by Lucy Coleman
Even sitting on a soft couch, the way she holds herself and her demeanour is disciplined. Sit straight, look presentable and smile politely – it’s an old-school doctrine that is like a cloak, hiding anything untoward beneath it.
‘They would settle down an awful lot quicker if Cary accepted he’s losing the battle and began to put his own future first. My biggest fear is that these years will fly by all too quickly and one day he will realise so much life has passed him by. I don’t want it to be too late, or for him to have regrets and I’m beginning to run out of patience.
‘Saving the planet is all well and good, but there are times when he’s too altruistic and it clouds his judgement. This house represents so much that is dear to me. Why it’s important that Cary makes this his home is because he’s a man who needs roots, whether he appreciates that fact, or not. His roots are here and at the moment that is all he has; taking over control will, I hope, trigger a big change in his approach to life. In doing so he will set me free. Free to travel, spend time in the sunshine and write to my heart’s content, knowing he’s settled. What means equally as much to me now, is that you have joined him, but I’m weary of waiting for him to see the truth of his situation. You can fool your head, but you can’t fool your heart.’
I’m shocked and my head is spinning. Does Cressida know our relationship is a sham but is hoping that something comes of it?
‘The truth?’
‘This has to be in strictest confidence, Leesa, but I feel you understand and I trust your intentions are good. Cary is beginning to care for you in a way he didn’t expect. His Vice President is an awful man, whose wife isn’t much better and she’s a gossip. Unfortunately, our paths cross from time to time because we have a lot of friends in common. At a party recently, I overheard her boasting that her niece was going to slot into Harry’s place when he retires.’
‘Oh, yes, Cary is aware of that because he’s already mentioned it.’
She shakes her head, sadly. ‘Felicity didn’t stop there. She said that it wouldn’t be long before the CEO’s chair had a new incumbent. Which means Harry has been up to his usual tricks and, I suspect, is calling in favours owed.’
‘Are you going to tell Cary?’
Cressida shakes her head, once more.
‘Cary is astute: he will have worked that out for himself, but he doesn’t know when to give up. He can’t seem to let go of his dream and it’s making him miserable. I’m praying that having you in his life, and taking on this house, will fill the void that is coming. Hopefully, it will allow him to finally focus on a future without the horrendous pressures he’s been under. I’ve been so worried about him, but he is his own man and I can’t tell him what to do.’
I swallow hard before responding.
‘I’m afraid you overestimate my influence on Cary, Cressida. And my own wounds are still quite raw when it comes to trusting someone again. I understand how frustrating it is when someone refuses to listen, but we both know that Cary isn’t ready to accept defeat. That’s why he won’t walk away.’
The way she turns her head towards the window for a moment, before returning her gaze to me, reveals a sense of inner torment. Why did I ever doubt she had a firm grasp on what Cary’s been going through, I wonder.
However, the look in her eyes reflects hope. The very least she deserves is my respect and honesty, but I can’t betray Cary. Or divulge the fact that what we are doing is, in his eyes anyway, supposed to ease her mind. My spirits sink, forlornly, as I’m torn between two people I’ve come to care about.
‘But you are here now and everything is different.’
The words are like a dagger to my heart.
‘You know there are no guarantees, Cressida, don’t you?’ What else can I say? I can hardly dismiss what she regards as a gut feeling that this might work out.
Her smile is one of a loving grandmother who won’t give up hope.
‘I know him inside and out, Leesa. I firmly believe that what he thought he wanted isn’t what is going to make him happy in the long-term. Please, just be there for him and let’s see where fate ends up taking you both.’
She does know, but she is trying to convince herself that I’m the solution to all of Cary’s problems.
‘I fear you are going to be disappointed, Cressida.’
How far should I go, given that this is a conversation in which Cary should be taking part, I wonder.
‘You feel nothing at all for my grandson?’
I can hardly face her anxious stare.
