by E. M. Moore
I walk down the porch steps, my knees quaking so hard that my legs are unsteady. Mr. Lordson moves ahead of me. He ducks his head to look in the front seat and then straightens again, moving to the back of the car, his hands on the door handle.
I gulp in several breaths of air to try to wrangle my heart under control. I didn’t run back into the house to grab my things because nothing up there is mine anyway. Let the assholes still stuck here fight over the clothes I was able to scrounge together and the radio alarm clock that’s been keeping me company.
If Jacinda knows I’m leaving, she’s not hollering after me like a crazed lunatic, so she must’ve verified this with Detective Reynolds.
I’m free. I’m actually free.
My body shudders at the thought of his name though. The walk to the car is like being stuck between my current life and what’s waiting for me. Reynolds won’t back down from here on out. I don’t think that for one second, but I’ll be a hell of a lot happier rolling with the punches with my guys at my side.
“It’s okay,” Lordson says, as he opens the door.
The interior of the car is completely black inside. It’s sunnier than all hell out here, but the minute I get a leg in the car, it takes forever for my eyes to adjust to the lighting. It doesn’t help that Lordson slams the door shut as soon as I’m clear of it.
I blink as if doing so will clear my vision faster, but I’m not sure that’s actually true because I’m still staring at a dark shadow on the opposite seat from me. My stomach twists like this was a bad idea, but as soon as I think that, a voice croaks on the opposite side. “Kyla.”
His sure tenor coats me in protective warmth. No wonder why I couldn’t see Magnum. He’s wearing his signature all-black outfit. The more my eyes adjust, the creases in his forehead deepen until he scans every last inch of my body. It feels as if he’s tearing me apart piece by piece but knitting me back together again with his reassuring gaze. “I was worried about you,” I say.
He looks away, his jaw ticking at my honesty.
The hot cocoa packet in my pocket makes a lot of sense now that Magnum is sitting across from me. I knew it was a sign I could trust the lawyer, and that even if Johnny had sent it, it was because of Magnum.
“You shouldn’t have been.”
The car takes off, and I slide back in my seat. I hurry to put my seatbelt on, and I swear Magnum’s gaze darkens even more while he watches me make sure I’m restrained.
“Your cast is off,” he says softly, staring at my arm.
“You knew I had a cast?”
He runs his hand down his copper scruff. “We were watching you. You were never alone.”
I don’t need to push buttons, but it sure as fuck felt like I was alone. None of their faults though, so I can’t even get mad. It’s a fucked up world we live in.
Magnum opens his mouth, but then shuts it again. The move is so forceful his teeth clank against each other. Tension swirls between us, though I’m not sure why. “Finn said you had to go underground until they figured out how to get you off the hook for shooting that asshole?”
“I should’ve shot him in the fucking head. He got off too fucking easy.”
I lean forward, but the seatbelt locks into place and pulls me back. I scowl. “It wasn’t your fault they came for me.”
“It’s my—” He shakes his head, lips pressing together like he refuses to say whatever words were about to come out of his mouth. “I was supposed to keep you safe and instead, you were in a car accident, almost got dragged off by Gregory’s henchmen, and were accused of fucking murder.” A guttural sound passes his lips. “Kyla, fuck.”
His voice does something to me. He locks his hazel-green eyes onto mine, staring deep inside like he can see right through the armor I’ve already had to pull back on. He moves forward, hitting the button to release my seatbelt before moving next to me. Magnum hikes my leg over his lap until we’re sitting facing one another. My heart pounds in my chest like a crazy thunderstorm that has less to do with the fact he took my seatbelt off and more to do with him touching me. “I’m so fucking sorry I didn’t keep you safe that night.” I open my mouth to interrupt, but he barges ahead like a reckless soldier. “Don’t you fucking say it wasn’t my fault. You’re not my job, Kyla.” He licks his lips, fingers tightening on my legs. I don’t think he realizes how tight he’s holding me, and fuck me, I’m not going to tell him to stop. “From the moment you came here, you haven’t been a job to me.”
