From the Top (Central State)

by Jaqueline Snowe

  The three girls stood straighter and went to their spots. My heart beat so fast I could feel each pounding breath all the way in my throat. The potential ramifications of this were bad. Audrey could be pissed. Daniella could be mad.

  But the second one didn’t bother me so much. She needed to get it together.

  I focused on the stadium in the background. It smelled like fresh cut grass, and the air had that delicious new school year smell. This time of year always excited me, right before football kicked off and homecoming arrived. Formals and parties all over campus. It was exciting, like new opportunities were just out of reach, and I focused on the good.

  “Okay, girls,” Daniella said. “We’re going to run through the sideline routines four times before our half-time performance. Any questions?”

  “Yeah, why are you in front? It should be the most talented girl on the squad,” Sloan said, making me snap my attention toward Daniella.

  Daniella was… not horrible. If she was a decade, I’d pick the 70s for her. She’d be a total hippie and go with the flow which was great. A team needed all personalities. But to lead this group of feisty females? I watched as her face reddened, and she swallowed, hard.

  “And you think that’s you, Sloan?” she said, her voice shaking on the end.

  “No.” Sloan laughed. “It’s Cami.”

  The answering silence was as horrifying as it was validating. I put in the time to make sure I was the best, and to hear it come from someone on the team felt validating. But it was the gross nagging feeling in my chest that had me shaking my head and facing Sloan.

  “Thanks for your confidence, but since Daniella is captain, she gets to make the calls.”

  “Even though we all know you’re better?”

  My eye twitched, but I kept the rest of my face neutral. Ice queen. That was me. Unphased. The party girl. “It’s Daniella’s call.”

  Sloan shrugged and returned to her spot. Daniella narrowed her eyes at me for a beat before moving along practice, and I avoided both her and Audrey’s looks the entire time. For two hours of repetition and unimaginative routines, I danced through the motions because it was all I knew.

  I craved to get back to the gross ass dorm and decompress, to think about Skittles and Freddie’s little quirks. But I’d barely wiped sweat off my face when Daniella walked up to me.

  “Hm?” I asked, keeping my tone as unbitchy as possible. She was my semi-nemesis, so polite was going too far.

  “Can we talk?”

  “About what?”

  She blinked, her large green eyes seeming sad and unsure. Her shoulders slumped, and she looked weak. Our fearless captain. I fought the eye roll as she frowned so hard she aged five years. “Why you hate me.”

  “I don’t hate you, Daniella.” I let a guarded smile break through. “If we’re being honest, I don’t think you should be leading this team, but I’m going to respect Coach’s choice. You lack conviction and planning, and you’re too afraid to push the needle.”

  She let out a puff of air and hung her head before her gaze met mine. This time, her cat-like eyes were filled with anger. I tensed, preparing for whatever verbal attack she had. How I was a slut and would never be a leader and blah, blah, blah. I’d reward myself with one hour of watching Law and Order. Then I could get started on the damn science homework. After, I could try to find time to sign up for teaching classes at the studio, and oh shit. She said something, and I’d completely tuned her out. “Say that again?”

  “I’m sick of being told I don’t have what it takes! You think I don’t know that I lack leadership? Or that I haven’t thought about this role every second of every day since Coach told me?”

  “Are you letting fear hold you back or what? Because you’re not doing anything like a leader.” I put my backpack on my shoulder, making it clear this conversation wasn’t dragging on. “Stop trying to figure out how you can fit into other people’s version of you and figure out what you are. Who are you as a leader? Why you?”

  She stared at me as I left her there, but I refused to feel bad for her. She’d gotten what I wanted. She was given my dream and was struggling because it was hard? Fuck. This was some bullshit.

  “Cami, a word?” Audrey said, right before I was out of earshot.

  Jesus. The world was testing me today. I faced her, keeping the same blank expression on my face as I had with the girls. I arched one brow. “Yes, Coach?”

  She grimaced and ran a hand through her hair, pulling the ends of it a few times before sighing. “I’m going to talk to Daniella about making you co-captains. I think it would be best for the team.”

  “No.”

