Wish Me from the Water

by R E Swirsky

  Tommy wanted simply to close his eyes and sleep, but it was difficult once again. The words Tim spoke emanating from the secret room in the study returned. They returned each night and often led Tommy into nightmares of the horror and shame Tim endured at the hands of Tommy’s father. The dreams would shift, and Tommy would be watching the evil on a small monitor in the tiny dark room as Tim or some other young friend was forced to perform unimaginable acts. He heard those awful words repeated in his dreams, over and over again. Tommy would wake up in the middle of the night and want desperately to scream out, but he always held back, turned his face into his pillow and wept. He knew the nightmares would come again tonight and again tomorrow night. He wanted to rid himself of the bad dreams, but he suspected that the dreams would continue as long as he held on to the secret of what remained hidden in that room.

  What other demons rested inside that room, waiting for someone to stumble upon them? Tommy realized he was struggling with denial. He was in constant denial that his father, his own blood, could be responsible for what had taken place in the office behind the house. It was a heavy weight to carry alone. Tommy knew that since his father kept tapes of his abuse of Tim, there would likely be the same terrible, residual evidence of his abuse of other victims. It was like some sick and twisted trophy case.

  There was really only one thing he could do to ever be able to sleep without the recurring nightmares. He needed to accept what was inside that room. He also knew he would have to tell Jason at some point.

  Tommy stared up at the bunk above where Jason lay. He closed his eyes and wanted to sleep, but only tears came in the darkness. He sniffed and wiped his runny nose, glad no one could see him. Just like Jason, Tommy cried himself to sleep for another night.

  CHAPTER 23

  It was very late in the evening when Sarah called her sister, Carolyn. Sarah and Carolyn were always very close and she hoped Carolyn was still up. It wasn't unusual for many months to pass without one sister calling the other. Carolyn didn't like Gerald in the least, so she found it difficult to see Sarah with Gerald always at Sarah's side. He seemed to purposely spoil what always started out as a good get together by being a bad drunk or by just being rude and obnoxious.

  Carolyn didn’t answer, and Sarah left a message saying she would call Carolyn back tomorrow. "...and oh, I've left Gerald, so please don't call me at the house. I'll tell you all about it when we talk. See ya." She put the phone down and shrugged at Brandy who sat opposite on the couch.

  "I really appreciate you putting up with me these past weeks."

  "You really don't have to go. You can still stay longer if you wish, and you still haven't even had the cast removed."

  "No, no!" Sarah insisted. "I need to get back on my feet. I've found that place in Bluffington. I really like Bluffington. It's where I started out when I graduated, and I really have to get away from Calgary. Somewhere Gerald won't find me."

  Brandy nodded in understanding. "I will miss you, you know. Not just here in my home, but at work too. It won't be the same without you."

  "You're okay to drive me down tomorrow then?"

  Brandy nodded back. "Absolutely. And you're sure you're not going back to your house for anything?"

  "No way. I can't risk it, and money's not a problem anymore with mom and dad's insurance finally coming through." It was the insurance money from when her parents were killed last summer in the auto accident. It took many months to probate the will, and the money from the estate had just been freed up. "And thanks again for taking me down to the lawyers to change all my contact info. That money is already transferred into the new account. I am so glad Gerald doesn't know about it. It really couldn't have come through at a better time. Gerald can keep what is in the joint account, and he can keep my car. In fact, he can keep everything back there."

  "I bet he's fuming."

  "Knowing Gerald, it's probably worse than that. I bet he's watching everything, just looking for anything to lead him to where I am."

  "He won't find you in Bluffington. I know it's only an hour away, but what reason would he have to go looking for you there?"

  "There is none. That's the whole point. The apartment is just up behind the Flattened Frog Bistro. Do you know where that is?"

  "I'm afraid I don't."

  "The landlord said it's at the south end of Main Street. Up the side of the hill behind the Bistro. It sounds like it should be easy to find. And it's just until I can buy my own place. I probably won't buy for a few months. I still need to find a job too."

