The Best Day of My Life

by Lynda Throsby

  “Please, someone tell me she’s going to be okay. She was fine earlier. Why is this happening?” Alana is beside me and pulls my head to her chest to hug me.

  “Theon. She’s going to be fine. It happens after surgery sometimes?” I look up; everyone apart from one nurse has gone, including Dr. Cassidy. A nurse comes to me to help me up with Alana “Sir, this can happen after surgery. They are taking her back to theatre to stop the bleeding. Dr. Cassidy will come and find you when she knows what’s happening. Come on, let’s get you into Evelina’s room.” They walk me into the room and sit me in the chair. I hear them talk, but I don’t hear what they are saying. It’s like white noise in my head. Like my brain is fuzzy and doesn’t want to comprehend what’s going on. I feel a hand on my arm and look at it. I don’t look up. I just look at the hand. I know whose hand it is from the feelings I get.

  “Theon. Theon. Look at me, Theon.” I raise my head slowly. She’s bending down to look me in the eyes. She hands me a tissue. I must look a mess, crying and snot dribbling from my nose. I think I’m having a breakdown. The last time I felt like this was when I lost Evelyn. I feel like I’m not here. I’m in my body, but my mind is not in here. I feel like my head is empty, there are no emotions or feelings. She squeezes my arm.

  “Theon, come back to me. Evelina needs you. Come on, sweetie. You’re her strong daddy. You have to be strong for your little girl. Here, drink this.” She takes my hand, puts a cup in it, and slowly puts it to my lips. I take a sip. It’s cold, really cold water. I gulp it down. I didn’t know I was thirsty, but I’m starting to take in my surroundings. She said be strong. I’m a strong daddy for Evelina. Evelina! Oh fuck where is she. I start looking around then try to get up. I start to panic.

  “Evelina, where is she? Evelina!” I shout, “where the fuck is she. Where’s her bed?” Then it hits me, they wheeled her out. Dr Cassidy, she said something about hemorrhaging, theatre. I need to find her

  “I need to find Evelina, where is she?”

  “Shhh, Theon, calm down, she’s in theatre with Dr Cassidy. They will bring her back as soon as they have fixed her.”

  Alana is stopping me getting up. She’s hugging me. She knows something’s wrong. Something is very wrong.

  “What’s wrong with her? Is she going to be okay? Will she die? I can’t lose her as well. No, no, no, no, no, no —” I’m rocking back and forth. Alana is trying to hold me and stop me.

  “Shhh, it’s okay, Theon, you’re not going to lose her. They are fixing her right now. Internal bleeding happens a lot after surgery. She’s going to be okay.”

  “How do you know? How can you sit there and say that? You have no idea? None of us do.” I get up and start pacing. I’m pulling my hair, chanting, no, no, no, no, over and over. It feels like I’ve been in here for ages, but when I look at the clock, it’s not even been ten minutes. I’m going crazy. I need to get out of this room. Be near the theatre where she is. I head out in that direction. I walk on autopilot, not even knowing where I’m heading, but I end up near the locked doors that lead to where the theatres are. I pace and pace. A few doctors in scrubs come and go, as do some nurses. They all make sure the doors lock after them so I can’t get through.

  I’m still pacing when I see Dr. Cassidy through the glass. She’s talking to someone in scrubs. She looks up and sees me. That look on her face. No, that’s not good.

  “Take it back,” I shout through the glass

  “Please take that look back.” I start to cry. I can see pity, sorrow, and compassion on her face. That’s for me. That’s because she’s going to tell me bad news. She’s stalling. She doesn’t want to come out. I fall to the floor. I’m on my hands and knees. My chest is heaving. I can’t breathe. I can’t see, and my eyes are full of tears. I can feel it. That feeling all over again. That emptiness. That hole in my heart. The feeling of loss again. The feeling of dread — hopelessness — of despair at my life shattering all over again. I roll onto my side and curl up into the fetal position. This can’t happen again. How many times does one man have to go through this? Why me? Why do I lose everyone I love? This feeling is my life being sucked away. Just like when I lost Evelyn.

  11 Years Earlier

  PREGNANCY WAS REALLY starting to suit Evelyn. She was glowing and looked more beautiful with every day that passed. We loved everything to do with the pregnancy and Evelyn barely had any morning sickness. The doctors said she was very lucky. The best thing was her appetite for me. She couldn’t get enough of me, and I was not complaining one little bit, no way.

