Grace Under Fire

by Andrew Carroll

  Love

  Butch

  Your Son in Vietnam

  P.S. Write as often as possible mail call is all I have to look forward to.

  Fortunately, Livergood survived the war and returned to the States in late 1968.

  Photograph by Andrew Carroll

  After Visiting “The Wall” in Washington, D.C., John Campbell Writes a Letter to a Friend He Lost in Vietnam

  For those who have never experienced combat firsthand, it can be difficult to understand the capricious brutality of warfare and the sacrifices that military personnel are asked to make. Veterans of the war in Vietnam, in particular, not only had to endure some of the worst fighting and hardships imaginable, they returned to a country that did not embrace them as it had troops from other conflicts. The nation’s first formal recognition of these extraordinary men and women came in 1982, when the Vietnam Veterans Memorial—better known as “The Wall”—was constructed in Washington, D.C. Like many veterans, John “Soup” Campbell came to the memorial to pay tribute to the buddies he had lost in the war, and on June 8, 1985, he wrote a letter to one of them: Eddie Van Every Jr., who was killed at the age of twenty-two. And while Campbell knew that his friend had left this world, he looked forward to seeing him in the next one.

  June 8, 1985

  Dear Eddie,

  Although it’s been fifteen years since you’ve been gone, it feels like it could have been fifteen days. Many times I have regretted not getting to know you better than I did. There was a quiet, sensitive goodness about you. You were one of the guys that had been with the unit awhile and was getting “short.” I knew about your girl, your Mom & Dad and that you wanted to put your time in and get home. If anyone knew you at all, they like you a lot.

  I’ll never forget being awakened at 3 that morning by the hysterical crying of Denny Newbill and Jerry Hall. “One of our guys is dead!” was all I could get out of Newbill. When Jerry told me it was you, I can remember demanding an answer—“Oh God, Why? Why any of us? Why Eddie?” I never did get any concrete answers. Our whole company felt a tremendous loss. When I left in August, there was still a sense of grief around. Things never did get back to “normal.”

  I hope you don’t mind, but recently I made contact with your parents. They’ve moved twice and are now retired in Missouri, trusting in the Lord that you are at peace. They can’t afford to travel much, so I’ve sent them pictures of the Memorial and your name. They’re good people, too. I hope to meet them some day.

  For years, I felt your life, as well as the other 58,000 lives, was wasted and anyone who wasn’t there, could not or would not understand what we went through. That’s changing now. People are beginning to realize that we were doing our jobs and doing them well. We had to pay the price and until recently, we were the ones tagged as losers, not our government. So if your names on this wall make it harder to send guys half way around the world to die, then maybe it wasn’t a total waste.

  I love you, brother. I pray some day we can welcome each other home. Peace.

  John “Soup” Campbell

  The Gulf War

  U.S. Marine Corps Captain Steve Belgum, Serving in Operation Desert Storm, Receives a Letter from a Woman Named Lynda Severson—and Their Ensuing “Pen Pal” Exchange Leads to a Surprising Conclusion

  To a soldier, Marine, airman, or sailor serving abroad, few things can boost morale like a handwritten letter. These messages of support offer a tangible connection to friends and loved ones, and even mail from a total stranger can be a lift to the spirits. Lynda Severson, a twenty-six-year-old human resources manager working in Minneapolis, did not have any family in the armed forces. But after the United States launched Operation Desert Storm to liberate Kuwait in January 1991, she sent the following letter to a Marine named Steve Belgum on January 27 to let him know that, although they had never met, she was grateful for his service to our nation.

  Dear Steve—

  I’m a friend of Linnea Hanson’s, who is a flight attendant for Northwest and flew troops to Germany over the holidays; she asked that I write to let you know you’re in our thoughts & prayers…Hopefully, you’re not an English Major as the previous sentence was definitely a run-on.

  I was given a list of twelve names to write to. I’ve distributed the other eleven names to my co-workers & Bible study friends. You see, your name came w/ a reference. Someone under your command said some very nice things about you! Isn’t that great to know your peers think very highly of you!

  The same two groups of people mentioned above: My coworkers @ Daytons (a leading retail firm in MPLS & the Midwest) and my Bible study friends (PCWN—Professional Christian Women’s Network) sent Christmas cards, wrapped tins of Christmas cookies, books, etc. to some troops in Saudi Arabia. We are all behind you and your efforts!!

  Presently, I’m on a plane en route to Minneapolis. I just spent 4 days visiting my brother, Mark, in Butte, Montana! We both love to downhill ski!! Tomorrow, it’s back to work…

  Being I’ve been told your age (29, right?), I’ll let you know I’m 26 (27 in May). I graduated from the University of Texas at Dallas in Public and Political Communications.

  If you have an opportunity to write back, I’d appreciate hearing from you…Again, I want to tell you how much we all appreciate what you’re doing in the Persian Gulf. Hopefully, you’ll all be back to America soon! May God Bless You and keep you in His care!

  In Friendship, Lynda (Severson)

  Belgum replied soon after he received Severson’s letter.