  "You'll find one. Get rid of the cast first," she said and laughed.

  CHAPTER 24

  Gerald came to laying on the icy ground. It was dark, and he was cold. There were lights that flashed all about, and two paramedics knelt next to him and shouted questions at him that he couldn't understand. He looked around, unsure of where he was as the men continued to poke and prod at him and ask him questions. He grunted something back, and looked over at his truck all beat to shit sitting upside down with the side door ripped off and tossed to the side.

  It all started to come back. Gerald tried to sit up, but the paramedics quickly pressed him back down. They were not about to let Gerald go anywhere.

  Gerald struggled against the medics and shouted obscenities. Two police officers appeared and helped pin Gerald to the ground while the medics continued to check him over. He tried to turn his head to see his truck, but the paramedics forced his head to the centre. They insisted on his co-operation. They asked him where he hurt and continued with the examination.

  With the exception of an obvious sprained or broken ankle, Gerald seemed to be suffering only minor scrapes and bruising from being tossed about inside the cab of his truck.

  Gerald was given a sedative and was soon loaded and shunted off to the hospital for further observation.

  CHAPTER 25

  Ricky was over at Bobby's first thing in the morning.

  "So what'd he say?" Ricky asked.

  "He said of course you can go see him."

  Bobby shuffled over to one of the bar stools at the island in the kitchen, sat down and stared at Ricky. He wasn't sure why Ricky seemed so edgy this morning. "Have a seat already," he added and motioned for Ricky to sit and stop his bouncing around. He tossed a blueberry muffin over to Ricky and began to pick the crusty top off the one he grabbed for himself.

  Ricky sat himself down opposite Bobby and gazed out the window. Bobby could see he was deep in thought.

  "What time are you going up?" Ricky asked.

  "We Ricky. We are going up. You and me. Just like you wanted. I didn't drive all the way up there yesterday for nothing. I told Tommy we'd be up at four and the guy at the security desk said it was okay since you're on the list."

  Ricky only nodded his head and continued to look blankly out the window. He unconsciously peeled the paper cup away from the muffin.

  "Are you going to tell me what this is really all about?" Bobby asked directly.

  Ricky turned to Bobby. A solemn expression covered his face. "We talked about this already. About Tim. You know what I mean."

  Bobby grinned. "No, I don't know what you mean. About Tim? What about Tim? What really are we talking about?"

  Ricky didn’t grin back. "I'm talking about Tim and why he killed himself. That's why I want to see Tommy. You were the one that told me what Tommy said about Tim and why he did it."

  "What Tommy told me about why Tim did it? That was weeks ago, and Tommy never told me why Tim took his life," Bobby replied dumbfounded. He quickly recalled what he had told Bobby about what Tommy said the morning Tim committed suicide. "I only told you what Tommy told me the night he followed Tim after the game. Tommy only said that Tim was upset. That's all I told you. I don't know where you're getting this other shit from."

  Bobby recalled Tommy also said Tim said he blamed Tommy's dad for roughing him up, but he hadn’t
told Ricky any of that part. He still didn't understand it himself.

  Ricky shook his head and pinched at his eyes as tears began to surface. "I know that's what you said. I know that. But there's other stuff I know myself that I never told you."

  "Like what stuff?" Bobby replied, quite agitated. "What more is there to tell? Tim's dead, and Tommy and Jason are in jail for killing their parents. I still don't even know why they did that."

  Ricky began to cry and wiped at his eyes. "I know why, Bobby. I know why Tim killed himself. I also think I know why Tommy and Jason killed their parents."

  Bobby rubbed his leg, confused why Ricky would know anything at all about why they killed their parents. He popped some of the muffin into his mouth and gestured for Ricky to continue, still disturbed and affronted by Ricky's sudden display of emotion.

  "Why do you think I quit hockey?"

  Bobby shrugged. "I dunno. I thought you just wanted a change. That's what you told us."