My throat dries up like I’ve spent all this time away in the scorched desert, and I crave Magnum’s next words like a tall, cool glass of ice water.
“I wasn’t going to say anything,” he concedes, warring emotions fighting it out across his features. “I was going to sit back and do my job. I told myself the reason why I was so invested in you was because of the job, but I’ve been lying to myself for a while. The moment that fucker wrapped his hands around you and tried to drag you to his car, I admitted to myself what was really going on. Fuck me. Add me to the list of guys Johnny’s going to end up killing because I can’t fucking stop.”
He’s captured my gaze in a way I can’t look away from. The green in his normal hazel eyes is deeper, darker, swirling with the truth he’s just admitted.
“I think there’s something here but tell me there isn’t and I’ll never speak of this again.”
I open my mouth but slam it closed again. My jaw hurts from keeping it shut tight. Words beg to be said, but I hold them back. I started to realize the increasing tension between Magnum and me before that night. I tried to ignore it because I already care for three men at the same time, and I’m not sure this is one of those scenarios where “What’s one more?” works.
The truth is, I can’t lie to another guy I like. I can’t sit here and tell him I care for him and then hold back the reason why I’m here. I can’t do that to Magnum like I did with the others, and there’s no way in hell I can tell Magnum the truth. He works for the Crew. He’s literally trained to take out threats, and I’m going to be K’s biggest one.
Magnum loosens his hold on me. “I guess I misread...everything.”
I watch as he slowly pulls his hands away from me. My heart breaks inside. Motherfucking shit! “Don’t.”
I bite my lip at the word that just forced itself out. Fuck me sideways. I literally have no restraint at all. It’s not my fault. A life filled with love is in my grasp, and I just can’t fucking let it walk away. Sure, some people might not understand me, but if they lived life in my shoes, they’d get it. They’d understand the longing for something that was ripped away. I want it back, but I want it ten thousand times greater. I want it to knock me off my feet. I want to be swept away because only that will make what I’ve gone through worth it.
I lay my hand on his to stop it from retreating. I close my eyes. “I made a mistake with Oscar and Brawler.” Johnny, too, I think, as I lick my parched lips. Though that one was far more unavoidable. “One I don’t want to make with you.”
His fingers tighten on me, bunching my jeans in his grip.
“I’m keeping something from you.” I have to force the words out like I haven’t spoken in ages. In all honesty, I haven’t, really. I haven’t had a friend. A lover. No one for six weeks. “I can’t tell you what it is, and I’m not sorry about it either.” What I’m doing is risky. Maybe. I hope not. Gang ties are deep. They’re supposed to be everlasting, and I’m here mixing things up. Asking them to trust me and not the institution they grew up in.
Magnum does that thing with his gaze that makes my insides display like an open book. “You don’t think I see you?”
My lips part. Nerves skitter over my skin.
“I see the real you,” Magnum says. His words set fire to my heart. Or deeper. My soul. I want to lay everything bare, and at the hint that he might see the real me, I’m lost. “I know you’re hiding something.” He swallows, looking away briefly before finding my gaze again. “You came to the Heights for a r
eason, and I get that it means more to you than you ever let on. I’m here for you.” He tightens his grip on my jeans again as if he’s holding on for dear life. “I’m too fucking greedy to stand by and watch anymore. You want to know what I see when I look at you? Someone who’s trying to save everybody. Even herself. I thought you were playing with Johnny at first, but I realized quickly you weren’t. You like him. You like his messed-up parts. You want to show him a better life the same way you want to help Oscar and Brawler too.”
My eyes itch. Tears work their way to the surface, but I refuse to acknowledge them. “Johnny’s going to hate me when he finds out.”
All the fears I’ve had over the last several weeks rise to the surface like I’m on a rogue wave about to crash. I’m going to hurt him. I’ve wanted to help him, but I might even send him further into a downward spiral of hate he won’t be able to recover from.
“Johnny’s...” Magnum pauses, his throat working. “I told you he’d burn down the world for you once. Do you remember?”
I nod as the first tear falls. Magnum reaches out, smearing it over my cheek before it runs down my face.
