Far From Destined: A Promise Me Novel

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  “You don’t have to explain it to me. I get it. And, thanks. Whenever you’re free.”

  “Well, I thought I should get a dog as well. And maybe a cat since it’s time. We can look together.”

  Nate grinned. “That’s awesome. Perfect.”

  “Glad I could make you happy. Now, let’s get to Prior’s. If we’re late, Paris will beat us up.”

  “It’s amazing how strong she is for such a tiny woman,” Nate said, and I laughed.

  “Pretty much,” I replied.

  We headed over to Prior’s, and I parked behind Paris’s car. “Arden, Liam, Hazel, and Cross aren’t coming tonight, are they?” I asked. The fact that our family was growing as quickly as it was should be alarming, but I didn’t mind. I liked the people my siblings had chosen to anchor their lives to.

  “No.” Nate got out of the car as I did.

  “They had other things planned. We are the only ones heading over.”

  “What about Myra?” I asked, not saying Dakota’s name. I wasn’t sure I could without accidentally revealing the things I wasn’t all that good at hiding.

  “Not sure. Don’t know about Dakota, either,” Nate said pointedly.

  We glared at each other before turning to the house, nearly stomping our way to the front door. Prior opened it before we even got there, and Joshua ran out.

  “Macon!” the little boy called out. I went to my knees and hugged the kid tight. I looked over Joshua’s head and raised a brow at Prior, who only shrugged.

  “Hey there, big man. I didn’t know you would be here.” I picked him up for a moment until he wiggled down. I was grateful since my body hurt. I had gained back a lot of my muscle mass after the shooting, but I still wasn’t in tip-top shape. And while boxing was helping that, it wasn’t helping the aches. And since I had pressed Joshua to my bruised side, I knew I was going to pay for it later.

  “Mom had to work late, and I still don’t have a babysitter. Paris said she’d take care of me and brought me here. Now, we’re going to eat, and I get to hang out with you guys. I didn’t know you were coming. I’m excited because you’re my favorite person, Macon.”

  I nearly took a step back, shocked, warmth filling me.

  “I am right here,” Nate complained, roughing up Joshua’s hair.

  “I like you, too, Nate. But you’re not Macon.”

  “Ouch,” Nate said with a laugh.

  “Hey, buddy. That’s not nice.” I held back a chuckle.

  “Sorry, I do like you, Nate. I like all of you guys. You’re fun, and you let me play sports, and we can talk about farts because we’re guys. Mom wouldn’t let me talk about farts this morning. I don’t know why.”

  I held back a chuckle, feeling Nate’s entire body shake at my side. “We can talk about anything you want, kid.”

  “I’d watch what you say,” Nate muttered. My brother had a point. The last thing I needed was Joshua asking about something I couldn’t answer.

  Was the kid old enough to ask about the birds and the bees? Did he even like girls at this point? Why did I not remember anything about being six other than trying to wrestle with my brothers while keeping Arden safe because she was the only girl in our family?

  “Do you want to help me set the table? Paris said I had to do it, but I still can’t reach the glasses.”

  “I’ve got you, buddy. Lead the way.”

  “Yay!” Joshua said and tugged my hand.

  I followed the kid into the house, nodding at Prior. “Hey there,” I said.

  “Hi, glad to see you’re finally coming into the house. I know I’m no Joshua, but still. I was feeling a little left out.”

  I didn’t flip him off, but I almost did.

  “I’m glad you could come.” Paris beamed. I leaned down and kissed her on the cheek, and she got a dazed look on her face. “Well, what was that for?” she asked.

  “You’re family. And I kind of like you.”

  “Aw, you say the sweetest things. Now, go help Joshua with those glasses before he breaks them. Although, if you break a couple, I wouldn’t mind because…did you see what Prior bought?” she asked, and I full-out belly laughed.

  Prior strolled into the room, his brow raised. “I heard that. Just because you don’t have taste like I do does not mean you can throw away my shit.”