  She frowned, tight lines forming around her eyes as she let out a long sigh. “The two of you together would be great.”

  Hell no. A consolation prize? A runner’s up trophy? She made her decision, and it didn’t work out so now she thought it’d be a good fit for me? I swore I saw red. My legs shook, and I needed an outlet for all this rage. My knee bounced as she studied me with a slight smile on her face. Like she was hopeful that her pity invite would be the solution to the team.

  The smile pissed me off to the next level. “It’s not my fault your choice was incorrect. I’m not leadership material, Coach. You made that clear. Nothing has changed in the past month for your opinion to shift, so, no thanks.”

  I didn’t wait for a response and shoved my headphones into my ears. Co-captains? Fuck. Fuck.

  I stomped all the way back to the dorm, making sure every square inch of pavement felt my anger. I ignored the looks and smiles thrown my way. Everyone thought they understood me. They all had me pegged and refused to accept that their impression could be wrong.

  What made it so much worse with Audrey was that she knew me more than most. She saw the amount of time I put into the team, into being ready and wanting us to be the best. She absolutely understood how badly I’d wanted this.

  I could handle most people judging me, but her? When she saw my blood, sweat, and tears? The betrayal hit deeper.

  My eyes stung as I used my keycard to walk into the dorm. The hot ass air just fueled my temper, and I almost ran straight into a large body. A familiar, woodsy scented body.

  “Hey, whoa, whoa,” Freddie said, gripping each of my arms with his massive hands.

  I forgot to mask my emotions as I looked up, and his entire face crumpled. The easy smile fell and was replaced with a frown. “I was going to head to the library to study, but you weren’t back. Are you… okay?”

  Was I? No.

  I couldn’t talk about it. It was like a hand gripped my throat, preventing me from speaking because once I did, I’d cry. And that wouldn’t do. I brushed past him, hell-bent on getting to my room.

  The ball in the back of my throat doubled in size as his heavy footsteps followed, and I barely got my door open before he was behind me. “Cami, what happened?”

  “Everything’s fine.” I knew I sounded bitchy and shrewd. I didn’t care though. Daniella and Audrey took the final fucks I had to give, and I was running on E. “Just leave me be.”

  “Sorry, I can’t do that.” He shook his head and leaned against the doorway. There was something about his huge body and that doorframe, his black glasses sliding down his nose as he stared at me with his mouth pressed in a thin line. He looked good doing that simple gesture, and I threw my bag onto my bed and fell onto it, face up.

  He moved to sit next to me, not once asking if it was okay to enter.

  “I want you to leave,” I said, staring at the one light in the center of the pale yellow ceiling. It was so damn hot it was horrible. My skin beaded with sweat, and my heart raced. He smelled like outside. “Why are you here, Freddie?”

  “You’re upset, and we’re friends now. I shared my Skittles with you. That’s… a big deal to me. And friends don’t let friends be upset alone.”

  I shared my Skittles with you.

  Those words were like a Freddie-sized version of a blanket. My face
flushed at the genuine concern in his voice, and I so badly wanted to hold onto the sentiment. Friends.

  Friends don’t let friends be upset alone.

  I had been alone for so, so long. I could call Naomi, and she’d be there for me, but she was my sister. A friend… I was friends with Frederick Brady the Third.

  He shifted his weight so his thigh touched mine, and I tensed, waiting for him to move it. He didn’t, and the room felt hotter than the dark pits of hell. My brain got fuzzy with who the enemy was anymore. Daniella? Audrey? My reputation?

  Me?

  I slammed my eyes shut to try and prevent the tears from spilling, but the movement did the opposite. Too much moisture pooled there, and they fell down my cheeks in two lines.

  I didn’t cry. Fuck.

  My nose was stuffy, and it was horrible. I sniffed, the sound causing Freddie to bring his hand to my face. The movement had him at an awkward angle, so his body was half-covering mine, and I couldn’t help but imagine how he’d be in bed.

  But attraction was fickle, and feeling safe was more important. I was starting to trust this large man, and that scared me. He wiped the tear and then stilled, like he too realized our position.

