Ensign Probus

by Wendie Nordgren

  She blushed brighter.

  “Mommy! Mommy!” Neema called.

  “Yes, I’m in here!”

  Neema ran inside of the dining room and carefully crawled up onto my lap. “Oh, no. You doing school? You said Neema…. You said I could get rack knee princess hair.”

  “You can have Arachnean princess hair.” I smoothed down her hair with my palm and kissed her soft cheek.

  She was wearing a blue, ankle-length dress and several play necklaces which she’d found in a treasure chest we’d buried for the children on Thalassa. A thought came to me. Was it what the Mad Ones were doing for me? They’d sent a distress beacon to Arachne for me to find. It had contained an alien lifeform, a treasure for an ensign in the Inquisitors Academy to find.

  “When, Mommy? When?” She sounded pathetic.

  Tracy said, “Oh, I’d like to get my hair done. Did you see Terre’s?”

  “Yes, it’s really cute. Lady Dacia is going to be so pissed. When did you see her?”

  “Oh, we chatted on our vid-screens when Phillip took her fishing.” Tracy shook her head. “They’re coming back tomorrow. Are you going to town soon?”

  I frowned at Rovek. “We wanted to, but I don’t know if it will make things worse for me with Rovek if we do.”

  Neema slid from my lap and went to my teacher. While he watched her fearfully, she climbed to his lap, held his face in her little hands, and spoke to him in her sweetest voice. “Don’t you want us happy?”

  He looked positively stricken.

  Neema said, “All I want is pretty hair.” Her bottom lip jutted out a little farther.

  “You shall have the prettiest hair of any tiny princess in all of the universe,” he promised.

  “When?” she whined.

  “We shall go immediately.”

  “Mommy in trouble?” She moved her hand to play with his rank insignia.

  “Oh, no. Mommy is a good girl, just like you.”

  Neema graced him with a smile and hugged his neck. Tracy and I had finished our milkshakes while watching the master at work. I called out, “Yukihyo, Nico, Fitz, Zared, Drex, Dario, Eli, Clark, and Izaac, time to go to town!”

  Nico popped his head into the dining room. “I can stay here and watch the boys.”

  Zared said, “I can help you with them.”

  My lips formed a line. “No. Pierce and Lorca will watch them. All of you will be doing what I told you you’d be doing or you can sleep somewhere other than in my bed. It’s up to you.”

  Nico cussed under his breath on his way out to the transports.

  Cedrenus asked Clark, “What’s she making you do?”

  He grumbled, “Manicures and pedicures.” Through our new bond, I could feel that he wasn’t as annoyed as he tried to sound. He was too happy and content to care what I made him do.

  Cedrenus asked, “They like it when males do that kind of stuff?”

  I held hands with Neema and Tracy as we walked out to our large black land transport.

  “Yes, females have very soft skin,” Clark explained.

  My team, who followed behind us, got quiet. The implication was clear. Dario and Fitz didn’t complain and convinced the others that they would enjoy the experience. We drove to town and found a salon which wasn’t too busy. The ladies who worked there practically salivated over my husbands. They stood around nervously and out of place. Drex picked up a polish sample and scowled at it.

  “May I help you?” a lady asked.

  “Yes, nine manicures and pedicures, please.” I held out my onyx bracelet so she could scan my chip.

  Then, I put my hands on my hips and waited while my husbands removed their big boots and sat where they were told. The salon had a dozen automated spa chairs. The ladies explained how to operate and program them to achieve the desired effects. Izaac started his and promptly started laughing.

  “Oh,” a lady said. “Someone is ticklish.”

  I filed the information away for future use. “Behave. You know where we’ll be,” I said on my way out.

  Zared started goading Nico. “Get the pink. It will really pop against your uniform.”

  “Fuck you. You’re the one with hair down to your ass,” Nico quipped.

  Leaving them and their annoying behavior behind, I found Neema and Tracy window shopping a few stores down the sidewalk. Together, we entered a nearby hair salon. Jazon and Rovek were serving as our guards. The rest of my team had wandered off to look in the shops.

  “How may I be of service?” The lady had thin braids which reached her lower back.

