Damned If I Do

by M. J. Schiller

  When I got out, I could hear the rush of water. "This really functioned as a power station at one point?"

  "Yup. Now it's supposed to have some of the best food in Iowa City. I sure hope so, because I'm starved." He slid his hand around my waist and I marveled at his ease.

  I swung from absolutely comfortable with him to on edge, at the drop of a dime. Certain things were still hard to do with another man. Sometimes I could practically taste the guilt in my mouth. Why did I get to go on and lead my life after Darren died so young? It wasn't right. But Tucker did things to me no other man had, and caused me to do things that surprised me. He held the door open for me and as I ducked under his arm he whispered, "Are you okay?"

  I grabbed his hand and let myself smile at him. "Perfect."

  We followed the hostess through a dining room made of mostly brick and window. Exposed pipes and vents hung from the ceiling, and even a winch had been added to the decor. These non-glamorous items, juxtaposed with the linens, crystal, and fine dining of the establishment, made for interesting surroundings. The hostess seated us at a table for two next to the windows along the Iowa River. Tucker stepped forward to pull out my chair for me and the hostess picked up a "Reserved" sign as she walked away. "Did you ask for a table by the window?"

  He shook out his napkin and put it in his lap. "Yeah. Kind of dumb considering it's night and you really can't see the river."

  But the lights on the patio outside illuminated the water. "I can see it." I took his hand and pressed it in mine. "This is lovely."

  He smiled and squeezed back.

  We perused the menus. "Do you want an appetizer? Like some shrimp cocktail or something?"

  "Uhh... no. I'm deathly allergic to shellfish. My throat would close. Shrimp cocktail would kill me," I said sweetly, smiling over my menu.

  He whistled, then leaned back in his chair and exhaled. "No shrimp cocktail then." He continued reading. "Or crab puffs."

  I chuckled. Dinner was wonderful. I got an apple smoked pork chop and Tucker ordered a New York Strip Steak. We both had twice baked potatoes for a side and shared a bottle of pricey wine. Another bottle waited on the table when I returned from the restroom. I was already a little tipsy.

  I gave him a stern look. "Another bottle?"

  He stretched his feet out in front of him in a relaxed position and shrugged his shoulders. "To take back with us. In case we want a night cap."

  I raised an eyebrow. "Uum."

  Our waitress arrived with the chocolate mousse we'd decided to share. Written on the side of the dish, in raspberry sauce, was "Congratulations!" I looked for the waitress to tell her she had the wrong table, but Tucker put a hand on my arm. I tilted my head to study him, then sat back and gave him a come-clean stare.

  "I may have hinted we were celebrating our anniversary."

  My mouth dropped open.

  "We were calling pretty late in the week for reservations. I wanted to sway them into having some sympathy for us and finding us a table."

  "Tucker McCord," I whispered, acting shocked. "Great idea." I stabbed a spoon into the mousse and dipped it into the sauce before trying it. "Mmm. Oh, my gosh. This is wonderful."

  She had placed the plate between us, but when Tucker lifted a spoon to get some, I dragged it closer to me and wrapped an arm around it to protect it from him.

  "I'm not sure you deserve this. With your lying to the hostess and all."

  "Why you little—"

  "Uh-uh-uh. Is that a way to talk to me on our anniversary?"

  He laughed and I pushed the plate back within his reach.

  After we practically licked the plate clean—the sauce being as good as the mousse—Tucker paid the bill and we got up to leave.

  "Do you want to take a walk by the river and work off some of these calories?"

  "Sure." I hooked my hand into the crook of his elbow. The wine bottle got in our way, so he switched it to the other side. "Tomorrow I pay for dinner."

  "No way."

  I stopped and gave him a hard look.

  "We'll see," he relented. "But, you're a lunch lady. I'm a lawyer. Let me treat you."

  I hesitated, but thought I should share with him. "Actually, I don't have to work as a lunch lady."

  He looked at me, waiting for more of an explanation.

  "Darren had really good insurance. The house is paid for, and then some." I didn't add it also paid for Tabby's college education, knowing how hard he worked for his kids' college fund.

  "Oh."

