As a doctor, he knew his avoidance was foolish. The best thing he could do was call his medical team back immediately so that he could arrange to have oversight of his care transferred to doctors in St. Victoria. Still, he hesitated. For the first few days, he’d told himself he was busy, that he was waiting to get settled in, and that he’d call when he had the time. But now Theo’s doctors were calling every day, and he was deleting their messages without listening to them first.
It wasn’t that he was afraid of what those messages might say exactly. It was more that he simply wanted a break from being a patient. He wanted one part of his life that wasn’t touched by cancer. He was enjoying the sense of finally, finally starting the life he wanted. He didn’t have to schedule his work life around medical appointments. He was starting to connect with his daughter. And he might have a real chance at a relationship with Willow. He just wanted a moment to enjoy all of that, without the next medical appointment looming over his head.
But the moment was turning into days, which were turning into weeks. Soon, it would be months, and Theo would have to acknowledge that he wasn’t just taking a break. He was hiding. And Willow had been right, on the beach: he was scared.
But he couldn’t hide forever. It was time to call his doctor back. Not just for himself, but for the people he cared about. He wanted to keep the promise he’d made to Willow, and be honest with her.
He checked his watch. It would be just after eight p.m. in London if he called now. His doctor wouldn’t be in the office, but he could leave a message. For a moment he wondered if he should wait until the next morning, so he could speak with his doctor directly. No, he thought, best to get it done now. Who knew how he might feel in the morning. If he waited any later to make the call, he might change his mind.
To his surprise, his doctor answered the phone. “Theo!” Dr. Raida greeted him. “Where have you been? I was getting worried.”
Theo’s heart sank. He liked his doctor, but until that moment, he hadn’t realized how much he’d been hoping that Dr. Raida had gone home for the evening. He’d wanted to leave a quick message and then hang up, but hearing his doctor’s voice brought back all the memories he’d been hoping to avoid.
“I’m sorry, Doc. I’ve been incredibly busy. As are you apparently, if you’re working after eight p.m. tonight.”
His doctor tsked over the phone. “I had a few emergencies this morning and decided to stay late to finish up with some paperwork—and a good thing, too, or I’d have missed your call. You of all people should know how important it is to keep close contact with your treatment team. What kind of oncologist drops off the face of the earth the moment he’s in remission?”
“I noticed that you’ve been trying to get hold of me.”
“Yes, and thank goodness I finally did. We need to do another biopsy.”
Theo’s stomach went cold. “What?”
“I’m sorry, Theo. I know that’s not something you want to hear. But I was looking over some imaging from your case just before you left. You remember that skin lesion we took a picture of? I wasn’t too worried about it at first, but I’ve talked it over with some colleagues, and we agreed that we should take a tissue sample to rule out cancer.”
Theo held his forehead in his hands.
“This is just a precautionary measure. Just to be on the safe side. Don’t get too concerned yet. By all other indications, your prognosis is very good. But we want to be absolutely sure everything’s okay.”
“I can’t leave the Caribbean right now.” He tried to keep his voice from cracking.
“That’s all right. Have you set up care with any doctors there?”
“Not yet. I’ll get to work on that right away.”
“Do that, please. We’ll fax your records over as soon as we can and talk about coordinating care.”
“Sure thing,” Theo said as he hung up the phone.
Amid all the devastation, turmoil and fear that flooded his mind, one thought emerged, clear as day: he could not tell Willow about this.
Things were just starting to go well, both with her and with every other area of his life. He couldn’t let cancer screw everything up again.
He remembered what he’d told her on the beach. And he remembered what she’d said about her ex, in the cafeteria. How he’d just told her what he thought she wanted to hear, instead of the truth.
But this was different. For one thing, nothing had really changed about his situation. He didn’t need to update Willow about anything, because there was nothing new to report. Just because his doctor was ordering a biopsy didn’t mean that his remission status had changed. There would be nothing new to tell Willow until after he had the test results. And why mention it before then? What if the test results were clear, and he’d worried her for no reason?
And another thing: he wasn’t trying to deliberately mislead Willow. He just wanted to protect her. The same way he’d tried to protect his family from the full knowledge of what he was facing. The way he’d tried to protect Maisie from the loss of a parent. Willow might say that she wanted him to be open with her about what he was going through, but she probably didn’t understand the magnitude of what she was asking.
He’d start setting up appointments tomorrow, he decided. Not at the clinic, but at St. Victoria Hospital. They might not have the resources of the Island Clinic, but they should be perfectly capable of coordinating with his care team in London. With no danger of the information getting back to Willow.
CHAPTER SEVEN
OVER THE NEXT few weeks, Willow’s life began to settle back into an easy routine of work, caring for Maisie and spending time with Theo. She realized that over her past year on St. Victoria, she’d never had any visitors, and it was fun to play tour guide and show Theo all that the island had to offer. For Maisie, that meant hours showing Theo her favorite dolls, her tea sets and her rather alarming collection of small dried crustacean bodies gleaned from the tide pools near their home. For Willow, it meant visiting various hiking spots and music venues on the island. Although neither of them said it outright, many of their outings felt suspiciously like dates, although Willow expected that, if pressed, she and Theo would both describe their time together as simply “getting to know each other.”
