OneofmymostrewardingexperiencesasanactorcameundertheguidanceofshowrunneranddirectorLawrence Trilling,who,whendirecting,operatesinthesameveinasLumet.Ononeofmyfirstdaysonsetfor Goliath,Itold TrillingIhadanideaIwantedtotryasIenteredthescene,whichtookplaceonabasketballcourt.Hesaid,“Show me.IfIneedtopullyouback,Iwill.”Whilethismaysoundlikealackofdirectionandcommunication,formeitwas theopposite.ThemessageIreceivedwas: Itrustyou.That'swhyIhiredyou.Iwantyourideas,butIamalsohere toguideyouifthoseideastakeusawayfrommyoverallvision.WhenIremindedhimofthismomentduringour conversationon 10,000NOs,Trillingexplainedthathisopennessinhisdirectingstylewasnotareflectionofhim being nice.
“Idohaveanego.IcareaboutdoinggreatworkandIwantthegreatworktoreflectwellonme,likeanybody.I'm definitelyinthe‘BestIdeaWins’business,butIalsoliketobetheonewhoisthefilterthroughwhichtheideas pass,sothat'sego,too.Istillgettodecide.”
—LawrenceTrilling,Director/Producer
MuchlikeLumet,Trillingwasnotonlythiswaywithhisactors.Thehairandmakeupdepartmentheadson Goliath drasticallyimprovedmyperformancewiththeircontributionstoit.WhenIremarkedhowspecifictheywereand howmuchtheyhelpedme,theycreditedTrilling'sdirectingstyle.Theysaidhewasoneoftheirfavoritedirectors whenitcametocollaborationbecausehistrustinthemwasmatchedbyhisabilitytoexplainexactlywhatheneeded inanygivencircumstance.Buthisspecificitydidnothandcuffthem.Hedidn'ttellthem howtodotheirjob.
Instead,hetrustedthatwhenhetoldthem whatheneeded,theywouldusetheiruniquetalentsandskillstodeliver itinawaythatwasfarbetterthanhecouldhaveimaginedhimself.
Accountability
Whetheritisthemostpowerfulstaronasetorawell-knowndirector,whenamoviestrikesachordwithaudiences andbecomesaboxofficesmash,thepersonwiththelargestreputationormostpowerisgenerallyperceivedasthe hero.Andwhenamoviebombsattheboxoffice,thatsamepersonisusuallytheonewhoendsupvilifiedand blamedforthefailure.Trueleaderstakeboththegoodandthebadwithdignity.Indoingso,theygaintherespectof theirfollowers,employees,teammates,orfamilymembers.
“Whenyou'resittingonthedoctor'sexaminingtablewithwireshangingoffyou,beingtestedforsignsofaheart attack,noneofthatmatters.Badpartners,lazyemployees,andneedyclientsdidn'tlandmeinfrontofadoctor—I did.Itwas myfault.”
—BedrosKeuilian,Author, ManUp
WhenIhelpedChrisMessinabehindthescenesonhisdirectorialdebut, AlexofVenice,Iwasprivytothesage advicehiswife,JenniferTodd,gavehim.Toddisaprolificproducer,andalsoaguestof 10,000NOspodcast,whois consideredamongtheeliteinHollywood.SheknewthatMessinawouldbeextremelypreparedandknowwhathe wanted,butsheadvisedhimtobeopentogreatideasregardlessofwheretheycamefrom.Shesaidthat,inworking withfirst-timedirectors,shehadobservedsomeofthemfailtotakegreatideasfromsomeonewithalessprestigious titleonsetforfearofappearingweakinfrontofcastandcrew.TheydidnotknowwhatToddknew,thatthereisa systemofaccountabilitythatcouldnotbeavoidedonafilm.Sheexplained,“Takegreatideas,eveniftheycome fromaproductionassistant(alow-statuspositiononaset),becausebythetimethefilmcomesout,it'sthedirector whowillgetthecredit.Butdon'tfeelbadaboutthatbecause,ifthefilmfails,you'lltake alltheblameforeveryone ofthoseideas,too.”
