Caribbean Paradise, Miracle Family

by Julie Danvers

  “I’m not,” he said, trying to keep his voice low so that he wouldn’t wake Willow in the other room. “I’m just listening to you.”

  “No, you’re hardly saying anything. And now you’re speaking quietly.”

  He was about to protest, but at that moment, Willow came tiptoeing down the hall, already dressed.

  Sister, he mouthed quietly, pointing at the phone. Willow nodded and headed toward the door.

  Damn. He didn’t want to tell Becca about Willow, because doing so would undoubtedly result in shrieks of sisterly joy that he didn’t want his ears subjected to this early in the morning. On the other hand, he didn’t want Willow to leave without having breakfast. Or at least without saying goodbye.

  “Hold on,” he said into the phone. “Just give me one minute.”

  He caught Willow just as she was about to walk out the door.

  “I was hoping you’d stay for breakfast.”

  “I can’t. I have an early shift today. I should have been up an hour ago. I don’t even have time for toast.”

  “You should have told me! I would have set the alarm earlier this morning.”

  “No, I needed the rest after last night. It’s all right. I’ll pick up a chocolate croissant when I get in.”

  “When can I see you again?”

  “In about thirty minutes. I’m going to work, remember?”

  “No, I mean when can I see you again?”

  She gave him a quick kiss, just at the corner of his mouth. “As soon as possible.”

  He watched her leave, and then turned his attention back to his phone, where he could hear Becca’s voice screeching.

  “Who was that? They sounded female. What was a woman doing at your place this early in the morning?”

  He sighed. Becca would find out eventually. And now that he had some coffee going, he thought he might be able to handle her reaction.

  “That was Willow. She was just leaving.”

  “But isn’t it, like, seven in the morning in the Caribbean? Why was she over just now?”

  “She, ah...spent the night.”

  He had to hold the phone an arm’s length away from his ear as Becca gave an excited shriek.

  “So what’s the story with you two? Are you an item? When will the family meet her?”

  “Not for a long time. We’re taking it slow and seeing how it goes.”

  “You can’t be taking it that slow. You’ve been there, what, a month and a half, and she’s already sleeping over? When did this start?”

  “Look, I’d be happy to fill you in on the details, but for right now, I don’t want you to get overexcited, okay? This is a very new situation for both of us, and it’s complicated, because it could affect Maisie. We don’t want to add any more pressure than there already is.”

  “Okay. Got it. No pressure. But can I at least be happy for you?”

  He couldn’t help smiling. “I’m happy for me, so I guess it’s okay if you are, too.”

  “You deserve it, little brother.”

  “Becca. We’re twins.”

  “Yes, but I’m the five-minutes-older twin. Which makes me five minutes wiser, too. You’ve had plenty of tough stuff in your life. I’m glad you get some brightness, too.”

  He knew she meant well. But his sister could be very...effusive at times.

  “Speaking of the tough stuff,” she continued. “Did you get those biopsy results yet?”

  “Still waiting. It usually takes four to six weeks, so I should get them any day now.”

  “How’s Willow handling it? I’m sure she must be nervous.”

  “Um. Actually, I haven’t told her about it.”

  “What? How could you not tell her?”

  “The test results might be clear. I didn’t see any reason to worry her unnecessarily.”

  “I don’t believe it. This is so you. You’re doing exactly what you always do.”

  “Which is what?”

  “You’re pushing people away, especially the people who could help you the most. You’re distancing and cutting yourself off from people under the guise of protecting them.”

  “Well, that’s just completely not true.”

  “I’ve seen you do it before. With the family. With Mum and Dad especially. Downplaying your cancer, being secretive about how your treatments were working out. Pretending that you weren’t that tired or that the side effects weren’t that bad. The way you were acting, anyone might have thought you had a touch of flu, rather than a life-threatening illness.”

  “That was different. Dad had just been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and Mum needed our help. She didn’t need to worry about what was happening with me, too.”

  “I hate to say this, but what if things hadn’t gone well? What if Mum had learned that you’d died suddenly, and she didn’t have any time to prepare for it?”

  Theo shifted uneasily. “I never lied to her about anything.”

  “Sure, but you never volunteered information, either. You made it sound like cancer was a matter of a few chemo treatments and then you were done, rather than a four-year struggle for your life. We didn’t even get to celebrate that you were in remission, because more than half the family didn’t realize you’d had cancer in the first place.”

  “Which was as I wanted it. Being in remission was enough good news. Yes, it would have been nice to have everyone celebrate with me, but making sure no one knew the full extent of it was more important.”

  “Yes, but what you don’t realize, Theo, is that I was the one everyone went to when they were trying to figure out how serious your cancer was. And I couldn’t tell them anything, because I knew you’d never forgive me for it. It was so stupid, because everyone just wanted to help you. You could have had so much more support if you’d only let people in.”