  He snatched his hand back, holding it close to his chest as he opened his mouth and closed it a few times. His lips were full and slightly wet from his tongue, and I squeezed my thighs together at the aggressive draw I felt toward him.

  It had to be because of the growing comfort I had with him. I wasn’t used to giving trust to people, and it was making me feel absurd things. He sighed and ran a hand over his hair, adjusting his glasses. “I don’t like this. Tell me what I can do to help,” he said, his voice low and coarse and right in front of my face.

  “Nothing.” I pushed myself up, steeling my spine to seem tough. “Really.”

  “Do you want to go study with me?” he asked, the evident plea in his voice causing my insides to get squishy.

  “No, I don’t know what I want. A distraction. To not feel,” I said, groaning and standing up from my bed. It was easier to think when we weren’t so close together. I still wore my practice outfit, which was a sports bra and short-shorts, and I caught Freddie eyeing my stomach.

  “What do you like for a distraction?”

  “Partying. Being around people so I can hide from my thoughts. Making bad decisions to not feel the pain.” I let my gaze travel down his broad shoulders, not bothering to hide my clear intent.

  His eyes lost some of the warmth and concern, and without saying a single word, he shut my flirting down. If anything, he looked pissed. “It’s not a party or around a ton of people, but I have an idea.”

  “Is it a bad decision?” I asked, pushing my luck.

  “It’s illegal, so I would say yes.” He smiled, a full-faced, real grin, and I wanted to live in this moment of receiving Freddie’s grin. My insides fluttered. I smiled back, and suddenly, all the urges to do something stupid flew away. I wanted to hang with Freddie and his Skittles, and I just had to learn what he thought was illegal.

  “I’m in.”

  CHAPTER

  EIGHT

  Freddie

  I should’ve hesitated or come up with something else instead of taking Cami to the tunnels off the engineering building. It was a campus legend that we’d explored five years ago to find the barely concealed wall that led to an underground tunnel system. I’d only gone down a handful of times, often with a pack of beer, and it had a hauntingly energizing feel to it.

  I’d almost gotten caught each time, which was a real rush, and after seeing Cami so sad… this would be a better distraction.

  Bad decisions to not feel pain. There was so much more to her than I’d originally assumed. What happened for her to act this way? Was that why she partied so much, to hide her feelings? What feelings did she hide?

  I wanted to piece together the puzzle pieces of her when I knew I shouldn’t. She was a tempting mystery, and now we were alone in a dark tunnel, and she still wore her tiny workout outfit.

  This was probably a mistake. Not only was it dim lighting, but it was narrow and warm and just us. The quiet let me hear each time she swallowed or popped her lips together. She took in the surroundings with a curious wonder on her face, and her eyebrows moved with whatever was going on in her mind. It was insanity that I once thought she was an ice queen full of teases and flirtations. She was so much more, and I craved to pull each thought out of her pretty head. Did she think it was cool I took her here? Or was it disgust on her face? I wasn’t sure, and it was maddening.

  “We have a series of tunnels underneath the campus? This is for real?” she asked, turning in circles and eyeing the entrance. The stairs were covered in graffiti, and the lingering smell of pot clogged my nose. The damp air made my limbs feel heavier and my mind foggier.

  “Yeah.” I rubbed the back of my neck before pulling out the small bottle of whiskey I’d grabbed at the last second. I wasn’t a huge drinker. I didn’t like how the alcohol dimmed my thoughts, but I had to be honest with myself—between the heat at the dorms and my growing attraction to Cami, my mind was already spinning.

  I wiggled it in the air, and her eyes lit up.

  “You rascal. Skittles, secret tunnels, and whiskey,” she said with a hint of warmth in her voice. “Who even are you, Freddie?”

  My face got hot at her words, and she came up to me and placed her hand around the bottle. Her fingers lingered on mine, the touch almost erotic with how tense I was. Her skin was soft and smooth, and I gulped, hard. She took the bottle, unscrewed the lid, and swallowed, wincing at the end as some dripped down the side of her mouth.

  I wanted to lick the drop. But I did no such thing.