  “Oh, pretty! Mommy, that what I want!” Neema said excitedly. She looked up at me with eager hope and eyes full of expectations.

  “Good afternoon. Neema and I would like to get our hair braided.”

  The lady smiled and helped Neema into a chair. Tracy went off with another lady and acted as though she paid no attention to Jazon and Rovek’s quiet conversation. However, to me she said, “I’m trying to pay attention, but Jazon is preventing it.”

  “Uh, oh. Uncle Jazon in big trouble,” Neema told me.

  I shrugged. I wasn’t getting involved. I had plenty of husbands about whom to worry. Taking a seat, I supervised while Neema got her hair braided, taking pictures and sending them to Momma and Grandmother. She had a cute little side part and a head full of thin braids by the time she was done. Then, she had me take more pictures of her on her own vid-screen.

  “See? I send to Daddy.” She showed me how.

  I started worrying about her sending things to random individuals.

  Jazon barged into my mind. “Teagan, she can only call and send things to family. Stop worrying.”

  “Get your hair like mine,” Neema begged.

  “Okay.” I smiled and held her on my slowly disappearing lap.

  She played on her vid-screen while the lady did my hair, and my mind wandered. After some time had passed, Neema said, “Hey! Look. See? We pretty.”

  “Indeed, you are,” I heard Quaid say. His voice snapped me back to the present, and my heart sped up, but he wasn’t present, he was on her vid-screen. He was in his quarters and out of uniform.

  I searched for any evidence that he wasn’t alone, fearing Jemaphera or some other female kept him company. I tried to hide my feelings from Neema, but I wasn’t fast enough.

  Turning to me with a small, concerned frown, she asked, “Why you sad at Daddy Cade?” She turned her frown to him.

  Quaid asked her, “What have I done to make Mommy sad?” He seemed genuinely concerned. “Lady Bosh, I may be away on assignment, but my heart is with you. Pullman was under the impression that you liked my gift. Was he mistaken?”

  I glanced at him and looked away. “No, it was a lovely and thoughtful gift.” His image jiggled while Neema shifted her position on my lap. “You’ve been avoiding me. Don’t try to deny it. I wonder if you love me still, or if another has your heart.” I focused on his black eyes and let him see my pain. With him being so far away, I couldn’t sense his emotions. All I could do was attempt to read his body language and facial expressions.

  “Teagan, no. You are the only one I love. My heart is and forever shall be yours.” I broke eye contact, unsure of his sincerity. “I have already requested some personal leave. Once our mission concludes, I will remind you beyond a doubt how much I adore you. When I have you in my arms once more, you will know for certain I speak the truth. It saddens me to give you pain when I would give you only joy.”

  Dramatically, Neema exclaimed, “Ugh. Boring. Okay. Bye, Daddy Cade.” She ended the call and started playing a game on her vid-screen.

  I was so shocked by the abrupt ending of our conversation that I answered my own vid-screen immediately, not even checking first who called. I expected Quaid. I got Captain Espanoza. “I like it. If it didn’t take so much time, I’d get braids myself.” She had her own hair up in a poufy bun.

  “Thanks,” I said. Neema wanted down. “Jazon,” I called. After he walked over an
d lifted her from my lap, I asked, “What’s up? I’m kind of in the middle of something.”

  Captain Espanoza smirked. “Why don’t you tell me?” She waited.

  I stared at her. What? Were we girlfriends all of a sudden? Had she forgotten all about being an asshole to me on her ship? “Tell you about what? You’re the one who called me. What do you want?”

  She crossed her arms over her chest. “Don’t play dumb with me. It won’t work.”

  I stared at her. There was no fucking way that I was telling her the truth, which was that I wasn’t playing. “If there is something you’d like to discuss, you’ll need to be more specific.” My response was as vague as I could make it. I glanced over at Rovek and Jazon. They were listening to our every word.

  “Why are you investigating the disappearances of two ships registered to Earth? You wouldn’t yet again be playing at being a spy, would you?”

