Chasing Clouds

by Annabelle Knight

  She was almost out of the door when a thought struck her. She wasn’t going on holiday, she was going travelling. She didn’t need three pairs of heels, ten dresses and an entire bag full of makeup – she needed only necessities. She unzipped the suitcase and took out the basics, shoving each essential item into a rucksack and pausing only for breath when she was satisfied with her haul. She slung the rucksack on her back; it was neither too heavy nor too light.

  ’In the words of Goldilocks, it was just right,’ she mused. Her passport, which nowadays barely left her side, was nestled securely in the inside pocket of her bag. Elodie double- checked it, a habit she had become used to and after a quick check realised, with a sense of exhilaration peppered with maybe the teensiest bit of dread, that she was all ready to go. She stood in the living room looking around, wanting to commit as much of the flat to memory as possible. It was there, in the middle of the living room, that Elodie felt silent tears track down her cheeks. She couldn’t believe she was going to do this; suddenly her mind was plagued with doubt. What if every single worry everyone had ever expressed came true? She fought with herself for a moment, knowing that it was thoughts like these that would help to keep her safe, and realising that if she had no reservations in the slightest then she would be a very stupid girl. She wiped at her cheeks, determined to have only positive memories of this. Everything that had happened before this was all for a reason. Without everything aligning as it had, she wouldn’t be where she was now: about to embark on an adventure she had yearned for since she had been ten years old. She gave the flat one last look, knowing that feeling sad was silly; she would be back soon enough, and with better experiences, and better stories, than before.

  The taxi driver had stayed true to his word and was waiting patiently outside her front door. Elodie climbed in and winced when she saw the meter running at almost sixty pounds already. This was going to be one expensive taxi ride, but she was sure that it would all be worth it in the end. Elodie instructed him to take her to the airport and he set off.

  “Going anywhere nice?” he asked.

  “I hope so,” Elodie replied, smiling.

  The taxi driver looked at her confusedly through the reflection in the rear- view mirror and chose not to question her further. Instead, he turned his attention to the road, which was thankfully rather quiet.

  Elodie was dropped off right outside the airport. She strode in and ground to a halt in front of the departures board, scanned the information displayed excitedly. There were flights to Geneva, Australia, Mexico, Thailand and Canada and more besides, all leaving within the next few hours. Elodie looked around. She hadn’t been to this airport since she’d quit Zip Air; she was half- expecting to see Vanessa striding up to her about to yell at her for being late or for some task that she had failed to complete to her exacting standards. But happily, neither Vanessa nor anyone else she had ever worked with were in sight.

  She got in the queue to check in and waited patiently as everyone in front of her got their tickets and passports checked. Second- naturedly she slipped a hand into her bag and fingered the outer edge of her passport, just to make sure she had it. Elodie was not used to waiting in queues; usually, she would be fast- tracked in order to get on with her duties as quickly as possible. Her mind wandered to the private jet; she certainly wouldn’t be seeing that kind of luxury again for quite some time. It was in that moment when her head was filled with images of high- flyers, Champagne and luxurious surroundings, that a thought struck her. She had told everyone she was leaving – everyone, apart from the one person who she should have told first: her boss. She glanced towards the front of the queue and counted the passengers still waiting, there were six ahead of her and Elodie guessed that she still had at least fifteen minutes to wait. She pulled out her phone and scrolled down to Gareth’s name.

  “Elodie? To what do I owe the pleasure?” came Gareth’s northern lilt down the phone. Elodie took a deep breath and began to explain.

  When she had explained herself to the hilt she paused, and prepared to move the phone from her ear. She fully expected Gareth to go crazy at her. How could she have forgotten to do this? She could have kicked herself for being so stupid.

  “Gareth, say something, Please.” Elodie managed when the palpable silence had gone on for too long.

  “I don’t know what to say,” Gareth said. “You could have given me a bit more notice.” Elodie agreed with him on that. She apologised profusely making sure that Gareth knew just how sorry she truly was.

  “It just all happened so fast, I literally made the decision today and then it’s been a massive whirlwind. I am so, so sorry. You know I wouldn’t have done this to you on purpose.”

  “I do know that,” Gareth said, “and there’s nothing I can do to make you change your mind and not board that flight?”

  Elodie told him that there wasn’t and that now her mind was set.

  “I’ve made up my mind,” she said. “I need to do this, Gareth. I won’t be able to settle until I’ve travelled and seen more of the world than just nice hotels and tourist traps.” Gareth was silent again; Elodie bit her bottom lip and waited for his judgement.

  “Well,” he sighed, “I’m going to miss you. I’ll file the paperwork tomorrow and email you anything you need. It’s a good job Alex Walker insists on such a long probation period.”

  “Why’s that?” Elodie asked.