  It’s approaching her twelve-week scan, and we are both a bit nervous, but neither of us know why. Although Evelyn is quite small, she already has a baby bump. Only visible because we know about it, but it’s there. I’ve insisted on the best OB-GYN in LA. She doesn’t come cheap, but when my wife and child are involved, I don’t care what it costs.

  We arrive at the prenatal clinic, and we have only just finished filling in the paperwork when a nurse calls us straight in. She asks Evelyn to do a urine sample and takes some bloods, then asks her to get onto the bed and tells us that the doctor will be in shortly. We are like two giddy school kids, smiling and laughing at each other. I’m sitting next to the bed, holding her hand.

  “Do you think they can tell us if it’s a boy or a girl, at this stage?” I asked Evelyn.

  She frowns at me. “Do you want to know what we’re having?”

  I hadn’t really given it much thought. It just seemed to be what people did all the time. I was pondering this when the doctor walked in.

  “Hello, Mr. & Mrs. Tourney. I’m Doctor Zelda. It’s a pleasure to meet you both,” she says, shaking both our hands. Evelyn and I look at each other, and both burst out laughing. It’s the doctor’s name. We both love a game called, ‘The Legend of Zelda’.

  “Doctor Zelda, please forgive us, we are both giddy and nervous. It’s lovely to meet you.” Evelyn, ever the diplomatic one, digs us out of a hole. “Call me Evelyn, and this is Theon.”

  “Is this your first child?” she asks us both.

  “Yes, and I’m terrified,” Evelyn admits.

  “Don’t worry. Today I’m going to check you out and make sure everything looks okay with you and the baby. We will also do a scan and print you off some amazing 3D images of baby Tourney, providing the little one wants to be seen, that is.”

  I’ve been reading up, and the little bean is now quite well formed at this stage and looks like a baby. It’s amazing. I’ve been fascinated by it all. Doctor Zelda asks Evelyn lots of questions about herself and how she’s been feeling. Then she examines Evelyn while I’m still holding her hand. Then it’s the fun bit. She gets some gel and spreads it on Evelyn’s tummy, gets a probe thing and slowly moves it around. She’s watching the monitor in front of her all the time. She’s back and forth, back and forth, stopping, pressing buttons, stopping. We can’t actually see the screen yet, so I’m watching her face. She looks puzzled, and it’s scaring me. “Is everything okay, Doctor?” I ask, worried.

  “Yes, here we are.” She turns the monitor for us to see and we can’t believe how clear the image is. We look at each other, and we just cry. Then look at the monitor.

  “Wow, the baby looks quite big there,” I say.

  “Well, that’s because there are two, one hiding behind the other. See, here you can make out the second one behind, which makes it look like one big baby.” What the fuck! Did she say two? As in twins.

  “Theon. Theon, are you okay, baby? Theon, answer me. You’re very pale. Are you okay?” I think I’m in shock.

  “We’re having twins?” I whisper. I look at Evelyn. She’s crying. I stand up and hug her.

  “Two, Evelyn. Two! Can you believe it? We’re having twins, baby.” I kiss her nose, her cheek, her eyes, and her forehead. I’m ecstatic.

  “Best day of my life, baby. Best day ever. Two babies.”

  “Oh, Theon. I can’t believe that. I don’t think we have twins in our family. It must
be from your side. Oh god, I can’t believe it. Oh god, my body is going to get huge.” She cries some more.

  The Doctor goes over all the dos and don’ts. The results all look good, except her sugar level is very slightly raised, which needs monitoring because it could be diabetes. She prints off a few 3D images for us, and we leave the doctor’s office — both in shock.

  “Twins, Evelyn. I can’t believe it. It hasn’t sunk in yet. I don’t know if I have twins on my side. I know nothing about my father, so have no idea. But I don’t care. We’re having two babies baby. Double trouble! Oh no,” I say laughing. As we hit the sidewalk, I lift her up and spin us around, both of us laughing.

  “Theon, I’m gonna be sick if you carry on doing that,” she says laughing.

  “Oh shit, I need to be gentle with you now, mamma. Precious cargo on board. Quick, let’s get to the drugstore and buy up all the cotton wool we can get.” She stands and looks at me as I’m trying to grab her hand. The look on her face is priceless.