  Dear Lynda,

  Hi! Happy Valentine’s Day! Linnea told me you would be writing. Thank you for keeping all of us servicemen and women in your thoughts and prayers. We really appreciate the support; it does make a difference over here.

  No, I am not an English major. In fact, I studied Business and minored in Entrepreneurship at Seattle Pacific University and graduated in 1983. Seattle Pacific is a small private school in Seattle, WA. Regardless of your writing, I would not criticize it because then you would tell me how sloppy my handwriting is. So, I cheated this time and used the computer….

  I would like to be as specific in telling you what I do but I can’t talk much about it right now because the operations I am assigned to are ongoing. I am an assistant Operations Officer and work for a LtCol who is the Ops Off. Basically I help plan future operations, train Marines who work in the same section that I do, and stand watch daily…

  Yes, you got it right. I am 29 but soon to be 30 years old (March 31). Ouch, that sounds old, doesn’t it? Just kidding. I plan on being in shape to run triathlons in my 60’s. Unfortunately, we have little time or facilities to stay in any decent shape…

  Well, that’s about enough rambling to bore you to death by now. If you care to write me back, I would like to hear from you. Also, I really like pictures. I’ll see if I can get one to send you. Could you send me a picture? Thanks.

  Take care, Steve

  From this simple exchange, a friendship blossomed. On Belgum’s birthday, Severson sent him a card with some photographs of herself. “Steve—Wherever this finds you, I hope your day is wonderful!! Happy 30th Birthday!! Happy Easter!! w/ a b-day hug, Lynda.” And on the opposite side, Severson wrote: “Thanks for your nice letter! All the events in the Persian Gulf have certainly changed since you wrote! Praise the Lord!!…I’m curious to know where you live—CA? WA? What is your next assignment?…Here are a few photos to keep or throw away.” Belgum replied on April 17.

  Dear Lynda:

  Thanks for the birthday card and the pictures! It got turned around in the mail system and so I did not receive it until I had been back at work for a few days. I guess I should back up. On the 2nd of April we finally left Saudi Arabia…. Mysister and mother met me at Camp Pendleton at 3:00 am when I returned. Wow, what a great homecoming! They had my apartment all decorated up and had already filled the refrigerator for me. I have been relaxing since then.

  Lynda, I have to say this: you are gorgeous! I w
ould love to meet you. Throw your pictures away—are you kidding?…

  I live in Escondido which is in San Diego county. I drive 35 minutes to work at Camp Pendleton, the large Marine base on the coast just north of San Diego…. My sister and brother (both younger), and my mother all live within 2 & 1/2 hours drive from my place. We all had dinner my second night back. The first weekend I stayed at my sister’s place and met her friends.

  You are an active person. Besides work you have a second job, are involved at church and a Professional Women’s club, and stay in shape. That’s a lot. I am also very active. Besides work I workout daily, sometimes twice a day, stay current on the news, and continue learning a second language (Spanish). During a previous tour in South Carolina I was in the Big Brothers/Big Sisters Program. My little brother, there, is Robbie who is now 14 years old. We had a great time together every week. I miss spending time with him….

  Thanks again for the card. I did have a good birthday but I am now over the hill ( just kidding!)…Please call me if you would like to.

  Warmly, Steve

  Severson took him up on the offer, and they began phoning each other regularly. In July 1991, Belgum went to visit Severson in Minnesota, and he wrote to her immediately after getting back to San Diego.

  Dear Lynda (bucket of sunshine),

  I’m missing you already!…I’m sorry I couldn’t say goodbye to you at the gate, but I jumped on the plane with 13 minutes to spare, just barely before they seated the standby’s. What a whirlwind weekend!…What a great way to start off our friendship! I still have a hard time believing how much we did in 3 days.

  Can you believe we hit it off that well for having talked via just letters and a few phone calls? Amazing. I had such a great time with you. You are relaxed, self-confident, self-sufficient, believe in God, not to mention great looking and tons of fun to be with!!

  Continuing our friendship will be frustrating. Minneapolis is so far from San Diego! 31/2 hours on a plane plus a 40 minute drive to the airport. But as I said at brunch when we were at “Windows of Mpls”, just take it a day at a time. Who can predict the future? No one that I know…So, when can you visit me in S. D.? After August 20th, but not September 20th to October 15th.

  As little as I know you, I like you and want to get to know you better.

  Warmly, Steve

  Two months later, Severson went to San Diego, and her trip was equally as enjoyable.

  Dearest Steve,

  Wow! What a fabulous time in S.D.! Thanks for being such a great host! I’m very impressed w/ your home, neighbors, brother, friends (Tom & Bob), and more on the personal side—your honesty, intellect, closeness to your family, athletic abilities, interest in travel, high self esteem, great body, handsome face—I could go on and on…(Beautiful voice!)

  As you know, I made it to the gate and on the airplane in plenty of time. I started reliving the wonderful weekend and thought about how I already missed you…Then, I looked out the window and noticed an “Oakley” T-Shirt. Hey! I know that guy!! How nice of you to see me off! It meant a lot. Leave it to you to surprise me once again!!! If I’m not mistaken, you were singing, right? I couldn’t make out the words but I love when you sing to me!

