Damned If I Do

by M. J. Schiller

  "Can I help it if I'm a superior Rummy player?" I answered smugly.

  "Oh, is that so?" He twisted his dishtowel and flicked it at me viciously. It caught me with a sharp snap, and I howled, grabbing my own dishtowel. We laughed and circled each other with occasional shouts of pain and defiance as we sent our dishtowels out like arrows.

  "Ahem." Zoe stood in the bedroom doorway with a smile on her face, arms crossed. "Could you two please keep it down? We're trying to watch TV."

  "Oh, sorry," I answered sheepishly, pushing my hair back, breathless.

  Tucker threw his arms around me from behind. "Yeah, sorry."

  Zoe shook her head and headed into the bedroom, grinning.

  Tucker spun me in his arms and swallowed me in a kiss that made my heart race, his hands above my hips, pinning me to the counter. When he drew back, I stood, a bit dazed.

  "I'm going to pop in on the kids for a few minutes."

  "Okay," I responded hoarsely. `

  I watched him leave. He flopped on the end of the kids' bed, lying on his side, elbow bent, head in his hand. "Whatcha watchin'?"

  Tabby went into some long narrative about this particular episode of "The Suite Life of Zach and Cody" and Tucker pretended to listen to her. I leaned against the fridge and peered through the door. The light of the bedside lamp spilled on them and a warmth and contentment flooded me. I ventured into my bedroom and soaked in a relaxing whirlpool set behind a half-wall between the bedroom and bathroom.

  Fifteen minutes later I glanced up from my laptop. I sat on my bed instant-messaging Sam. Tucker stood in the doorway, leaning with his forearms on either side of the door jamb, his hair falling sexily in his eyes.

  "May I come in?"

  With a smile. I patted the bed next to me, and he joined me, rolling on his back and exhaling loudly. "What are you doing?"

  "Instant-messaging Sam."

  "Ahh," he said, as if my answer was the only sensible explanation. I turned the clock radio on when I took my bath and never turned it off. Starship's "We Built this City" played. "You can't build a city on rock and roll. It needs to be something sturdier, like steel, or stone," he commented.

  I laughed. "Sam's gonna love that." My fingers flew over the keyboard and I laughed again when she responded. "She agrees with you and adds 'obviously rock and roll would not be a stable surface. A city would crash the first time its foundation either rocked or rolled.'"

  "Good point," he conceded. I took my reading glasses off and set them on the bedside table, closing my laptop.

  "Don't stop on account of me," he said hurriedly. "I can go and give you some privacy—"

  I interrupted his train of thought by straddling him. "The only privacy I want is with you."

  The grin splitting his face rewarded me. He glanced at the door, then ran his hands under my silky shorts, sucking in his breath. I studied his face. Despite his being animated, exhaustion seemed to be taking over. He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck.

  "Are you tired?"

  "A little," he admitted. "I didn't sleep well last night." Although he didn't mean for it to, the comment stung. I slid my hands under his t-shirt to his chest, then folded myself over him. His arms came around automatically to hold me.

  "I'm sorry," I said weakly.

  "Hey, hey, hey." He pushed me up and framed my face with his hands. "There's no need for apologizing."

  I nodded, but stretched myself along him again, undone by the pain he tried to hide, but I still saw in his eyes.

  "You and Scott can have my bed and I'll sleep on the pull out."

  I'd offered this earlier. It seemed silly for one person to be comfortable and two people to deal with, what I liked to call "the iron cross" that all pull out beds had.

  "Not happening."

  I rolled off to the side, keeping my head on his chest, and my leg slung on top of his. He played with my hair idly, then changed the subject.

  "So what did we decide on doing again?" His eyes were closed, and his voice sounded sleepy, kind of hoarse, and incredibly thrilling.

  "We're going to call and try to book one of those Ghost Trolley tours."

  "Uh-hum."

  "Then we'll call and get tickets for the sunset cruise around the bay."

  He didn't say anything at first, but after a few seconds he stirred. "Yep."

  "We decided if it rained, we'd go to that art place." He didn't comment. "And if we had nice weather, we'd go to Peninsula State Park."

  "Mmm." His breathing became slower. I snuggled closer.

  "And tomorrow morning, we'd walk downtown and check out the shops and the beach and stuff."

  I didn't get another word out of him.