Humility:Next-LevelLeadership
Whilehumilityistiedtoservice,itisworthpointingoutthatsomeleadersusetheabovethreetenetsandthen transcendevenothertopleadersbyexhibitingampleamountsofhumility.Itisdifficultformetohaveachapteron leadershipandnotincludeashortstoryaboutmyfriendChrisBurns.I'vewrittenaboutBurnsinthesepagesearlier; hehasnotjustbeeneliteinonefield,buttwo:asaUSNavySEALandnowatraumasurgeon.Hecametovisitme andmyfamilyinLosAngeleslastyearonhiswaytoamedicalconvention.Afterarunonthebeach,wesatinthe sandandreminiscedaboutthepast.Aswesiftedthroughourgreatesthits,laughingandalsohittingsomedeeper topics,Imadeanonchalantremarkaboutmycollegelacrossecoach.“Ican'tbelieveMoycutyou.Imean,youwerea NavySEALforGod'ssake!Howcouldyounothavemadethatteam?YouwerecertainlyabetterathletethanIwas.”
Burnslookedatme,notsureifheshoulddivulgeasecrethe'dbeenkeepingforalmost30years.
Finally,hesaid,“Youknow,Iactuallydidn'tgetcut.CoachtoldmeIhadmadetheteam,butIhadtolethimknow thatI'dmissalotofpracticesandevensomegamesbecauseofmyROTCcommitment.”Hehadtomakeachoice andhisNavyscholarshiptookprecedentoverplayinglacrosse.Butatthetime,whensomeofourotherfriendswho hadn'tmadetheteamannouncedtotherestofusthattheyandBurnshadbeencut,hechosenottoshamethemby explainingwhathadreallyhappenedwithhim.Instead,heremainedsilent.
For30years,heallowedallofustothinkhehadbeencutforlackofabilityeventhoughthatwasn'tthecase.
Reflectingonthatstory,itisnotshockingtoseehowtherestofhislifehasplayedoutsincethen.Atrueleader,like Burns,inspiresotherstoacthonorablyandwithhumility.Ourworldmightbeinbettershapeifthereweremore leaderslikethatandfewerthatfallbackonchest-thumpingandmakingothersfeelworseaboutthemselves.
Delegating:TheArtofGettingHelp
Inmycareer,myawarenessofmyownpotentialtoleadeludedmeforalongtime.Inkeepingwiththeideaof accountabilityIdescribedatthebeginningofthischapter,Iknewtherewasnoonetoblamemorethanmeformy careerbeinginaplacewhereIfeltcompelledtostartapodcastcalled 10,000NOsatage45ratherthancollecting OscarsandEmmyAwards.IwasfinallybroughttothepointwhereIwasforcedtoconfrontmyownshortcomings andhowtheycontributedtothewidegapIsawbetweenwhereI wantedmycareertobeandwhereitactually resided.WhatIlearnedwasthatpossiblythebiggestculpritinmynotbeingwhereIwantedtobewasmylackof self-leadership.Specifically,itwasinhowIrelatedtomyrepresentatives.WhileIhadheardtheoverusedadagethat
“youdon'tworkforyouragents,theyworkforyou”manytimesover,Iwasnotfully actingonit.ItwasnotuntilI feltthefinancialcrunchonmyfamilythatresultedfrommylackofleadershipthatIgotseriousandspecificabout howIwantedmyrepresentativestohelpmycause.
“ThenIstartedrealizing,andthisisnofaulttothepeopleIwasworkingwith,theyhadtheirjobs…Myjobwasto bethevisionary,toseearoundthecorner.AndIhadavisioninmyhead,oftheshow,thattheydidn'tknow becausemaybeIwasn'tclearwiththem.”