  The mention of Darren's name pretty much put an end to our conversation. We exited the building and crossed to the far edge of the patio. We leaned on the fence railing surrounding it, looking at the water. It churned and looked more like a witch's brew than a river.

  "Man. It's fast here."

  Tucker nodded to our left. "There's a dam up the way."

  Silence fell again. The thunder of the rushing water made me think of Darren's and my honeymoon in the Ozarks. We had a cabin near the dam and at night we lay with the windows open, listening to the water roar as we fell asleep.

  Suddenly my insides were as tumultuous as the water at our feet.

  Tucker

  She was quiet. I knew she was thinking about him. It pissed me off. Not that I was mad at her. How could I be angry at her for loving him? I was annoyed with him, for barging in on our time together. I turned, leaning against the railing, my elbows resting on the top. Bending back, I tried to get a look at her face.

  "What was he like?"

  The question surprised me as much as it did her. She jumped, then stared at her hands. She didn't have to ask for clarification. She knew who I was talking about. She lifted her head and peered out over the river in the darkness. I didn't think she was going to answer me.

  "He was smart. Solid. Dependable. I relied on him so much for advice whenever I had what I would consider a problem." She shook her head. "I had no idea what problems were really like."

  I don't know why I was being such a masochist. All I knew was you have to know your enemy. And this ghost of a man was my enemy. A man she loved. I looked over and saw the tears in her eyes. The man she still loved. It killed me, but I had to admire her devotion.

  I didn't comment, so she spoke again. "Funny. He was funny." Her lips curled up a little at this. "Extremely logical. It must have been the German in him. His mom is German." She spun away from the water and took a few steps away from the railing, coming to the table we'd set the wine bottle on earlier and gripping the top of one of the wrought iron chairs surrounding it. She rocked onto her toes, leaning over it in what looked like an awkward position, shoulders hunched.

  I followed her, bent over a chair to her left, my forearms on the top, and I listened.

  "Why did you ask me that?"

  I looked at my own hands for a beat. "Because I thought it might help you to talk about it. And I wanted to know." Needed to know.

  She nodded, as if what I said made any sense at all. "I drove him crazy. He liked to play backgammon. And he could tell you the odds for each move." She shook her head. "He was a math man. A numbers guy. And I... well, I'm so not. Have you ever played backgammon?"

  I nodded. "Some. In college."

  "Well, it would infuriate him because I didn't play logically. He'd be like, 'You know you left three points open, right?' And I'd be like, 'I know.'" She warmed to her subject. "This one time I had singletons on the four, five and six points, and he had a checker on the bar. He shook the dice." Here she mimed him bouncing the die around in the cup. "And he started to roll. Then he stopped. 'You know, there is only one roll where I don't hit you, a two-one. Well, that or double ones. Then I'd dance.' I had the one point covered, two chips on it. So he couldn't roll double ones to come in. 'Two-one or one-one. That's it. If I roll anything else, I'll hit you, possibly more than once.' I nodded. 'I think you'll roll that.' 'You think I'll roll a two-one or double ones?' 'Yep.' He shook his head. 'Okay,' he said with a sigh. He shook the cup ag
ain and rolled the dice out. First a two, and when the second die stopped spinning, it was a one." She looked at me, cracking up, and I had to chuckle, too. "He doubled over, laughing so hard he fell on the floor. I liked that about him. When he thought something was funny he'd do these really exaggerated things. Then, when his laughter slowed, he'd make this one noise, a kind of winding down noise like hehh. Then he said, 'Unbelievable,' and began again." She seemed more relaxed. "I would win games like that and it would make him insane. It wasn't supposed to happen like that." She mimicked my pose, clasping her hands together and pausing to think. "He was a good listener. Always listened to my stories, even when they were stupid." She looked up, straight into my face. "Like you are right now." Her voice caught.

  Guilt stung me. I wasn't listening for her. I was listening for me. Well, partially for her, but mostly for me. I straightened. "Wanna walk?"

  She nodded and I came around to put my arm over her shoulder. We strolled to the dam and back, her near arm around my waist. I took in some deep breaths. We didn't really talk, simply meandered, each distracted by our own thoughts. She lifted her head, gazing at the stars. They littered the sky. Like salt spilled on a black tablecloth.