  You’ll never guess who I’m sitting next to on the plane right now, a Marine! He just finished his basic training @ Campen and is flying to LaCrosse for a 10 day leave before he returns to your base. His girlfriend flew out for graduation so she’s on the aisle side of him. His name is Pvt. Morgan (from WI) in case you have anything to do w/ his next phase of training…. His eyes lit up when I said your name Capt. Belgum. “He’s a Captain?”

  I know some people who use that title on all their correspondence, check info, personal things, etc. and am glad you’re humble about it! “Those who think too highly of themselves shall be humbled, but those who humble themselves shall be exalted.”—that’s from somewhere in the Bible. And you asked about “Believe and be satisfied.” I know that’s not directly from the Bible; however, its base is biblical. I don’t know the author. I’m glad you asked about that article.

  I sometimes wonder if I make you uncomfortable w/the Bible verses and articles I send. I have no intention of pushing my beliefs on you…but you’ve been a Christian since you were nine and…once a Christian always a Christian…It’s great to question beliefs and Scripture itself. It’s ok to fall away from practicing any religion for a period of time but I believe a majority of those people rededicate their lives to Christ at some point again. It’s easy for me to talk to you about this because the spiritual part of my life is more important to me than anything and I’m glad you recognize and respect my beliefs. (In fact, you mentioned that it’s something you like most about me.)

  Well, I’m back in Mpls again…I am truly amazed at how well we got along again—we’re two for two! 2 Great wknds to 2 possible total. I know that two wknds out of my 27 years of life (and your 30) aren’t a whole lot, but we do have something special! I know a good thing when I see it!

  Severson knew that the relationship was getting serious, and on October 17 she wrote the following late-night letter candidly describing the internal conversation she was having with herself and expressing the emotions she was feeling.

  Dearest Steve…

  It’s interesting how my mind thinks through so many options every time we’re together…We have so much fun together…I’d love to spend more time w/Steve…distance is “safer” for our relationship—I can continue to be involved in all my activities…“Distance makes the heart grow fonder”…I’d like to move to CA between Christmas and June ’92….

  At this stage of the game we need to say what’s on our minds and in our hearts…It would be nice to be married—Steve says he wants to be married—he doesn’t know to who—wouldn’t it be nice if it was me!…Be realistic! You’ve spent very few days of your lives together (10 to be exact). How can you know at this point if you’re meant to be together forever—forever is a long time…I won’t make vows I can’t keep! But in our “quality” days together we’ve learned how great we are for each other—people say we “click”. I pray that the Lord wants us to be together…would enjoy a military lifestyle—It would give me the variety I’ve always appreciated in my life…we’d move, meet new friends, join new churches, get involved in USMC social activities & duties, etc…I will always be the eternal optimist…our relationship is going to work…

  I think we think alike, right? Do any of these things cross your mind? I believe they do. I look forward to seeing you in December! In the meantime, my mind will continue to have conversations with my heart…Thanks for bringing so much joy into my life! (Sounds like something my mom said.) May God keep you in His special care!! I miss you!

  Love and hugs, Lynda

  As it turned out, Belgum was thinking many of the same thoughts.

  Dear Lynda…

  Thanks for being so honest with me.; that really means a lot to me…. It is your decision on whether you move here to California and when. I said before and I will say again, I want you to move here to San Diego!…..

  Knowing each other for 5 months is not much. Selfishly, I want you to move out here sooner so I can be with you more. Obviously, that is only 5 months, and then a 7 month absence. I understand that…. I don’t want to sound harsh but I committed myself to a minimum 12 month period of solid dating. Do you think that is unrealistic? Considering this is the precursor to choosing a lifetime partner, I don’t think so.

  Well, there you have it. I have laid my soul bare on some very personal issues. I would not have taken the time to answer your questions carefully if I did not care for you. I care for you very much. I can’t bring myself to use the word “love”, at least not yet! Although I would like to use that word….

  Thinking of You, Steve

  On December 12, 1991, Severson wrote to Belgum that she was closer to making a decision about moving to California.

  Dearest Steve—

  This has certainly been a r
ough week…First of all I go into “withdrawal” from not seeing you. Second, I’m beginning to strongly consider a move to CA. There are numerous aspects that go into planning…. The Lord gives us choices and I pretty much decided to move to CA on my flight home from S.D. Now it’s the pursuing of “this” and “that” which is difficult.

  I’ve always asked the Lord to give me the desires of my heart—now He’s blessed me w/you! I’ve always trusted Him enough to give all my worries and burdens over to Him. Now I struggle because my faith seems weak…Please pray for me and this major decision in my life!…

  Miss you! Love you! Lynda

  Severson moved to California in January, and after the two dated for another eleven months (Belgum was deployed to Okinawa, Japan, from May through November 1992), Belgum proposed on November 11—Veterans Day. They married Memorial Day weekend in May 1993 and now have two sons, Mark and Zachary. Steve remained in the Marine Corps Reserve, and on February 14, 2003, he received orders to go back on active duty. Just weeks before their ten-year anniversary and fearing that her husband would be sent to Iraq, Lynda wrote the following letter on March 3, 2003.