  Ten minutes later, Tabby came to the door.

  "Hi, Mommy," she said brightly.

  Out of instinct, I moved back a smidge. "Hi, sugar," I said in a low voice, smiling at her.

  "Tucker's sleeping?" she whispered loudly.

  "Mmm-hmm." I nodded, my hand still stretched across his chest.

  She watched him sleep with an interested expression. "Can I come in?"

  "Sure." I lifted my arm, and she crawled from the end of the bed, then wedged herself between Tucker and me. He shifted, and she fell into place, like a coin in a slot. She whispered to me stories about her TV shows, and I played with her hair lazily. Her words became punctuated with yawns after a while, and soon, she, too, drifted off to sleep.

  As I began to nod off myself, Zoe came to the door. Feeling guilty, I made a move to retract my arm.

  "No," she said softly. "Don't move." She glided to the side of the bed, and I watched her face carefully.

  "Your show over?" I offered uncertainly.

  She nodded. "You're good together, Dani," she blurted out, peering into Tucker's sleeping face. She lifted her head, looking me straight in the eye. "You are good for him."

  Tears sprang to my eyes from out of nowhere. "I love him," I answered simply.

  "I know," she said. "And he loves you. I think that's great."

  I laid my hand on her arm, really fighting the tears now. "Thanks," I choked out.

  She covered my hand with her own and gave it a squeeze. "Goodnight," she murmured.

  "Good night, Zo."

  She ruffled Tabby's tousled curls with a smile, then, with one last look at her father, got to her feet and walked out the door, closing it quietly behind her. I released the tears I struggled against. So much more was at stake now. Little hearts wrapped up with ours. Would I break them all?

  Tucker

  When I woke, the early morning sun streamed in the room and slid along Danielle's long, bare legs and kissed me awake. I found myself sleeping with two beautiful girls, every man's fantasy. Not wanting to wake them, I tried to roll out of bed silently from beneath their arms, both stretched across my chest, but I made a loud noise when I tumbled to the ground, managing to knock my funny bone on the bedside table in the process.

  Tabby opened her sleepy eyes and smiled at me, down on the floor, our heads practically at the same level. "Hi, Tucker," she mumbled with a sleepy yawn. Her curls were wandering aimlessly over her head, falling in every direction, on the pillow, against her cherub's cheek...

  "Hey, Tabs."

  She stretched her arm up to the pillow, probably still warm from my head, closed her eyelids, and promptly fell asleep again. I carefully got to my feet, gazing back at the bed. Dani hadn't even bothered to get under the covers. Her dark hair, like her daughter's, tumbled everywhere. Her cheeks were flushed, her arm curled protectively around Tabitha. The tug in my stomach had nothing to do with needing breakfast.

  When I cracked the door to the living room, Zoe sat at the breakfast table with her bowl full of the Lucky Charms. I froze for a beat, feeling I was caught for the second time. But Zoe only smiled at me. I closed the door behind me.

  "Have a guilty conscience, do you?" Zoe teased as I slipped past her and into the kitchen.

  I straightened. "No. I merely fell asleep."
<
br />   "I know," she said brightly. "I came in there last night."

  "You did?"

  She chomped on her cereal for a second. "Yep." I moved to the cabinets to retrieve a coffee mug. Even though Dani didn't drink coffee, she must have set a timer, because a fresh pot just finished brewing. Zoe piped up again. "I told Dani you were good together. She was good for you."

  I paused, my hand on the handle of the coffee pot. I was so shocked I could have been bowled over by a paper airplane. "You did?"

  Her eyes gleamed. "Yep." It was obvious she enjoyed my reaction.

  I shook my head and poured my coffee. "And how did Dani respond to that?"

  She frowned. "I don't know. She seemed... sad."

  It hurt. The thought of us together made her sad. I stirred milk into my coffee slowly. I spoke in a low voice. "She lost her husband, Tabby's father, in an accident."

  "Oh, no. How awful."

  "And... she was there, when it happened."

  "Oh, geez." She put a hand over her stomach as if she'd been punched. "How old was Tabby? Does she remember him?"

  The intense concern for Tabby on her face alarmed me. They drew close so quickly. How would she react if things with Dani didn't go smoothly? I shook my head, taking a sip of my coffee before answering her. "She never knew her father. Dani found out she was pregnant a few weeks after Darren died."