Maisie became attached to Theo just as quickly as Willow had feared. She’d tried to remind herself that she couldn’t focus all of her energy on how Maisie might get hurt if things didn’t work out. She recalled her conversation with Roni: What if things did go well? What if Maisie and Theo had a perfectly lovely time together, and rather than being scarred for life by disappointment, Maisie simply formed some positive memories?
She had to admit that it was nice to have someone willing to help with Maisie, without having to impose on her neighbors. After their first visit to Theo’s house, he’d begun dropping by Willow’s place on weekends to check in on Maisie and to see if Willow wanted some time to herself. At first, Willow was hesitant to leave Maisie and Theo to their own devices, but Maisie was always thrilled to see Theo, especially when he began to bring Bixby on his visits. And there were certain days, especially after a long workweek, where it felt positively decadent to have time for a nap or some reading on weekend afternoons.
They’d had to set some ground rules at first. Theo had thought it might be fun to give Maisie some cooking lessons.
“Maybe start with something small, like pouring a bowl of cereal,” Willow had suggested.
“Don’t worry about it,” said Theo. “We’ve got this.” Maisie had outfitted him in a number of Mardi Gras beads, and was herself wearing a long feather boa. She seemed to delight in dressing Theo in the most garish accessories she could find from her dressing-up box, and Theo submitted to this with good humor.
“Are you sure?” Willow said.
“It’s fine. I’ve been teaching my nieces and nephews to bake since they were toddlers
. I’ll be doing most of the work, and Maisie will help.”
“She does love to help,” said Willow, bemused. She’d taken a lovely nap, and forty minutes later awoke to pancake batter on the kitchen ceiling.
“We made pamcakes!” Maisie announced, bursting with pride. Theo’s expression was somewhat more shamefaced.
“Things...got a little out of hand,” he said as Willow surveyed the wreckage. Cracked eggs on the linoleum floor, seven different mixing bowls in various stages of cleanliness and batter coating the stove, ceiling and cupboards.
“I would say so,” she said, shaking with silent laughter. “It looks like you let Maisie help a lot.”
“Oh, yes. Every step of the way, in fact.”
“Well. As long as you had fun.”
“We did,” Maisie said, her eyes shining. “Try the pamcake, Mummy. I made it.”
Theo’s eyes were shining, too, and Willow could see how happy it made him to have made something with his daughter. Even if the kitchen now held more mess than it did pancakes.
But after he’d cleaned her kitchen, it smelled even nicer than before they’d started, so she didn’t mind.
She was a little nervous, but mostly pleased, to see that he and Maisie were getting on so well together. As for Theo and herself...she never thought she’d regret their decision to proceed slowly. But as they continued to spend time together, she was finding it increasingly difficult to hold back. She wanted him. Her skin felt afire every time he touched her. If he put an arm around her or helped her with her coat, it was all she could do not to burst into flames. But the rational part of her was able to maintain a tenuous control, just enough so that she was able to keep herself from making any decisions she’d regret. She had responsibilities. She couldn’t let physical desire override her judgment.
She threw herself into her work, hoping she could distract herself. Of course, Theo was at work, too, so it wasn’t as if he wasn’t on her mind there, as well. But then again, he wasn’t around as much as he’d been at first. She supposed that made sense. He only did clinical work part-time, after all, and the rest of the time he did research. He’d begun setting up a number of research studies through St. Victoria Hospital so that patients who couldn’t afford treatment could be part of research trials and have their care supported by grant funding. Setting up the research trials took up much of his time, he said, and so he was often away from the clinic and working late hours.
With Theo so busy, they didn’t have much time to talk at work. He always seemed to be rushing off to St. Victoria Hospital for one appointment or another. But Willow didn’t mind. She was glad that Theo was starting to fit in at his new job, and she was proud that he was doing research he was passionate about. She did miss seeing him as often as she’d used to, though. Just a few weeks ago, she’d never have thought she could miss seeing him at work. Yet here she was, thinking about his presence, his smile...his hands, steady and strong, pressing against her waist as they stole a moment together.
“Willow. Are you thinking about Theo again?” Roni’s eyes twinkled from where she lay on her gurney, Buttons curled up beside her.
“Nonsense. I’d never let my personal life distract me at work,” Willow said, lying through her teeth. She smiled and whispered, “Keep it down! We don’t want anyone at work finding out just yet.”
“But I need details! Have you two done the deed yet?”
Willow was about to protest, but then gave up, knowing that Roni was relentless in her pursuit of information. “We’re taking it slow.”
“Slow!” Roni scoffed. “Youth is wasted on the young.”
“Besides, he’s been very busy lately. He has to do a lot of running back and forth between here and St. Victoria Hospital. So we haven’t been able to see each other much.”
Roni frowned. “What could possibly be more important to this young man than spending time with you?”
“Oh, no, it’s not like that! I just know that it’s a lot of work to adjust to a new job, and Theo is still figuring out how to manage everything.”
