to the physician.

  CHAPTER LI.