Live Fantasies

by A R Steele

  Eight

  A few minutes after the strip club closed for the night, Shade walked through to the parking lot. He and Jesse had agreed to meet there. He shivered in the cool December air, wondering if this was a horrible idea.

  Hanging out with any of the strippers one-on-one meant his caginess would be more obvious, so he’d always held back. Making actual friends was a liability in his line of work. He could get all the information he needed from interacting with them as a group, where people were less likely to notice how little he talked about himself.

  In this particular case, he was already halfway to something worse than friendship. His attraction to Jesse was blossoming quickly into a full-formed crush. The more time he spent talking to the handsome stripper, the more he felt drawn toward him. Jesse just had that attitude that pulled Shade in like a magnet. Shade’s relationships tended to only move forward on occasions when the other person drew him in like that.

  He recalled one girl, Pearl, from his college days. She’d been perfectly nice and very attractive, but she just didn’t do it for him. After several dates, he’d still had no desire to sleep with her. She went a little crazy when he broke it off.

  This time, the problem was that he couldn’t trust himself to keep his secret safe. Besides, getting too close could compromise the integrity of his article. He wanted to write the brutal, raw, honest truth, not some sugarcoated fluff piece. If he was going to write fluff, he could have done it a lot quicker than this.

  He trusted himself to keep his mouth shut in general – that was why he had taken this assignment – but everything was different with a lover. Once two people started dating, they shared everything with each other. He might let his secret out in a moment of post-orgasmic pillow talk. Shade didn’t understand how FBI agents or war spies did it. He just knew his lips would loosen the second he started to get close to someone.

  Jesse appeared at the door, and Shade waved with what he hoped was a friendly smile. He was just going to treat this like another interview. He would get as much information from Jesse as he could while giving away as little about himself as possible.

  Everything was going to be fine. Shade could manage this. Being undercover may have felt funny, but it shouldn’t have been terrifying. Why was being here, talking to Jesse, making him so nervous?

  “Hey, you made it,” Jesse said.

  The two of them made their way toward Jesse’s Jeep. The car fit Jesse’s personality in an odd way. Jesse was as upfront and straightforward as the car he had chosen. It was practical, meant for getting people from place to place without bells or whistles. Jesse looked perfectly natural as he jiggled the handle and slid inside. Shade followed suit, getting in the passenger seat.

  “Of course I made it,” Shade said. “I’m looking forward to our hang-out.”

  Was that even something guys said to each other? Jesse had him second-guessing everything that came out of his mouth. He had to play it cool, had to relax. This wasn’t a big deal. It was just another assignment.

  “Hope you don’t mind if I smoke one,” Jesse said, pulling out a joint. “You’re not a cop, right?” He gave Shade a funny look, almost squinting at him.

  What an odd question. “Are you sure that’s a good idea when you’re about to drive?” Shade asked, blinking back at him.

  “It doesn’t get me that high.”

  “Well, I don’t know if it’s safe.”

  Jesse dropped the joint back into his pocket. “No problem.” He turned the car on and headed out of the parking lot. “I miss blazing with Elijah. That guy was cool.”

  An opportunity to get some dirt. “Yes, it’s too bad he left. I remember you guys were tight.”

  “Yeah, kind of. He’s cool.”

  “Do you really get high at work?”

  “Of course. It makes the night a lot less boring. I don’t mind this job, but I wouldn’t want to do it without burning a few through the night. Elijah used to smoke up with me. Now it’s just me standing outside all alone.”

  “Doesn’t anyone notice that you’re not sober?”

  “Nope. I came in high on my first day so everyone would think that was my normal state. Even interviewed high.”

  Shade turned to look directly at him. A twinge went through Shade as he gazed at his profile. The broad, flat nose and thick lips were enticing. Looking at Jesse’s clean-shaven jaw made him want to stroke it.

  He wondered what Jesse was into, sexually speaking. With the way Jesse made his body tingle, they clearly had some kind of connection. But given Shade’s secret mission, he was never going to find out how they would click in bed.