  This was another moment of stupidity. Getting tipsy with Cami was the last thing I should do, but damn, the girl had cried. Tears made me forget all rationale except to STOP them, and so here we were.

  “How did you find out about this?” She walked up to a wall and dragged her finger down it. Someone had written in dark marker TREVOR AND SHAE FOREVER. I mentally rolled my eyes but wondered if they were still together.

  “Being a nerd has its advantages. We heard rumors about the haunted tunnels in the engineering building, and we found a map, then the fake wall you saw. We broke in five years ago. Not sure where it actually leads as all of us were too chickenshit to explore,” I said, laughing at the fact I was a total wimp. We clearly weren’t the only people who’d discovered the underground world here, but I had no plans to find out who else or how many others knew about it as well. I took a swig of the bourbon, the sharp sting burning my throat as she snapped her gaze at me.

  Cami was a striking woman, but her brown eyes widened, and she sucked in her bottom lip in a way I hadn’t seen before. “Haunted? This is haunted? You brought me into a haunted hallway?”

  Oh, shit.

  I cracked a smile at her growing fear and couldn’t stop the laughter from bubbling over. “You’re afraid, huh?”

  “I don’t fuck with ghosts, Freddie. They can keep to their business, and I’ll keep to mine.” She marched right by me back toward the stairs, and I caught her elbow in my fingers. Gently, of course. Our size difference couldn’t be any more apparent, and I never wanted her to feel threatened by my body. She glanced at my fingers on her skin, and I let go.

  “It’s not haunted. I swear. Mostly. This tunnel leads toward the southern part of the quad. Right around that good coffee shop.” I didn’t mention that there were branches of other tunnels that we had no idea where they ended because hello, I was also scared.

  She reached for the whiskey in my hands, brushing her fingers against mine, and took a large swig. Then another while eyeing me in a way that reminded me of my grandma. Her brows furrowed, and her gaze was skeptical. “If you’re lying, I will never forgive you, and given the chance to haunt you, I will without question. I’m scrappy and hold grudges. Ask me about Nancy Ancy.”

  “Nancy Ancy? What is that?”

 
“My third grade nemesis. She stole my Lisa Frank folder with unicorns and had the audacity to tell the teacher she had no idea how it ended up in her bag. She didn’t get in trouble, but I never forgave her for that sneaky shit.” A slight blush worked up her cheeks, and while I could stare at her face and admire her features for hours, it was the lack of tears in her eyes that had my chest feeling light.

  She wasn’t sad anymore.

  She frowned at my silence and pointed at my chest, her little finger connecting with my sternum. “Don’t end up on my Nancy list.”

  “I understand,” I said, raising my hands in the air in surrender, making sure my grip on the bottle was solid. “This helped get your mind off things though, right?”

  “Yeah, but now I’m thinking about ghosts and the bullshit with the team.” She sighed long and hard, her eyes meeting mine for a beat that sent a ripple of awareness through me. I had a feeling this was the genuine Cami Simpson, the version she never showed others. It was an addicting feeling to see her like this, raw and real.

  She stretched out her hand, and for one second, I thought she wanted me to hold hers. Which was not what she wanted. The whiskey. She wanted the whiskey. I handed over the bottle, and she took another drink, this time not spilling any. Once she swallowed, she ran her hand over the center of her chest, pushing into her skin and rubbing it.

  It wasn’t sexual. I knew that, but god, my cock swelled a little at the continued motion. Sweat beaded at the base of her cleavage, and it took all my willpower to look the other way. Focus. She’s upset. The team bullshit. “Do you want to walk or sit?”

  “Yes? Both?”

  “Let’s sit first.” I went to the cement wall and plopped down, using the wall as a backstop and stretching my legs across the dirt. She eyed either side of the tunnel, both options fading into darkness, and she shivered.

  “This place is creepy as hell, but I don’t want to leave. If that doesn’t describe how fucked up I am, I don’t know what does.” She joined me against the wall and sat so close to me our forearms brushed. She went for the whiskey again, but I snatched it out of reach. “Um, excuse me? This is my pity-party, and the rules are that I drink when I want.”