  “What on earth do you want lots of cotton wool for?”

  “To wrap you up in, of course. What do you think? Got three of you to protect now,” I say all serious, but I’m failing to keep a straight face. She slaps my arm.

  “Theon! You had me going then. Come on. We need to go and see mom and dad and break the news to them. This should be fun.” We head off down the sidewalk swinging our joined hands between us. I’m not sure we will ever grow up.

  Present

  I CAN FEEL a hand rubbing on my back — someone speaking softly to me. The voice is gentle and trying to coax me up. Trying to bring me to the here and now when all I want to do is stay in the past, inside my head. I don’t want the now. It will bring me pain and devastation. I try to shrug off the hand. I’m still curled up on the floor.

  “Mr. Tourney. Come on, let’s get you up. Let’s get you in a chair. There’s a room we can go and sit in.”

  “NO!” I shout. I know what she’s going to do. Get me in a room so she can tell me Evelina’s gone. That it’s my fault my baby girl is gone because I didn’t stay with her. Her strong daddy wasn’t there to watch over her — to notice she wasn’t right. It’s all my fucking fault she’s gone. It’s all on me. Evelyn will never forgive me. I’m not going in a room to be told that, no way.

  Mr. Tourney, come on. Let’s get you some water and tissues.”

  “NO, I’m not going. You don’t need to tell me. I know it’s my fault. It’s all my fault.” She’s still rubbing my back.

  “What’s your fault? What did you do?” I look up at her. Is she mad? What does she mean, what did I do? She knows it’s my fault. Stupid woman.

  “I left her. I wasn’t watching my baby girl. It’s my fault she’s gone.”

  “Gone, oh no, no, Mr. Tourney. Evelina hasn’t gone. She’s out of surgery and in the recovery room. Mr. Tourney, do you hear what I’m saying?”

  “She’s not gone? She’s okay?” I’m looking up at her, pleading for her to repeat it just in case I only thought I heard it. She shakes her head no.

  “She’s not gone. She’s in recovery. Come on, let’s get back to Evelina’s room, and I can explain it there.” She helps me up, and we walk in silence to the room. She’s not gone? But I felt it. I don’t understand. I felt my baby girl had gone.

  Back in Evelina’s room, I sit in the chair, and Dr. Cassidy pulls a chair in front of me.

  “Mr. Tourney, Evelina is not out of the woods yet. She was hemorrhaging, but they managed to stop the bleeding, and she’s had to have a blood transfusion to replace the loss of blood. This is a complication after any surgery, Mr. Tourney, not just from the nephrectomy that Evelina’s had. The surgeon thinks they stopped it in time. This was a reactive bleed, meaning it wouldn’t be found during surgery and only shows itself once the blood pressure is back to normal after surgery.

  “With a hemorrhage, if too much blood is lost, it can cause damage to the surrounding organs by compressing them. The surgeon doesn’t think this has happened. Evelina did lose a lot of blood, and this can cause hemorrhagic shock, which can lead to brain damage. Again, the surgeon doesn’t think this happened,We don’t think Evelina has any complications, but she will stay in recovery for a while so she can be closely monitored. She may be moved to ICU depending on her recovery. Did you understand all that, Mr. Tourney?” I nod

  “I think so. She’s alive, right?” That’s all I heard.

  10 years earlier

  WE ARE IN the seventh month of pregnancy, into the third trimester. Evelyn is huge and growing each day. I’m worried she’s going to burst if the babies keep growing like this. I’ve read all the books, and I don’t think she’s going to make it to the end. I’m convinced she’s going to have them early. She’s started to struggle, and if she thought I was being protective at first, then that’s nothing compared to now. I don’t leave her at all. She either comes into the office with me for a few hours, or we work from the home office. I love looking after her more than anything. I cook, clean, run her baths, bathe her, rub her swollen feet and legs, and massage her shoulders, head, and neck. I love it, and I love her even more.

  The doctor has been monitoring her more than usual with it being twins, which I’m grateful for. She’s had a few bouts of high blood pressure and had to have bedrest. I just worked on my laptop next to her on the bed during these times.

