by Bree Wolf
“They’ll be fine,” Blair had whispered with that knowing look in her eyes when Wendell had seen them to the drawing room. “Nathan wanted to see his son. He’ll be happy to speak to him.”
Maggie had frowned at that, remembering that Blair had spoken to Nathan before he had left her brother’s home. “Ye spoke to him, did ye not? Ye encouraged him to…to apologise for abandoning his son?”
Blair nodded, casting a careful glance at Collin who looked at everything around him with wide eyes.
“Who’s Nathan?” Niall had cut in as he left Collin’s side and strode over to them.
Maggie had tensed, unable not to, but Blair had replied without another thought. “He’s Collin’s father and the man Mother loves.”
Niall had stopped short at that, shock widening his green eyes, and he’d all but dropped into the armchair conveniently located behind him. Then his jaw had hardened, and he’d looked ready to flee the room.
Maggie had stepped into his path then. “Niall, listen−”
Glaring at her, he’d stuck his fingers into his ears and closed his eyes, shutting her out.
“Dunna worry, Mother,” Blair had said, gently squeezing her hand. “He needs to be angry right now, but it’ll pass.”
Maggie had tried to swallow the lump in her throat. “How come ye’re not angry?”
Blair had shrugged at that, the look in her eyes suggesting that the answer ought to be fairly obvious. “Because I know Father is well. He’ll be happy soon enough.” She’d cast Maggie a warm smile then. “‘Tis only fair that ye’re as well.”
Maggie had hugged her daughter then, amazed at the simplicity with which Blair saw the world. Was that why children were so resilient? Why they managed to adapt so much easier than adults? Because they simply accepted what was and looked ahead? Not back? Never back?
Perhaps Niall had already grown a bit too old to do so. Or he simply needed a little more time. Perhaps if Maggie was patient, there would be a chance.
Today or tomorrow, she could not have Nathan. She could not marry him and expect to be happy. Her son would be devastated and, of course, there was also Collin to consider. Who knew what would happen after today? Would he like to see his father? To know him? There was no way for her to know now and here. Everything was possible.
But perhaps in a year or two, when all hearts and minds had settled, she and Nathan could find their way back to each other. Get to know each other again. Find out if at their core they were still the same two people who’d once been unable to exist without the other.
Perhaps.
It was more than she’d had the day before.
And Maggie was utterly grateful for it.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
From One Father to Another
Over the past years, Nathan had rarely spent a night lost in deep slumber. He’d rarely woken relaxed and refreshed, his mind clear and his heart expectant of another day. More often than not, he’d spent his nights with one distraction after another, usually waking in the morning with a severe headache and a deep sense of shame and regret.
But not now.
Not today.
Not ever again.
Rising with the sun, Nathan felt energy hum along his limbs, making him eager and expectant and unable to show restraint. He dressed quickly and had a bite to eat, then he once more paced the drawing room where only yesterday he’d spoken to his son.
His son!
Another smile tugged on his lips, and Nathan closed his eyes to savour it. Still, he could not help but wonder if he’d ever see Collin again and the thought instantly brought a dull ache to his heart. It was a sense of loss that Nathan recognised. He’d lived through it before with Maggie, with Collin also. Only now it seemed heightened for he’d come to know the boy. He’d looked into his eyes, caught a glimpse of his sharp mind and kind heart. He’d seen Collin not merely as his son, but as a wonderful, little boy whom he wanted to know.
He wanted more.
More time with Collin.
More time with Maggie.
What were they to do now? Was there any chance they could have the future they’d been denied ten years back? Blair clearly seemed to be on their side; Niall, however, would no doubt oppose the idea of his mother married to another. The boy had been furious, betrayed, angry; perhaps not unlike Collin. And perhaps Niall, too, only needed time and patience to regain his trust in his family, and in the people he loved.
Would he then dare open his heart to a new family? One that included Nathan?
“Excuse me, my lord.”
Blinking, Nathan turned to the door where Wendell stood, his brows slightly drawn. “Yes, what is it?” Nathan hadn’t even heard him knock. His mind truly had to have been elsewhere.
“Lady Atwell wishes to see you,” Wendell announced, then stepped aside so as not to be trampled as Olivia rushed forward.
“Up again?” his sister asked as his butler all but fled the scene, closing the door behind him. “I never thought to say this, but you surprise me, Nathan.” A small smile tugged on her lips. “I’m glad for it.”
“As am I,” Nathan admitted, noting the way his sister was watching him, no doubt seeing him in a new light. Indeed, Nathan felt different. He no longer felt like the man he’d been this past decade. He felt almost like the young man he’d once been, full of hope and daring and kindness.
“What happened?” Olivia asked, her eyes aglow as she walked toward him. “I came to see if yesterday had merely been a fluke, but seeing you now…” Her gaze moved over him from head to toe. “You look different, and it gives me hope.” Gazing at him in awe, she shook her head, disbelief still clinging to her features. “What happened?”
