The Best Day of My Life

by Lynda Throsby

Alana is slumped on the couch with her head back, looking up to the ceiling. She looks like she’s in PJ’s. Maybe I woke her. I tap lightly on the door, trying not to startle her, but she jumps at the noise and looks straight at me. It breaks me. She looks haunted. She’s pale, hollow, and her eyes are dead. She doesn’t smile like she usually does when she sees me.

  She looks like she’s going to just ignore me when she puts her head back on the back of the couch, but after a short breath, she starts to move and gets up and walks towards me at the doors. “What do you want, Theon?” Her hostility is a shock. I wasn’t expecting that. She doesn’t even open the doors.

  “Alana, baby. I just want to see you. To make sure you’re okay. Can I?”

  “I’m fine, Theon. Thanks for checking,” she says cutting me off. Then she turns and starts to walk away.

  “Alana, can I come in, please?”

  She stops and drops her head. She has her back to me, but I can see her shoulders slump. She turns back and comes to the doors, flicks the lever, and slides a door open. “Look, Theon, it’s nice of you to drop by, but I’m okay.” She looks anything but okay. She’s like a robot with no feeling. Her face stays stoic.

  “Hey, I’ve been there. I know you’re not fine, or okay. You can’t kid a kidder, Alana. Now, can I come in, please? I want to see you?” She turns and heads back to the couch but leaves the door open. I take that as my invitation to come in. She sits back down with her legs under her. It’s so quiet.

  “Where is everyone?”

  “Bailee and Bryan are staying with Susan for a couple of days. I thought it would be best if they weren’t around me at the moment.”

  I stand in front of her with my hands in my jeans pockets. I’m rubbish at this stuff, but I remember Sonia, Arnold, and Patrick all helping me when I was grieving. I crouch down in front of her so we are eye level. “Baby, don’t push them away. You need them, and they need you. You all need to grieve together. They will be hurting so badly right now, losing their sister, and then having their momma push them away. What must they be thinking? Alana, sweetheart, they lost their dad, now their sister, don’t let them lose their momma too. The same for you. You lost your husband and now your daughter, don’t lose the twins now when you all need each other.”

  I stroke her cheek with my thumb, wiping away the tears that are slowly running down.

  I pull her onto my lap and lean her head into my chest, and I hug her.

  “Let it go, baby. Let it all out on me. I’m here for you. You are not on your own. You have two adorable kids that need you and a sister to comfort you.” She cries hard, and it soon turns into sobs that leave her heaving to catch her breath. I hug her and stroke her back. We stay like that for some time until she calms down.

  She lifts her head to look at me. “What is it about you, Theon? I just let it all go whenever I’m in your arms. With the twins and Susan, I feel I have to be strong, but I can’t, that’s why I pushed them away. I don’t want them to hate me because they think I don’t care, but I don’t want them to see me fall apart like this. You know Bailee shouted at me yesterday, asking me why I wasn’t crying for Caroline like they were. I just told her to get to her room. I was emotionless. You come, and I just break.”

  “They won’t hate you, baby. Everyone feels grief differently, but you are allowed to show emotion. You don’t have to be strong all the time. It’s okay to break. If you all break together, you will all help in the healing process. I know you’ve had to go through this before, and they were all very young, but they understand more now. I’ve been so worried about you. I’ve left you messages, but you never got back to me.”

  “I’m sorry. You have enough to worry about with Evelina. I don’t want to add to your burden and worries.”

  “She’s home, Alana. She woke up that day. It was early in the morning. I was on my way to tell you when I found you with Caroline.”

  “Oh, that’s wonderful, Theon. Is she okay, though? No damage or any effects from the coma?”

  I shake my head no. “All normal. She’s just like she was before she got sick.” I smile but try not to be too happy given the circumstances. “Hey, have you eaten or drunk anything?”

  She looks down, and I know she hasn’t. “Right, let’s go into the kitchen and see what MasterChef Theon can cook up for you.”

  I look in the fridge and see some milk, eggs, cheese, and ham. Omelet it is. Perfect if she hasn’t eaten for a while.