  Paris narrowed her eyes. “First, language. Second, did you just say I don’t have taste? Because you’re about to sleep on your couch if you did.”

  I shook my head, ignoring their bickering. They loved to squabble. It was like foreplay to them. And there were some things nobody else needed to see.

  I helped Joshua set the table, listened as he chatted about his day at school and how he missed Miss Nancy. I wasn’t a fan of Nancy since she had left Dakota in the lurch, but I didn’t say that. It wasn’t my business.

  Just as we were setting the food on the table, Dakota showed up, her eyes a little wild, her hair falling out of its braid.

  “I’m so sorry I’m late. Today has been a day.”

  She was jittery, looking over her shoulder, and I wondered what the hell was wrong. I had texted her before to ask her a question, and she had been a bit curt with me. We were trying this whole friendship thing, but perhaps I needed to go a little slower. Or maybe it wasn’t about me, and I needed to get over myself.

  “It’s okay. I’m just glad you’re here.” Paris took Dakota’s purse and nearly shoved her friend towards the meal.

  “Oh, I didn’t know there was food. Nate? Macon? It’s a family dinner?”

  “And you’re family,” Prior said. “Sit down. Eat something that you don’t have to cook.”

  “I can’t. I’m swamped, and there’s homework.”

  “Paris already helped me.” Joshua hugged his mom hard. She squeezed him back, closing her eyes. When her shoulders shook as she took a deep breath, I frowned, looking at Nate. He shook his head, and Paris looked even more worried.

  “Is something wrong?” I asked, not knowing what I was going to say until it was out there.

  Dakota’s eyes widened, and she shook her head. “No, everything’s fine. Just fine. I guess since homework is done, we can stay. You’ve been so lovely. Thank you. Not having to plan dinner helps when I’m so behind.”

  “That’s what we’re here for,” Paris said. “Come on, let’s eat.”

  Joshua sat next to me. Dakota took the chair opposite me so I could see her face. She looked worried. I didn’t know what was wrong. There had to be something, but she wasn’t saying anything, not even after Paris tried to pry it out of her.

  The food was good, ribs with macaroni and cheese and corn on the cob. It was a messy meal, though, and I spent half of it wiping Joshua’s face and helping him clean off the table as things fell off his plate.

  Dakota kept trying to get up to help, but I waved her off. I could handle this. I had been a little boy, too. I knew how messy this food was.

  “I’m glad you’re here. We have a few things to discuss,” Paris said after we’d sent Joshua off to go wipe his face and wash his hands in the bathroom.

  “What?” Dakota asked, her gaze on the hallway where Joshua had gone.

  Paris continued. “We—the girls and I, that is—have already figured out who your second date should be with.”

  My hands fisted on the table, tension riding me. A date? Fuck. I didn’t need to be here for this. Dakota didn’t want me, not like I wanted her, but that didn’t mean I needed to know who she would be dating. I turned to look at Dakota.

  Her face had gone pale, and she shook her head. “I thought you said I only had to go on the one?”

  “That wasn’t a date. That was to get you out of the house. You still need the one that’s part of the pact.”

  “No, I don’t. I changed my mind.”

  Paris looked at her, frowning. “You made a promise. And we love you. What’s wrong, Dakota?”

  I leaned forward. “Actually,” I said, hoping I wasn’t stepping on any toes
or being an idiot. “Dakota and I already have plans.”

  Paris’s eyes gleamed, and I felt my brothers’ gazes on me. “We’re still getting this friend thing right. So, she’s mine for now.”

  I hadn’t meant to say that last part, but I met Dakota’s gaze when I did, and I saw gratitude. At least, I hoped so.

  “Oh, yes. We’re still doing the friend thing. I guess I can’t continue with the pact for now. Sorry.”

  Paris narrowed her eyes. “You don’t sound sorry. But I like where this is going.”

  “It’s not going anywhere, Paris.”

  I ignored the hurt Dakota’s words caused. That shouldn’t hurt as it did.

