Under the Christmas Star

by Amanda Tru

  They were on the edge of Crossroads now, but the familiar sight of the small town didn’t bring Emma the same comfort and relief as usual. She felt lost in a way that physical surroundings couldn’t touch.

  “Maybe I was wrong,” Emma whispered. “Or maybe God just wants me to shift my ministry. If my business has become too important to me, maybe he wants me to give it up. I could focus on helping you in the areas where you serve at church. I could be your assistant. Maybe I’m just not meant for something on my own.”

  Cindy sighed. “Emma, as much as I would like you to help me more on the committees and with the children’s ministry, you can’t base such a decision on your circumstances. Bad things happen. Bad things happen when you are exactly where God wants you. Yes, your car was stolen, you were assaulted and got a concussion, you are behind in your orders that you need to fill, and you got a terrible review, but none of that is a surprise to God. Pray about it before you react to your circumstances. Maybe God plans to use you in these difficulties.”

  “It doesn’t seem that way,” Emma couldn’t help pointing out. Here her mom was actually offering potentially helpful advice, and Emma still couldn’t manage to see or feel anything more than her empty bucket status.

  Cindy turned off the main street and pulled into the parking lot at the police station. Wearily, she said, “You don’t know that, Emma.”

  The problem here was that her mom was the one who “didn’t know.” Her advice may be valid for some situations, but not for the situation Emma was in. And once again, frustration threatened because her mom insisted on taping an easy solution onto something that wasn’t easy at all.

  “Yes, I do know that,” Emma stated matter-of-factly. “You’re right, Little Star Boutique was supposed to be my ministry. To me, they are more than ornaments, but not to others. I didn’t tell you all of what the review said.” Emma swallowed with difficulty. “Mom, she said I couldn’t be much of a Christian to charge so much for dollar store quality products. A Christian woman wouldn’t take advantage of people like that.” Emma swallowed again and whispered. “She just stripped away my entire purpose for my business. I have no ministry.”

  Cindy turned off the engine and got out of the car. Assuming that her last comment was just going to be ignored, Emma followed suit and got out of the car. She got Orion out of the backseat and met Cindy at the front before they walked into the station.

  However, when Cindy didn’t move to step toward the building, Emma looked up to see her mom studying her intently.

  “What?” Emma asked, wanting to wiggle out of her scrutiny.

  In her mother’s gaze, Emma could see hundreds of thoughts and bits of advice longing to be poured out. Emma was quite familiar with the expression and had often thought that her mother should have had more than one daughter, just to spread out that advice a little more.

  Cindy smiled gently and shook her head. Instead of the volumes of fix-it instructions, Cindy just spoke only a few sparse words before turning and heading to the station. “None of that matters, does it, Emma? After all, it’s not for them. Remember who you do it all for.”

  “Miss Sheldon!” the officer squawked in surprise. “I’m Officer Kirk. Remember from last night? How can I help you?

  Emma pulled Orion’s leash a little closer, and feeling like she was intruding somewhere she shouldn’t, she spoke nervously. “Chief Jacobs told my dad that I should stop by sometime today. He said something about an official statement.”

  “Oh, right!” Kirk said, bobbing his head up and down energetically. “Why don’t you—” he paused, looking from the familiar waiting chairs and back to Emma. “Why don’t you just come with me. I made you wait last night, and I won’t make that mistake again!”

  With one last uncertain glance at the dog beside Emma, he led the way through a door that opened up into a large room divided into gray cubicles. Emma followed him to the back, seeing a room with glass windows situated in the corner with a sign over the door labeling it with the name Chief Leo Jacobs.

  “You’re busy today,” Emma said, noting several officers around the room. “Isn’t the station usually closed on Saturdays?”

  “Just because we aren’t officially on business hours doesn’t mean no one is here,” Kirk explained. “We have officers on duty 24 hours a day. With the thefts last night and the fact that it’s the Saturday after Thanksgiving, the chief pulled in a few more of the officers for shifts today. Some are switching patrols right now, which is why there are more officers here at the moment.”