  “Because he can be funny about re- hiring people that leave. You, my little lovely, have managed to find a loophole. I hope you’ll reapply when you’ve finished seeing the world? You know I’d make sure you went to the top of the pile,” Gareth said, laughing.

  Elodie thanked him and, after one more attempt to get her to change her mind, Gareth signed off and the phone call was ended. Elodie stood there with her heart thumping: a rhythm she had never felt before, it was an excited thud that Elodie was sure could be heard by the person at the back of the queue. She stepped forward as she reached the front of the queue and handed over her paperwork and passport.

  “Any luggage to check in?” a red- lipped woman asked her.

  Elodie shook her head.

  “Just hand luggage,” she answered.

  “And did you pack the bag yourself?”

  Again Elodie nodded, a little more fervently this time. The woman opened up the passport and looked from the picture to Elodie and back again.

  “Before you scan it, can I just check something?” Elodie asked as the woman picked up her ticket. She had long red nails that matched her lips perfectly.

  “Of course,” she replied through a smile. Elodie tapped her own nails on the top of the desk and lowered her eyes. Was she really doing the right thing? She was running out of precious time to make that decision. She hovered there for a moment or two, wavering from one decision to the next. Elodie asked her questions and the woman behind the desk listened. When she had finished speaking the woman tapped a few keys on her keyboard, furrowed her brow and after some more tapping printed her boarding card. She extended it towards Elodie, whose hand was ready and waiting. The woman withdrew quickly and looked at the card.

  “Is there a problem?” Elodie asked, thinking, or perhaps hoping, that for a brief moment that there had been some sort of mistake.

  “No, you’re all good to go,” the woman replied, handing her ticket and passport back to her along with the newly printed boarding card. She offered Elodie a final, crimson- capped smile and gestured in the direction of the boarding gates. Elodie thanked her, picked up her rucksack and paperwork and made her way through security. Elodie was well practised in the art of airport security and passed through without incident. She couldn’t help but roll her eyes at the travellers being stopped with bottles of shampoo, nail scissors or some other contraband. One woman was moaning loudly that she absolutely needed her tweezers and that she simply couldn’t manage a fortnight without them. The airport st
aff member charged with confiscating them told her, with a deadpan expression, that she would just have to buy another pair on the other side.

  Once through security Elodie felt as though she could relax. She bought herself a couple of travel magazines in one of the airport shops and settled herself in a quiet corner of the lounge. She rolled the magazines up and slotted them in one of the spare compartments of her rucksack; they nestled there, wedged snugly against her own travel companion, the scrapbook she had been working on for so many years. Elodie felt as though she could feel its beating heart inside her bag, as though the act of travel had bought it to life somehow.

  She sat there for a few moments, taking in her surroundings: there were families off on holiday, solo travellers heading off on business and a couple of hen and stag parties off for long weekend city breaks or a boozy week in the sun. She took out her phone. It lay there idle in her hands for a few moments: she needed to contact one more person, someone that up until that very moment she hadn’t been able to. She scrolled down to Aaron’s name and typed out a lengthy message, which she laboured over for some time. She deleted whole sentences then re- wrote them several times over. When she was finally satisfied, she hit ‘send’ just as a loud voice over the PA system sounded, announcing final boarding for flight BA7005 at gate 16. Elodie checked her ticket.

  ‘Well this is it,’ she thought as her pulse quickened, ‘I guess it’s now or never.’

  She stood up and made her way to the gate. With each step, her feet felt heavier and heavier and by the time she reached the walkway that connected airport to plane, she felt as though she were wading through tar. Elodie knew she was doing the right thing; she just hadn’t been aware that doing the right thing would be so difficult.

  Elodie found her seat with ease, she was now completely fluent in the ways of air travel and could have got herself seated, belted and navigated the inflight magazine blindfolded. She had stowed her bag in the compartment overhead but not before taking out her magazines. The flight would be long and she would need some form of entertainment of a less mind- numbing persuasion than the crappy comedies and slushy rom- coms available on the inbuilt TVs. Elodie had been lucky and had managed to get a window seat. Sure, it was slightly inconvenient when you needed the bathroom, especially on long- haul flights, but in the run- up to landing, it would all be worth it just for the view she knew would be waiting outside.

  “Ladies and gentlemen, the captain has turned on the seatbelt sign, if you haven’t done so, please stow your luggage and take your seat ready for take- off. Please turn your attention to the screen in front of you, our inflight safety demonstration video is about to start.”

  Elodie saw that a svelte- looking blond guy with azure- coloured eyes headed up the cabin crew. He walked the length of the aircraft, checking everyone’s seatbelts were fastened, and as he got closer Elodie saw that his name badge read: ‘Ryan.’ He offered her a warm smile as he reached her and, when satisfied that she was securely strapped in, made his way to the row behind.