  “Baby, why don’t you go have a shower and get changed while I make you one of my famous omelets? Then, if you feel like it, we could drive over to Susan’s to see them all. Let them see you’re okay.” I put my finger under her chin to tilt her head up so she looks at me, and I gently kiss her lips. She nods okay. “Are you sure? You should be at home with Evelina?”

  “It’s fine. Sonia is spending the day with her doing some girly pampering hair and nails thing. She’s got a few more days of complete rest then she should be okay to start back at school. She’s done amazing, Alana. You wouldn’t even know she had cancer a few weeks ago.”

  Alana steps away from me. “I’ll go for that shower.” Shit, she looks hurt. I shouldn’t have said that. Fuck, I need to be careful.

  I don’t start to cook the omelets until I hear the hairdryer turn off. I’m cooking them in two separate pans so we can eat together. Alana appears, looking so much better. I work out the coffee machine and pour us both a cup. She sits at the table in the corner near the back door and nurses the mug in her hands while staring out of the door window.

  “Alana, can I ask, where are you up to with funeral arrangements?”

  She doesn’t look at me or even acknowledge I spoke. I dish up the omelets and go and sit down opposite her.

  She looks up. “I’m supposed to go to the funeral home today to finalize everything and decide on the date. I couldn’t do it the other day, and to be honest, I’m not sure I still can. With Bailee and Bryan not being in school, it would mean me going on my own with Susan looking after them. There’s no way I would take them.”

  “I can go with you.”

  She looks straight into my eyes, looking for what, I don’t know. “You would do that for me?” I look at her. “Of course I would, Alana. I told you, I’m here for you, no matter what. Let’s eat our brunch,” I say looking at the time, and noticing it’s 11 a.m. “We can go to the funeral home, sort out everything for Caroline, and then we go to Susan’s, and you can spend time with Bailee and Bryan. Deal?” She nods her head yes and tucks into her omelet.

  “Mmmm, Theon this is lovely. Best omelet I’ve ever had. Thank you. Thank you for everything. I’m so sorry I was shutting you out. I didn’t want to be another burden for you with Evelina being poorly. I’m also sorry for the way I reacted before my shower. I am truly happy she has pulled through. I’m happy for you and for her. She’s an amazing little girl. Just like her daddy.” I stare at her, but she puts her head down and doesn’t look at me. I reach across for her hand, and I squeeze it.

  We go to the funeral home to sort out the details for Caroline. I know how hard this is and why she was putting it off. Choosing caskets, songs, order of service etc. is not enjoyable. She sorts out the date for five days time. I will make sure I am there to support her.

  After an emotive time at the funeral home, we head to Susan’s, where there is more emotion as Alana hugs Bailee and Bryan and they all cry, hugging each other. I leave them in the living room and head to the kitchen with Susan.

  “How did you manage this, Theon? Getting Alana out of the house and bringing her here? I’m so grateful to you.”

  “She just needed a reality check, I think. I’ve been ringing her and leaving messages, which she never returned so decided to go and see her. She was in a bit of a state, but we talked.” We talk while Alana spends time with the twins, and I tell her about the funeral arrangements.

  A little while later Alana comes into the kitchen. “Susan, I’m going to take them home with me. They want to
come back home. I’m sorry for pushing you all away. Do you want to come and stay with us?”

  “Yes, Alana, I think it would be a good idea. We both need support through this, sweetie. I want to be there for you and the twins.”

  I drop Alana off at home, with Susan following behind with the twins. We make small talk before Alana asks, “Theon, will you come to the funeral with me, please?”

  “Of course I will, Alana. I have every intention of coming. I told you, I will be there for you no matter what. I need to go now to pick up Evander from school. I’ll call you later, and I’ll see if Sonia or Arnold can spend a bit of time with Evelina tomorrow morning and call in to see you — if that is all right with you?”

  “Yes, that would be great, Theon. Thank you.”