Roni still looked perturbed, and in an effort to change the subject, Willow said, “Your prognosis is still looking very good, despite what the press might say.” The doom and gloom headlines about Roni’s treatment persisted, with the press claiming that Roni was practically at death’s door.
“I suppose telling everyone that I’m dying sells more papers than the truth.”
“Still, you might want to think about having one of your assistants give them a little information. They could send out a press release, or at least give a quote about your condition.”
At first, Roni and the clinic staff had agreed that as the press was so pushy, they shouldn’t be given any information. Everyone had hoped that if the press realized there was no information to be had, they would simply go away. But the press encampment outside the clinic property had only got larger over the past few weeks, and the misinformation they were printing had become increasingly egregious.
“Hmm. I suppose they’ve stewed long enough. I’ll hold a press conference. That way I can update them on my condition and announce the donation I’m making, as well. I think pledging a few million to support health-care programs for the residents of St. Victoria should be enough to distract the press from their obsession with my health, and focus on that story instead.”
“Roni, that’s wonderful. The island will be able to do some wonderful things with that kind of funding.”
“Least I can do. St. Victoria is a special place. And while I do love coming here to beat cancer in style, I’ll love it even more knowing that everyone has access to the help they need.” Roni threw back her blankets and sat up. “Time to get back to work. Let’s set this press conference up and give the sharks their feeding frenzy.”
* * *
Theo turned his car up the long parkway toward the clinic’s main entrance. Most days, he spent his mornings at St. Victoria Hospital, where he set up research studies, and then headed for the Island Clinic in the afternoon to work with patients. He found that he liked the variety of his work a great deal. He also didn’t mind traveling the short distance between both medical centers every day. His schedule was flexible enough that the brief commute didn’t add any pressure. But more importantly, he was able to attend his own medical appointments at St. Victoria Hospital as often as needed, without drawing anyone else’s attention.
When he’d set up his medical care at St. Victoria Hospital, he’d done so with the express goal of not wanting to alert Willow that there was anything amiss. He’d worried that he would face questions from other doctors about his decision not to use the Island Clinic’s resources, but apparently plenty of clinic staff got their care at St. Victoria Hospital, and vice versa, both as a professional courtesy and to minimize conflicts of interest. So the care team at St. Victoria Hospital hadn’t been surprised that he was arranging for his care there at all. He’d had the biopsy done, and now had only to wait the typical four to six weeks for the results. His medical team had been reassuring that all signs continued to indicate that he was still in remission. The important thing was to keep his spirits up while they waited for the results.
He’d heard it all before. Cancer was all about measuring and waiting, and keeping morale high while one measured and waited. He tried not to think about it, but he did worry that Willow might have noticed that he was hiding something from her. He’d had to slip out of the clinic frequently over the past few weeks in order to establish care with new doctors, and then had to work late to make up for lost time. He’d told her that he was still adjusting to his new job, but he worried she might suspect it was more than that.
He still felt guilty about breaking his promise to Willow. But technically, he was within the letter of the law. He’d promised to keep her updated about any changes in his health, but really, a test wasn’t a change. It was just a procedure to find out w
hether there had been a change. So there was no need to put Willow through the stress of waiting to get the biopsy results with him. If it turned out they were clear, he might not ever need to tell her about it at all.
The closer he became to Willow and Maisie, the more certain he was that he didn’t want to tell Willow about the biopsy. The days he spent with Maisie were everything he’d hoped they would be. He delighted in spending time with his daughter, doing all the little things he’d imagined doing with a child of his own. They’d baked cookies together—with extremely careful supervision and somewhat less helping from Maisie, after the pancake fiasco—took long walks on the beach discovering interesting shells and pebbles and had dress-up tea parties. He was loving every minute of it.
But as he felt himself growing closer to both of them, he also wondered, again, if he could let himself have a family of his own. How could the three of them ever be a real family when the threat of cancer loomed over him? When he’d gone into remission, his doctors had reminded him to take things one day at a time. But it was hard not to focus on his worries and fears about the future when he was awaiting biopsy results. Did he have the right to ask Willow to join him for a lifetime of worrying that the cancer might come back someday? There was no way to know if he would have multiple cancer scares throughout his life, or if this most recent biopsy would be the last time he’d have to go through this. With such little certainty, could he allow himself to get close to Willow, knowing that there was a chance he’d have to rely on her for much greater support in the near future? He wasn’t sure if that was fair to Willow, or to Maisie.
As he drove up the Island Clinic parkway, he saw Roni standing on the edge of the clinic grounds, with a few of the staff behind her. He could recognize Willow’s petite frame, even from this distance, because she was a head or two shorter than the rest of the staff. She was surrounded by a phalanx of press, and she was holding a giant, oversize check. Good, a press conference, Theo thought. About time. The press was getting out of control with the amount of unsubstantiated rumors they were printing. And it looked as though Roni was announcing a donation, as well. Nate should be pleased. Theo also noticed that there was a heavy security presence. He was glad Nate had taken his caution about the overzealousness of the press seriously.
Caribbean Paradise, Miracle Family Page 11