  “Becoming friends is helpful,” Paris added.

  “Okay,” Dakota said, clearly not believing her friend. I didn’t either. Paris had an agenda.

  “I’m all clean!” Joshua shouted and then slammed the door behind him. It echoed in my brain, and I jumped, knocking over my glass of water and nearly falling out of my chair.

  Everybody was silent for a moment before Joshua walked back into the room. I did my best to calm my breathing, to fist my hands on the table, to try to think. But I couldn’t. All I could hear was Hazel’s scream. Feel the blood pouring out of my chest as I gasped for breath.

  Joshua was talking, and Nate said something, but I couldn’t hear anything past the ringing in my ears.

  Dakota looked at me and then down at her phone. I didn’t know what that was about, but I couldn’t focus on anything. When she stood abruptly, it sent me nearly over the edge again.

  “Okay, Joshua, it’s time to go,” she said tersely.

  Everyone looked between us, and nausea filled me. She was leaving. I had scared the fuck out of her again. And now, she was leaving and taking her son with her. She said her goodbyes, and I wasn’t sure if I even said anything back. I hugged Joshua when he came to me, but I barely remembered any of it.

  Then she left, practically running out of the house with her kid in her arms.

  I just sat there, lost in my memories. In my pain.

  I wanted her so fucking much. But I couldn’t have her. I wasn’t good for her.

  And the secrets between us? They weren’t going to make anything easier.

  They never did.

  Chapter 7

  Dakota

  * * *

  I took a sip of my wine and looked at the man across the table from me. He had a frown on his face, the little line between his brows prominent.

  I didn’t see Macon scowl as much as I used to. Or maybe I had been doing my best not to study his face. Something seemed wrong, and perhaps it was what we were doing together tonight. Not that I had any idea what we were doing.

  “I’m sorry Paris and Myra pushed you into this. We don’t have to stay long.”

  He looked up at me then, blinking as if he hadn’t been paying attention. Well, I knew this wasn’t a real date, but I still felt a little stung by the lack of interest. Not that I wanted him to be interested in me, but he could at least pay attention when I was sitting right in front of him.

  “No, it’s no big deal. Sorry. Just had a long day at work.”

  I held back a grimace and played with the stem of my wineglass. “We don’t have to stay. You’re the one who told Paris that we needed to figure out this whole friendship thing. But if you’re going to sit there and not want to be here, maybe we should just go home and call it a day.”

  He stared at me for a minute, his frown deepening. “I’m fine just where I am. Maybe we do need to figure out this friendship thing, though.”

  “I’m confused,” I said honestly.

  “Well, so am I,” he growled.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked, feeling as if I’d lost part of the conversation.

  “I guess I should be asking you that question. I’m surprised you even came out tonight. Or agreed to anything, what with you being so afraid to be near me.”

  I shook my head. I had no idea what he was saying. “What do you mean?” I asked.

  “You know what I’m talking about.”

  “No, I don’t.” I paused. “Macon. We may not always get along, but that’s for other reasons.”

  “Other reasons.”

  I barely resisted the urge to throw up my hands and growl. “I don’t know what I’m saying.”

  “You sure didn’t know what to say when you practically ran out of the room with Joshua after dinner. I know I can sometimes be a bit off-putting, but you didn’t need to drag your kid from the house.”

  “What on earth are you talking about?” I asked, my mouth going dry. I’d left Prior’s in a hurry for personal reasons. I hadn’t even thought about Macon. What had I done to get him to look at me like that? I didn’t like it. It might not remind me of the same pain as when Adam had looked at me, but it still hurt to see.

  “I know I’m still dealing with the aftermath of the shooting. I know that I sometimes flinch or act as if I don’t know where I am. I’m working through that. I have a damn therapist. But, sometimes, I can’t control it. If you need to keep Joshua away because of that? I get it. But at least have the decency to tell me and not make me feel like I’m going to hurt you or your kid. Because I’d never do it. You have to believe me.”

