by Bree Wolf
Aside from her dear children, of course.
As expected, when they arrived at her brother’s home, they were shown into the drawing room while their bags and trunks were unloaded and brought up to their rooms. Then her brother’s butler disappeared to inform his master of their arrival.
Moments later, the door opened and Robert and his wife Cecilia walked in arm in arm. Their six-year-old daughter Sophie darted past them, her eyes wide as she looked at her Scottish relations with curiosity., Her little brother Robert−or Robbie, for simplicity’s sake−half-hid behind his mother’s skirts.
Maggie rose from the settee and stepped up to her brother, her gaze sweeping over him, remembering the young man he’d been when they’d last seen each other. For a moment, she felt transported back through time, feeling as though he hadn’t changed in the least, before she took note of the small lines around his brown eyes, the way he moved with purpose, the way his gaze met his wife’s. Aye, time had passed here as well, and she saw memories of his life lingering in her brother’s eyes. Whatever had happened while she’d been in Scotland, at least her brother had found love in his marriage.
“Hello Margaret,” Robert greeted her, his gaze sweeping over her in the same fashion as hers had before. “Welcome back to London.”
Smiling, Maggie nodded. “‘Tis Maggie now, and thank ye.”
“We’re so happy to have you stay with us,” Cecilia welcomed them a little shyly, her pale blue eyes kind as she brushed a hand over her son’s little head, still buried somewhere in her skirts. “I know it has been Robert’s dearest wish to see you again.” She looked up at her husband, who squirmed slightly at his wife’s open words, but then gently squeezed her hand.
“Thank ye, Cecilia,” Maggie told her, relieved to see the deep bond between her brother and his wife. “I too have missed him dearly over the past ten years.”
Cecilia smiled as Robert’s gaze once more found his sister’s, his chest rising and falling slowly as he looked at her. “Blair, Niall, would you like to join us on the terrace?” Cecilia asked her niece and nephew before casting a sidelong glance at her husband and sister-in-law. “We have some fresh lemonade and strawberry tarts waiting to be eaten.”
Blair’s and Niall’s faces lit up as did Sophie’s and her little brother’s. “I want some, too,” Robbie exclaimed, tugging on his mother’s skirts.
“And you shall have some,” she told him with a smile before ushering the children out of the room. Her gaze came to meet her husband’s and she squeezed his hand. Then she followed the sound of little feet rushing toward the terrace and closed the door behind her.
Maggie sighed, a smile lingering on her face. “She’s wonderful,” she told her brother, meaning it with all her heart.
Robert chuckled, a hint of red darting across his face as he glanced back at the door through which his wife had left. “I quite agree.”
“I always hoped ye would find love, and I’m happy ye did.”
Holding her gaze for no more than a moment, Robert nodded before his eyes darted to the floor, the window, the settee−anywhere but her. He swallowed, his arms rising as though he wished to cross them over his chest, but then changed his mind and they returned to hang limply at his sides.
“Say it,” Maggie whispered, feeling her own insides twist and turn at the sudden collision of the two parts of her life.
Robert’s gaze returned to hers, and she could see there a similar anxiety to the one she felt in her own heart. “I was saddened to hear of your husband’s passing,” he whispered, the hint of a question lingering in his tone.
Maggie nodded. “Thank ye. He was a great father, and Niall and Blair miss him deeply.” She swallowed, holding her brother’s gaze. “I too miss him. I miss him as I would miss a dear friend, but ye know I never loved him.”
Robert inhaled a deep breath, his head nodding up and down as he took a step toward her. “I’d hoped you would.”
“I’d hoped for the same,” Maggie admitted, relieved to be able to speak so freely without fearing to hurt someone who’d cared for Ian.
Ten years ago, Robert had attended her and Ian’s wedding and she’d seen in his eyes that day that he’d known. Even then, he’d known that she did not love Ian. Not the way she ought to have. Not the way she loved Nathan.