  Kirk lifted his fist to knock on Leo’s door and froze at the sudden, loud yelling emanating from behind the door.

  Wincing, he stepped back and glanced at Emma with, lines scrunching his face up with nervous lines. “Let’s just give him a minute.

  Emma followed him to stand against the wall and wait, but it was not enough distance to matter. They still heard every word Chief Jacobs yelled, and Kirk seemed to flinch with every syllable.

  Emma didn’t feel embarrassed or uncomfortable but was instead rather fascinated by why Leo would be yelling at someone like that. However, those tense lines stretching Kirk’s face and his jerking movements made Emma think he didn’t share her feelings at all.

  It sounded like Leo was yelling about a report not being filed correctly, but Emma thought she must be missing some information. With the degree with which Leo was yelling, the crime must be far more serious.

  The muscles in his face twitching, Kirk stepped away from the wall. He hesitated, and Emma didn’t know if he’d rally to attempt another knock on the door or if he’d retreat back to the front waiting area.

  The sudden silence in Leo’s office must have encouraged him, and he bravely stepped back up to the door with a knock that wasn’t quite firm or loud. Not waiting for a response, he turned the knob and stuck his head into the office.

  “Chief, Emma Sheldon is here to see you.”

  Emma heard his words clearly, though they did hold a slight quaver.

  “Emma?” she heard Leo’s voice, and for the first time since she arrived, it wasn’t a yell.

  “Yes, sir.” Kirk paused. “Um, sir, I didn’t think you’d want me to have her wait out front again, so she is um… right outside the door.”

  “Douglas, I will follow up with you on this matter later if needed,” Leo said calmly.

  Kirk drew his head back out the door, and an older man with graying hair and an equally gray mustache followed quickly behind him. Emma assumed this was Douglas and watched as both he and Kirk scurried back to their posts.

  Leo followed about two seconds later. “Thanks for coming, Miss Sheldon,” Leo said formally. “I just need you to verify your official statement. Why don’t you come in?”

  Emma looked at him with a myriad of questions running through her head, and before she could stop it, one of them popped out, ringing through the station loud and clear. “Leo, exactly how old are you?”

  Leo blinked. “Excuse me?” he asked as if he hadn’t heard her correctly.

  But Emma had spoken clearly and with plenty of volume.

  “Do you need to be a certain age to be a police chief?” She asked, trying to explain herself a little more. “If so, I wouldn’t think you old enough at all.”

  Strangely, Emma thought she heard a tittering giggle ripple through the station.

  Even the corners of Leo’s mouth turned upward as if in amusement. “I’m plenty old enough, Emma. Why don’t you come on in and interrogate me without the listening ears of my department?”

  “Oh, I’m sorry!” Emma said, realizing she must have committed a social flub. She hurriedly entered his office, berating herself the whole way.

  “Emma, don’t be sorry,” Leo said, indicating a seat she was welcome to take. “I don’t mind the question, but the officers won’t get any work done at all if they have the possibility of overhearing an interesting conversation.”

  “Hi, Orion!” Leo said, bending to give the dog a good rub do
wn in greeting.

  Orion loved the attention. Though he wouldn’t give into his enthusiasm while “on duty,” his tail thumped furiously, and his doggie grin stretched a mile wide.

  After Emma was seated in front of a large desk with Orion close by, Leo walked around and took a seat behind it. “I’m thirty-four,” he reported easily. “And no, there are no regulations on how old a police chief must be.”

  Emma’s brow furrowed. “Then how did you get the job? That man who was just in here seemed a lot older than you. Wouldn’t someone like him have more experience?”

  “I’m a big fish in a small pond,” Leo explained, shuffling through some papers in front of him. “Before my job here, I worked at a large police department in a big city. I gained a lot of experience quickly and a good reputation to go along with it. Two years ago, I decided to leave and applied for this position in Crossroads. The small community was pleased to get such a prominent officer to fill the position, and I was happy to leave the big city.”