  "Darren..." Zoe murmured thoughtfully. He had a name. "That must have been horrible."

  "Yeah." I sighed and padded around to sit on the couch.

  After a moment, Zoe came and sat beside me, putting her arm around me. "She'll get through it," she whispered. I must be easy to read, but, still, it was very perceptive of her to pick up on our problems.

  I patted her leg. "I hope so, Zo." I couldn't keep the doubt from creeping into my voice.

  "She will." Zoe rose, bending to clasp my shoulders. "You're a great guy." She leaned in. "And, you're kind of irresistible. For an old guy."

  "I am?" The backhanded compliment pleased me in spite of myself.

  She spun on her heel and walked away, throwing her parting comment over her shoulder. "Yeah, but don't let it go to your head." She turned and smiled, opening the door to her bedroom and disappearing inside.

  Chapter 16

  Tucker

  An hour later, we were walking down the streets of Ephraim, Wisconsin, taking in the gorgeous, sunshiny day. The wind was brisk off the water, whipping a flag around a central pole a few yards from the beach, making it snap like a dog at the end of his leash. The kids were running ahead, and Dani kept her eyes on Tabby as we meandered, my arm around her shoulder. She held the hand on her shoulder, seeming to relax a little. She was quiet all morning, and I knew inside of her the turmoil seethed like the fish boil pots the area was famous for.

  Ahead, Tabby dragged Zoe and Scott out onto the pier. White, wooden beach chairs formed a neat line, and each of the kids claimed one. "Ooh. I've got to get this." Dani squatted to get the right angle. I could tell it would be a winning shot, with beach oats in the foreground, and the kids, side-by-side, gazing out over Lake Michigan.

  "You take a lot of pictures."

  She laughed. She'd probably taken a half-a-dozen shots in the half-block we'd walked from the Visitor's Center. "I'm kind of a fanatic about preserving memories. Sometimes it's all that's left."

  Her voice dipped at the end, and I could tell she thought about Darren, but she took my hand and ducked under my arm again as we continued to shuffle along. We were quiet for several minutes, the rolling of the waves, the call of seagulls, and our children's laughter providing the only music we were listening to.

  "That's one thing I haven't done a good job with," I said regretfully. "I probably only have a handful of shots of the kids."

  She looked ahead to where the kids wandered out on a different pier, this one devoid of benches. "It's hard when you're the only one."

  I nodded, watching a sailboat glide across the horizon. "Thanks for bringing us, Dani. I can't remember the last time I took some time to relax and just... be a family. And with Zoe taking off in a few years... who knows if I'll ever get another chance."

  She squeezed my hand, and I looked down to find her peering at me. "They'll be plenty of chances, Tucker," she said softly. It was one of those odd, unexpected moments when she stole my breath away. The wind whipped recklessly through her long, black hair. She pushed it away from her blue eyes, which sparkled in the sunlight as she looked up at me, a sweet expression on her face.

  "I hope so," I responded, talking as much about the two of us as I was about Zoe. Would we have any more opportunities to walk like this, no time tables, no worries, simply spending the day together, in each other's company? I lifted my head and caught sight of Scott and Zoe waving at me frantically and screaming something. Dani turned, too, to follow my gaze. Where was Tabby? A sick sensation crept over me, and goose-pimples rose on my arms despite the warm weather. "Oh, my God!"

  I took off at a dead run, Dani's cry of panic rising behind me. I watched as Scott jumped off the pier, a second wave of fear hitting me in the gut as I pushed my feet to move faster. Despite the seemingly mild weather, the wind drove the waves hard against the shore. Zoe lay flat on her stomach, but from our angle I couldn't make out what she was trying to do. I hit the pier, and my shoes machine-gunned off the wooden planking, Dani not far behind me, screaming out Tabby's name. I could hear Zoe shouting instructions to someone, but I couldn't tell what she said, the wind carrying her voice away from me. As I drew closer I recognized one of Tabby's tennis shoes sitting next to Zoe on the pier, its emptiness foreboding. I pulled up when I reached Zoe's prone form and peeked over the edge.