  It was a shame, but plenty of things in life weren’t fair. Shade would just have to deal with it. There were lots of sexy guys that wouldn’t interfere with his exposé. He could find himself some casual sex once he was done with this gig.

  Jesse wouldn’t be into Shade’s normal self anyway. If Jesse was attracted to him, he was only attracted to the front Shade had put up. This confident, daring stripper was only part of the act.

  “Where do you usually smoke?” Shade asked, figuring he would distract himself by investigating further.

  “Outside,” Jesse said.

  “Where exactly?”

  “There’s a corner at the edge of the building. I go just past where Austin could see me. He turns a blind eye to me smoking.”

  “So you never get high inside the building?”

  Jesse glanced over at him. His eyes had been on the road most of this time, and the sudden eye contact made Shade jump a little in his seat. “No,” Jesse said flatly.

  Shade had probably asked too many questions. Jesse definitely seemed uncomfortable. In journalism school, Shade had learned to dial it down when he pushed too hard. He was supposed to let the subject do most of the talking rather than asking a barrage of questions. He should let them start by revealing what they were comfortable with. Through subtle questions and comments, he could get them to say even more than that.

  “Tell me about you,” Jesse said. “You never tell anyone much. I want to know more.”

  Shade fidgeted in the seat, getting as comfortable as he could considering the situation. “There’s nothing too interesting,” he said. “I grew up in Haberdee, and I came to Bridgehaven for a job with a small finance company. I like it okay here.”

  “So you studied finance in school?” Jesse asked.

  “Yeah.” If one introductory class in accounting counted. “What about you? Did you do anything after high school?”

  “Just fucked around,” Jesse said. “We’re talking about you, though. Tell me about the finance job. That must have been pretty legit. You must have been pretty young to have a good job like that, too. I always picture those guys as being, you know, thirty-year-olds in stuffed shirts.”

  “I’m only three years away from thirty,” Shade said.

  Jesse glanced at him again. “I’m twenty-two.”

  Although Jesse looked younger than Shade, it was easy to forget. Jesse acted like he knew what he was doing, or at least like he didn’t care. He never seemed to be running around without a clue about anything, the way Shade constantly did.

  “Tell me about your boyfriend,” Jesse said.

  Although Shade tensed up, he had his fake story on the tip of his tongue, ready to go. “His name is Chris. We’ve been together for two years.” He paused. “We were, rather.”

  He had lied about this for the past three months, but somehow, it felt less comfortable now that he was talking to Jesse alone. He should have been honest with Jesse, as Jesse was being with him.

  All night, he’d kept his mask of confidence and raw sexuality on all night. He’d used it so much over the past few months that it felt natural. He could even sometimes keep it up during the off hours, like when he was hanging out with all the guys at Ace and Gabriel’s parties.

  When it was just him and Jesse, it was much harder to keep that façade going. Jesse gave him the feeling that he could se
e right through him to the scared, nervous boy underneath. It made Shade feel… vulnerable. He pulled out his phone and fiddled with it, pretending that he was texting someone.

  “What do you mean, you were?”

  “We split up yesterday,” Shade said quietly, still looking at his phone. “I didn’t really want to mention it in the group chat. I’m sorry you guys didn’t get the chance to meet him.”

  “Shit, I’m sorry. You okay, S?”

  Had he actually heard the happiness in Jesse’s voice? Even as Shade turned his eyes toward him, he couldn’t be sure if he was imagining the subtle upturn of Jesse’s lips. If it was real, it was pretty close to imperceptible.

  His ego certainly would have been pleased if Jesse was happy. In all other respects, he had to hope that he wasn’t.

  Of course, it was nothing but the fabrication of a wishful mind, anyway.

  “I’m doing fine.”

  Nine

  Jesse backed the car into a parking spot, spinning the wheel with the palm of his hand. He and Shade were on one of the busier streets in town, which was still pretty much dead at this hour on a Monday.