‘I’m not sure what I feel. I think you are right in one respect about him and maybe he simply needs time to accept his fate. But I’m at a crossroads, too. Domesticity isn’t on the horizon for me and may never be.’
Cressida leans across to place her hand over mine.
‘Let’s trust that we will all end up where we are supposed to be. All I’m asking is that when the going gets tough you are there for him if he needs you. Can you promise me that, at least?’
‘Of course.’
My own emotions are in freefall now. I can’t pretend the thought of Cary doesn’t stir a sense of something deeper within me. It felt so good to be in someone’s arms again but one night of passion doesn’t change anything; it’s like a one-night stand with someone you sort of know. Well enough to understand you can relax about it because you both know it won’t happen again. Sadly, I have my own agenda, which makes it virtually impossible to get sidetracked on what could very well turn out to be a one-sided attraction. Too much is at stake and I must divorce my head from my heart, even if I suspect that I’m simply making excuses because I’m scared.
She squeezes my hand encouragingly and I remain silent, managing only to raise a weak smile as guilt consumes me.
*
The Anderson family lunch is a chaotic affair; everyone talking over each other, interspersed with the kids’ antics. Jackson is a very sensible, rather serious boy for his age and it’s easy to talk to him when you get him on his own. Daisy is quite pouty today, little Chloe wanting to dominate everything and, as Daisy put it, giving her a headache.
‘Mummy, why do I have to eat all of my vegetables when Chloe can leave hers?’
Sally looks at Daisy, pointedly. ‘Because you are shooting up and need all of those vitamins, darling. You know that Chloe is going through a phase, as you did at her age. The rule is that she has to at least take a bite of everything on the plate in front of her. I’m counting on you to show her what big girls do.’
Daisy rolls her eyes as Chloe pipes up.
‘Don’t like carrots. Don’t like parsnips. I like chips.’
Sally looks across the table at Laurence, who simply shrugs his shoulders.
‘Well, Chloe,’ Cary jumps in, ‘if you want to grow big and strong, like Daisy, I’m afraid chips won’t do it. I love chips too, but as a treat. Did you know carrots are good for your eyes?’
‘Benji loves carrots but I don’t like the taste, Uncle Cary.’
‘Well, rabbits are clever animals, Chloe, and eating carrots helps them to see in the dark.’
Chloe frowns, wrinkling up her nose as she considers that statement. ‘If I eat all of my carrots maybe I will be able to read in the dark, then?’
Sally masks a chuckle. Chloe always has a book in her hand, it seems, and I can imagine bedtimes are difficult. I remember the ‘just one more’ syndrome I used to practise when I was a child, after being told it was time for lights out.
‘Well, let’s both give it a try and see if it works. We might have to eat quite a lot, though.’
Chloe spears a small piece and I look away for fear I will burst out laughing. She chews doggedly before swallowing, as if she put a whole carrot in her mouth in one go.
‘Bet I finish before you do.’ Cary eggs her on and she picks up the pace.
Laurence laughs, then turns to look at his wife with a growing smile.
‘I think it’s time we shared the news, Sally, don’t you?’
‘Oh. I forgot.’
Sally looks a little exasperated, but I notice that her eyes are shining.
‘Jackson, Daisy and Chloe – what do you think about having a little brother or sister sometime in November? Wouldn’t that make it a very special Christmas for us all this year?’
Jackson grins, Daisy claps her hands to her face with joy and Chloe frowns.
‘I don’t want to share my bedroom,’ Chloe blurts out, looking appalled.
‘Oh no, darling, the baby will sleep in Mummy and Daddy’s room for a few weeks before moving into a new nursery. And Daddy is going to change his working hours so he can do the morning school run in future. And—’ she gazes across at Laurence, beaming from ear-to-ear ‘—Daddy has a new assistant, so weekends will be quality family time in future.’
It’s making me tear up a little seeing the delighted look on everyone’s faces. Aside from Chloe, whose face is still scrunched up, her arms firmly crossed to demonstrate her disapproval. It’s quite comical, actually.