  The asshole did it again. She used the word, “play.” She kept using it to try and make me feel inferior. “What should it matter to you if I am? What harm could it do?” It was difficult having a serious conversation while I had my head tilted to the side and a lady braiding my hair. I desperately wanted to copy Neema and end our little chat in the same way she had ended the call to Quaid. If Espanoza thought I was childish, I could show her how truly childish I could be. I had children for the stars’ sakes. They had taught me all about being childish. Espanoza knew it. What she wanted was to get in my head and undermine me. It felt like a challenge. I smiled at her, and she didn’t have the sense to be frightened by it.

  “Those two ships aren’t any concern of yours. The Militia is handling the matter. Focus on matters which are more critical to you, like your pretty hair. Espanoza out.”

  My screen went blank.

  “Oh, Mommy mad,” Neema said. She climbed onto the seat of a chair, looked in a mirror, and swung her braids from side to side.

  Captain Espanoza was being a fucking dick. I couldn’t believe that I had once hero-worshipped that woman. A fucking dick…. I looked over at Rovek and smiled. I knew what I would do to get back at her.

  Telepathically, Jazon said, “Teagan, no. It’s a really bad idea. If we are caught, it would be enough for her to keep us here, trapped planetside, for months. We need to get to Earth.”

  I silently countered, “I have diplomatic immunity, and she considers my teammates and me to be nothing more than stupid kids.”

  Jazon directed his thoughts to Zared and Izaac. “Talk some sense into your female.”

  Zared said, “Let her be. As long as her guards and soldiers aren’t involved, Captain Espanoza won’t do more than scold her should she get caught. My worry is that she will make you feel foolish if she catches you.”

  Jazon sighed audibly, but dropped the topic and paid attention to Tracy. She’d gotten her hair placed up into an elegant style and looked absolutely gorgeous. My own hair was almost done when my husbands started trickling inside.

  “Daddy!” Neema ran to Yukihyo, and he carried her over to me.

  “Who has upset Mommy?” he asked our daughter.

  “Oh, Daddy. Captain’s pan noses made her so mad.” Neema scowled.

  “Captain Espanoza?” he asked.

  “Yes, captain’s pan noses.” Her daddy grinned. “Why you smiling? It’s not happy,” she scolded.

  He kissed her cheek and tickled her belly. “What?” He acted like he was listening to her belly. “You’re hungry?”

  Neema giggled.

  Tracy sidled up to them. She asked me, “Hungry?”

  “Always.”

  Once my hair was finished, we all met at a nearby restaurant and stuffed ourselves. However, rather than my food, my mind was occupied with a childish but complicated revenge plot. It had to be perfectly executed because my pride couldn’t take getting caught.

  Chapter Sixteen

  After we made it home, I pulled my team aside. “Will you please join me in the sitting room?” My innocent smile had each of them viewing me with suspicion. I sat on the couch, and after Clark sat beside me, I put my feet on his lap.

  Levi grabbed Clark’s hand and fluttered his eyelashes at him. “Oh, Ensign Flavian, your hands are so soft.”

  Quietly, Clark said, “It won’t feel soft when I hit you upside the head once we are no longer in the presence of a lady.” He snatched his hand away.

  I said, “Thank you for getting the manicure, darling.” I gave him my sweetest smile.

  Levi frowned down at his own nails which looked sharp enough to scrape paint from a transport.

  Cedrenus asked, “What have you been planning since lunch?”

  “I want revenge.”

  He dropped his eyes, and I knew he had to be thinking about the pirates. “We got all of the ones who were involved in the attack. But they have associates who may retaliate.”

  “No, Cedrenus. It’s nothing like that. Captain Espanoza is being a fucking cunt, and not a nice soft vagina that you’d want to slide a manicured finger into either.”

  With the exception of Clark, the guys all turned red. Gravy chuckled and gave me a small salute. Realization of why my husbands had submitted to my demands almost shocked the virginity out of them.

  “But anyway, I’m sick and tired of her saying stuff like I’m playing at being a spy. She acts like I’m dumb and worthless for anything other than being pampered.”

  Clark asked, “What do you have in mind, poison?”

  Stayton rhetorically asked, “With her chemistry scores?”