—StevenKane,Creator/Director/Producer, TheLastShip
Myrelationshipwithmymanagersandagentshasalwaysbeengoodonapersonallevel,butasabusinessowner andoperator,whichishowI'vecometoseemyselfinshowbusinessinadditiontobeinganartist,Iwasleavingway toomuchuptochance.Iwasn'tusingtheaforementionedtenetsofleadershiptosqueezethemostoutofthese incredibleresources,whohadrelationshipswithsomanypeoplewhocouldemploymebecausetheyinteractedwith themthroughtheirotherclients'businessaffairs.Iwastoopassivewhenitcametoourinteractions.Ironicallyfor anactorknowntobea“talker”byhisfamilyandfriends,aswellasagoodlistener,mybiggestfailurewasinthe communicationportionofleadership.IknewwhatIwantedandIwaswillingtogivebloodinserviceofit.Iwasalso willingtotaketheblamewhenthingsdidn'tturnoutthewayIwishedtheywould.ButIwasnotcommunicatingmy desiresclearlyenough.
PartofmylackofcommunicationwithmyrepresentativesstemmedfromalackofclarityastowhatIwanted specificallyandadesiretobelikedandnot“rocktheboat.”I'lldiveintothosemorelater,butfornow,partofmy failureinthisareacamefrommymistakenlyassuming
thatmyrepswouldbebotheredif,forexample,theyhustled togetmeanauditiononlytohavemepassonit.Luckily,mytightfriendshipwithChrisMessina,whohandlesthis aspectofhiscareerbetterthanmost,gavemeinsightonwhatIwasfailingtodo.WhenIfinallytookmyrepsoutto lunchtoexplainexactlywhatIneededandwhatIwaswillingtodoand notdotoreachmygoals,theywerebeyond excited.Inretrospect,theideathattheywouldbebotheredbymydesiretopassonsmallerjobsinpursuitoflarger onesisinsane.Theymaketheirlivingoffofpercentagesoftheincomesoftheartiststheyrepresent,sothebetterI do,thebettertheydo.Thatsaid,ournewmissionstatement,whileexciting,alsobroughtaboutmanynew challengesandopportunitiesformoreleadership.
Muchlikethehystericalyetanxiety-inducingopeningto JerryMaguire,whereonelatenightJerrydraftsamission statementtohisentirecompanyurgingthemtocarelessaboutmoneyandmoreaboutcompassionandpersonal relationships,theexcitementofmynewmandatetomyrepresentativesquicklytranslatedintoamassiveslowdown inactivity.Bychoosingtogiveoutsomeofmyown“no”stomypileof10,000,Iwaschoosingtohavesignificantly feweropportunities.ThiscreatedmanysituationswheremyteamandIwereconfrontedwiththechoiceofgivingin totheneedofimmediatefinancialrelief,bygoinginforsmallergigsthatwerenotveryartisticallyorfinancially rewarding,orpassingandholdingoutforgigsmorealignedwithourhighestviewofmycareer.Withveryfew exceptionsindiresituations,weremainedtruetoourvisionanditshiftedmycareerdrasticallyinthedirectionI waslookingtotakeit.
“YoucanloseyourTwitteraccount.Youcanloseyourwebsite,youcanloseyouremaillist,butifyouhaveyour relationships,you'regonnabejustfineeventhoughyoudon'tnecessarilybelieveit.”
—JordanHarbinger,TopPodcaster/Speaker, TheArtofCharm,TheJordanHarbingerShow Whilemylunchwithmyrepresentativespredatedthelaunchof 10,000NOs,itisnocoincidencethatmycareer's mostdramaticprogresshasoverlappedwithalloftheconversationsIhavebeenluckyenoughtohaveasaresultof thepodcast.ComingfacetofacewithpeoplewhohavedonethethingsIhadreadaboutforyearsinbusinessand self-developmentbooksprovedtocontaintheleadershiplessonsthatIneeded.Whenthingsfeltoverwhelmingor impossible,IcoulddrawonastorytoldtomebyAlisonLevine,whowillinglyputherlifeonthelinetoclimbMount Everestandthehighestpeaksonallsevencontinentsdespitebeingbornwithaholeinherheart.Likewise,cancer survivorslikeElissaGoodmanandPaigeDavis,orRobWhitaker,wholosthisbattlewithcancerafterour conversation,havetaughtmethatcourageousdecisionsthatcomealongwithleadershiphavetobemadeeven under—especiallyunder—theworstofcircumstances.