Cressida stands and both Laurence and Sally approach her for a congratulatory hug.
‘I’m thrilled for you all, lovelies. Am I assuming you will be extending the house to accommodate the nursery?’
‘Yes, the plans are being drawn up already. And thank you, Grandma – your generosity allowed that to happen and a few other adjustments in our lifestyle.’
It appears that Cressida has finally persuaded Laurence to take his inheritance, but that only serves to increase the pressure on Cary. I glance in his direction and he seems genuinely happy to hear their news. However, I can see the tiredness written all over his face. If anyone looks unwell, it’s him – not Cressida, who is now glowing with happiness.
26
Shocking News
I felt uncomfortable walking away from Cary at Easter, unable to share much of the private conversation I’d had with Cressida. Aside from the fact that she was overloaded, not ill, as he’d feared. I suggested that maybe she was looking to him to take some of the pressure away and left it at that.
Knowing that Cressida had already guessed what was really going on between us is something I left out of the conversation. And the fact that she was choosing to pin her hopes on the impossible happening. She would, no doubt, reveal that information when she was ready. It’s crazy thinking that the friendship developing between Cary and me might grow into something else. How can it? We would both have to want the same things, at the same time. It would be foolhardy to move forward simply to give her peace of mind and it wouldn’t be doing any of us a favour.
I do dream about a nice little detached house in a leafy suburb, with a dog and two cats and maybe a man who understands how I tick. But he’s the optional extra and I’m thinking along the lines of someone who could dip in and out of my life, as necessary. Work is now the number one priority because I need to secure my future financially. I’ve wasted too much time already over one man who wasn’t worthy, to risk that happening all over again. And when it comes to Cary, aside from all the other potential problems, our backgrounds are so very different. And that’s something I can’t do anything about.
‘Time for a coffee break, boss?’ Tim suggests.
Today I’ve hired a room as Zack, Tim and I are videoing a series of tutorials for the first telesales training contract. I’m on the laptop controlling the PowerPoint presentation on the screen behind Tim, as he reads from the prompt cards Zack is holding up. We’ve arrived at a natural point to break and I nod, so Zack walks over to turn off the camera. Tim is a natural and I guess his confidence comes from his dealings as a credit controller. He once told me that sometimes people would turn up at the offices and on one occasion he was assaulted. A guy grabbed him by the throat after Tim informed him the debt was now in the hands of the high court.
As Zack heads out to call his wife, who has taken the day off work because their four-year-old, Tilly, has tonsillitis, Tim makes use of the espresso machine in the corner.
‘Cappuccino?’
I nod.
Working with Tim is fine, but since the flower incident it’s obvious he feels a little awkward being around me.
I stand, arching my back a little and glad to stretch out my legs. We’ve been at it for just over three hours now and it’s quite intense.
‘If we keep up this pace we’ll only need another day to wrap it up,’ I comment, as I saunter over to grab the cup Tim is holding out to me.
He hands it over, giving me that familiar cheeky little grin of his.
‘Leesa, I owe you a formal apology. I didn’t mean to cause offence with the flowers, you know that – right? I think you’re an amazing woman and I wanted you to know how grateful I am for this opportunity to prove myself. It means a lot to me.’
I admire his courage because it was obvious something was troubling him; I just hope he hasn’t finally spat it out just to say he’s leaving.
‘I realised afterwards that it the wrong way to express my gratitude. It could have been misinterpreted and I’d hate to upset the person you’ve been seeing. If he found out and thought I’d overstepped—’
I put up my hand to stop him.
‘It’s fine. Really. My friend—’ I labour the word ‘—is actually a client – ex-client – so no harm done.’
I’ve made a mess of this, having said Cary was my boyfriend to discourage Tim. If I don’t play it down a little now, implying it’s not common knowledge, the risk is in Tim fielding a phone call from Cary and saying something. I don’t want Cary to think I’ve been talking about him to Tim. Oh, this is going from bad to worse!