  I just looked at him, wondering how we could be so wrong all the time.

  “That is not why I left. I wasn’t even… I was in my head, Macon. I swear it wasn’t about you. I didn’t even realize you were going through something beyond needing a moment.” I sighed and put my face in my cupped hands, trying to take a breath.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I think I’m the one who should be asking that question. Only I’m afraid I’m too late.”

  I looked around at the small Greek restaurant we were in, at the food we had picked at but not truly eaten, and knew that this wasn’t where I wanted to talk to him.

  “Do you want to go for a walk?” I asked suddenly.

  He frowned. “Are you sure?”

  “I just don’t want to talk in here.”

  He studied my face for a moment before giving me a tight nod. “Okay, we can do that.”

  I knew that Adam could be around, could be watching, but I was doing my best not to live in fear. Or maybe I was trying to pretend that this wasn’t happening. I hadn’t seen Adam, but I knew he could jump out of the bushes at any moment, just because he liked to fuck with me. Tonight, however, I wasn’t alone. And I would make sure that we walked in a lighted area, and that Joshua was safe—no matter what. He was with Constance and her parents at our home right now. They were all taking care of him tonight, while I did something for myself and went on a non-date with Macon.

  Because this wasn’t a date, it was just two people trying to understand who they were.

  “Okay, I’ll get the check, and then we’ll talk.”

  “Good. I think… I think I could use someone to talk to,” I said honestly.

  He gazed at me, and I didn’t know what he saw there. But he got up and found the waiter, and soon, we were ready to go.

  He put his hand on the small of my back as we crossed the street to the park with plenty of lighting and people milling about. Not so many that they could overhear what I was saying, but enough that I didn’t feel unsafe or alone.

  “Okay, let’s talk,” he said, and I swallowed hard.

  “I did not leave with Joshua because of what happened to you. I swear. If I would’ve thought for two seconds and truly got my head out of my butt to focus, I would’ve noticed you were in pain, and I would’ve stayed to try and help.”

  Macon walked beside me. We didn’t hold hands, we didn’t touch, but I could feel the heat of him. I had to wonder what I wanted, what I was doing. But my needs weren’t essential right now. Figuring out how we could continue talking to each other was.

  “I thought that you didn’t want Joshua near me because I’m trying to deal with whatever the hell’s going on in my mind. I don’t lash out. I don’t hit anybody.
But I sometimes break out into cold sweats, and I get stuck in my head a lot. Back in…that time.”

  I looked at him then and pressed my lips together before letting out a breath.

  “I don’t know what it was like that night. I do know that you pushing Cross away to save Hazel probably saved her life. But I hate that you were hurt. And I also hate the idea that you thought I would keep Joshua away from you because of your reactions.” He opened his mouth to say something, but I shook my head. We paused under a light, and I looked at him. “I wanted to keep you away from him because you were fighting. That’s something that I’m still not okay with, and I need to figure out. But I see the way you are with him. And I don’t want to bring men into his life that will just walk away. But you and me? We’re trying to be…friends. And with so many of our relationships entwined these days, I don’t think the Brady brothers are going to be leaving Joshua’s life anytime soon.” It was a truth I had been reluctant to admit. I didn’t even trust myself these days, but I was trying to do better when it came to my son.

  “I don’t think we’re leaving Joshua’s life either.” He paused and looked at my face. “And I think that means we’re not leaving yours.”

  “I’m not used to that.”

  “No?” he asked, his voice soft.

  It was time that I told him a little bit about Adam so he understood where I was coming from. Not that I truly comprehended it. “I’m going to tell you something, and I don’t want you to get angry.”

  “We’ve already talked about the fact that I’m trying to handle my emotions. I’m not going to lash out at whatever you say right now.”

  “But you’re still fighting. And I know that’s none of my business, but it worries me. Not for me, but for you,” I said quickly.

  “I’m still figuring out exactly why I do it. Other than I like it. I don’t know if I need it, but I like it.”

  “But you’re being safe?” I asked softly.