Chasing Clouds

by Annabelle Knight

  As it transpired, Carla didn’t need her five- minute deadline because after just a few moments she had found him. “Voilà, Aaron Bernard,” she said, adding extra emphasis to the last syllable. “Travel photographer and landscape artist.”

  Carla turned her phone around to show Elodie the screen: she had discovered a website where he had uploaded some of his pictures and from that had found his Instagram account. “Doesn’t take a genius to know that if you’re into photography, you’re into Insta. His account’s only open to his followers though, so, I’ve followed. Well, that was quick: he’s accepted me, look!”

  Elodie clicked on the most recent picture: it was a photograph of a sprawling field, uploaded yesterday. It was a snapshot really, definitely not professional work. She looked closer and felt her heart sink. Aaron’s shadow was visible in the bottom left- hand corner; unfortunately, so was someone else’s, someone leaning against him, their shadows entwining, becoming one.

  “I’m sorry, El, he’s a dog,” Carla said, shoving the phone into her back pocket and wrapping an arm around Elodie. Elodie shrugged her off.

  “He’s not a dog, dogs are nice,” she mumbled. “I’m fine. It was only one date. It’s just annoying that it was my first date since Tom and I really liked him. Ugh, and what’s worse is that I actually thought he liked me too.”

  Carla didn’t say anything. The two women sat across from one another in complete silence for several long moments. Eventually, with the afternoon closing in on them, they headed for home, the mood considerably more sombre than it had been at the start of the day.

  The last thing that Elodie felt like doing that evening was getting dolled up and heading out for a fancy meal at The Clifton with two loved- up couples, but the alternative was to pig out on the sofa and sulk, which Carla had absolutely denied her the privilege of. She had grudgingly extricated herself from the living room and gotten ready, selecting a simple black dress from her wardrobe and pinning her hair up in a messy bun that took all of two minutes to achieve. Joining Carla, Steph and their other halves in the living room, she felt more than a little self- conscious. It was the first time she had properly met Chris, and Carla was right, he did seem lovely. He was extremely tall, almost impossibly good- looking with a chiselled jaw that looked like it had been sculpted by the gods. Together, Carla and Chris sure made one attractive couple.

  The conversation flowed easily throughout dinner; well, it did for everyone aside from Elodie. She felt very much an outsider, despite everyone’s best efforts to include her, and even though everyone was more than friendly towards her she still felt as though she was gate- crashing. More than once Chris had retracted his arm hastily from around Carla’s shoulders when Elodie had glanced their way or Steph had changed the angle of her head at the last minute in order to give Andy a peck on the cheek rather than a kiss on the lips. Elodie didn’t like the modification of behaviour; it didn’t make her feel better, it made her feel worse.

  She took out her mobile from her handbag, which she had strategically placed over the back of her chair: still nothing from Aaron. The three drinks that had been paired with her meal were beginning to take effect, and seemed to be all she needed for that little extra bit of confidence. Typing out a message to him she felt a sudden burst of anger; she was done with playing nice. It wasn’t alright at all, taking someone out, treating them like the most important person ever and then dropping off the face of the planet. If anything it was bad manners, and even if he didn’t reply at least she would have gotten things off her chest. She typed out the message quickly, keeping her face as neutral as possible to avoid questions. This was hard work, especially since she felt a raging inferno begin to flare inside her.

  “Everything alright, El?” Steph asked from across the table. Elodie stuffed her phone back into her bag and nodded; she even managed a smile that could have passed for genuine.

  “Come on, toilet time,” Steph said as she folded up her serviette neatly and placed it on the table in front of her.

  Carla got up too and Elodie, although not in need of the toilet, grabbed her bag and followed suit.

  The toilets at The Clifton were almost as spectacular as the dining room itself. Elodie didn’t know if she’d ever been in anything quite so extravagant – almost unnecessarily so. Suspended from the ceiling were several large, ornate and extremely dazzling light fittings, which cast a very glitzy light about the place.

  “So are you going to tell us what’s wrong?” Carla asked as she applied a new layer of pink stain to her lips.