  I wasn't at all prepared for what I saw. Tabby hung upside down, suspended, her body partially in the water, a chain wrapped tightly around her ankle. Scott treaded water beneath her, his arms under her shoulders, holding her head above the surface. Tabby's curls were wet and she sputtered as waves still spilled into her mouth and knocked her body against the pier, despite Scott's efforts. Without pausing to think, I jumped in. The water was much deeper than I expected, and I didn't even hit bottom. As I surfaced, I caught Dani's terrified face as she peered over Zoe's shoulder.

  "I've got her, Scott," I told him as calmly as I could manage. "You okay?" He nodded, but he was pale, his eyes wide with shock. Dani's hands replaced Zoe's as she feverishly fought to free Tabby's leg from the chain. I lifted Tabby as best I could to give Dani some slack to work with, talking to Tabby to try to keep her calm.

  "What did you do, Miss Tabby? Decide to go for a swim?" She didn't say anything, but as she looked up at her mommy, fear rounded her eyes. I was sure the pressure on her leg was painful, but she didn't make even a whimper. After a few minutes, Dani freed Tabby's leg and I reeled her in. She started crying then. I swam with her until my feet touched bottom and Zoe and Dani ran alongside us on the pier.

  Dani had reached the beach and waded in, wet to her knees, when I trudged up. Tabby lunged toward her as we drew near. Dani took my bundle from me, squeezing her tightly to her chest. They rocked, Dani's eyes closed, one hand covering the back of Tabby's head as she soothed her. "Oh, baby. Are you okay?" Tabby's crying quieted and she nodded. "Shh, now. We've got you." She pulled away to look in her little girl's face. "You're just scared, aren't you?"

  "Yeah," Tabby cried, and the simplicity and whole-heartedness of her answer seemed to flood us all with relief. Dani peered up at me with a look of indescribable gratitude, then shifted her gaze to Scottie, who stood beside me, dripping wet. She held a hand out to him and he went to her. She pulled him against her body, heedless of his wet clothes.

  "Thank you, Scottie," she whispered hoarsely, then reached for Zoe, who put her hand on Dani's shoulder. Dani patted her hand. "Thank you both."

  I smiled at them. "Yeah, that was some pretty quick thinking."

  Dani examined Tabitha on a park bench, gingerly moving the wounded leg around. "Ooh, that owwie looks like it hur
ts," Dani commented, calmer, as she scrutinized the places where the chain dug into the skin. Tabby looked over and her quick eyes caught sight of a dark object rolling in the waves on the shore.

  She reached out her hands. "Beverly!"

  "I'll get her, Tabs," Scottie offered, and went off to fetch the drowned beaver.

  "And you didn't hit your head against the pier?" Dani queried. Tabby shook her head, but wouldn't take her eyes from Scott.

  "I think the buoy buffered it some," Zoe commented.

  Dani nodded. "Well," she said with a smile. "It doesn't even look swollen, Miss Tabby." She looked at me. "I think the patient suffers from acute wetness and cold."

  "How about we go back to the cottage, and we can all change."

  Dani stood and took my face in both of her hands, stretching on her toes. "Thank you," she murmured sincerely and gave me a hard kiss as I put my arms around her.

  I held her, my heart rate returning to a more regular beat. "Man," I breathed finally, "that scared me."

  "Me, too," she whispered, squeezing me tighter.

  Scott arrived with Beverly, looking more like a bedraggled throw pillow than an animal. "Here, Tabby. Beverly went for a swim, too."

  Tabby squealed and pressed her beloved Beverly to her chest; water squirted out from all seams. We laughed with relief, and though we tested her out, and Tabitha didn't show as much as a slight limp, I still carried her all the way to the car and tucked her into her car seat, solely to reassure myself. She fell asleep on the short ride home, worn out from her traumatic dip in the bay. We let her sleep while we changed, deciding to play down the whole morning's episode when she woke.

  Tabby popped up, raring to go, so we grabbed lunch at Wilson's Ice Cream Parlor, near the Ephraim Visitor Center. The food tasted delicious and we vowed to return for ice cream before the trip ended. We spent the rest of the afternoon driving along the arm of the bay, through quaint town after quaint town.

  We stopped in shops and mulled through souvenirs. Zoe chose a glass alligator she named Jeremy, and Scott followed suit, purchasing a glass penguin. As always, their choices befuddled me, but, whatever made them happy. Tabby ended up with a friend for her Beverly who remained at the cottage, recovering in the bathtub from her swim. Dani helped to name the stuffed hound dog Bowser.