  "I loved hockey!" He jumped off the stool, slammed his fist on the table, and dropped the muffin on the counter. He ran his hands through his hair. "I never wanted to quit! You don't know what it is like to quit something you love so much. I cried and cried at night when the hockey season started because I couldn't play anymore. My dad was so pissed at me for quitting, and he still won't talk to me. If it wasn't for mom, I'm sure my dad would have taken me out back, whooped me real good and then driven me down to every practice, game and training session to make sure I went. If it wasn't for my mom standing up to my dad, I'd hate to think where I'd be right now"

  Bobby stared at Ricky, unsure of why the sudden rant. "You liked hockey and you quit?" Bobby asked confused.

  "Yes, Bobby! I quit! I was so scared of going back to Tommy's house. So I just sucked it up and stuck it out at home after telling my parents I was quitting hockey. I sat there at the table every night letting my dad berate me and call me a quitter. I didn't care about anything anymore, so I took it. Night after night, my dad talked me down, making me feel smaller and smaller each day. I still feel like shit some days. Some days it's so bad, I almost want to die."

  "Don't talk like that. I really don't get where you're coming from."

  "I didn't know what to do, Bobby, so I quit. I feel the shame in my dad's eyes every time he looks at me from across the room. But quitting hockey was the only option for me. I had only one way out, and I took it!"

  Bobby frowned. "Way out of what?" Bobby was bewildered by Ricky's angry outburst. "What the shit are you even talking about?"

  "Do you ever remember me going over to Tommy and Jason's house since I quit hockey? No! Not once have I ever been back in that house! Not once!"

  Bobby still didn't understand where Ricky was going, but he thought hard about the times the boys had all been together, and it was true. Since he quit playing hockey, Ricky had always made up some excuse when the group met over at Jason and Tommy's.

  "Don't you see?" he shouted. "Fuck, you're all so blind and stupid!"

  "Don't call me stupid, Ricky," Bobby said back. He was getting angry.

  "Well you are. Everyone in this whole town is."

  Bobby was visibly upset. "I don't get you! Why are you so upset with me? I don't even know what the heck you are talking about, and I really don't have to listen to this." Bobby got off his chair and moved a step away from Ricky towards the back door.

  "Yes, you do have to listen! I've gone this far, and I don't think I can stop talking now. Just sit back down and listen to me!"

  Bobby wasn't used to any of his friends talking like this to him, especially Ricky.

  "Please, Bobby. Please sit down and listen to what I'm saying. I'm begging you."

  Bobby shuffled back and sat down. "This better be good."

  "I wish I'd never played hockey."

  "Shit, Ricky! Hockey again? What is it with all the hockey?"

  "Tim played hockey and I played hockey. We both played hockey. We were good. Real good. And we still wanted to be better. Playing with Tommy and Jason was so great. And there was nothing better than being on a line with Tommy. Tommy was the leading scorer in the league. Everyone wanted to play on Tommy's line, and we'd all do whatever it took to play along with him. You play with Tommy, you get points, and you get noticed. That's why we both took Mr. Oliver up on his offer for the extra one-on-one training every other evening. You train with Mr. Oliver and suddenly he throws you out there for a couple of shifts with Tommy.”

  "Uh huh. You and lots of guys took advantage of what he offered. Didn't get to see you guys as much these few past winters with all of the games and extra practices. If you liked bloody hockey so much, then why'd you quit? I don't get it."

  Bobby could see Ricky tense up as he spoke again, very softly and very slowly. "Mr. Oliver was doing more than just giving out extra hockey training in his little shop at the back."

  Bobby processed what Ricky had just said. Abruptly, a few unexpected pieces from a hell that Bobby never believed existed in his world now came to light.

  "We've all heard about guys that do stuff to young kids. I just never expected it would happen to me."

  Bobby's mouth dropped open in disbelief of what Ricky had just implied.

  "It's true, Bobby. It's true. That's what I'm talking about."

  "He was..." Bobby couldn't find any words to properly respond to his friend. "…to you? And Tim?"

  Ricky nodded. "Tim too, is what I think. I'm telling you that's why I think Tim killed himself. I got away by quitting hockey. Tim found his own way out."