Robert had known, and seeing it in his eyes that day had made her realise the mistake she’d made. But it had been too late. Was that why Robert had never visited her? Because he’d feared that seeing him would remind her of what they’d both known that day? Had he stayed away, hoping that she and Ian would have a chance after all if he were not there to remind her of her past and the man she loved?
Whatever her brother’s reasoning, Maggie knew he had meant well. She also knew it had not made a difference. Her heart had remained steadfast, no matter the reminder or its absence.
“Why have you come?” Robert asked her, his hand slowly reaching for hers.
Maggie swallowed, allowing her brother to pull her hand into his. “He still haunts me,” she whispered, and her eyes filled with tears as she looked up into Robert’s eyes, the look in his one of anguish−the same she’d seen on her wedding day.
“Then why come here?” he asked, and his hand closed more tightly over hers. “Why now? After ten years? Surely, you must know that there is a chance you’ll cross paths?”
Maggie nodded. “‘Tis why I came.”
Her brother’s eyes widened in shock. “You wish to see him? Why?” He swallowed. “He’s…he’s not the man he once was.”
Maggie stilled at the thought of Robert and Nathan crossing paths over the years. “Ye’ve seen him?”
Robert’s jaw tensed. “Here and there,” he replied as his gaze darted to their locked hands. “Though we’ve not exchanged a word in ten years.”
Maggie closed her eyes, wondering what Nathan looked like today. Would she still see in him the boy she’d once known? Or would he be nothing but a stranger? “I need to see him.”
Robert shook his head. “Why? He’ll only hurt you.”
“He h-hurts me even when I dunna see him,” Maggie stammered, allowing the pain of the last ten years to come pouring out. Never would she have thought that it’d be her brother she’d confide in, that it’d be him she’d feel compelled to reveal to all she’d suffered through in the past decade. And yet, here she was, her hands wrapped in his with tears streaming down her face. “I need to put this behind me,” she whispered on a sob. “I need to find a way to…to let him go.” Her brother pulled her into his arms then as a part of her had hoped he would. “I canna go on another ten years with that need for him in my heart.”
Holding her close, Robert ran his hand over her back, then brushed stray curls from her eyes and tucked them behind her ears as he had countless times when they’d been young. Always had he looked out for her. Always had he been there to dry her tears. He’d been her big brother, and she’d missed him dearly.
“You sound like mother,” he whispered, his chin resting on the top of her head. The hint of a smile echoed in his voice, and Maggie couldn’t help but chuckle.
“I miss her, too,” she whispered, looking up into his brown eyes. “Her and Father.”
Robert nodded. Then he lifted a hand to brush a tear from her cheek. “I’m glad you’ve come.” He cast her a small smile. “I want to know my niece and nephew, and I want you to know yours.”
“I want that, too.”
With a soft creak, the door slid open and three-year-old Robbie came charging into the room. “Papa, did you know? Did you know?”
Stepping out of her brother’s embrace, Maggie wiped at her eyes as Robert knelt down to sweep his son into his arms. “Did I know what?”
Little Robbie’s eyes darted to Maggie. “Niall said his father is a true hero,” he exclaimed, awe ringing in his voice. “He saved someone. He fought a wolf. A real wolf!”
Robert’s gaze met Maggie’s, a hint of a question there. “That…I had not hea
rd.”
Willing a smile onto her face, Maggie nodded at her little nephew. “Aye, ‘tis true,” she told him, holding out her hands to him. “Shall I tell ye the whole story? Niall loves hearing it, and Blair was even there when it happened.”
Robbie’s eyes grew rounder and, after a moment of hesitation, he allowed Maggie to take him from his father’s arms. “Blair saw the wolf?”
“Aye, she did,” Maggie confirmed, casting a smile at her brother, as she swept out of the room in search of the others. “She said ‘twas the biggest wolf she’d ever seen.”