“I think you’re the only one who could make him see.”
One by one, he catches the tears with his thumbs, flicking them away. It’s been a long time since I’ve cried. It’s an emotion I hold back because it’s weak. A display that symbolizes how completely overwhelmed I am.
“You just have to show him. We all do.”
My heart skips a beat as Magnum leans in. He licks a tear from my face, then rests his lips against my skin. Not doing anything more, just staying connected.
I like the sound of what he’s said. In fact, I love it so fucking much. Magnum cares for Johnny. I’m not sure I would’ve received the same reaction if I’d said those words to Brawler and Oscar, but Magnum has an understanding of him I’m not sure many do. Maybe he sees what I do.
His eyelashes flutter over my skin as the chaste press of his lips turns into more. He trails his bottom lip over my jawline until he reaches the sensitive spot behind my ear. He closes his mouth over my skin, kissing a trail down my neck that has my core tightening.
“I see you,” Magnum breathes. He kisses my collarbone. “I know you.” He presses his hand to the center of my chest. “This right here is all you need to know about anyone.”
God-fucking-damnit, I’m a goner. As if I had a choice in the matter. Feelings don’t work like that.
His lips linger on my collarbone before he pulls away, situating me in his lap with his strong arms around my waist.
I glance at the divider securely in place, my heart thumping so hard it thrums at my wrists. Thankfully, we’re alone back here.
Magnum presses a kiss to my shoulder. “How’s your neck?” He pulls my collar down, and my neck heats at his inspection.
“Better,” I tell him, moving back to rest my head on his shoulder. “I had electrical therapy today.”
I turn to the side to look at him, and he lifts his brows. “Does that even work?”
“I’ll tell you tomorrow.” I smile. “The doctors tell me I’m healing perfectly, but they know I want to get back into fighting, so they’re doing everything they can to heal me until I’m brand new.”
He closes his eyes for a brief moment, and the guilt coloring his features is unmistakable.
The car hangs a left, and Magnum holds onto me tighter. “Where are we going?” I ask, peeking out the tinted window.
“You’re headed back to the Heights to continue on as normal.”
Just the way he emphasizes you’re makes me hesitant. “And everyone else?”
“I haven’t seen Brawler since that night. Oscar, I’ve seen a few times, mostly when the Crew was discussing how to get you back.”
I’m sensing he led with the easy parts first. “Johnny?” I ask.
He breathes, and his chest expands underneath me. “He’s hanging on by a thread.” Magnum kisses my neck as if that will soften the blow. “K wants him to stay in Chicago where they’ve been holed up, but he’s adamant he’s coming back to the Heights.”
“They’ve been in Chicago?”
“They left that night.” Magnum rests his chin on my shoulder, his scruff pricking my skin. “He arranged everything from there, talking to the Crew here via video conferencing.”
“So, he won’t be in the Heights when we get back?”
Magnum shrugs. “It depends on who won. Johnny or his father.” The usual steady bodyguard shifts underneath me. I turn my head and catch uncertainty in his gaze. He looks over. “K’s not used to having something as important as the Crew vie for Johnny’s attention.”
A smug smirk threatens to come out, but I hold it back. “Let me guess, Big Daddy K isn’t happy?”
Magnum shakes his head. “Not at all.” He hugs me closer to him briefly. “If it was just a father-son spat, that would be one thing. But you’re Crew business now, and at the moment, Johnny’s acting like you aren’t. He’s acting as if you’re a separate entity he gets to have for himself. Something he’s using his own mind on.”
Uneasiness sweeps over me, raising the hairs on the back of my neck. Big Daddy K runs a tight ship. This won’t go over well with him. He likes to have every aspect of Johnny and the gang planned out himself. That’s why he made up the no sex rule, using me as Johnny’s prize for when he moved up.
“I need you to be extra careful,” Magnum whispers hoarsely. “The last thing we need is for K to see you as a threat rather than an asset. Johnny’s smart enough to know this, too, so if he doesn’t come right back to the Heights, don’t put his balls in a vise for it.”