  "No way," Bobby replied in utter disbelief and disgust.

  "I feel sick when I think about Tim. Guilty too."

  Bobby struggled to listen. He wanted to block the words from his ears, but he couldn't. It just made too much sense, and he forced himself to respond. He looked Ricky up and down from head to toe.

  "But it's not your fault. None of it is, if this is true."

  "It is true, Bobby. And I know it's not my fault about Tim, but after I quit hockey, I suspected it was happening to others. I didn't do anything about it. I just really didn't want to think about it. Maybe if I had..."

  "But you couldn't have known. This is... It's just terrible, Ricky."

  "I know. And I only really suspected it was happening to Tim the night before he killed himself. After that basketball game, he was behaving so strangely. Tommy spotted his odd behaviour right away. I wanted to go with Tommy, and I wish I had. I so wish I had, but I was still so ashamed of what I let happen to me that as much as I saw Tim hurting, I couldn't find the words to speak to him about it that night. I went home and cried myself to sleep thinking about how much of a coward I was for not following the two of them."

  Bobby's mind drifted to the horror. He shivered as he thought of the violation Ricky endured. He couldn't help but ask.

  "What'd he do to you?"

  Ricky shook his head. "Not as much as he did to Tim, that I'm sure of."

  "But what did he do?" he asked again. He knew he should not have asked, but the words came out of his mouth before he could stifle them. His mind was numb with shock and disbelief.

  "What do you think he did? Fuck, Bobby! I'm not telling you the details."

  "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked. But how could you have known it was happening to Tim?" Bobby asked. He felt deeply ashamed for asking for details.

  Ricky looked up into the air. He let the tears run down his cheeks as he continued. "I could so relate to how he was behaving because I had gone through so much myself. I felt so alone and frightened by what was happening to me at the time, and I had no idea where or who to turn to. It's such a shameful feeling. I thought what happened to me was my fault. I still feel that way, like I brought this all on myself just because I wanted to play hockey with Tommy."

  "That is so wrong."

  "But I knew. I knew what Tim was going through the mom
ent I saw him sitting under that streetlight. He looked so sad. I could relate to it after I let Mr. Oliver have a go at me the second time and understood it wasn't just going to be a one-time thing. I had been getting all of those extra sessions free, but they really weren't free, were they? Nothing is ever free, but I liked playing hockey alongside Tommy and I somehow buried it in the back of my mind. But when he did it again, I just went along because he promised I'd get to play alongside Tommy again if I cooperated, and I did get to play up with him again. I'm so ashamed about the whole thing, and it's all I ever think about now."

  Ricky sniffed, wiped his eyes and tried to smile, but he couldn't do it. "And I'd go over for the next one-on-one session, and the whole time I was working out, I worried it would happen again before the session ended, and it always did. Every single time. And then it got worse. I'd show up for the training, and he'd get right into it. There was no more training. Just him doing what he wanted to me, and I'd get to play up with Tommy again the next game. I was glad the season ended and I had time to think. That's when I decided I had to do something. I couldn't stand the thought of the upcoming season and what I'd be put through again."

  Bobby could only shake his head about the suffering Ricky had endured.

  "And then there's Tim. I knew he was getting the extra sessions, and, of course, I had to suspect that it was happening to him too. But it was an impossible question to ask, wasn't it? But if only I had gone after him."

  Bobby shook his head hard. "My God. This is awful, Ricky. No, you couldn't have asked him, and no, you couldn't know what Tim was about to do. Don't you go thinking like that. It's not your fault."

  Ricky sighed. "Tommy and Jason must have put it all together after Tim died. That's what I think. I think they found out, and that's why they killed their parents. Well, their dad at least. I'm not sure why they killed their mom. Maybe she knew too, but it was only Mr. Oliver that was coming at me."

  Bobby listened to Ricky go on and on. His mouth hung open and a bit of muffin sat on his bottom lip until he finally found his voice. "Shit. I had no idea this was going on. I don't even know what to say."