“Hold up,” Robert called, rushing after them. “That’s a story I need to hear as well.” Sharing a smile, he guided her toward the terrace where the rest of the family sat munching on strawberry tarts.
Perhaps coming back to London after all these years hadn’t been such a bad idea after all.
Chapter Four
Not of this World
His head throbbed and the sound of the carriage’s wheels churning on cobblestones did not aid the matter at all. In fact, it only made the throbbing worse, and Nathan felt tempted to yell at his unfortunate driver to bring the carriage to a stand-still. But then what?
Gritting his teeth, Nathan did his best to ignore the pounding in his head, once again vowing never to imbibe again, knowing full well that his intentions would not survive the next time he would find himself in need of forgetting.
After all, ignorance was bliss−as far as he was concerned.
Unfortunately, that bliss always came to an end much too soon. Even now, Nathan could feel his thoughts turning toward painful matters. He could feel his heart beginning to ache as the image of the little boy rose in his mind.
Collin.
Weeks had passed since the day of the Elmridge picnic, and yet, Nathan had not been able to banish the sight of his son from his mind. Now that he knew what the boy looked like, had heard from Josephine that he possessed the same mole behind his ear as he did himself, Nathan could not help but wonder what other traits he might have passed on to his son. His thoughts often returned to his own childhood, and he remembered the loneliness after losing his parents. Of course, his sister and her family had been there, but it had not been the same.
Was Collin lonely?
Nathan prayed it was not the case and reassured himself by remembering the happy family seated on the chequered blanket that day. Indeed, he’d seen two parents and four children. He knew that the maid he’d only ever known as Kara had married before Collin had been born. Since then it would seem she’d had three other children with her husband, a man Nathan hoped either knew nothing of his eldest son’s true parentage or who was such a saint of a man he did not care and loved all his children the same.
Would he ever see the boy again? Nathan wondered, not certain what he was hoping for. To forget was far easier when he did not find himself setting eyes upon the very one he sought to have removed from his thoughts. And yet…
With his eyes closed, Nathan felt his head collide hard with the carriage’s wall as it all but fell sideways as though he no longer possessed the strength to keep it upon his shoulders. Another dull pain echoed through his mind, but it did not eclipse the painful ache in his heart caused by yet another image drifting into his thoughts.
The image of an auburn-haired young woman with bright blue eyes he had known long ago.
“No!” Nathan growled under his breath, shoving the image aside with what remained of his willpower. No, he would not think of her.
Not now.
Not ever.
And so Nathan allowed his thoughts to return to the boy. It was easier somehow for he had never loved the child.
He had never known the child.
After removing Kara from his household, Nathan had spent many weeks lost in a drunken stupor. He had never been a good man, but neither had he ever been a fool. He’d known the moment she’d run out into the darkened streets of London with tears streaming down her face that regret and shame would eventually find him.
And they had.
For weeks, they’d weighed on him, a crushing burden that had finally pushed him to his knees one day. No longer had he been able to bear their presence and so Nathan had hired a man to find the young woman and bring him news of how she’d fared. He’d expected the worst and had been surprised to learn that she had married, that she was well, that she’d given birth to a son.
His son.
Not truly though.
For he had no claim on the child. Another man had taken that right, given the boy his name and his family, made him his.
A part of Nathan resented the man for it while another part would remain forever grateful to him for protecting the boy when he had not.
Over the years, Nathan had always had someone keep an eye out for Collin, ensuring that he was well. And yet, he’d never laid eyes on him himself, at least not before the day of the Elmridge picnic. It had been a blessing and a curse, and Nathan knew that he could not risk seeing him ever again for if he did, Nathan was certain that eventually he’d want more than a few stolen glimpses.
And he had no claim on the boy.
He never would.
And in this one regard, he would not be selfish.
Not again.
