The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle

by T. Smollett

  Hornbeck is informed of his Wife's Adventure with Peregrine, for whom heprepares a Stratagem, which is rendered ineffectual by the Informationof Pipes--The Husband is ducked for his Intention, and our Heroapprehended by the Patrol.

  There was another person, however, still ungained; and that was no otherthan her footman, whose secrecy our hero attempted to secure in themorning by a handsome present, which he received with many professionsof gratitude and devotion to his service; yet this complaisance wasnothing but a cloak used to disguise the design he harboured of makinghis master acquainted with the whole transaction. Indeed this lacqueyhad been hired, not only as a spy upon his mistress, but also as a checkon the conduct of the governante, with promise of ample reward if everhe should discover any sinister or suspicious practices in the course ofher behaviour. As for the footman whom they had brought from England,he was retained in attendance upon the person of his master, whoseconfidence he had lost by advising him to gentle methods of reclaiminghis lady, when her irregularities had subjected her to his wrath.

  The Flemish valet, in consequence of the office he had undertaken, wroteto Hornbeck by the first post, giving an exact detail of the adventureat Versailles, with such a description of the pretended brother as leftthe husband no room to think he could be any other person than his firstdishonourer; and exasperated him to such a degree, that he resolvedto lay an ambush for this invader, and at once disqualify him fromdisturbing his repose, by maintaining further correspondence with hiswife.

  Meanwhile the lovers enjoyed themselves without restraint, andPeregrine's plan of inquiry after his dear unknown was for the presentpostponed. His fellow-travellers were confounded at his mysteriousmotions, which filled the heart of Jolter with anxiety and terror.This careful conductor was fraught with such experience of his pupil'sdisposition, that he trembled with the apprehension of some suddenaccident, and lived in continual alarm, like a man that walks under thewall of a nodding tower. Nor did he enjoy any alleviations of his fears,when, upon telling the young gentleman that the rest of the company weredesirous of departing for Antwerp, he answered, they were at liberty toconsult their own inclinations; but, for his own part, he was resolvedto stay in Brussels a few days longer. By this declaration the governorwas confirmed in the opinion of his having some intrigue upon the anvil.In the bitterness of his vexation, he took the liberty of signifying hissuspicion, and reminding him of the dangerous dilemmas to which he hadbeen reduced by his former precipitation.

  Peregrine took his caution in good part, and promised to behavewith such circumspection as would screen him from any troublesomeconsequences for the future: but, nevertheless, behaved that sameevening in such a manner as plainly showed that his prudence was nothingelse than vain speculation. He had made an appointment to spend thenight, as usual, with Mrs. Hornbeck; and about nine o'clock hastened toher lodgings, when he was accosted in the street by his old discardedfriend Thomas Pipes, who, without any other preamble, told him, that forall he had turned him adrift, he did not choose to see him run fullsail into his enemy's harbour, without giving him timely notice of thedanger. "I'll tell you what," said he; "mayhap you think I want to curryfavour, that I may be taken in tow again; if you do, you have made amistake in your reckoning. I am old enough to be laid up, and have tokeep my planks from the weather. But this here is the affair: I haveknown you since you were no higher than a marlinspike, and shouldn'tcare to see you deprived of your rigging at these years; whereby Iam informed by Hornbeck's man, whom I this afternoon fell in with bychance, as how his master has got intelligence of your boarding hiswife, and has steered privately into this port with a large complementof hands, in order, d'ye see, to secure you while you are under thehatches. Now, if so be as how you have a mind to give him a salt eel forhis supper, here am I, without hope of fee or reward, ready to standby you as long as my timbers will stick together: and if I expect anyrecompense, may I be bound to eat oakum and drink bilge-water for life."

  Startled at this information, Peregrine examined him upon theparticulars of his discourse with the lacquey; and when he understoodthat Hornbeck's intelligence flowed from the canal of his Flemishfootman, he believed every circumstance of Tom's report, thanked him forhis warning, and, after having reprimanded him for his misbehaviour atLisle, assured him that it should be his own fault if ever they shouldpart again. He then deliberated with himself whether or not he shouldretort the purpose upon his adversary; but when he considered thatHornbeck was not the aggressor, and made that unhappy husband's case hisown, he could not help quitting his intention of revenge; though, in hisopinion, it ought to have been executed in a more honourable manner, andtherefore he determined to chastise him for his want of spirit. Nothingsurely can be more insolent and unjust than this determination, whichinduced him to punish a person for his want of courage to redress theinjury which he himself had done to his reputation and peace; and yetthis barbarity of decision is authorised by the opinion and practice ofmankind.