  “Why did you want to leave?” Emma couldn’t help but ask.

  Leo’s eyes suddenly lost their shine, as if a curtain fell over them.

  “That story isn’t one for right now, Emma,” he said simply.

  Which, of course, made Emma all the more curious.

  “So, is Orion your official companion dog?” he asked, leaning back in his chair casually as if he had all the time in the world to discuss such small details.

  The question made her catch her breath, and not just because of the swift change in subject.

  Leo looked at her with eyebrows raised expectantly, and somehow, she understood. She had asked him a personal question, which he had answered. Now it was her turn. Though it was a simple question that didn’t seem all that personal on the surface, it was personal for Emma. By the look on his face, Leo knew that. He wasn’t simply asking about the official title of her dog. Just like she hadn’t just been asking his age.

  Turn-about was fair play, or so Emma had heard.

  Only she would have much rather just told him she was twenty-eight.

  Emma forced herself to bravely look him in the eyes. “Yes. I’m sure you’ve figured out already that I’m not quite like everyone else. I am on the autism spectrum. But you probably already know that.”

  Leo’s chin bobbed slightly in a nod. “It’s different hearing it from you.”

  Though not unwilling to share her story, she still couldn’t make herself watch his reaction. She didn’t want to see the pity or even the curiosity. Unable to maintain eye contact, she looked down at Orion and explained. “I’m on the mild end of the autism spectrum. It mostly affects me socially in that I don’t always understand social interactions the way others do. Lights and sounds can be overwhelming, but not as bad as when I was a child. I’ve learned a lot, and there really isn’t anything someone else can do that I cannot. Most people don’t seem to realize I’m autistic.”

  “And you don’t like Orion to be your label as being different,” Leo surmised. “Is that why he wasn’t with you yesterday when your car was stolen?”

  “No, not really,” Emma said, reaching down to run her hand along the ridge of fur that grew the opposite way along Orion’s back. “Orion helps keep my anxiety level low while providing companionship and protection. The more agitated I am, the more problems I have, I’m less agitated when Orion is with me. However, it’s not like I’m blind and Orion is a seeing-eye dog. I look and seem like a normal, healthy woman, and some people don’t understand that my dog does a job at my side. Since I don’t have an obvious disability, it’s often easier to do little tasks by myself rather than being forced to explain why my dog is with me. Yesterday, I was supposed to drop off the ornaments at church, but I worried the ladies wouldn’t understand why I brought my dog inside. He usually stays home on Sundays when I attend church with my parents, so not everyone in the congregation is familiar with the fact that I have or need a companion animal. Besides that, my ornaments are Orion’s one weakness. Sometimes he forgets himself, sees a bright shiny ball and becomes a puppy. I try not to take him on my deliveries because I don’t want any last-minute mishaps.”

  “Things may have been different if he was with you last night,” Leo mused, reaching to his desk for some papers.

  A chill raced down Emma’s spine. “I’m glad he wasn’t. Those men had guns. I don’t think they would have hesitated to shoot a dog that got in their way.”

  “Emma, can you tell me one more time what happened?” Leo asked, adjusting a paper in front of him and posing his pencil at the ready. “I want to make sure I have all the details right, and you may remember more today than you did last night.”

  Emma went through the entire account again, including as much detail as she could remember. To her frustration, it all sounded identical to the account she’d given previously. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t add any further information about her attackers. It all happened so quickly, and the retelling of it only made her feel the same anxiety that had muddled her brain ever since.

  She focused, willing herself to remember something helpful as images flashed through her mind. She felt the confusion and the fear all afresh as if watching it unfold right in front of her a second time.

  “Emma, you’re shaking,” Leo’s voice roused her. “Are you okay?”