  “Now hold on. That’s exactly why I tried to keep everyone from finding out the full extent of what I was dealing with. You know how our family is. Everyone wants to know everything. Gossip flies fast, and if people get even the tiniest shred of news, suddenly our third cousin in Ibiza knows about it. I didn’t want anything to get out, not just for my own desire for privacy, but because I also didn’t want one of the aunts or cousins to call Mum and start telling her all about how I was struggling with the side effects.”

  “Look, I get why you did it, even if I don’t necessarily agree with it. But if you keep shutting people out like this, eventually someone’s going to get hurt. I know you do it because you want to protect everyone, but it comes off as though you don’t want people involved in your life.”

  “It doesn’t matter,” he told her. “You don’t know what it’s like to have a serious illness. It’s hard enough to deal with cancer without having to know about how much other people are worrying.”

  “Are you serious?” her voice cried from the phone. “I don’t know what it’s like?”

  He instantly regretted his choice of words. Becca was the only person in his family that he’d confided in during the worst of the cancer, and he’d just been completely dismissive of her support. “I didn’t mean that the way it sounded,” he said, not quickly enough.

  “I hope not.” He’d never heard her sound so angry. “Because I was the one who was there on those nights that you supposedly didn’t need to worry anybody. I was the one keeping your meds organized and driving you to the hospital when your fevers got too high.”

  “And I feel terrible that you were in that position.”

  “I wanted to be in that position! I’m your sister, Theo. Even if you don’t want me, I’m going to be there for you. That’s what family does—they stick by each other when things are tough. Not just for the good times, but for the difficult bits, too. And I’m certain that Willow will want to be there for you through this.”

  “I’ll think about it,” he said, becaus
e he knew Becca wouldn’t let this go unless he at least pretended to acknowledge changing his mind. In any other situation, he might have agreed with her. But she just didn’t understand how he felt. She couldn’t, unless she’d been in the same situation herself. He hoped she never would be.

  “You do that. Think about it a lot,” Becca said. “And... I’ll be thinking about you, and hoping your biopsy comes through clear. Because I care about you. In fact, you’ve got a lot of people who care about you. So don’t shut us out, okay?”

  They ended their call and Theo went onto the porch to have his toast and coffee next to Bixby. The dog settled his head on Theo’s knee, and Theo scratched just the right spot behind his ears.

  He felt guilty about what he’d said to Becca, and even guiltier that she’d shouldered so much of the burden of worrying about his health. It had been so hard for him to open up to her that he’d never stopped to consider that she might have appreciated being able to share her worries about him with someone else. But of course, she’d kept his secrets and respected his privacy as best she could, because she was his sister. He felt a wave of affection for her, even though he still didn’t think she understood why he had to keep his biopsy a secret from Willow.

  When Theo went to go back inside, the dog placed his paw on the door and looked at him with his usual pleading eyes. “No, Bixby,” Theo said firmly. “You know you live out here.” The dog whined, and Theo rubbed his sides to reassure him. “Come on, you’ve got a perfectly nice bed and all your toys on the porch.”

  There was nothing he would have liked more than to bring the dog inside. He’d had a dog as a child, and he’d always wanted one as an adult, but he’d been so busy in medical school that he’d never had the time. And then the cancer had hit soon after, and he could barely take care of himself, let alone a dog.

  And now, just when he was trying to prove that he could take care of his own child, he was also facing the worry that his cancer might come back. He couldn’t stomach his anger toward the cancer. It ruined everything in his life. The cancer had been the reason he’d stayed away from his daughter in the first place, hoping he could protect her from grief. When he’d entered remission, he’d decided that he couldn’t live his life as though the threat of a recurrence of cancer was always in the background. He was tired of letting cancer control his decisions, tired of letting it take away everything he wanted.

  He’d missed the first three years of his daughter’s life because of cancer. Or because of his desire to protect her from the emotional impact of his cancer. At the time, he’d been so certain he was making the right decision. But over the past few weeks, he’d been faced with the full realization of everything he’d missed. Maisie’s deep, full-body chuckle; her preoccupation with the little rocks and shells she found on the beach; the warmth of her hand in his. Now that he knew her, his heart ached at how much he’d missed. For weeks, he’d been wrestling with the decision he’d made more than three years ago. He’d tried to tell himself that there was no use dwelling on it; he couldn’t change the past. But he knew now that if he were faced with the same decision today, he could not have made the same choice. It had been hard enough to stay out of Maisie’s life without having ever met her. Now that he knew his daughter, he’d never be able to leave her again.

  The thought scared him. Because as much as he blamed the cancer for some of the losses in his life, the cancer wasn’t the only thing that had held him back. He’d chosen not to meet Maisie. Just as he’d chosen to cut himself off from his family’s support. He’d told himself that he was doing what was best for them, but...was he really? Becca’s words had had more of an impact than he’d realized at first. What if his mum had learned he’d died suddenly, without any chance to prepare?

  And what if something had happened to Willow, while she’d been caring for Maisie by herself for the past three years? Maisie would have been completely on her own. He recalled that Willow had mentioned her gran had set up a trust for Maisie, but it sounded as though it wasn’t much. He felt sick at the thought of Maisie being left so alone. His own daughter, a child with an extensive number of relatives who would happily cherish her, would have been orphaned. Had he really protected her at all by staying away?