  "It's a beautiful night."

  "Uh-huh." I looked at her, thinking she was beautiful as she stared with wonder at the galaxies above us. I peered up, too. "There's the Big Dipper." I pointed and she nodded, a smile on her face. She seemed to appreciate everything. Even the small things. Gina, my ex, would always find something to bitch about when I'd try to do something special with her. But, I didn't know her well enough to make the right choices, I guess. Dani was an open book. I hugged her against me and she looked over, eyes dancing. I exhaled, acknowledging the tug on my heart she gave me.

  "How did you know about this place?" she asked after a while.

  "I looked everything up on the Internet. So far, everything has been as pictured."

  "What are we doing tomorrow?" She looked at me out of the corner of her eye, like she asked me to divulge my deepest, darkest secret. Curious, she wanted to know what I had in store for her. I liked that. And she was damn cute about it.

  "Tomorrow..." I studied the path ahead, the corners of my mouth twitching, drawing the moment out. "Tomorrow we're going on a literary walk. You taught English, right? So I thought you'd like it. You haven't been on a literary walk before, have you?" I added hastily.

  She shook her head. "What is it?"

  "It's... well you'll have to see."

  She jerked me against her. "That's all you're giving me?"

  I nodded. "That's all you get." I enjoyed teasing her. We reached our table again. "Do you want to go back to the inn? Maybe open this wine?" I put my hand on the bottle.

  Her eyes twinkled. "Absolutely." We grabbed it and moved in the direction of the parking lot, my arm still looped over her shoulder.

  Somewhere ahead of us a low, deep noise rumbled. I held up. "Did you hear that?"

  "Yeah. It sounded like an animal growling."

  As she said it, two huge dogs stepped from the shadow into the patio's lights. They were short-haired ugly cusses, one gray and black, the other a deep chocolate brown. Their hackles were raised and teeth bared, their eyes glowing as they surveyed us. I gingerly took my hand from her shoulder.

  "They don't look happy."

  "No." I could tell she was as concerned as I. The dogs took a few steps forward.

  "Okay. Let's not make any sudden moves. We'll back away slowly." We moved with exaggerated caution. I didn't take my gaze off the pair. They were seriously pissed at us. The gray one snapped at the air and barked, his gums retreating over a set of what looked like extremely sharp teeth. "Whatever you do, don't run." It's what my body urged me to do, but I knew as soon as we turned, these guys would attack. I waved my hands out in front of me, one still clutching the wine. "Easy boys." I don't know why I assumed they were boys, they just seemed too aggressive to be girls. "We're not going to do anything to hurt you." We kept easing away, getting closer and closer to the building. I took my gaze off them for a second to search around. "I wonder where the owners are?"

  "I don't know."

  I kept myself in front of her, and she clutched my arm. We almost hit the brick wall of the restaurant, but stepped to the side and into an alleyway between buildings. "Good dogs." I glanced around now, looking for a chance to evade them. We were out of the light, into the shadow of the building. When the dogs would step out of the lights, they seemed even more threatening, their deep growls emanating from the darkness. Completely in front of her, my arms were still spread wide before us. "Do you see a door or something?"

  "Oh, no!"

  "What?" I twisted my head and realized we'd come to the end of our walk. A tall, chain-link fence rose at our backs with a padlocked gate. Dumpsters lined both sides of the alley way. I set my jaw. "Climb it."

  "What?"

  "You need to climb it, Dani, and get out of here. I'll keep them off." She hesitantly did as I told her, sticking the tips of her boots in the holes and clutching at the wire as she rose. One of the dogs snarled and lunged forward, drawing my attention to him. "Get back, you bitch," I muttered, waving the wine bottle like a club, holding onto its neck. I could hear Dani making progress behind me, the clink of the chain-link coming from a higher position. I glanced over my shoulder.

  "I'm at the top. You climb up."