Grasping Olivia’s hands, Nathan told her everything. He held nothing back and told her about Maggie, not hiding the heartbreak and devastation he’d felt then. He told her all he’d done. He told her about the man he’d become, the man she’d only ever seen glimpses of or heard whispers about. He told her what had happened with Kara and Collin. He told her about his past as well as his present. He spoke to her of Maggie’s return and the way he’d sought out Collin’s mother. He told her how he’d spoken to his son.
By the time Nathan had finished his tale, Olivia’s face was tear-streaked, but she was smiling. Nathan could see how happy she was, how happy she was for him. “What will you do now?”
Nathan shrugged. “I don’t know.” He swallowed, knowing that he was not the only one who had a say in what would happen next. “I will not force myself into Collin’s life; I promised his family and I will not go back on my word.”
Olivia squeezed his hands. “But if…?”
“I would love to see him,” Nathan admitted, no longer terrified to reveal that utterly vulnerable side of him. He wanted Collin and, if the boy were to refuse him, Nathan would be utterly devastated. It would crush him, but he would not lie. He would not pretend. Not anymore.
“And Margaret?”
Nathan sighed, then he let go of his sister’s hands and dropped into an armchair. “I want her to be my wife,” he stated, holding Olivia’s gaze. “I’ve always wanted her to be my wife.”
A delighted sigh left Olivia’s lips and she moved to sit on the settee across from him. “Will you ask for her hand then?”
“I wish it were that simple,” Nathan replied. “We’re no longer two carefree, young people with no responsibilities but to our own hearts. She’s a mother now−”
“As you’re a father,” Olivia threw in.
Nathan nodded. “She must do what is best for her children, and her son…” He rubbed his hands over his face. “It seems the world is not on our side. While we’re both free to marry now, in another way we’re worlds apart.” He scoffed, shaking his head in disbelief. “She’s not told me so, but in one particular way, Maggie is exactly like her mother.”
Olivia frowned, a hint of anger in her eyes at the thought of the woman who’d caused her brother’s misery. “What do you mean?�
�
“She loves Scotland,” Nathan replied, remembering her endearing accent and the way she’d spoken of her clan, her people. “It’s her home now, and no matter what happens, she will go back.”
“Even if you propose…?”
Nathan nodded. “Even then.” There was no doubt about it in his heart and, still, he wished, hoped and longed.
Olivia’s gaze widened. “You cannot truly be thinking of going with her?” she stated in a near panic. “Your family is here, your life, your…son.”
“I know.” Nathan threw up his hands. Then he pushed to his feet and resumed his pacing. “We’re worlds apart, more so today than back then.” He spun to face her. “What am I to do? I recognise the girl I knew in the woman she is today, but I wish we could simply take some time and get to know each other again. Ten years have passed. Ten years that changed us. But it feels as though a chasm has opened up between us and there is no way across. What am I to do?”
His sister swallowed, and he could see his own misery reflected back at him in her eyes. “I do not know. I wish I did. I wish I could think of a way to solve it all, to finally see you happy, but…”
“I know. I−”
A knock sounded on the door, and Nathan bid his butler to enter.
“Apologies, my lord, but there is a Mr. Brewer here to see you.”
Nathan could all but feel his jaw drop as the shock of Wendell’s words slammed into him.
Olivia shot to her feet, her eyes wide. “Is he…?”
Nathan nodded.
“I’ll be leaving,” she hastened to say as she rushed over and grasped his hands. “You speak to him. Perhaps there’s a way…” Her eyes shone with hope as she squeezed his hands.
“Perhaps,” Nathan mumbled, but he could not help but fear the sense of hope that began blossoming in his heart.
After Olivia had left, Wendell showed Mr. Brewer to the drawing room and then closed the door, leaving the two men alone. “Can I offer you anything?” Nathan began, once again at a loss.
The other man shook his head. “I came here today on Collin’s behalf,” he said as he approached, his pale eyes watchful that Nathan felt as though he was being weighed and measured. Which he probably was. “I wish to know what your intentions are. You came to see my wife in order to apologise for your misconduct before Collin was born. You spoke to my son about your regrets.” His brows rose. “What is it that you want?”
Nathan cleared his throat, feeling suddenly parched as though his tongue had become permanently glued to the roof of his mouth. “What I want does not matter,” he began, trying to find his way between what was right and what it was he…well, yes, wanted. “What matters is what’s best for Collin. I will not make demands of any kind. I will not interfere in his life in any way. You have my word on that.” Nathan held the man’s gaze. “I know you have no reason to trust me, and I admit freely that my word did not hold much weight in recent years. All I can tell you is that I’m no longer the man I used to be. I no longer want to be him. I’m sorry for all that happened, but neither can I regret it for it brought Collin a family where he’s safe and loved. I would never take that from him. Whether you dare believe me or not, you have my word on that.”
Mr. Brewer nodded, and the tension in his jaw lessened as he inhaled a slow breath, his gaze thoughtful. “I too am sorry for the hardship my wife had to suffer at your hands,” he stated with a direct look at Nathan that made him want to sink into the ground. “However, I too feel no regret for what happened for it brought me a wonderful wife and children I love more than my next breath.” His eyes were hard and fixed on Nathan as he slowly moved closer. “I will protect them with my life, and I will end any man who dares to threaten them in any way. Is that clear?”