  With these sentiments he returned to the inn, and, putting a pair ofpistols in his pocket, ordered his valet-de-chambre and Pipes to followhim at a small distance, so as that they should be within call incase of necessity, and then posted himself within thirty yards of hisdulcinea's door. There he had not been above half an hour, when heperceived four men take their station on the other side, with a view, ashe guessed, to watch for his going in, that he might be taken unaware.But when they had tarried a considerable time in that corner, withoutreaping the fruits of their expectation, their leader, persuaded thatthe gallant had gained admittance by some secret means, approached thedoor with his followers, who, according to the instructions they hadreceived, no sooner saw it opened, than they rushed in, leaving theiremployer in the street, where he thought his person would be leastendangered. Our adventurer, seeing him all alone, advanced with speed,and clapping a pistol to his breast, commanded him to follow hisfootsteps without noise, on pain of immediate death.

  Terrified at this sudden apparition, Hornbeck obeyed in silence; and, ina few minutes, they arrived at the quay, where Pickle, halting, gavehim to understand that he was no stranger to his villainous design; toldhim, that if he conceived himself injured by any circumstance of hisconduct, he would now give him an opportunity of resenting the wrong ina manner becoming a man of honour. "You have a sword about you," saidhe; "or, if you don't choose to put the affair on that issue, here is abrace of pistols; take which you please." Such an address could not failto disconcert a man of his character. After some hesitation, he, in afaltering accent, denied that his design was to mutilate Mr. Pickle, butthat he thought himself entitled to the benefit of the law, by which hewould have obtained a divorce, if he could have procured evidence of hiswife's infidelity; and, with that view, he had employed people totake advantage of the information he had received. With regard to thisalternative, he declined it entirely, because he could not see whatsatisfaction he should enjoy in being shot through the head, or runthrough the lungs, by a person who had already wronged him in anirreparable manner. Lastly, his fear made him propose that the affairshould be left to the arbitration of two creditable men, altogetherunconcerned in the dispute.

  To these remonstrances Peregrine replied, in the style of a hot-headedyoung man, conscious of his own unjustifiable behaviour, that everygentleman ought to be a judge of his own honour and therefore he wouldsubmit to the decision of no umpire whatsoever; that he would forgivehis want of courage, which might be a natural infirmity, but his meandissimulation he could not pardon. That, as he was certified of therascally intent of his ambuscade by undoubted intelligence, he wouldtreat him, not with a retaliation of his own treachery, but with suchindignity as a scoundrel deserves to suffer, unless he would make oneeffort to maintain the character he assumed in life. So saying, he againpresented his pistols, which being rejected as before, he called his twoministers, and ordered them to duck him in the canal.

  This command was pronounced and executed almost in the same breath, tothe unspeakable terror and dis
order of the poor shivering patient, who,having undergone the immersion, ran about like a drowned rat, squeakingfor assistance and revenge. His cries were overheard by the patrol,who, chancing to pass that way, took him under their protection, and,in consequence of his complaint and information, went in pursuit of ouradventurer and his attendants, who were soon overtaken and surrounded.Rash and inconsiderate as the young gentleman was, he did not pretendto stand upon the defensive against a file of musketeers, although Pipeshad drawn his cutlass at their approach, but surrendered himself withoutopposition, and was conveyed to the main guard, where the commandingofficer, engaged by his appearance and address, treated him with allimaginable respect. Hearing the particulars of his adventure, he assuredhim that the prince would consider the whole as a tour de jeunesse, andorder him to be released without delay.

  Next morning, when this gentleman gave in his report, he made such afavourable representation of the prisoner, that our hero was on thepoint of being discharged, when Hornbeck preferred a complaint, accusinghim of a purposed assassination, and praying that such punishment shouldbe inflicted upon him as his highness should think adequate to thenature of the crime. The prince, perplexed with this petition, inconsequence of which he foresaw that he must disoblige a Britishsubject, sent for the plaintiff, of whom he had some knowledge, and, inperson, exhorted him to drop the prosecution, which would only serve topropagate his own shame. But Hornbeck was too much incensed to listen toany proposal of that kind, and peremptorily demanded justice againstthe prisoner, whom he represented as an obscure adventurer, who had maderepeated attempts upon his honour and his life. Prince Charles told him,that what he had advised was in the capacity of a friend; but, since heinsisted upon his acting as a magistrate, the affair should be examined,and determined according to the dictates of justice and truth.

  The petitioner being dismissed with this promise, the defendant was, inhis turn, brought before the judge, whose prepossession in his favourwas in a great measure weakened by what his antagonist had said to theprejudice of his birth and reputation.

  CHAPTER LXI.