  Present

  I CALL TO SEE Alana each morning after dropping Evander off at school. She doesn’t think she’s doing well, but to be honest, I think she’s doing remarkably, considering the circumstances. Her, Susan, and the twins are all supporting each other, which is great to see. They are all grieving in their own way, but also together — they need that. They were all doing well but the healing process won’t start until the funeral is over. Bryan isn’t going to school because of his grief, but Bailee wants to be at school to keep her mind occupied, and that’s her way of dealing.

  I spend the mornings at Alana’s house and then spend the afternoons with Evelina. She is doing great, and now she’s up and about as though nothing has happened. She’s even getting excited to be going back to school although she claims she isn’t. I think she wants to show her scars off to her friends. I haven’t told the Evs that Caroline didn’t make it, but I’m going to sit with them tonight and tell them I am going to her funeral tomorrow.

  Once the funeral is over, I want both our families to spend time together, so they need to know.

  Evelina comes with me to pick Evander up from school, and I take them out for dinner. I let her choose because she hasn’t been out anywhere for so long, and I shouldn’t be surprised it’s The Cheesecake Factory. She loves having the Ultimate Red Velvet cheesecake after her meal.

  Later on at home, I decide now is the time to tell them.

  “Hey, Evander, would you come into the living room for me, son? I need to speak to you and Evelina.” I go and sit down with Evelina who is lying on the couch watching the TV. I sit down, lifting her legs then placing them on my knee. She looks a little exhausted, but it was her first trip out today.

  “You feeling okay, poppet?” She nods

  “Just a bit tired, Daddy.” I stroke the hair from her forehead. Evander comes in, so I turn the TV off. “Hey, I was watching that.”

  “I know, poppet, but I need to tell you something.”

  She looks at me a bit worried. “What’s wrong, Daddy?”

  ”I just needed to tell you that I’m going to a funeral tomorrow. Do you know what that is?” I look at each of them, and Evander nods.

  “It’s what happens after someone dies. They put you in a box and either burn you or put you in a hole in the ground.”

  “Eww, Vander, don’t say that. That’s horrible. They don’t burn you, do they, Daddy?”

  “Well, yes, sometimes, it’s called a cremation when they do that. Evander is right. When someone dies their soul goes to heaven, and the body is left behind. There are a few ways to deal with the body, but the most common are burial in the ground like mommy when we go to her grave to put flowers on or cremation. The cremation is to burn the body then the ashes are given to the relatives, and they decide what to do with them, like scatter them over the loved ones favorite place like the ocean or they keep them on a shelf in a nice vase. There are lots of things. Anyway, this is a burial I’m going to tomorrow.”

  “Who died, Daddy?”

  “You remember my friend Alana at the hospital?” They both nod yes.

  “Did your friend die?”

  “No, not Alana, but you remember her daughter, Caroline? You both met Alana’s children, but Caroline was sick.”

  “Oh no, Daddy. Did Caroline die? She had cancer like I did but in a different place in her body.”

  “That’s right, poppet, she had cancer in her liver. No, she didn’t make it.

  “Oh, that’s so sad. I’m sorry she didn’t make it. Was her liver too poorly to fix?”

  “Yes it was too poorly, she needed a new one, and unfortunately the only way anyone can have a new organ is by somebody else dying and letting someone who is alive have an organ.”

  “That sounds terrible, Dad. So for Caroline to live someone else had to die. That doesn’t seem fair?”

  “I know son. On this occasion, Caroline was in real need of a new liver, but no one died in time for her to get one. That meant she passed away and got her angel wings. It is very sad, and Alana, Bailee, and Bryan are all very upset as you can imagine.”

  “Daddy, it doesn’t seem fair.” I move her to my knee and cuddle her as I see tears trickle down her face.

  “I feel bad for Alana and the others. She’s a really nice lady. I remember her from before my surgery, and I remember hearing her talking to me when I was asleep, I think.” I wipe the tears from her cheeks and kiss her forehead.

  “Yes she did, poppet. That’s right. Your grandma is coming to look after you tomorrow, and I will go to the funeral. Alana will be extremely upset and because she’s my friend, I want to be there to help her. Is that okay with you two?” I look from one to the other, and they both nod yes to me. God, I love my kids so much.