Nathan nodded, feeling like the worst sort of man. Indeed, he was the villain in this scenario; he had to accept that. After all, he had acted like a villain.
“That being said,” Mr. Brewer continued, “I have no intention of keeping you out of Collin’s life.”
Nathan blinked, his heart already dancing as his mind rushed to catch up. “Excuse me?” he all but croaked, not daring to believe his ears.
“I want what is best for Collin,” Mr. Brewer stated, his tone no longer accusing. “I would never rob my son of the opportunity to know the man who gave him life if that is what he desires. He is a clever boy with a good and knowing heart and no small amount of courage. I trust his judgement as he trusts mine.” Again, his brows rose, and Nathan nodded in acknowledgement, still too overwhelmed to utter a single word. “And so I ask you again, what is it that you want?”
Nathan held Mr. Brewer’s gaze. “I…I would like to know him,” he admitted, feeling the yearning in his heart grow tenfold now that it was being given voice. “I would like to spend time with him, see him, speak to him.” He shrugged, overcome by the simplicity of his words as well as the deep meaning they held. “Should he wish for the same.”
Mr. Brewer nodded in acknowledgement. “For how long?”
Nathan frowned. “I don’t understand.”
“Being a parent is a commitment for life,” Mr. Brewer stated, a daring look in his eyes. “You cannot see him one day and then disappear the next. The decision you make now will shape your life for all the days to come. Is that understood? I do not expect a decision here and now, but I need you to understand whatever you choose, it will be final and I will hold you to it, is that clear?”
Nathan nodded. “Thank you. You…You’re a better man than I already thought you were.”
“I’m a father,” Mr. Brewer stated simply. “My children will always come first, before my own wishes or regrets or needs. I cannot allow my own ego to stand in the way of their happiness.” A muscle in his jaw twitched, “Do not misunderstand me, my lord, a part of me wants nothing more than to pound you into the ground for all you’ve done, for all my family−my wife−has suffered,” he sighed, “but in the end, it will only add to the pain. There is a better way−not easier, mind you, but better−so long as you’re committed to it with the same dedication as I am.” He took a step back. “Think on it, and do not rush the decision. Good day.” Then he turned and left.
Staring after the man, Nathan sank back into his armchair, thoroughly exhausted. Still, his heart continued to dance in his chest and he wanted nothing more but to rush after Mr. Brewer and state his desire to be in Collin’s life. However, this was not a decision to take lightly, not one to be rushed, but one that deserved his time and attention and thought. He’d acted impulsively before, been rash in his decisions, only to regret them soon after.
This could not be one of those decisions.
This time Nathan had to be certain. He needed to understand the responsibility of being a parent, a father, and Nathan couldn’t quite say that he did. He had a sense of it, felt it somewhere deep inside, and yet, he’d merely felt an echo of it over the course of the previous day.
Yes, he would decide and soon, but he would think on it first, consider it from all angles and ensure that Collin would never again experience a shock like he had the day before.
After all, that was his duty.
A father’s duty.
Not one to be taken lightly.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Another Goodbye
Clarity.
What Maggie needed most was clarity, and it was that thought that led her to Nathan’s townhouse the following day.
As she arrived, her feet carrying her up the stairs to the front door, it suddenly opened and a slender and rather tense-looking man stepped out. He inclined his head to her, but did not say a word, then proceeded down to the pavement and climbed into his waiting carriage.
Maggie wondered who he could be as she turned to Nathan’s butler and bid him a good day. As he had the day before, Wendell greeted her with such a look of utter joy on his face that she could have hugged him. “Thank you, Wendell. Would you announce me to his lordship?”
“It’ll be my ple
asure, Lady Margaret.”
“‘Tis Mrs. MacDrummond now,” Maggie corrected him with a smile as she stepped over the threshold and momentarily felt transported back in time. Even though she’d been here the day before, she’d been too focused on the three children in her care to allow herself a moment of reminiscing. Now, her eyes swept the foyer and she remembered running up and down that winding staircase with Robert and Nathan as children. Oh, the simple joys of childhood! If only one could hold on to those times forever.
Following Wendell to the drawing room, Maggie watched as he knocked and then stepped inside, announcing her arrival to his master within. Although Maggie could not see Nathan, she heard him all but jump to his feet, the moment her name fell from Wendell’s lips, the chair’s legs scraping across the floor.
And then he was there, standing in the doorway, his eyes locked on hers, filled with such joy and longing that Maggie could barely keep herself from flinging herself into his arms.
“That’ll be all, Wendell,” Nathan said with barely a sideways glance at his butler before he stepped back and bid her to enter.
Fighting to hold on to her composure, Maggie moved past him and her elbow brushed his arm as she all but felt his gaze trail over her profile. Her nerve endings tingled, and she could barely draw breath. His presence overwhelmed her as it had the day before, and she moved to the other side of the room, putting a safe distance between them.
After all, what she had come to say would not find favour with him.
Closing the door, Nathan turned to her, his gaze still sweeping her face, lingering here and there before meeting her eyes. “I’d hoped to see you today, Maggie, and I cannot deny that it warms my heart.”