After all, the best he could do for the boy−for his son!−was to stay away and let him be happy, loved by the family he had. It was something Nathan had foolishly longed for all his life. Something he’d hoped to find. Something he’d once thought within his grasp. Something that would now never be.
Indeed, dreams and hopes were foolish for they more often than not led to nothing but disappointment. It was by far better not to dream and hope at all, but to simply continue on, one day after another until all his days would be done.
It was a bleary way to look at life, but for Nathan it was the only one he knew how to bear.
As the carriage continued rolling down the street, Nathan felt his patience running out with each painful thud against the inside of his skull. He cringed when the carriage jarred to a halt momentarily before moving on. With his teeth gritted and his eyes almost pinched shut, Nathan reached out a hand and pulled aside the curtain covering the window, hoping to see familiar townhouses and thus the end of this torturous journey.
The sun was blinding, and his lids closed instinctively as it sent piercing pain through his skull. Certain his jaw would crack from the pressure he put on it, Nathan slowly blinked his eyes open, doing his best to ignore the pounding in his head.
“How much farther?” he mumbled under his breath as his eyes slowly began to make out people strolling down the pavement, then caught glimpses of the homes lining the street. He saw a group of children running ahead with their parents following close behind.
For a reason Nathan did not dare dwell on, he couldn’t bring himself to look away.
A red-headed boy strode ahead of the other children, two girls and another little boy who had trouble keeping up. They marched with purpose, clearly lost in a game, their faces lit with eagerness. A few paces behind them, Nathan spotted a tall gentleman and a fair-haired lady on his arm, closely followed by…
The air was knocked from Nathan’s lungs and he almost toppled over in pain as his gaze swept over a dainty creature with fiery red hair. Her tresses were tied into little braids that were slung around her head, a stark contrast to her pale skin, shimmering in the sunlight. Her head was bowed, and a faraway look rested in her soulful eyes as she all but floated down the street as though her feet barely touched the ground.
She seemed ethereal, not of this world, and Nathan pinched his eyes shut, his hand rubbing over his closed lids as his heart cried out in denial. “It can’t be her,” he mumbled under his breath as his pulse beat wildly in his neck. “You’ve had too much to drink. You’re seeing things.”
Inhaling a fortifying breath, Nathan carefully opened one eye, then the other. Instantly, blinding pain returned, and yet, he barely noticed it. All he did notice was the townhouse o
utside his window, which he recognised as his own when the carriage pulled to a sudden halt. The pavement running in front of it was empty though.
When the door opened, Nathan carefully stepped outside, his eyes searching up and down the street even though he knew deep down that she hadn’t truly been here. It had only been his foxed mind that had conjured her image, and yet, he couldn’t deny that in that moment he’d felt almost alive again.
As he had long ago.
After the initial shock of seeing her so unexpectedly, his heart had begun to beat with purpose once again and not to simply sustain him. He’d felt his skin warm and his breath hitch in anticipation. Longing and desire had filled him, urging him toward her…even if only for a split second.
But it had been enough for him to take note.
To realise what he’d lost when he’d lost her.
To know that he was right.
He could not live again.
Not without her.
It was as simple as that.
Closing his eyes, Nathan exhaled the breath he’d been holding before he forced his feet toward the steps leading up to his front door. He would continue on as he did every day, seeking distraction after distraction in order to avoid the images his mind would taunt him with. How long would it take until he could rid himself of this latest torture? How long until he would forget seeing her out in the sunlight? How long until the pain would dull?
How long?
Chapter Five
Rumours & Memories
Maggie smiled seeing the joy on her children’s faces as they raced across the green lawns of Hyde Park. As if they’d known each other for years, the four cousins laughed and chased each other, their imaginations running wild as they played at knights and dragons, princesses and fairies. Indeed, they reminded her of her own childhood with her brother as well as Nathan.
Swallowing, Maggie willed her thoughts to return to happier moments. “I envy them the joy they find in such small things,” she exclaimed, sharing a look with her brother and his wife.