  Emma swallowed with difficulty, and her gaze flittered up to him before retreating again. She reached down for Orion, and he moved his warm body into the palm of her hand as if he knew she needed him.

  “I guess retelling it just made me relive it again,” Emma explained. “I think I also had nightmares last night, so it’s becoming more difficult to figure out what happened in real life and what happened in my dreams. Both my dreams and real-life involved guns. I’m sorry I can’t be more helpful.”

  “Emma, don’t apologize. You have nothing to be sorry for,” Leo said, his tone warm and comforting. “You went through something very traumatic. You’ll have more than just physical wounds, and those will take much longer to heal. Many victims find counseling helpful after such experiences.”

  That would be just another one on the list of many other issues for which she already saw a counselor. “Do you have any leads?” she asked abruptly, not wanting to think about or discuss her psychological treatment plans.

  “I wish I did,” Leo said with a scowl. “I know closure is important for the victim of a crime. Unfortunately, with something as random as this, I can’t promise you closure. We’ve put out information on the cars stolen, including yours. Hopefully, someone will see something and call it in.”

  That seemed quite unlikely to happen, which made Emma’s frustration spike. Shouldn’t the police do more than just keep an eye out? “I don’t need closure, and I don’t care if you aren’t able to find those responsible. I just want my ornaments back. Did you let people know they had been stolen with the car? Maybe someone will spot them and call in information.”

  “The ornaments are more important than the car?” Leo asked with narrowed eyes.

  “Yes, they are.” Needing an outlet for her tension, she hid her hands below the level of the desk and began tapping. I have orders to fill for my business, and now I have no ornaments with which to fill them.”

  “Can’t you just make more?” Leo asked as if the solution was easy.

  Orion nosed her leg in comfort, but her tension was reaching a level that her dog couldn’t pull her back from.

  Seemingly oblivious, Leo gathered his papers together as if wanting to conclude the meeting.

  “I could, but there isn’t enough time.” Emma felt proud that her voice sounded so calm and deliberate as she explained. “There are a large variety of ornaments that were stolen, and some of them are quite unique. I can’t replace them in time for Christmas, especially ones like the glass blown or felted ornaments that are one of a kind. Do you think if we sent out a press release of some kind, we could tell the thieves that they could keep the car and I won’t
press charges if they’ll just leave the ornaments somewhere for me to pick up?”

  A harsh laugh boomed out of Leo’s mouth. “Emma, that’s ridiculous. You have no say in making a deal, especially when your car wasn’t the only one stolen. Just make more. No ornaments are special enough to make that kind of a deal.”

  “These are,” Emma responded quietly. Her fingers tapped against each other, but it was increasingly difficult to keep the rhythm steady.

  Leo let out a big, exasperated breath. “But why? If you can’t make the glass ones, then make a different kind. Or maybe you can cancel the orders and refund the money. I’m sure your customers will understand. I can even provide you with information to validate your story about your merchandise being stolen.”

  Was he impatient or angry? And why? Emma didn’t know, but by the taut lines around his mouth, she worried that he was about to start yelling at her the way he’d just yelled at the other officer. And she had no idea what she was doing wrong.

  Emma bit her lip, wanting to retreat, but persisting anyway. “It’s not just that, and it isn’t that easy. The ornaments are special.”

  Leo rolled his eyes. “You’ve said that before, but I still don’t get it. Are you saying that you have a strong emotional attachment to the ornaments?”

  “I pray for them.”

  “What?” he sputtered.

  “I pray for each ornament I make,” Emma explained hurriedly. Her tapping fingers moved so rapidly that she finally had to stop or go into convulsions that would surely not go unnoticed.

  To make her hands obey and be still, she literally sat on them and tried to keep the focus on her explanation. “I pray that it will reach the right person and somehow be used by God to bless them. Then I pray for those who hang the ornaments on their trees. I don’t know anything about them, but I still pray. All of those ornaments have already been prayed for. I want them back so I can make sure they get to the correct people I prayed for.”