Under the Christmas Star

by Amanda Tru

  “Show me how it works,” Leo said excitedly.

  As if he wanted to see, too, Orion returned from his bush investigation and wandered around both Leo and Emma’s legs and the long barrel of the large telescope.

  Emma focused the telescope on Jupiter and then moved aside to let Leo look through the eyepiece.

  “Are those…?” Leo hesitated. “Wait, those four specks around Jupiter can’t be stars. Are those moons?”

  “Yes, those are Jupiter’s moons,” Emma confirmed proudly. “Specifically, those are the Galilean moons.”

  “That is incredible!” Leo exclaimed and watched until the objects moved out of sight of the telescope, needing another adjustment from Emma.

  Emma then focused on a few stars, showing him one that glowed yellow and one that appeared more blue. With each one, Leo was excited and astonished that something that looked white to the naked eye actually had beautiful color.

  She then brought the telescope into focus on the star directly overhead.

  Leo bent down to look and gasped. “It’s rainbow colors!”

  “Yes!” Emma said, Leo’s excited reaction thrilling her. “That’s Sirius. It twinkles rainbow colors.”

  Even Orion’s tail wagged faster, and he eagerly looked at them as if awaiting his turn to see.

  “It’s beautiful!” Leo exclaimed.

  Looking back at the house, Emma worried that the hour was getting too late. “I should get my parents and my brother out here. I think they’d like to see Sirius.” Emma moved to the door.

  “Wait, Emma!” Leo said quickly. “Before you go, I want to give you your Christmas present.”

  “A Christmas present? But I don’t have anything for you,” Emma protested, reluctantly taking the small, awkwardly shaped gift Leo handed her.

  “I didn’t expect you to,” Leo responded. “I think you’ve already shown me the greatest Christmas present given.”

  At his urging, Emma carefully opened the paper to find a wooden ornament. Tilting it toward the light from the house, she saw that the wood was carved into a nativity scene with two figures on either side of a manger with a star arching overhead.

  “Leo, did you make this?” Emma asked in awe.

  “Yes, I did. I enjoy woodworking every once in a while, and this one reminded me of you. Of course, I needed one that included a star.”

  Emma ran her fingers over the smooth wood. It was beautiful, and Emma loved it. “Can you teach me to do this?” she asked eagerly. “I’ve always wanted to know how to do woodworking.”

  Leo shrugged. “I’m sure I could, but I don’t know why you’d need me to teach you to make an ornament when you closed Little Star Boutique.”

  Emma’s head jerked up in surprise. How did he know?

  “I looked up your website,” Leo said quietly. “It said the shop had been closed by the owner.”

  “I thought it was too hard,” Emma explained quietly, returning her attention back to the ornament. “With everything that happened, I thought God didn’t want me to make ornaments anymore. I didn’t see any evidence of God using my shop or my ministry in any way.”

  “And now?” Leo asked pointedly.

  Emma ran her fingers around the centered baby Jesus. Then she traced the smooth lines of the star above, loving the feel of the smooth wood. “And now I can’t help but think that maybe all the difficulties I faced, all the discouragement, happened because God was getting ready to do something big. I know the Bible doesn’t promise it will be easy for Christians. It actually promises the opposite—that we will face trials of many kinds while serving Him. I guess it didn’t occur to me that I would be eligible to be used by God in a way that would qualify me for those verses.”

  “It’s not a win for God if you close your shop,” Leo said firmly. “You have such a beautiful heart that is translated in a beautiful ministry. Emma, you can’t quit. Even if it’s hard, you keep on doing what God is calling you to do and leave the results up to Him. If things get tough, you work harder because I truly believe God is going to bless your effort. Your work made the difference for both Reese and me, and I know he’ll do the same for others.”

  Emma studied Leo’s ornament, her careful eye detecting the few spots where he’d made a mistake. She ran her finger along each one of them, loving the feel of the indentation. Just like her own ornament, this one had imperfections, and Emma thought it more beautiful because of them.

  With sudden clarity, she realized why she liked them so much. She was a flawed ornament. God had created her with irregularities that caused the light to reflect in her in different ways than it did in others. She wasn’t beautiful despite her imperfections. She was made beautiful because of them. They were tools God designed to achieve something more beautiful than perfection could ever attain. She was the flawed art, and her issues didn’t disqualify her from being used by God. Here she’d spent her life hoping God could use her in spite of her autism, and now she realized that God made her specifically with autism because he intended to use her for something more beautiful than could be created without. She was not disqualified. In fact, she was very uniquely qualified to do the work God planned.

  Emma nodded, tears brimming in her eyes. “I’ll do it,” she said. “I’ll open Little Star Boutique again, and you can show me how to make these ornaments. Then maybe we can pray together for whoever’s tree God hangs them on.”

  “Deal,” Leo grinned. “Turn it over.”

  “What?” Emma asked, thinking she had misheard.

  “Turn the ornament over to the back.”

  Emma studied the lines of the ornament and then slowly flipped it over. Tilting it more, she let the light from the window fall directly on the star at the top. Four small letters were carved there with a heart in between. It read L J ♥ E S.

