Verbatim

by Andrew Hill

  He was on top form, his charm was beguiling. Initially they talked about their lives in more detail than before. Carol’s was the truth whereas Grant’s was largely fictitious. After the meal they both put the dishes in the dishwasher something which Carol rarely does when she is alone. With the machine doing its work the two sat on the large settee and listened to some music. Carol lay her head on Grant’s chest, Grant had his arm around her. It had been a long time since Carol had felt so at ease.

  Eleven that night came and the next day was a working day for Grant. Carol made some coffee which they drank before Grant was to leave. At the front door they embraced, looked into each other’s eyes, and kissed. It had to be a long time since either of them had kissed like that.

  By the next morning at eight Grant’s double bed had still not been fully utilised, though Carol’s had been. At the front door Grant turned to Carol they embraced and kissed once more. Grant left to go to work in a scene reminiscent of the one that Grant had witnessed when he was planning Rob’s fate. Carol remained at the front door watching him until he went out of sight by turning left at the end of the road. She closed the door behind her and laid back on it with a smile of deep satisfaction.

  What Josh would have thought about the events of last night we do not know. We also do not know what Jim Salter and his Oxford operative have discovered about the mysterious Gordon Grant.

  A couple of weeks went by and Carol’s birthday was arriving. Let’s keep her age a secret shall we? You know roughly what it is I’m sure. It was a Friday and in the morning when the post arrived it was clear to Carol without even opening the envelopes that there were two birthday cards and Carol knew who they were from because of the handwriting. They were, of course, from Josh and Grant. Carol placed them on the sideboard with the others. There were fewer ‘others’. Her parents had both died over the years, as had Rob’s. Josh and her sister, Florence, were now her only living relatives and very few others send cards these days. She can’t complain as she rarely sends birthday cards herself so she doesn’t really expect any in return. She and Grant were going out for a meal that evening.

  At around two in the afternoon Carol had finished working on her latest novel, there was an unexpected knock on the front door.

  “Now who can that be?”

  When she opened the door she was surprised to see Josh standing there as a visit from him had not been planned. He was carrying a small box, Carol knew that it would be an item of jewellery, perhaps a brooch which was to be her present. Carol was not one to wear much jewellery and you’d have thought by now that Josh would have been aware of this. But his taste was impeccable.

  Josh came in and took off his coat leaving it hanging on the banister then gave his mother the small box. Normally on her birthday he would give her a phone call but as he said, “I just felt like coming up on impulse, so here I am.”

  “It’s nice to see you.” said Carol.

  “I hope you’re not doing anything tonight,” said Josh.

  Josh guessed what the answer would be but said nothing apart from asking her.

  “Well actually,” said Carol, “I am, I’m seeing Gordon.”

  Although he tried to hide it there was clear disappointment from Josh.

  “So you’re still seeing him then?”

  Carol responded in the positive.

  Josh went into the lounge and at first didn’t notice any significant difference. The change was not obvious but on the old-fashioned sideboard which had been in Carol’s family for many years and nothing would persuade her to part with it, was standing a recently taken photograph of Carol and Grant together in the very park, sitting on the very bench Carol had been sitting on that first day he approached her. It was obviously taken by a third person and clearly betrayed that Carol and Grant are a couple.

  Josh sat on his favourite armchair and glanced around the room. He didn’t notice that the wedding photograph of his parents had gone, a few minutes later his mother came in with two cups of tea and asked how Susan was. Josh indicated that there was no change, at least no noticeable change in her condition.

  Josh did not ask how the new novel was going, although he’d never learned that his mother doesn’t wear a lot of jewellery, he had learned that she never liked to discuss her latest literary efforts. This wasn’t superstition it was just because she didn’t want to get embroiled in long discussions about them.

  This conversation was not the usual pleasant conversation this particular mother and son produce. This was down to Josh being a lot quieter than he usually was, letting his mother do the talking insofar as there was a need to. Josh’s mind was on Carol’s relationship with Grant.

  Josh was also aware of trying to find out as much about Grant’s history as he could to relate back to Jim Salter but had to be careful not to appear to be quizzing his mother. Josh had heard nothing from Salter in the three weeks since meeting him. Also on Josh’s mind was that he would be on his own that evening. Even if they ask him to join them he has resolved not to do.

  This subdued version of Josh had not gone unnoticed by Carol who guessed that it was because she was going out with Grant. After an awkward silence Carol stood and collected Josh’s empty mug and went out into the kitchen without saying a word, she placed the two mugs in the sink ignoring, as she does, the dishwasher. Carol looked down into the sink saddened by Josh’s attitude towards Grant. She left the mugs where they were and returned to the lounge to find Josh staring at the photo of his mother and Grant sitting on the park bench. He doesn’t look too happy unlike the two subjects in the picture.

  “Who took this?” Asked Josh.

  “Your auntie Flo.” Came the reply.

  “What does she think of him?” asked Josh.

  “His name is Gordon.”

  “I know his name.” A slight forcefulness in Josh’s voice suggested he wasn’t going to call him Gordon, perhaps Mr Grant will be as close as he gets to a name.