  Bixby brushed against his legs. The dog had an unabashed love for him. Banishing him to the porch hadn’t diminished his attachment to Theo at all. In fact, the only effect it had had was that Theo often found himself rather sad that he couldn’t have the dog with him more often. He remembered when Willow had told him that keeping the dog on the porch was a sign that he was scared. Well, that was true enough. He was scared for his health, and he was scared of letting down everyone he cared about.

  But if he was too afraid to let a dog into his home, how could he ever allow himself to get close to Willow? Or to his own daughter? He was so afraid of letting them down that he wasn’t doing a good job of being there for them in the first place. He was breaking a promise to Willow, right now, by not telling her that he was awaiting biopsy results, and he might tell himself that it was to protect her, but the truth was that he was afraid of making his worst fears real. But keeping the biopsy a secret didn’t place him in any less danger, or put him at any less risk of letting Willow and Maisie down.

  He had to tell Willow about the biopsy. He just hoped she would understand why he’d kept it a secret for so long.

  * * *

  It had been a long time since Willow had felt this good in the morning.

  Oh, she enjoyed most mornings, but this one was special. She sipped her coffee as she finished her chart reviews in one of the nurses’ offices. Everyone seemed especially friendly as she’d come in to work, and she had a feeling that they might be responding to something they saw in her. There was a kind of lightness that she felt within herself. The day was like any other, and yet it seemed to be full of possibility.

  She didn’t have to think too hard about what was different. Last night with Theo had been positively decadent. She might not have dated much in her past, but she was certain that she’d never felt the things she’d felt last night with anyone. Theo had been so... She shivered, thinking about it.

  If it had been hard to concentrate at work before, then it was going to be nearly impossible now. She would have to find some way to keep her mind off him.

  And so she tried to focus on the other things that brought her joy. It seemed as though everything she loved in her life had been turned up in volume, as if her night with Theo had left her with a heightened sensitivity to all that was good in life. Mrs. Jean had texted her a picture of a still-sleeping Maisie that morning, and Willow reveled as always in the chubby hands and full cheeks. Someone had already started the coffee when she got to work, and it was made to perfection. She’d managed to snag a chocolate croissant before they were all gone, and she thought it might be the best bit of pastry she’d ever had in her life. The entire world felt as though it were tinted with a soft, warm glow.

  She was thoroughly enjoying her morning, and was just about to wrap up her chart review and begin seeing patients, when the phone rang in the nurse’s office.

  She picked up; it was a lab technician from St. Victoria Hospital.

  They had faxed over some lab work for a patient, and wanted to make sure it had come through. Willow thought that was a little unusual, since the clinic had its own lab and was unlikely to use the hospital’s. She found the results on the fax machine and let the technician know they’d arrived.

  Normally, she checked the name of the ordering physician on the lab charts and put them in the corresponding file folders. But this time, something caught her eye. The lab tech had mistakenly typed Theo’s name in the “patient” section.

  It was probably a mistake. Although the staff at St. Victoria Hospital rarely made mistakes. Still, it was an easy enough oversight.

  She dropped the lab work into Theo’s file. She couldn’t help noticing, at a gl
ance, that the paperwork included biopsy results.

  A distant alarm began to ring in her mind. She did her best to ignore it. But the thought kept returning to her mind: What if it wasn’t a mistake? What if Theo had indeed been the patient?

  If he had been, then it was none of her business. She should respect his confidentiality, as she would in any other professional situation.

  Except Theo had promised to keep her updated of any changes regarding his remission status. And that fax had contained biopsy results. With Theo’s name listed as the patient.

  But Theo couldn’t have had a biopsy. That was exactly the kind of thing he’d promised he would tell her about.

  Unless Theo didn’t keep his promises.

  Unable to restrain herself any longer, she dove back into Theo’s file and retrieved the test results. They were the results of a biopsy that had been done a few weeks ago, confirming that a skin lesion on the patient’s arm was benign. The patient was clearly listed as Theo Moore.

  The biopsy was clear. That fact rang within her head. She wanted to be relieved. Was relieved. Except her heart was breaking. Why wouldn’t Theo tell her he was waiting on biopsy results after he’d promised to keep her abreast of any changes regarding his health? Didn’t he think she cared about him? Didn’t he want her to be there for him, no matter what he was facing?

  And worst of all, if that was how he felt—if he didn’t want her to be there for him—then why had he promised to keep her informed?

  He’d just been telling her what he thought she wanted to hear. Just like Jamie. Rather than the truth, he’d said what sounded good in the moment.

  She heard footsteps at the doorway and looked up to see Theo standing there.

  “Those are my test results,” he said.

  “I know. Your biopsy was clear.” She needed to tell him right away. She could deal with the tears that she was struggling to hold back in just a moment. But Theo must have been agonizing over these results for weeks—all the while, of course, not telling her that he was worried—and he should learn the results as soon as he could.