  “Nothing’s wrong,” Elodie replied shortly, rummaging in her bag so that she didn’t have to make eye contact.

  “Fine,” Carla replied. “I know you’re lying, though; you’re a terrible liar.”

  Elodie recoiled at this accusation. She wasn’t lying, she just didn’t feel the need to whine about it, especially when all it would do would be to cause tension between them. Elodie didn’t want to create a sour atmosphere because she was feeling a bit down.

  “El, just tell us. You’ll feel better after a rant. You’ve been really quiet all evening, it’s just not like you.”

  “Sorry if I’ve made things awkward,” Elodie said, a little self- pityingly.

  “We’ve tried to include you,” Steph combatted, “but you seem determined to have a bad time.”

  That was it: there was something in Steph’s tone, Carla’s look and her heart that pushed her close to the edge. Elodie felt tears prick at the corners of her eyes and turned around so that Carla and Steph couldn’t see.

  “I’m just not feeling very sociable right now,” she managed, her voice cracking.

  Carla snaked an arm around her waist and Steph put a hand on her shoulder. Well, if she had been close to the edge before she was well and truly over it now. Elodie burst into tears; silvery droplets rolled down her cheeks and suddenly she felt very silly.

  “I’m sorry,” Elodie mumbled, once she had succeeded in regaining her composure. She dabbed under her eyes with some tissue that Steph had handed to her. “It’s everything really, work or my lack of it, mainly. There is literally nothing out there, well nothing that I want anyway. Plus, Aaron’s pissed me off… I know I hardly know him and we only went on one date, but it’s still hurt my feelings. And now, being here with you guys, all loved- up, just makes me feel a bit crap about myself. Then I feel crap about feeling crap, because it’s just really selfish and shitty of me when I should be feeling happy for you,” she sighed.

  “You should feel exactly how you feel,” Carla said, giving Elodie another squeeze. “You can’t help it and beating yourself up about it is definitely not good for your mental health.”

  Steph nodded her agreement and Elodie sniffled again, grateful that her friends were being so understanding.

  “OK, so I think we ought to call it a night. It’s getting late anyway and I’ve got an early start with the café tomorrow,” Steph said, looking at her watch. Carla nodded and Elodie felt a surge of gratitude towards them. “I’ll phone a cab, Elodie why don’t you wait outside, we’ll settle up and meet you there.”

  Elodie nodded, thankful for this small mercy. At least this way she wouldn’t have to walk back through the restaurant with a blotchy face and puffy eyes.

  Elodie had been waiting outside for almost ten minutes. The warm July evening had dropped cool and she wished very much that she’d opted to wear a jacket with her dress. Elodie was rubbing her arms to try and create some heat when she spotted a familiar- looking and impeccably- dressed man walking along the opposite side of the road.

  “Chase?” Elodie called out before she was really certain whether the man she could see was Chase or not. The man turned around and squinted at her. Several long seconds went by before a look of recognition stole across his face and he held up a hand. He seemed to falter slightly, as if he wasn’t entirely sure whether the small hand gesture would do and he
could carry on with his journey. He decided against it and crossed the road towards her.

  “I trust you’re well?” Chase asked, almost abruptly once he had stopped beside her. She gave him a small nod and glanced at him nervously. He always managed to make her feel anxious.

  “How are you?” Elodie asked.

  Chase grunted a response. They stood in relative silence for a few moments; the only sounds were the dim clamour from the restaurant behind them and the occasional black cab driving past.

  “Are you up to anything fun tonight?” Elodie eventually asked when the silence had become too much. She couldn’t figure out why Chase was still there. If he had nothing to say to her, surely he would just leave?

  “I’m meeting a friend in Casa, the gin bar a little further down. I’d invite you along but…” he trailed off.

  “Ah, I’ve had a pity invite once this evening already. I’m good for another.”

  “Pity invite?” Chase asked, turning to her and fixing her with an in- depth stare that caused Elodie to look away.

  “Errr, yeh. I had a bad date and my friends felt bad for me so now I’m third- wheeling with them and their boyfriends.”