  The day we found out about having twins we went straight to Sonia’s and Arnold’s to break the news to them. We planned out what we were going to do on our way over there. We were being mean. We were both sour-faced when we arrived and, of course, Sonia was worried, which was cruel of us because she knew we had our doctor’s appointment that morning. Evelyn handed over the one scan picture, which made the baby look huge.

  “Oh, Mom, look at the size of it. I’m having a giant. The doctor said she’s never seen a baby as big as this at twelve weeks. It’s going to be so big in the next few months that Theon is going to be rolling me everywhere.” Sonia was looking at the scan.

  “Oh, Evelyn, you must be further along than you thought, for it to be this big.” She was looking worried.

  “No, Mom. I’m not. The development, apart from the size, is all spot on for twelve weeks. It’s a giant.” Sonia was lost for words, but you could see the joy on her face, examining the scan. I couldn’t keep my face straight. I burst out laughing, and of course, Evelyn followed.

  “Ok, you two. What’s going on? Did you mess with the picture on your computer and blow it up to wind us up?” We couldn’t talk through laughing.

  “No, mom. Here, look at this picture. Both of you, really look at it.” She said to her parents. We watched the quizzical looks on their faces, the creased brows, and then the raised brows from Sonia when the penny dropped. She gasped and put her hand over her mouth. Arnold hadn’t got it yet, so was looking worriedly at Sonia.

  “What, Sonia? What is it?” She looked at us, smiling like Cheshire cats with our arms around each other.

  “Twins. You’re having twins? But how? I mean, I know how, but twins?”

  “Yes, Grandma and Granddad. Two little terrors for you.”

  “Oh, Arnold, can you imagine two of them running around? I can’t wait.” She hugged us both, nearly squeezing us to death.

  “You say that now, Sonia, just you wait till they are the terrible two’s and you don’t know which way to run after which one.” We all laugh. Who am I kidding though? That will be me all over.

  “Do you have twins in your family, Theon?” Sonia asks me. She knows about my past, but I still feel like shit admitting I have no idea.

  “I don’t know. I have no idea about my father. I don’t know who he is, so will never know if there is a history of twins.” I hang my head.

  “Who cares?” Evelyn says grabbing my hand and squeezing it tight.

  “All that matters is these babies and us, right, baby?” I smile the biggest smile at her. She’s right, who cares.

  That was a great day. The bes
t day of my life.

  Present

  I’M IN EVELINA’S room. I’ve been sitting in here for hours, just waiting for any bit of news, but I’ve heard nothing. I don’t want to move from here, but I need to pee. I nip to the bathroom just down the hall and try to be quick. I walk back towards Evelina’s room, and as I’m passing one of the open doors, I hear singing. I stop. It’s beautiful. I recognize the song. It’s one of Evelyn’s favorites, ‘Don’t give up’ by Peter Gabriel and Kate Bush. I stand there, next to the open door with my back against the wall. I’m crying, listening, thinking of Evelyn but also thinking of Evelina. I look up at the ceiling. “Evelyn, baby, please bring Evelina back to us. Evander will be so lost without his other half. We both need her,” I whisper. I don’t realize the singing has stopped, and as I turn to head back to Evelina’s room, I freeze. There, in the open doorway is Alana. She looks really tired and sad.

  “Hey,” I say quietly.

  “Hey,” she says back.

  “Was that you singing just now?” She nods and looks at the floor.

  “It was beautiful, Alana. It stopped me from walking on. I love that song. It was one of Evelyn’s favorites.” It’s my turn to look down now.

  “Thank you, Theon. How’s Evelina?” I shrug my shoulders but don’t look up.

  “I don’t know. She was hemorrhaging. They managed to stop it and gave her a blood transfusion, but that’s all I know. I’ve been waiting in her room. Dr. Cassidy said she would come and let me know what was going on and if they were going to take her to ICU. She was still in recovery, which is why I’ve not seen her yet.” I look up and into Alana’s eyes.

  “I’m so scared, Alana. So fucking terrified. I can’t lose her as well.” Now I’m crying hard. She moves so quickly, and before I know it she’s hugging me with my head on her shoulder. I let it out. I can do this with Alana. I can’t in front of the kids. I have to be strong, positive, and their daddy. “Thank you. I needed that.” I laugh, although it comes out a little more like a huff. “I’m not sure who’s worse, you or me, but I’m grateful, Alana. So grateful to have an outlet.”