Whilethecircumstancesofagruelingseasonoftelevisioncannotreallycomparetothoseofcancersurvivorsor mountainclimbers,theydoprovideaglimpseintotheeffectsofagreatleader'sabilitytomakeaworkenvironment welcomingandproductive.Conversely,theycanshowushowaterribleleadercanmakeaworkplaceintolerable.
WhileIwillnotnamenamesexemplifyingthelatter,Ihaveworkedonsetsthatweremiserablebecausetheperson withthemostpowersetapoorexampleofcomplaining,phoningintheirperformance,treatingothersonthecast andcrewwithnorespect,andbeingmoreinterestedingoinghomethanactuallydoingtheworkforwhichtheywere beingpaidexorbitantamountsofmoney.Luckily,though,Ihavebeenveryfortunatetohaveworkedwithsome greatactorswhoalsohappentobegreathumanbeings.Thosegreatleadersmotivateeveryonearoundthemto striveandtreateveryonearoundthemwithdignity.
OnfilmandTVproductions,acallsheetcontainsalloftheinformationeverycastandcrewmemberneedstoknow forthefollowingday'swork.Itincludesthelocation,thescenesthatneedtobeshot,andeachmemberofthecast andcrewrequiredtobepresent,aswellasthetimetheyneedtoshowuptowork(calltime).Eachcastmemberis assignedanumber,bywhichtheyareidentifiedthroughouttheproduction,tosimplifytheinstructionsfromthe producersandshieldthemfromhavingtowriteoutthefullnameofeveryactorworkingineachscene.Theactor whoislistedasnumberoneonthecallsheet,theleadroleonafilmorTVshow,isgenerallythepersonwhosetsthe toneonaproduction,particularlyintelevision,wherethedirectorsareoftenguestsinvitedtodirectanepisodeor twoandthenbeontheirway.Producersandshowrunnersareobviouslyhugeforcesaswell,buttheactorismore visibleandthus,usuallymoreinfluentialtothevibeofaset.
Fansof Scandaloftenaskmewhatitwasliketoworkonthatset.IalwaysrespondthatIhaveneverseenagroupof actorscollectivelymoreexcitedandgratefulfortheirjobsthanIsawonthatset.Theyclappedandcheeredforevery guestactorwhowasannouncedattheirweeklytablereads.Ineverheardanycomplaintsaboutthelonghours.
Peopleweregenuinelyexcitedtobethere,evenaftershootingoveronehundredepisodes.WhileShondaRhimes deservesthecreditforassemblingsuchanicegroupofteamplayers,KerryWashington'stemperamentiswhatset thetone.Shewasalwaysprepared,engaged,kindtothosearoundher,andwelcoming.Therewasaneaseandgrace thatleteveryoneonsetknowthatthiswasthewayinwhichwetreatpeople,andourwork,aroundhere.