  “Well, all I can say is that the guy’s an idiot. Anyone I know? Want me to rough him up?” Chase said, offering her as much of a smile as Elodie thought Chase capable of. ‘Is he joking?’ Elodie thought.

  “You might know him: Aaron? He works at loads of airports. Well, he ignored me afterwards and it looks like he’s got a girlfriend. You don’t know him, do you?” Elodie asked, suddenly wondering if maybe Chase could be the one to shed some light on things.

  “Oh yes. Aaron. I know him alright. I’m not one to get involved in petty gossip but I don’t think he has a girlfriend if you catch my meaning, I think girlfriends is probably more accurate.”

  “Oh,” was all Elodie could manage as in that moment Carla, Steph, Chris and Andy emerged from The Clifton in a raucous fashion.

  “Have a pleasant evening, Elodie,” Chase said, his eyes darting to her approaching friends.

  He bid Elodie a swift farewell and made his way back across the road. Elodie glanced over her shoulder at her friends and then back towards Chase: he was now no more than a shadow in the distance.

  ‘He’s such an oddball, he has literally no people skills,’ she thought to herself as she watched the shadow disappear to nothingness.

  “Was that who I think it was?” Carla asked, flipping her sleek hair over her shoulder.

  “Yeh, he’s just off to meet a friend at Casa,” Elodie said without enthusiasm. The news about Aaron had hit her hard. Up until now, she had hoped that maybe she’d got it all wrong. Elodie elected not to tell her friends until later. She didn’t fancy being the centre of attention for yet another poor life- choice.

  “Oooh, let’s go and spy!” Carla said excitedly. “Come on, it’ll be fun. It’ll help take your mind off things.” She nudged Elodie in the ribs, Elodie shrank away from this unwanted attention and shook her head.

  “I don’t want to spy on him, I want to go home,” she answered decidedly.

  “Well let’s go get a cab, but walk past there first,” Carla suggested. “Maybe his friend’s hot?”

  Elodie reluctantly agreed and off they went. The bar was little more than a few minutes’ walk away and before Elodie knew it they were outside.

  “Shall we go in?” Carla asked mischievously.

  “Absolutely not,” came Elodie’s reply. She hadn’t wanted to walk past it in the first place. It was childish of them and she was surprised that it was only she who seemed to realise this.

  “He’s there,” Steph said in a whisper, pointing through the window of the busy bar. “Look, he’s sat on his own. No friends in sight.”

  “Tragic,” Carla said pityingly.

  “Why don’t you like this guy? He looks alright to me,” Chris asked.

  “It’s not that we don’t like him, he’s just a bit of a stiff. We met him on a night out and he was really up himself,” Carla replied.

  Elodie watched Chase intently. Her feelings of discomfort had waned and now she surveyed him with interest. He was indeed sat by himself; he sipped his drink gingerly, swirling the contents of the short, crystal- cut glass and examining them before taking a sip. He had no form of entertainment, which was odd considering that most people, when faced with spending time in their own company, chose to stare at a screen instead. ‘You’re never alone with a phone,’ she thought to herself.

  Just then, a very leggy blonde woman, wearing an off- the- shoulder, figure- hugging dress, appeared. She bent down and draped an arm around Chase’s shoulder, planting a soft kiss on his cheek as she did so. She gracefully slid into the seat beside him and beckoned a waiter over. Elodie saw her place an order and wave the waiter away, which she thought was really quite rude. Chase seemed not to notice; Elodie saw him look at the woman, his expression unreadable. He looked, perhaps nervous – Elodie couldn’t tell.

  “Let’s go,” Elodie said abruptly, suddenly feeling as though they had intruded on a very private moment and feeling bad about it. “This feels really weird.”

  A more sombre mood fell over the group now, and feeling slightly ashamed and more than a little immature, they left the frontage of Casa, hailed a cab and set off for home.