However, the look of relief on Tim’s face is immense. Maybe I’m overthinking this and it doesn’t really matter.
‘I was worried sick you might sack me,’ he admits.
‘Just keep up the good work and everything will be fine. I’m glad to have you on the team, so relax. You more than pull your weight and you’re a real asset.’
Youthful exuberance – oh, how I remember that in my dim and distant past.
*
The pace doesn’t slow at work and the next three months whizz by with tremendous results. I have a little over two weeks until I’m off work for ten days, having decided that not only am I due for a break, but Beth deserves my undivided attention in the run-up to the wedding.
Lately she’s been jittery. That’s probably to be expected in the aftermath of the recent hen party, which reminded us all we’re on countdown. Cary survived the more raucous stag do, but I think alcohol played a big part and they at least saw Will safely through it.
Now I’m already working down my list of tasks I need to wrap up before I hand over to Zack and Tim. In preparation, I’ve diverted the work number to Tim, to whom it was no big deal. He even offered to add that function to his role, seemingly delighted when I took him up on it. Most approaches come via the website, anyway, so calls are usually only from clients whose work we’re currently handling. He will act as a filter and only pass on anything he can’t handle.
My phone vibrates and it’s Tim.
‘Sorry to trouble you, Leesa. A moment ago, I answered the phone to a sobbing woman who didn’t give her name. When she realised it wasn’t you on the end of the line, she hung up. Shall I try to trace her from the call log?’
My head goes into panic mode. ‘No. But thanks for flagging it up.’
I dial Mum’s number. ‘Is everything alright?’
‘No. You’d better phone Beth, she’s in a bit of a state. Can you ring her straight away, honey? Let me know how it goes.’
Click. Dial.
Beth answers immediately, but all I hear is sobbing.
‘It’s me. You rang my work number by mistake and it doesn’t come through to me any more. Take your time.’
I sit for several minutes and the sobbing gradually lessens. She b
lows her nose, making a concerted effort, only to start all over again.
‘Give me a moment.’ Her voice is almost unrecognisable.
Eventually she pulls herself together.
‘Take a few deep breaths before you begin, Beth. Whatever it is, I’m here for you.’
She sniffs, then blows her nose. Noisily drawing in a huge breath, she holds it for a few moments before expelling the air.
‘I made a big mistake, Leesa. I’ve broken up with Will. It’s over.’
I’m gob-smacked. My jaw drops as I search around for something suitable to say. I can’t find any words and I snap my mouth shut, my fingers tightening on the phone.
‘He was just going along with everything but not really getting involved. Like, I’d have conversations with him and I swear he agreed with everything I suggested. I thought at first that was because he loved me. Hah! I thought we were so in tune nothing could go wrong. How stupid was I?’
The bitterness in her voice horrifies me. This is Will she’s talking about and I agree, he is a bit of a yes man. But only because he wants her to be happy. Isn’t that what you do when you love someone?
‘The bakery sent the invoice for the wedding cake and Will went berserk. It’s not as if it wasn’t in the budget and we chose it together.’
‘You broke up because of a cake?’
She sniffs and there’s another round of nose-blowing.
‘Yes. No. He said he was sick of it. “Sick of what?” I asked him. And he said… everything. I threw the engagement ring back at him and told him I never want to set eyes on him ever again.’
I draw in a sharp breath. First of all, I can’t believe this. It makes no sense. Secondly, they will be throwing away thousands of pounds. Most things have already been paid for upfront and, ironically, it’s probably only the cake itself that can be cancelled at this late stage. My head is whirling, so what must it be like for Beth? And Mum? And Will?
‘It’s the pressure, Beth. A wedding is one of the most stressful events in anyone’s life. I’m sure Will didn’t—’
‘Maybe he didn’t, but I meant it. Why didn’t anyone stop me? I was out of control, more in love with the idea of realising my dream than with Will.’