  The plane began to taxi, picking up speed as it traversed the runway. Elodie looked out of her window and bade a fond farewell to the land below. She let out a low, satisfied breath as the wheels left the ground and the plane took flight. Elodie looked down and saw that the passenger seated next to her, an older man with hair greying at the temples, had gripped the armrest so tightly that his knuckles had turned white. Elodie found herself surprised at this; she was so used to flying that the mere idea of someone finding the experience anything less than pleasant hadn’t crossed her mind. She placed her hand on the armrest too and patted this arm in a manner that she hoped came across as kind rather than over- familiar.

  “Are you OK?” she asked kindly.

  “Fine… thanks, I just hate take- off and landings,” he said his voice shaking, “but, my daughter lives in Australia so I’m afraid needs must, it wouldn’t be so bad if the flight was nonstop, but the layover means double the trouble for me.”

  “Don’t worry, it’ll be over soon,” Elodie placated, and sure enough, it was. Within a few minutes the aeroplane had levelled out and her new neighbour had released his grip and looked a whole lot more relaxed than he had done just a few moments before.

  Elodie had tucked her travel magazines down the side of her chair for take- off. Now they were in the air and cruising she retrieved one of them and opened it up on her lap. She had barely had time to read the front page when the captain’s voice echoed throughout the cabin.

  “Ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to welcome you onboard flight BA7005 to Bangkok. My name is Captain John Thompson and accompanying me is Captain Carter. Ryan, Rebecca and Amber are your cabin crew today and will be taking care of you. If you have any questions please don’t hesitate to ask. We’ll be reaching a cruising altitude of thirty- five thousand feet and steadily maintaining for the duration of the flight. The weather in Bangkok is temperate; we’re just coming out of monsoon season so you folks have picked a great time to visit. Flight time today of eleven hours and thirty minutes. We hope you enjoy your visit to Thailand, or if you’re carrying onward we wish you a safe journey,” Co- Pilot Thompson signed off and the cabin was quiet again.

  Elodie felt a rush of excitement settle over her. Hearing the captain’s announcement had really bought it all home: she was heading off, on her own. A lot of the passengers would be staying in Thailand for just a few hours, using Bangkok as a pit stop to further- flung destinations, but not her. No, Elodie was tired of dreaming; she wanted all those sun- drenched, exciting daydreams to become her reality.

  If the past few months had taught her anything it was that she was far more capable than she gave herself credit for. She had realised that she didn’t need to be with anyone: the answer was never a guy, and if it was then she had been asking herself the wrong question. Elodie knew that in order to open her eyes to the future she would need to close the door to the past. She had thought she had done that: she had moved on from Tom, she had moved on from Betty’s, but in the process she hadn’t moved on at all. She’d merely side- stepped, side- stepped to another bad man and another job that didn’t fulfil her. Aaron had opened her eyes to what she really wanted, to see the word. He had been right about that; he had just been wrong about whom she should do it with. Elodie did really like Aaron and found that she cared for him a great deal more than their fleeting romance should have allowed for. But he would be there when she got back; and maybe she would fly out to see him one day, when she had scratched her own itch for adventure. If it didn’t work for them, then it would just be another thing that she could add to the list of ‘wasn’t meant to be.’

  Reclining in her seat, Elodie found herself unable to stop from smiling: she felt a powerful sense of self- worth and control. But, more than anything, she felt very, truly, happy with the choice she had made.

  “Excuse me, any refreshments?” Ryan asked. Elodie began to shake her head but changed her mind almost at once.

  “I’ll have a rosé wine please,” she said, figuring that she may as well start enjoying herself right then and there. She took a sip: the wine was cool, refreshing and crisp, it was exactly what she wanted. Elodie gazed down at the magazine, which now lay open in her lap, and lazily flicked through it, wine still in hand. She sipped occasionally as she turned the pages, devouring each and every article with the same enthusiasm as she had the first. The beautiful white sands of secluded beaches, bustling city streets and little- known restaurants off the beaten track, all looked out at her from the pages. Electricity coursed through her veins as she realised that for the first time in her entire life, she was the one in control of her destiny, and for once it didn’t feel like a pipe dream. It was there for the taking and Elodie simply couldn’t wait.

  Elodie closed her eyes, happy in the knowledge that soon enough she would actually be able to feel the sand between her toes, hear the noise of the busy streets and taste the food at those h
idden restaurants. No longer would she settle for the picture; she would now get the real thing. No longer would she live a safe life; she wouldn’t settle and she wouldn’t put things off. She decided there and then that life was for living and, if Aaron were right and each lifetime was a day, then she had already wasted so many minutes. From now on, she would try to make each and every single one count; she didn’t want the sun to set on her day and for her to have regrets. She would live her life to the fullest, and she was going to make sure she had a goddamn fantastic time doing it, too.

  The End