  “Your auntie Florence seems to like him and thinks he’s OK, both she and your uncle John.” John, is as you may have surmised is Flo’s husband.

  A further awkward pause preceded the question Carol was fearing and when it came it was in the same forceful tone.

  “Where’s the picture of you and dad?”

  “It’s upstairs in your old music room, I thought you’d like it there on those occasions you still use it.”

  “You mean it’s where ‘he’ can’t see it.”

  “I mean no such thing.”

  Carol told Josh that he could have the picture if he wanted. He didn’t want it and said, “It’s your picture and your husband, my father. It ought to be here where it belongs.”

  “Now you’re being silly, you’re talking as though I no longer think or care about your father or I don’t care about what happened to him.”

  “Do you?”

  “Of course I do.”

  “It doesn’t look as though you do.”

  “What’s the matter with you, all I’ve done is moved a photograph?”

  “I care about what happened to my dad and I’m going to find out.”

  “And just how are you going to do that?”

  “I’ll think of something, maybe hire a private detective.”

  “It’s unlikely that a private detective will be able to find anything out after all these years.”

  “Maybe, but at least I’m going to try something.”

  Another silence before Josh continued, “I want to make something very clear. I don’t like him, and I would prefer it if you never saw him again.” He is almost in tears as he continues, “I won’t have anything to do with him. I won’t even speak to him. And now I think I ought to go home.” With that he said goodbye to his mother and went back to his car leaving Carol almost in tears herself.

  Josh didn’t go home but just sat in his car. Carol stared o
ut of the window looking at him just looking out from behind the wheel.

  Ten minutes had passed and Carol, no longer staring out of the window, had sat down in the lounge quietly trying without much success to sort things out in her mind. She felt alone once more in a hostile world, not hostile in a violent sense but in a world that cares only about itself and not others. Even now she had found a possible partner her own son is for no reason she can glean against him and wants nought to do with him. She looked over at the photograph of her and Grant and wondered if she had done the right thing. Was Josh right all along, had Carol sensed Grant was uneasy about it. He hadn’t asked her for it to be moved and would never dream of doing so. Perhaps she should buy another frame and have both photographs on the sideboard.

  “Yes, that’s what I’ll do,” she resolved. But that might seem to Josh as though his father was an afterthought.

  “I haven’t forgotten him, I do care.” She said out loud even though no one was present to hear. “Maybe Josh’s right, maybe I do need to find out what really happened on that awful day.”

  I can’t help feeling that it is a lack of closure that is causing Carol’s negative views and it will always be. Closure would, of course, expose Grant for the killer he is and what effect would that have?

  Her thoughts were broken by a knock on the front door. Carol, at first, just felt like ignoring it but when it came again a little louder she slowly dragged herself up from her seat and made her way into the hall and opened the door to find Josh standing there. He stepped inside and put his arms around his mother and almost in tears simply said, “I’m sorry.”

  They stood in the doorway embracing for what seemed a long time but probably wasn’t though one passer-by did look over and wondered what was the matter, but it was none of her business as she quickly looked away and carried on walking.

  It was now approaching 4pm, Carol and Josh went inside; Josh into the lounge, Carol upstairs to the phone in her writing room and selected a name from the call list.

  Grant was at work but not actually driving he was sorting out his route for his next delivery when the mobile phone sparked into action.

  “Hello, Carol. Looking forward to tonight?”

  “Gordon, something’s come up and I don’t think I can go out tonight. Can we make it tomorrow?” said Carol.

  Grant wasn’t happy about this but it was only another day so agreed. He naturally asked what had come up but Carol was not too keen on saying and tried to evade the question. Grant took the hint and the dinner date was now fixed for the next evening.

  Carol remained upstairs rather than return to the lounge. It wasn’t long before footsteps could be heard followed by a tap on the door and Josh came in.

  “Here you are,” said Josh.

  “I won’t be going out with Gordon tonight.” She told Josh about the phone conversation.

  “I want to know what happened to your father as much as you, I know that I can’t be happy until I do.”

  Josh and his mother came to an accommodation that he would behave civilly towards Grant but Carol could not persuade him to make any real attempt to become friendly with him.

  Josh was keen to find out what his mother knew about him that she hadn’t already said. One thing he managed to manipulate from her was his precise date of birth something Jim Salter wanted to know he also managed to find his place of birth which was the city of Hull and, as it happens, both of these were true. But what of his family? Has she met any of them?

  “No,” was Carol’s answer and she went on to explain that both of his parents died comparatively young leaving him an orphan at the age of twenty-four. That was untrue. Grant’s parents have long since died as have Carol’s but Grant doesn’t know that though he may well presume it as they would by now be in their nineties. Grant has had no contact with them for several decades.

  “What about brothers and sisters?” Asked Josh.

  “He’s an only child.”

  That’s not true either.

  “What was his IT business called?” asked Josh.

  The questioning went on and Carol began to wonder why he wanted so much detail.