  “I don’t understand what this means,” Emma said, confused.

  Orion nosed in between Leo and Emma, straining his neck as if to see what they talked about.

  Leo stepped across the patio, reached down to pick up a handful of snow, only to then launch the snowball high in the air across the yard.

  Orion immediately took off running, and Leo returned to Emma.

  “It means I’m a liar.”

  Startled, Emma looked from the ornament up to Leo’s face.

  His eyes reflected the gleam of Christmas lights, making them seem even brighter in sincerity. “Emma, you were right. I lied when I told you I didn’t find you attractive and only kissed you because I felt sorry for you. I was hurting and scared, and I didn’t know how to convince you to stay away from me unless I lied and hurt you. I’m so very sorry. The truth is I think you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met. Your beautiful soul is wrapped in a beautiful package, and I find you so very attractive that I can’t think straight when you’re near.”

  Emma swallowed, her throat dry. She looked back down to the cement, trying to locate her pebble, but she couldn’t find it. “Why did you lie? Why did you want me to stay away?

  The pebble suddenly appeared in front of Emma’s shoe, having been pushed there by Leo’s shoe.

  Emma’s embarrassment at being caught in one of her obsessive coping techniques melted away at his thoughtfulness. She pushed it again with her toe, but then abandoned it, raising her eyes to seek comfort in his.

  “I know what I am,” he said, pain evident in the lines of his face. “In a relationship with you, I’m the one that has more issues. The way I feel about you scared me, and I feared that I would hurt you deeply. If I could hurt you a little before you knew how I felt, then I thought that would be preferable to hurting you later.”

  “But that has changed?” Emma asked, holding steady with her eyes on him.

  “Everything changed when I surrendered to God,” Leo explained, stopping only to make and toss another snowball for Orion. “I spent the last few days with my family. It was hard, but it was good, too. I now want God to do for my brother what he did for me. I want Jeff’s fake Chri
stianity thrown aside and replaced with the real thing. I want my parents to see the truth but only in a way where they also see the hope of Jeff’s salvation. It’s going to take a lot of patience and prayer, and I know it won’t be easy.”

  Emma’s gaze fell to his shoes, self-conscious in hearing him pour out his heart.

  Reaching out, he gently touched her chin, tipping her face up to look at him.

  “Emma, the broken parts of me aren’t fixed entirely, and I still have issues. But I now have hope that God is changing me into a better man and that He can help me be the man you need, if you’ll let me try.”

  Emma folded his ornament in her left hand, knowing she would cherish it always.

  “Are you sure you don’t mind that I’m different?” she asked, voicing the core of her fear.

  “Emma, I love that you’re different,” he insisted. “I don’t care for you in spite of your differences. They are part of what I like about you. I like the way you speak bluntly and always keep me on my toes. I know there will be challenges and things won’t always be easy, but please give me a chance. I’m already at least half-way in love with you, Emma, and I want the chance to audition to be your personal policeman and lifetime partner.”

  Emma’s heart beat so loudly, she felt sure he could hear it. “I’ve never felt about anyone the way I feel about you,” she said quietly. “I can’t promise that I won’t mess things up, but I’d very much like to try to make you fall in love with me the rest of the way.”

  She then bravely stood on her tiptoes and reached up with her right hand to gently touch his cheek. The sensation of her cold fingers on the stubble of his warm face sent shivers down the length of her body.

  Putting his hand over hers, he turned his head, placing a gentle kiss on her wrist. Slowly, his arms came around her and pulled her close. Emma lifted her lips to meet his.

  Delicious sensations raced through her body. Emma felt safe and loved in a way that made her never want to leave his arms. She somehow knew that it may not always feel this way, but oh how she would love the times when it did!

  The kiss ended with Leo still holding her close. Orion came back, barking and hopping around in anticipation. This time, Emma stepped out of Leo’s arms long enough to gather one last snowball and toss it, hoping it would buy them just a few more minutes.

  Returning to Leo’s arms, she turned around so the warmth of his solid chest was at her back and his arms folded around, holding her close. She then pointed up and traced lines between several stars. “That’s my favorite constellation.”

  “So that’s Leo?” His voice was close, tickling her ear.

  She laughed. “Yes, it is!”

  “And where is Sirius, the rainbow-colored star we saw in the telescope?”

  Emma pointed straight overhead. “Right above us.”

  “Hmm… the Christmas star.”

  “Probably not the one that announced the Savior,” Emma said factually. “But it’s overhead this time of year and always reminds me of that one long ago.”

  “Maybe God made that one rainbow colors, too.”

  Emma looked up at the star straight overhead, seeing it twinkle the rainbow mystery most people would never see. Then out of the corner of her eye, she caught the multi-colored Christmas tree lights shining through the window. The scene seemed almost perfect. A fire blazed in the hearth, the flickering light falling on the tree and its own rainbow of lights.

  Emma shivered, the cold contrasting with the warmth of home through the window.