Interesting choice of words, though not far off from where my mind was headed. However, it’s unfair of me to think that way. It’s only because I want to see him so badly that I want him on the next plane out of Chicago.
The car starts to slow, so Magnum slips me off him, creating space between us. “Be very careful. Trust no one but me, Brawler, and Oscar.”
I lift my brows. “Johnny?”
Magnum strokes his facial hair. “I fucking hope so, Kyla.” He glances out of the car. “From this moment forward, you be the good little Crew girlfriend. Got it?”
Before I can answer, he opens the door and stretches his legs out into the familiar underground parking lot.
Emotions tumble inside me. Some hopeful, some laced with anger, but mostly, I do as Magnum says and paint the face of a Crew girl on the outside.
4
Disappointment slows my feet, making me stop in the middle of my tower apartment when I realize Johnny’s not here. The whole building is suspiciously quiet. No hum of energy on the upper floors. No security personnel walking around. Magnum and I didn’t see a single soul on the way to our floor.
As if reading my expression, which I have no doubt he can, Magnum says, “Most everyone went to Chicago. There’s just a few key people here to talk with the lawyer and—”
“What about Finn? He said he spoke to Johnny.”
“He called him. He had their number because of the gym charges on his credit card.”
I blow out a breath. “Hopefully, that’s the last time we’ll need them. I don’t want them mixed up in this shit.”
“Agreed,” Mag says, wrinkles appearing between his nose. “The fewer the better.” He scans the place, but keeps on coming back to me, almost like he can’t bear to look away. The discussion we had in the car makes my skin prick. His arms around me felt so right. Like, I don’t understand what we were waiting for before.
I glance around the place, noticing everything is just as it was when I left. The housekeeping staff must have been through like usual. There isn’t a speck of dust inside the place. My bedroom door is open, and I peek through the entryway to find my bed made with what are probably fresh sheets even though I haven’t slept here in weeks.
Magnum’s phone goes off in his pocket, and I almost jump. He takes it out, immediately bringing it to his ear. “Yeah. I got her.
” Magnum moves his stare to look at me. “Sure.”
He holds out the phone. I raise my eyebrows, and Magnum nods.
I take the phone, hand shaking a little no matter how hard I try to calm it down. While I was gone, I tried not to think of this moment because I didn’t know if it would ever happen. “Hello?”
Johnny expels a breath that sounds as if the weight of the world has been on his shoulders. “Babe.”
I bite down on my lip. I secretly love it that he calls me babe, and I freaking missed it. “Yeah.” I smile but smooth it out afterward. I’m caught between happiness and sweet relief.
“Has Magnum checked your rooms yet?”
I glance up to find Magnum walking through the apartment. He disappears into the bedroom, pokes his head into the bathroom before coming back out and looking in the front closet. “Yeah. We’re all clear.”
Another sigh passes his lips. “I’m sorry I’m not there. I’m sorry— Fuck, I’m sorry for so many fucking things right now.”
“It’s not your fault.”
He growls, the sound ripping from his throat and almost knocking me on my heels. “I brought you into the Crew. It is my fault.”
A hot sweat breaks out over my forehead. If he only knew I wanted to be brought into the Crew. “Well, I’m not playing that game with you, so you can stop it. What’s done is done. You got me out.” I wish I could see his face right now, but I imagine he’s chewing his lip, going back and forth between continuing to argue with me and wanting to hold me.
“Did Magnum fill you in?”
“I think so,” I say, peeking at Magnum who’s taken up a spot by the door. He crosses his arms, legs spread wide in that authoritative stance I love.
His voice comes out strained. “I want to be there with you. You know that, right?”
“I know.”
“I’ll be there as soon as I can. In the meantime, Magnum and Oscar will be watching over you. The tower is safe. No one will be coming for you anytime soon. We took out a couple of Gregory’s guys even though we haven’t been able to fucking find him yet. We’ve been gathering as much intel as we can, and I’m trying to convince my father to get our asses back to the Heights so we can do more. I’m hoping now that the charges against you have been dropped, he’ll relent.”