  “I wasn’t aware,” said Josh, “that I was asking for detail. I just want to know about him, that’s all.” This was followed by a brief pause then Josh spoke emphatically, “I don’t trust him, you can’t see it but I get the impression that he says whatever is convenient at the time. I can always tell when people aren’t being honest.”

  An interesting observation because Grant, in his current psychiatric condition, believes many of his lies to be true. Perhaps some people like Josh are extra sensitive and that some part of Grant knows it’s all lies and gives himself away.

  “You talk as though he was a master criminal or some such,” remarked Carol.

  “I don’t know one way or the other. I’m not saying he is anything of the sort but he’s lying about his past.”

  “You’ve taken an instant dislike to him and you look at everything as though it’s sinister. As for your intuition I’d be very wary of taking it too seriously. There’s probably a very simple explanation.”

  There was no response from Josh until, “I’ve looked him up on the Internet.”

  “Why would you do that?” said Carol.

  “There was nothing, nothing at all. As far as the Internet is concerned Gordon Grant doesn’t exist. Oh, there are plenty of Gordon Grants but not yours.”

  “Why should there be, it’s no crime not to put yourself all over the Internet.”

  “He ran, or says he ran a successful IT business, it must be on the Internet somewhere.”

  “But it’s not his business anymore.”

  “That’s as may be but I still think there would be some mention of such a man somewhere,” said Josh.

  His mother just sat there as Josh continued, “He says he couldn’t stand the strain but what does that mean? He may have had a mental breakdown? He wouldn’t want to tell you about that would he?”

  Carol warned Josh not to let his imagination run away with him. Josh looked at his mother and asked, “Are you in love with him?” Not the sort of question a mother expects from a son and she was reluctant to give a direct answer.

  “If you aren’t,” said Josh, “just say ‘no’.”

  But this was an answer Carol could not give.

  Josh and his mother stayed in that evening and their relationship became a lot warmer, they were both more like their former selves. Carol made a light meal which they ate in front of the television. They searched the BBC catch-up service and found a promenade concert of Beethoven’s fifth symphony. Carol was feeling a little happier and thought that she had made the right decision in resolving to look further into Rob’s death. She was sceptical about actually finding out the truth, nevertheless, it would make her feel more positive about the world if she was at least trying. But I can’t help feeling it would be far better if she never found out the truth. How would you like it if you were going steady with someone, even marrying them, and then later discovered that he had wilfully murdered your husband? It might be much better if Carol was to fall out with Grant and forget all about him rather than discover the awful truth. Who knows what the right thing to do is in this situation?

  Josh had not intended to stay overnight but had thought of going home to London and Susan. He thought about phoning her to explain that he wanted to stay the night but Carol said that he really ought to go home and so at around nine thirty that evening he said his goodbyes and returned to London. That night Carol went to bed with a rather more positive attitude towards the rest of the world than had been the case of late.

  * * *

  The following evening arrived as did the taxi that was to take Carol and Grant to the restaurant.

  Grant didn’t seem in any way put out by the twenty-four-hour postponement of his date with Carol. It
seems as though some of what Josh said may have had an impact on her thinking. She made some attempt to talk about Grant’s life before starting his current job. Grant was happy to talk about this and as ever was very convincing. It seemed as though his IT company had been called ‘Kingston’, when Carol asked why, it was because the full name of his home city is Kingston upon Hull. Carol may surf the Internet to see what she can find out about this company but Grant had anticipated this and said, “Of course the company doesn’t exist anymore you know. Not long after I had left them to their own devices they merged with another company, a much larger one, the last time I tried to look them up on the Internet I couldn’t find a single reference to them or to me for that matter. It’s a shame really when you think of all the work I put into it only for a much bigger company to come along and grab the lot, I’m glad I got out when I did.”

  To Carol all of this seemed perfectly in order and she couldn’t think of any reason at all to disbelieve him or cast any doubt on anything he said though he has always had a slight air of other worldliness about him it may be the strain could have had a worse effect on him than he is letting on but Carol could find no reason to believe that it was anything worse than that and was happy to give him the benefit of the doubt.

  However, the end of the evening did not see either of their double beds put to full use.

  5

  Some time went by, I can’t remember now just how long, perhaps a month or six weeks. Josh had kept in contact with his mother as regularly as he normally does which would be around 6pm on a Sunday evening on the telephone. He tried to acquire what information he could about Grant without it seeming too obvious, though Carol was aware that her son was fishing around but had attributed it to merely wanting to know about him, it hadn’t occurred to her he really was investigating Grant let alone had engaged the services of a private detective.

  During this period Carol and Grant had been meeting more and more regularly and their double beds were in full use, sometimes his, sometimes hers.

  A Sunday afternoon, quite a reasonable day weather wise and the couple, yes I think we ought to now call them ‘a couple’, had gone for a walk in the park and were sitting on the very bench where Grant had first spoken to Carol. They didn’t speak a great deal they were both just happy to be in each other’s company as well as the company of the birds and the flowers, though the time of year had reduced the number in bloom as well as the number of birds.