  The following day Elodie felt strangely disconcerted. Her encounter with Chase played at the forefront of her mind. He could have easily given her a wave and carried on walking, but he chose to cross the street and talk to her, if that’s what you could call what they had done. The conversation had been awkward, to say the least. He had claimed that he was meeting a friend and had been on the verge of inviting her. But when they had seen him he hadn’t been meeting a friend at all, he had been on a date. Why would he ask her along to a date? At best it was bizarre and worst it was just plain cruel.

  Over the next few days, Elodie split her time between Betty’s Book Café, scouring the internet for decent jobs, and moping around the flat feeling rather sorry for herself. Carla had been a constant source of positive energy, which had been fine to start with, really helping Elodie to keep looking on the bright side. Still, she couldn’t help but feel as though her life was spiralling downwards in contrast to her friend. Elodie knew she shouldn’t compare herself to Carla, and for the most part she didn’t. But she had to admit that it felt a little as though they were on a seesaw: as Carla’s luck went up, hers seemed to go down.

  “I can’t believe how many jobs I’m booking, I know they’re only little ones but it’s really great for my portfolio. At the beginning of the year, I had nothing, and now I’ve got tonnes of great shots,” Carla had said. Elodie had nodded and quickly picked up her coffee cup and sipped at the contents within. They were stone cold now, which made Elodie wince; but feigning needing a drink was far better than actually having to talk to Carla and hear all about how amazing her life was.

  Carla hadn’t mentioned the end of the month, and the fact that their rent was looming, but it was like an ever- present issue hanging over her. Barely an hour went by when she didn’t feel a shudder of dread at paying it.

  Elodie pressed refresh on her emails. This seemed to be completely second nature to her now, and she watched the laptop’s little wheel spin as it scanned for incoming mail. As usual, nothing landed in her inbox. Elodie had been about to close the laptop when she let out a little squeal: her heart leapt as she saw an email invitation for an interview at ‘Wing Star’. As quickly as her heart had soared it dropped, plummeting to the very pit of her stomach. It was another budget airline.

  ‘Oh well, beggars can’t be choosers,’ she reasoned, determined to look on the bright side. The interview was on the last day of the month, Elodie was fairly confident she’d get the job. She would just need to think of a decent explanation as to why she had jumped ship on one budget airline but wouldn’t do the same to a
nother. ‘Family issues, good old family issues,’ she decided. No one would pry, especially if she could pull off a solemn enough expression.

  “OK, I’m off now, how do I look?” Elodie said. Nerves had begun to creep into her voice and it wavered slightly.

  “You look great, now go and knock ’em dead, you sexy bitch,” Carla replied.

  Elodie smiled. Maybe Carla’s positivity wasn’t all that bad, after all. Elodie got the train and then the bus to her interview. It was being held at some offices in town, which was fine by her because she could celebrate with a well- earned drink at a bar afterwards. Elodie walked in feeling really confident and, her ponytail swishing behind her, she walked into the room and took a seat opposite the panel conducting the interview. All of them looked stern and none of them smiled at her. Elodie found that her confidence disappeared, like a cloud of smoke in a strong breeze.

  Elodie walked back through the door at a quarter to nine that evening.

  “Sooooo how was your day? You’re a lot later than I thought you’d be,” Carla said the second Elodie had sat down. Steph was sat on the sofa, smiling uncertainly and brandishing a ginormous pizza box in Elodie’s direction.

  “Thought we could have a pizza and wine celebration, or commiseration depending on how you’re feeling?” Steph offered.

  Elodie smiled, her friends really were great. But as it happened, she didn’t need cheering up all that much. She had news.

  “You got the job?” Carla exclaimed, “I knew it! Well done, El!”

  “Well not exactly,” Elodie answered. “I didn’t get the job, but I got a job.”

  “What on earth do you mean?” Steph asked confusedly as she bit off the end of a slice of margarita pizza.

  “Well, the job I interviewed for I didn’t get. It was almost as if they’d asked me to the interview just to haul me over the coals about why I left Zip Air, I tried saying personal reasons but it just sounded lame. They saw through me before the words were even out of my mouth. Anyway, the reason I’m a little later than I thought is because I went to drown my sorrows after, but before I could I bumped into Gareth. You know, the examiner from the course?”