  The two of them got out of the Jeep and headed in together. The pizza place stayed open all night, every night. You could get a slice for a buck and some change any time you wanted. It wasn’t gourmet, but it was right up Jesse’s alley. With any luck, Shade was going to love it.

  Jesse had hardly been able to stop himself from punching a fist in the air when Shade had said he was single. He had a chance! He had to tread lightly, though. Despite all his eagerness to hit on Shade, he and his boyfriend had been together for two years. Jesse could tell Shade was hurting.

  That just meant he had to spend more time with Shade before making a move. Hopefully he’d find more clues about whether he was a cop, too. Jesse’s little test had gotten him nowhere, and same with talking about drugs. Shade’s mysteries were still just that.

  “You sit down and I’ll order,” Jesse said, pointing Shade toward a booth. “My treat since I asked you to come. What kind of pizza do you like?”

  “Thanks, man. You’re the one that likes this place, so I’ll let you pick.”

  Jesse nodded, wondering if Shade would even be into him. He would keep it friendly for the moment, anyway. A new friend was better than nothing, and it wasn’t as if he was only interested in Shade’s body. Maybe he’d be kind of frustrated, and maybe he would jerk off a little more than usual, but he would be fine with having Shade as a friend.

  He went up to the counter. “Let me have a large pepperoni, as cheesy as you can make it.”

  “Coming right up.”

  He went back to Shade, who was looking around with evident interest. That guy was just curious about everything. Maybe there was nothing sketchy about him and that was just his personality. Jesse thought back to walking in on him with the phone. No, something was up.

  “Hope you like pepperoni.”

  “Who doesn’t?” Shade said. “It’s the standard pizza topping. If you had gone up there and ordered, like, anchovies, we might have had a problem.”

  “Okay, anchovies next time,” Jesse joked.

  “Yeah, right.”

  The guy called them when the pizza was ready a few minutes later. Jesse picked up the box, at which Shade gave him a funny look.

  “You didn’t think we were going to eat here, did you?” Jesse asked. “This place is kind of grimy. We have to take it somewhere.”

  “Like where? Your place?” Shade asked.

  “Probably not. I don’t think my grandparents would like me bringing someone over at this hour.” Jesse paused, his eyebrow raising despite his best effort to make it stop. “How about yours?”

  Fuck, he hoped that hadn’t come out sounding dirty. Inviting himself to someone’s place was not how his mom raised him. This wasn’t a normal situation, though. He was on the hunt for clues. That was all he’d be trying to get at Shade’s place. Shade just had to say yes.

  Luckily, he nodded. “I… I guess you can come over. I wasn’t expecting it, though. I didn’t clean up or anything.”

  “I’m sure it’s fine,” Jesse said.

  The conversation flowed easily as they got in the car. The earlier awkwardness was disappearing, and they took to good-naturedly ribbing each other about one thing after another.

  “Nice building,” Jesse said as they got out of the car. At this point, he knew Shade would recognize the light-hearted sarcasm. The place looked like it was about to collapse at any moment.

  As Shade pulled out his keys, he explained. “I know it’s a bit sketchy. I took over the first lease I could find. I was only planning to be here for a few months.”

  “Then you changed your mind?”

  “Well, I’m not sure.”

  They went up the elevator. The halls were almost as grimy as the pizza place, and Jesse wondered if a cop would live in a place like this. Surely the police would pay for something nicer.

  Once Shade opened the door to his unit, things looked brighter. His place was small but sunny, with a table on which Jesse deposited the pizza.

  “You want a plate?” Shade asked.

  “Naw, I’m not that fancy. Just give me a couple napkins. And do you have some pop?”

  Shade opened the fridge. Jesse peered in, wondering what kind of things a cop would have to eat. Shade had a variety of canned beverages, along with some leftover Chinese takeout and wrinkled fruit. A cop would probably eat healthier than that.

  “I’ll take a Coke,” Jesse said.