  “I needed you to both know, so that when you next see Alana, Bailee, and Bryan if they are a little sad, you know why.”

  “Daddy, can I make a card for them, please. Will you get my craft box out for me and help me?”

  “Of course I will. You want to do it now? You’re not too tired?”

  “No, I want to do it now, please.”

  We spend the evening making cards. She decides she wants to do a card for Alana and one for the twins. She draws pictures on the front of each card. For Bailee and Bryan, she does a colorful pony with a rainbow tail and wings sitting on a cloud in the sky with a rainbow behind it. Inside she writes:

  To Bailee and Bryan

  Please don’t be too sad your sister has gone away,

  She is in heaven now with her angel wings,

  She will always watch over you both.

  Lots of love from Evelina and Evander. Xxxx

  Then she draws a picture of a lady with a child either side of her. The lady and one child have a dress on, and the other child is wearing shorts and a t-shirt. They are holding hands. Above them is another child with wings, in a cloud, with a halo above her head. Inside she writes:

  To Alana

  I know you are very sad that Caroline has gone away

  She is now an angel just like my momma

  Angels watch over us always so are never very far from our hearts

  My daddy will look after you too

  Lots of love from Evelina and Evander. Xxxx

  I help her put some glitter on the rainbows for each color.

  “Daddy, I want them to be sparkly and colorful to make them happy and smile when it’s a sad time.” This kid makes my heart swell so badly that sometimes I have to pinch myself. Both of them have me in awe sometimes. I guess I’m doing something right.

  “Poppet, they will surely smile at these. They are beautiful and very thoughtful. You make me so proud.” I kiss her head.

  The following day I’m up with the Evs so I have time to get ready for the funeral. I want to get to Alana’s as I know she will be in a state. Sonia arrives early to help. I’m going to drop Evander off at school then go straight to Alana’s. The funeral isn’t until noon, so I will be there in plenty of time to help her. Sonia’s going to take Evelina out.

  “Nothing too strenuous, Sonia. She’s still supposed to be resting, but at the moment it’s a bit like keeping a wild tiger inside. I took her out yesterday to pick Evander up, and we ended u
p out for dinner, she was exhausted when we got home.”

  “No problem, Theon, it’s not like I can do anything too strenuous at my age anyway. I’m just going to go to the mall and then back to mine. I thought if they wanted to, as it’s Saturday tomorrow, they could stay with us tonight if you don’t mind? That way, you can have as long as you need with Alana today.” She winks at me. I know what she’s saying. “Arnold is picking Evander up from school and bringing him back to ours anyway, so they may as well stay, and if Evelina is up to it, we can have a movie night.” She’s a lifesaver

  “That would be great, Sonia, thank you. It means I don’t have to feel guilty being away from them for the day then. I think Alana is going to need a shoulder to cry on.”

  I get my black suit on and put my tie in my pocket then drive Evander to school. “You okay staying at your grandma and grandpa’s tonight? They would like you both there, and if Evelina is up to it, they said about having a movie night.”

  “Yeah sure, Dad. That will be great. You know we love staying with them. I hope Alana is okay today. It’s a very sad day for her. She will need her friends and family. I know it’s going to be hard. I know we lost momma, but we never knew her. I feel sorry for Bailee and Bryan. They lost their dad and now their sister. I was going crazy thinking I might lose Lina, so it has to be really hard on them. Maybe we could hang out with them sometime? I know they like video games, so they would love our cinema room, Dad, with the X-box on the big screen.” I’m in awe of both my kids and of how accepting they are of others.

  “That would be great, son. Maybe give them a little time to get over the funeral, and I will invite them over for a BBQ one weekend. They can play in the pool and play games. How does that sound?”

  “Cool, Dad. I can’t wait. It will be great having someone that likes games the same as me.”

  I drop Evander at school and head straight over to Alana’s. Susan opens the door, she’s crying.

  “Oh thank god, you’re here, Theon. Alana has locked herself in her bathroom and won’t speak to the twins or me. I’m terrified in case she’s done something stupid?”