  Leo ‘s arms tightened around her, and she leaned her head back, resting against his chest. Her gaze returned to the twinkling star straight overhead and then once again fell on the star perched at the top of the Christmas tree.

  Below the star, many of Emma’s own ornaments sparkled in the flickering light, causing Emma to wonder about all the other Christmas trees in the world holding ornaments she’d created. Those Christmas baubles dangling on Christmas branches represented so many prayers Emma now knew had reached as far as heaven.

  Leo must have seen the look on her face, and she felt him shift to follow her gaze. A few seconds later, she felt a gentle kiss to the top of her head. Somehow, she knew that he, too, was marveling about God’s many blessings under the Christmas star.

  The End

  If someone truly wanted to know me, all she would need to do is read my books. No matter what the plot, many of my characters end up as versions of myself and their struggles are often my own. Although I am not autistic, I definitely relate to Emma. Though Emma’s social challenges are on a greater scale than my own, many of her core spiritual struggles are ones that originated in the first-hand experience of her author.

  I hope I’m not alone. Maybe you have struggled with these same issues, seen yourself in Emma, and found insight and encouragement in her story. These questions are designed to help you delve deeper into the meaning behind the story and come away different than when you opened the book. My prayer is that God touches you in such a significant way that on your worst days, you follow Emma’s example in raising your hand up and saying, “Here I am, Lord!”

  In turn, may you hear his loving reply, “I see you.”

  1. Do you ever “worry pray?” Emma describes doing this in the first chapter when she prays over her ornaments, trying to leave the issue in God’s hands. However, still concerned about it, she “couldn’t resist repeating that prayer, just in case God didn’t hear the first time or she hadn’t remembered to pray the right words. Even as she thought it, she knew her reasoning was silly, but she couldn’t help trying for a redo, just in case.” Do you ever do this, finding yourself acting on the almost unconscious idea that we must pray the right words to get the right response from God?”

  Where is the line? How can you define the difference between “praying without ceasing” and “worry praying?” Is there a difference?

  Philippians 4:6-7, Matthew 6:6-8, Matthew 6:25-34, 1 Peter 5:7, 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, Colossians 4:2

  2. One of the strong themes of the book has to do with Emma feeling inadequate, and even disqualified, from God using her because of her challenges. Why did Emma feel this way?

  When have you ever felt inadequate or disqualified? How did you handle it?

  2 Corinthians 3:5, Philippians 4:12-13, Ephesians 2:10

  3. After Emma is hurt and her car stolen, she prays. But it wasn’t really a traditional prayer with words. Instead, it was as if she was a student in a classroom raising her hand to be acknowledged by the teacher. In this case, she raised her hand and looked up, saying “Here I am, Lord. I need you.”

  She then feels the Lord respond, “I see you.”

  It wasn’t a promise that God would remove the situation, it was just an acknowledgment that the God of the universe saw her. Have you ever felt anything similar? Do you find this comforting or encouraging? Why?

  Psalm 34:15, Matthew 10:29, Matthew 6:25-28, Psalm 121

  4. Emma never doubted God’s ability to take her and her mistakes and do something significant, but she struggled with the thinking that God could do more with more perfect people and quality work without mistakes. What are your challenges? What more do you think God could do if you didn’t have them?

  2 Corinthians 12:10, 2 Corinthians 2:1-16

  5. Emma’s story demonstrates that God is intentional in allowing certain challenges because He intends to use them in His work, just as He used Emma, not in spite of her challenges but because of them. How did Emma’s autism and other difficulties help God achieve His purpose in using her?

  Ephesians 5:1-21, Jeremiah 1:4-5

  6. How would your life or ministry change if you did not struggle with your challenges? Looking at your own struggles, can you imagine anything God is uniquely qualifying you to do? What are some areas where your struggles make you wonder if God could do more if you didn’t have them? How are you a flawed ornament like Emma?

  Psalm 139

  7. What ministries do you feel calle
d to do? What are some areas where you can serve others? Are there any things for which you feel disqualified?

  Ephesians 2:10, Isaiah 64:8

  8. Why did Emma think she was supposed to close her shop and ministry? Have difficult circumstances ever made you give up on something or wonder if you weren’t doing God’s will? How did you handle it?

  John 15:16, 2 Timothy 1:6-14, James 1:2-4, 1 Peter 4:12-19

  9. Leo’s objection to God had to do with his experience with the faults of Christians and the worst of humanity. Do you know of anyone who has struggled with the same issues? How do you respond to someone who sees these as barriers to God?

  Romans 5:6-11, Romans 7:18-25

  10. Emma’s prayers were miraculously answered. What prayers have you seen answered in your own life? How has God used your prayers in the lives of others? What is still on your list for “big prayers?”

  1 John 5:14-15, Ephesians 6:18, Ephesians 3:20

  11. In both Reese's story and the real one as told in the author note, the characters forgave those who wronged them before that forgiveness was ever asked. Is this a challenging idea? Have you ever been faced with a similar situation where you had to forgive someone, knowing he or she may never repent? Is an apology necessary for you to forgive? Why or why not?