  When Shade handed him the can, he cracked it open and took a long sip. His throat was dry from being around the guy who made him so nervous. He wondered if Shade was nervous, too. He seemed calm, but as reticent as always.

  Wondering what kind of guy Shade went for, Jesse glanced around for evidence of his ex. Everything in the apartment pointed to only one person being there. Only one bowl and one mug were in the sink. The place was generally unfussy in a way that suggested Shade wasn’t trying to impress anyone. No decorations even graced the walls of the apartment.

  Jesse cracked the box open. The pizza burned his fingers, and he immediately dropped it.

  “Too hot?” Shade asked.

  “Yeah.”

  Jesse stopped him before he could make the same mistake and pressed a napkin into his hand. The contact with Shade’s tanned skin made him jump. If only he could do more than that.

  The two of them sat down and bit into the pizza. The cheese was soft and gooey, just the way Jesse liked it.

  “This is good,” Shade said. “I haven’t had a really good pizza in so long.”

  “Why’s that?”

  “I don’t know. I guess the Chinese place is just around the corner, so I usually go there. It’s convenient.”

  He made it sound like he usually ate by himself. Jesse supposed that was good. He and the boyfriend must have been drifting apart for a while. Shade had mentioned Chris worked a lot – maybe they didn’t see each other often, especially with the distance.

  “You’re in a good area,” Jesse said. “Close to everything. My grandparents’ place is in the middle of nowhere, only other houses around. Definitely no Chinese or pizza.”

  “So you do your own cooking?”

  “Not really. Usually my grandmother does.”

  Shade helped himself to a sip of Jesse’s Coke. “She must be a good cook.”

  “How would you know that?”

  “Grandmothers always are.”

  It was true, Gran was an excellent cook. She made the best black-eyed peas he’d ever had. He wondered how Shade would respond if he threw the same question back at him. He wished he could be subtle like Shade had tried to teach him. When he had a question, he never knew how to ask it other than straight out.

  “What about yours?” he said abruptly.

  As he had expected, Shade got that same panicked look that he always got when Jesse asked him anything remotely personal. Jesse was getting used to it no
w. It seemed like Shade always chose his words carefully, measuring them to make sure they were the right ones. He spoke much more freely when he talked about things other than himself.

  “Mine are, too,” Shade finally said. “Both of them live in Haberdee, though, so I don’t get to have their cooking often.”

  “Your parents are back there, too?” Jesse asked.

  “Yeah. I go back when I can. It’s good to see them, but they don’t quite get everything about my life.”

  Jesse took a wild guess that Shade was talking about his sexuality. “That sucks. Families who aren’t accepting are the worst.”

  “Oh, it’s not that,” Shade said. “They’re cool, actually. I get along pretty well with my parents, and my little sister’s awesome.”

  “What’s the issue, then?”

  “Never mind.” Shade took a huge bite of his pizza and chewed for so long that Jesse couldn’t continue to pursue the question.

  He took a bite of his own, savoring the different flavors. He had been waiting all day to get this close to Shade, but he was running out of things to ask now that he was here. Being too direct wasn’t going to get him anywhere. And sitting so close to him had him forgetting his original mission. Shade had him a little aroused.

  Shade pulled off his bandana and tossed it onto the table. Running his fingers through his hair, he said, “That feels better. Gotta let my scalp breathe.”

  “Why do you wear that all the time, then?”

  Shade shrugged. “Just because it looks cool.”

  That fit with Jesse’s feeling about Shade trying to look tougher than he was. “You need to look cool?” he asked.

  “I don’t know. I’m a stripper now. Shouldn’t I be cool?”

  “Just be yourself. From what I know about you, you’re cool enough already.”

  Jesse probably shouldn’t have said that. He was venturing dangerously close to flirting, and Shade had just had a break-up. It was just so hard to stop himself when they were alone together. He had nowhere to look except at Shade’s sharp features. The blood in Jesse’s head was rushing lower, making him dumber.