Tales of the Wonder Club, Volume III
Page 16
CONCLUSION.
In conclusion, let me beg the reader to accompany me in imagination tothe site of the once far-famed old Elizabethan hostelry, "The HeadlessLady" and what do we see? Alas! not even the old blackened ruin is thereto mark the spot. All, _all_, has been swept away by the ruthless handof modern civilisation.
"She cries, a thousand types are gone, I care for nothing, all shall go." TENNYSON.
How is the whole face of the country changed! The stately elms andbeeches, with the rooks' nests lodging in their branches, have been cutdown to satisfy the greed of this utilitarian age. The land has beenbought up in our time by a railway company, and crowded trains, withtheir screeching railway whistle, rush over the very site of thisancient hostelry, whose walls once resounded with the songs and applauseof our friends of the "Wonder Club." Not even the picturesque old churchof Littleborough has been spared. Being pronounced unsafe, it was pulleddown, and on its site erected a modern Baptist chapel, in all thatunsightly ugliness of style so cherished by dissenters. How strange thatreligious bodies should have such execrable taste. Telegraph lines crossand recross each other in every direction, and railway bridges, tunnelsand aqueducts abound on all hands.
THE QUAKER]
The town of Muddleton-upon-Slush, once little more than a village, hasswelled to the proportions of a prosperous factory town, with its smokychimneys, its gasometers, its rows upon rows of jerry-built houses, itsnew town hall, its salvation army barracks, its police station, itschapels of every conceivable denomination, to say nothing of itsnumerous public-houses, young men's Christian association, its baths andwash-houses, its low theatre, where questionable pieces are representedby indifferent actors to pander to the modern taste. Then its placardsand pictorial advertisements, who shall tell? But, enough. As for theold fashioned honest English rustic of the past, with his sturdiness ofcharacter and devout unquestioning faith in matters of religion, _his_genus is quite extinct; you may possibly stumble upon his fossil in astratum of London blue clay. He has been superseded by quite a distinctspecies--the modern blackguard, with his blatant scepticism andblasphemous irreligion.
It might have been some forty years ago since the author, who wastravelling on a matter of urgent business on this line, was roused inthe midst of a reverie by the guard calling out, "Muddleton-upon-Slush!Any passengers for Muddleton?" As this was my destination I descended,and was about to cross the railway bridge when I observed an aged andreverend looking individual, whose low crowned hat with its broad brim,and the severe cut of whose sad coloured clothes proclaimed him a memberof the "Society of Friends," a genuine quaker of the true old fashionedstamp, long since extinct. He was in earnest discourse with the porter,and as I passed him I caught these words, uttered in tones deliberateand slow, as one who has the whole day before him, and sees no necessityfor hurry, and which contrasted strangely with the bustle and confusiongoing on around him.
"Prithee, friend, canst thou direct me to the ancient hostel of the'Headless Lady'?"
"The _what_? The ''Eadless Lady.' No, sir. There ain't no public 'ouseabout 'ere of that name," was the porter's curt reply. "But if it's aglass of _h_ale you want, sir, there's the '_H_angel and the _H_eagle,'the '_H_elephant and Castle,' and the----"
"Doubtless, friend," interrupted the reverend individual, "there areenough and to spare of those abominations, those dens of iniquity thatthe lost sheep of the house of Israel denominate public houses; butknow, friend, that it is not ale I seek, seeing that I am a follower ofone Rechab, who, as doubtless thou wilt have read in Holy Writ, indulgedneither in wine nor strong drink."
The porter's face throughout this sententious speech was a study. Hiseyes and mouth gradually opened till they reached their utmost limit.Then suddenly recollecting that his manner might appear rude, he brokein with:
"Well, sir, if you should prefer a good rump steak and a cup of tea, Icould recommend----"
"Verily, friend," again interrupted the quaker, "thou comprehendest menot, for neither doth my soul hanker after the fleshpots of Egypt, buthaving a taste for antiquarian lore, I would fain revisit that spot ofhistoric interest once seen in my youth, but of which I have now noclear recollection, namely the hostel of the 'Headless Lady.'"
"''Eadless Lady'! ''_Eadless Lady_'! Why, God bless my soul, sir, where_h_ever do you 'ail from? Why, now I come to think of it, I remember tohave 'eerd my grandfather speak of it. Lor, sir, it's been burnt downthis 'alf a century ago."
"Burnt down!" exclaimed the antiquary, in extreme vexation.
"Yessir," replied the porter, briskly, "burnt down by the landlordhisself, when in his cups, as I've heered say--down to the wery ground.There, sir, is the spot, where I'm p'inting. Yessir, that's where itstood. This here line runs right bang over the wery site of it."
"Bless me!" cried the disappointed quaker in dismay, "and have I left mypeaceful home, that I havn't stirred out of for years to hear this?Verily, all is vanity."
Here he would have begun a homily on the evils of intemperance, had notthe guard interrupted him with:
"Yessir, I remember to have 'eerd my grandfather say, when I was a kid,on'y so high" (here he lowered the palm of his hand to within a coupleof feet of the platform), "as 'ow the 'ouse was 'aunted by the ghost ofa nun, as valked about vith 'er 'ead _h_under 'er _h_arm, but that's along while ago, that is. No, sir, you may depend upon it, there _h_ain'tno 'eadless ladies valking about now, sir. _Ve_ don't believe in 'emnowadays."
With this, he took up a rasping iron bell, which he rang so vigorouslythat the peaceful quaker was fain to stop his ears and hurry from thespot as fast as his legs could carry him.
"Poor old gent," muttered the porter, to himself, as he looked afterhim, "'e _h_ain't _h_up to date, no 'ow."
FINIS.
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TRANSCRIBER'S NOTES:
1. Passages in italics are surrounded by _underscores_.
2. Images have been moved from the middle of a paragraph to the closestparagraph break.
3. Punctuation has been normalized.
4. Certain words in the text use an oe ligature in the original.
5. The following misprints have been corrected: "importaut" corrected to "important" (page vii) "Ron" corrected to "Rod" (page 405) "litttle" corrected to "little" (page 441) "Senor" corrected to "Senor" (page 453) "vengance" corrected to "vengeance" (page 487) "portege" corrected to "protege" (page 562) "my" corrected to "may" (page 597) "upon upon" corrected to "upon" (page 603) "physican" corrected to "physician" (page 619)
6. Other than the corrections listed above, printer's inconsistencies inspelling, hyphenation, and ligature usage have been retained.