BigStarDoesNotMeanOversizedEgo
ThefirstdayIworkedwithJimmySmitson TheWestWing,Irememberourvanridebacktoourtrailers.Asasign ofrespect,thebiggeststarisgenerallyassumedtotaketheshotgunposition,givingthemthemostspace.Smits,who wasfarhigheronthecallsheetthananyoftherestofuswhowerepackedintothevan,hadjammedhissix-foot, four-inchframeintothebackrow,makingroomforotherstopilein.Whenthevanstoppedathistrailerfirstto drophimoff,ratherthanmakeeveryonemove,hesaid,“I'mfine”andproceededtoclimboverthebackseatand hopoutoftherearofthevan.Iinstantlylovedtheguyforhishumility.WhatIadmiredevenmoreasIgottoknow himoverthefollowingyear,workinglonghourswithhim,wasthatthispersonawasnotsomepublicitystuntto makehimappeartobeamanofthepeople.Thatwasjusthisessence.Smitsdidnotsacrificehisworkinordertobe liked.JamesGandolfinihadasimilarapproachon TheSopranos:whenitcametimetoworktherewasalaserfocus.
Bothweregood,kindmenwhowereverygenerousandhelpfultomeasayoungactor.Buttheywerenotbeingnice tometowinmyfavor.Theywereleaders,inspiringmetoapproachmyworkwithasmuchintensityastheydid.
Theyalsotreatedeveryoneonthecastandcrewwithasmuchrespectastheyshowedeachdirector.Inmyopinion, theirleadershipandhumilityisatleastpartiallyresponsibleforthesuccessofthoseshows.
IhaveexamplesofthegenerosityofstarsI'veworkedwiththatcouldfillanotherbook.Thepointofbringingup thesestoriesisthecontextof whentheseindividualsdisplayedsuchvirtue.Televisionandfilmshootscanstretch outforalongtime.Whilethechallengecanbetheacting,Ithinkmoreofthechallengeisbeingcameraready, knowingthatmillionsofpeoplewilleventuallybeabletoseeone'sfacethrougheternity.Actorshavetobecamera readyevenat3a.m.attheendofalongweekofshooting,whenFridaynighthasbecomeSaturdaymorning, affectionatelyknowninthebusinessasFraturday.Theseleadersexhibitedthatkindofdisciplineandrespecteven whentheywerefrazzledandexhausted.Yes,ReeseWitherspoonimpressedmewhenshewentaroundthetableand shookhands,introducingherselftoeverysinglepersonpresentatourfirsttablereadfor HotPursuit.Butwhat endearedhertomeevenmoreiswhen,monthsafterwewrapped,IwaswalkingdownaLosAngelessidewalkwhen anSUVwithtintedwindowswhizzedpastme.Witherspoon'sheadpoppedoutandsheyelled,“Matt!”Shedidn't havetodothat,butitmademefeelvalued.That'sjustoneoftheleadershipqualitiesthatpointstowhyshemakes millionsofdollarsandisbelovedbysomany.Sherecognizesthatrelationshipsarewhatisimportantandtheydon't end,orhavetoend,justbecausewe'vefinishedshooting.Sheisaleader.
Leaderscomeinallshapes,sizes,a
ndstyles.Somemaybeboisterous,intenselygettinginyourfaceandscreaming, whileothersarequiet,pullingtheirteammatesasidetogivethemgentlecounsel.Eitherway,thebestleadersservea commongoal,whetheritistomakethebestfilm,bethebestteam,orbuildthebestcompany.Practicingwhatthey preachisaprerequisiteforgreatleaders,asanyonewithchildrenknows:theywilldowhatyou do,notwhatyou say.
Whereveryouareonthespectrumofleadership,youcanincreaseyourskillsbybeingdecisiveyetrespectfuland boldyethumble.
TopThreeTakeaways
1. Theprimaryaspectofleadershipisservicetothegreatergood.
2. Thebestwaytolearnhowtobeagreatleaderistosurroundyourselfwithgreatleadersandlearnfrom theirways.
3. Leadbyexample.Peoplewilldowhatyou do,notwhatyou say.
CHAPTER11
MeditationandRelaxation
“Ijustloveit.It'slikeawashingmachineforyourbrain.It'sbeautiful.It'sgraceful.It'sexciting.It'sdelicious.It's oneofthegreatsoundsofalltimeto be,andtohearthatwaterrushbyyou,eitherinaboatorstandinginit.”
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