  I sighed. “No, not poison. For some reason, I have dicks on my brain.”

  Stayton choked on his coffee, and no one patted him on the back to help him. They were too busy staring at me, so I continued.

  “Rovek returned all of the sculptures my ladies and I made. I’d like to regift them.”

  “By courier?” Binder asked.

  “No, anyone could do that. I want to make a statement. I was thinking of sneaking them aboard her ship and decorating her cabin with them.”

  “Why? What message would it send to a female? When Rovek’s yard was decorated with them, it was funny and very public. It was a clear message that his behavior toward you was less than gentlemanly.” Ross spread out his hands and waited for an explanation.

  “Trust me. It’s insulting to an Earth woman, like Espanoza, but I’ll leave her a note so she knows how to take the prank.” I handed an envelope to Stayton. It was the best stationary credits could buy.

  He pulled out the card and read, “Dear Captain Espanoza, If you get some, hopefully you’ll be in a better mood. Love, Ensign Probus.”

  Cedrenus said, “So, you want to sneak a bag of dicks aboard the Constantine, decorate the Captain’s cabin with them, and leave a note admitting to it?”

  “Yes, a stupid kid playing at being a spy would never be able to pull it off, not with starship security being as tight as it is.”

  He shrugged. “Alright, what are your plans for boarding a Militia ship without being detected and arrested?”

  I smiled and told them about the time Jazon and Zared had bypassed Laconian Militia and visited me on Tora. “We have everything we need aboard the Empress. I’ve already checked.” I showed them the proof on my vid-screen.

  “Then, let’s go,” Ross said.

  “Not so fast.” Getting up, I showed them a few bags which were filled with bows, stringed lights, and party garlands. “The dicks are on my ship. I want to decorate them first. We could secure a few of them to this and string it on the wall behind her bed.”

  The air shimmered near the wall, and Kaoti appeared. He held up a hand, bent over into a crouch, and laughed so hard that I thought he’d cry. He stopped only to start back up again. Finally, he managed to say, “You’ll need additional visual displacement shielding for all of your bags of dicks.”

  “Thanks,” I said brightly. Lifting my hand as though reading headlines, I said, “The Cocky Cadets prepared for Operation Dick Décor, a mission which
would take them to the most intimate areas of the Constantine to leave behind engorged phalluses so the Captain’s fantasies about finally getting fucked could come to fruition.”

  Kaoti shook his head, wiped his eyes, and dematerialized.

  I left the guys and went to tell my husbands that I’d be going out for a while.

  “Teagan, I think we should depart soon for Earth. It wouldn’t be wise for us to be here when reports finally come in about a certain incident which remains undiscovered,” Eli said.

  “How long before it is discovered?” I asked.

  Eli said, “When accomplices don’t respond, someone usually starts looking. It would be best if we were to leave tomorrow after you have said your goodbyes.”

  I took a deep breath. “Alright.” I kissed his cheek. “Should we invite everyone over for brunch? By the way, if we aren’t back by morning….”

  “We will break you out,” Eli said. “Have fun, wear body armor, and try not to get shot.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  The guys were waiting for me outside by the transports. They’d brought my bags of decorations.

  “Chirp?” Black eyes blinked down at me from a tree limb above our heads.

  “We’re going on a secret mission,” I explained.

  “Clack?”

  I shrugged. “Sure. You can come as long as you’re okay with me wearing shielding.”

  “Chirp.” He lowered himself from his tree limb on a line of silk with his long legs and claws holding it while pointing at the sky. He did resemble a large drop of water. He waited until I had taken my seat in the transport and then sat on my lap. He stared at my belly and chirped softly to my babies during the drive to the land port.

  When we arrived, the place was bustling with activity. We drove by several merchant ships which were engaged in the loading and unloading of supplies and merchandise. Pulling up near the Empress, we slowed at a crewman’s signal and then proceeded until my crewmen waved us up the ramp and into the transport bay.

  “Bring the bags, and let’s get to work.” I rubbed my hands together in anticipation.

  We entered the lift and went up to the Imperial Deck. Captain Ricimer met us there. “Is anything amiss, Princess Teagan?” he asked.