  I shook my head. "Swing your leg over and make it down the other side." She huffed, but began her descent. In a bit of light from an uncovered lightbulb I noticed a door I didn't see before. I slid to the side, keeping the dogs in sight, and tried the knob. Locked. The dogs' snarls were becoming louder, and angrier. Dani's boots hit the pavement.

  "Shit!"

  "Are you okay?"

  "Yes. It's just... they look really mad."

  "I noticed." The one to the left that lunged before dove forward again, and I swung the bottle in that direction to ward him off.

  "How are you going to get over here?"

  "I don't know," I said honestly. "I'm not about to turn my back on these beasts."

  "Where are the damn owners?"

  She sounded scared. I wanted to make it over to her, but I felt trapped.

  "Do you want me to go get help?"

  As I considered this, the dog on the right made a move and latched onto my jeans, thankfully the excess material, not my leg. I kicked at it and shook it off, and it whimpered. I guess I connected. Then the other dog came after me and I dropped the bottle. It exploded and I used the momentary distraction to turn and scramble up the fence. But it gave me only a second before they raced after me snapping and leaping as I attempted to get out of harm's way.

  "Ouch!" One got a piece of my ass and I lost my footing, and a handhold, hanging from one arm.

  "Tucker!"

  I looked down and kicked out, trying to aim for their fat heads. I didn't really want to hurt them. They were only acting on their nature. But I definitely didn't want another bite out of my butt.

  I swung myself back to the fence and muscled myself the rest of the way to the top. The dogs kept jumping and growling. A wave of exultation washed through me as I made it over. I descended with a few, quick moves, covering a lot of space between handholds, my feet dangling. Then I let go and dropped beside Dani.

  "Are you okay?" she screamed, tears in her eyes.

  I put my arm around her shoulder, exhaling loudly. "I'm fine. I'm fine." The dogs continued to hurl themselves at the fence, and the metal gave way a little. "Let's get out of here." We hobbled along the alleyway. My backside really burned now. The exertion of my escape gave me a stitch in my side and the one arm I'd hung from was sore, a slight pull in it I would need to work out later.

  On the opposite side of the alley a sharp whistle rent the air. We whirled around to catch the dogs bolting off in the direction the sound came from. A figure stepped out into the light at the top of the lane.

  "Thanks a lot," I called out sarcastically.


  "Do you think we should talk to him?"

  "No way. If they were mad now, they'd be even worse if we got near their owner."

  She nodded and I leaned on her. "Should we go inside? Talk to the restaurant owners?"

  "No. I want to get back to our place."

  "You may need medical attention."

  I reached around and felt my jeans. There didn't seem to be any blood. "Nah. They nipped me is all. I had my tetanus shot. I'm fine. Let's go."

  "Okay," she said doubtfully.

  By the time we got to the car, the stinging was much better, and I could walk with only a slight limp. "Man. I thought those monsters would have me for lunch."

  She chuckled. "Me, too."

  I laughed, also. Now the danger had passed, it did seem slightly humorous.

  "Guess that alley wasn't the best choice." I opened my car door and she moved around to her side.

  "Yes. Note to self: whenever chased by ferocious hell hounds, check to see if the getaway path leads to a dead end."

  I snickered, hiking my leg up on the running board and flopping one hand on the roof of the vehicle, one over the car door. "How do you make me laugh when I've got a chunk missing from my leg?"

  Her forehead wrinkled. "I thought you said they only nipped you. Are you sure you're all right?"

  "Fine. I exaggerated." I carefully slid behind the wheel.

  She got in on her side. "Do you want me to drive?"

  I put a hand on her arm. "I think I can manage, but thanks. You may have to salve my rear when we get back to the inn, though."

  "Ooh. Smooth talker."

  I grinned, turning the key in the ignition.

  Chapter 6

  Kyle

  I showed up Saturday morning to take the crew out to breakfast. Sam even made Ryan come with us. I took them to a fancy-smancy restaurant in a fancy-smancy hotel, admittedly, to try to impress them.

  "So, Elise, how'd gymnastics go yesterday?" I asked before taking a bite of my omelet.

  "Good." She gave me that impish smile of hers.

  I chewed. "So, what is it you are working on right now? Cartwheels? Handstands...?"