by E. M. Moore
I glance between all of them, but something still isn’t sitting right. They’ve pledged their allegiance to me, so it’s only fair.
I slip away from Brawler and kneel at Mag’s feet. He edges the cup of cocoa he got for me closer, like that’s the reason I’m sitting here. I ignore it for the time being even though it smells divine. I haven’t had hot chocolate in exactly six weeks.
“You’re with us, right?” I ask.
Magnum’s brows furrow.
“Me. Us,” I tell him, motioning toward Oscar and Brawler. “Not the Crew.”
“More than you know,” he says, lips thinning.
I press my tongue against my teeth as I contemplate how to say this. This is one giant fucking leap, but since I’m getting real with everyone here, it needs to be done. I can’t leave Magnum out of the loop. It’s not right. I wouldn’t even do it to Johnny if I knew he wouldn’t just go ape shit and kill us all.
“Oh shit,” Oscar says, already knowing what I’m going to say. I don’t dare look at him.
Magnum peeks a look over his shoulder at him before turning back to me. “Is this the secret you told me about?”
I nod. “I just need to make sure you’re with me.”
I stare into his eyes while Oscar says, “Maybe you should teach him the secret handshake, Princess.”
I glare at Oscar because this is fucking serious, but he’s always unapologetic about his actions. Instead of returning my look, he rolls his hand over like I should get to talking. It’s good if he thinks we can trust him.
“I’m with you,” Mag says, ignoring Oscar’s jibe as well. He cups my chin and forces me to look at him again. He’s so ruggedly handsome. His facial hair ages him into hot older man territory, even though he’s technically not that much older than me.
I wait until his words coat me. I let them fill me up until I feel the rightness of it, and then I’m not scared to tell him. Licking my lips, I say, “Big Daddy K murdered my parents when I was twelve, and I’m going to kill him for it.”
Mag blinks. Then, he pulls me up to straddle his lap, placing his hands on my cheeks like I didn’t just announce I was going to murder his boss. He stares into my eyes for a long while before saying, “Thank you for telling me your secret.”
“Why does the new guy get to hold her?” Oscar whispers.
“Shut the fuck up, Drego,” Brawler barks back, clearly exasperated.
Oscar shrugs, but I turn my full attention back to Magnum because he took that admission like a champ. I raise an eyebrow. “That’s it?”
“That’s it,” he says. “I knew it had to be serious since you refused to leave the Heights.” He drops his hands to my shoulders, squeezing me briefly.
I eye him, waiting for the moment where he tells me it can’t be done. Or that it’s too dangerous, but Magnum doesn’t utter any of those words. He just turns me around in his lap so I can lean over and grab the cocoa he made me.
I look around, watching each of them take the moment in with a quiet confidence, and it warms my heart. This moment had been scaring the shit out of me for the longest time, but now that we’re here—together—a little piece of the other side comes into view, making me crave it even more.
One day, we’re all going to be out of the Heights, and I’m going to love every single second of it.
6
It turns out the thing Magnum used to scan Oscar and Brawler’s cell phones is a device used to detect bugs—listening and recording technology. Apparently, he’s been using it all along, checking my apartment since the moment I got it, as well as the cars we use.
I have a lot to learn about this life. It never dawned on me anyone might want to hear what I’m saying or see what I’m doing unless it was to get to Johnny and the Crew.
Magnum’s relinquished his hold on me. I’m sitting on the floor in front of him, legs crossed at the ankles. Brawler’s in front of me, our feet rubbing against one another while Oscar eye fucks me from his spot on the couch. I swear every time I catch him looking, it’s as if he’s undressing and doing naughty, naughty things to me.
Magnum runs his hand through my hair. “It’s not just other people I was worried about,” he says, continuing our conversation on what’s been going down since I left. “I did it in case Johnny was spying on you.”
I still. Brawler stops playing footsy with me. I tweak my neck back.
Mag shakes his head. “He never did.”
A sense of relief coats my suddenly buzzing skin. I’m going to come clean with Johnny about everything, but I need to bide my time. If he saw anything between me and the other guys, he would get the wrong impression. I’m not with them and not him. I’m not playing him. I’m with all of them. A family, like Brawler said. I get that from his point of view he might not think that, so that’s why I have to make him get behind the rest of the guys, or die trying because that’s probably exactly what it will come down to.
“Thank fuck for that.” Oscar runs his hands through his dark hair and then puts his ballcap back on. Have I mentioned I think it’s so damn sexy when guys wear baseball hats? Especially when they look like Oscar when they do. He owns that shit. When Oscar lifts his gaze, he smirks at me. “You’ve got a little something,” he says, pointing to the side of his mouth.
“Ha. Ha.” I wipe my mouth anyway in case I was drooling because I wouldn’t put it past myself. I’ve been away from them for six weeks. I give myself a mental high five to the face to keep myself on track. “Where are we at with Gregory? Johnny says he got away, but the Crew got a couple of his other men.”
Magnum traces the pad of his thumb over my neck. “We did. I shot the one guy. He didn’t die, but a couple of the other guards were able to chase their car after they left the scene. They found where they were hanging out and took a few of them out. Gregory got away though. He never made the stop back to their safe house.”
“So, that’s why Johnny and K are staying in Chicago? They don’t want to be traced back to the killings?”
“It’s just better all-around if they stay away,” Mag tells us. “They don’t want to be implicated, and every time there’s something big like this, something public, the media and the police make a big show about trying to do something about the gang problem.”
I bite the inside of my cheek. That’s not always the truth. Sometimes they’re more than happy to look the other way as my family well knows.
“Interesting that he didn’t come back though,” Brawler offers. I already know he’s judging Johnny for staying away. For not being here for me.
Magnum halts his touch on me. “It’s not his fault. It’s K’s. I know all of us have some weird shit wrapped up in the Crew, but I’ll be the first one to say that Johnny cares for Kyla. One hundred percent. I’ve never seen him like this. Parts of him that I thought were long gone are coming out. He’s furious with his father that he’s not back here right now. He’s staying away to help Kyla at this point because if he comes here for her, K won’t be happy about what Kyla’s doing to the guy he’s had his sights on for taking over. He won’t take it out on Johnny. It’ll be Kyla who suffers.”
Brawler’s ears blush to a deep crimson, and the rest of his body goes rigid like the calm before a storm.
“Don’t kill the messenger, man,” Mag says. “I’m just saying if you’re doubting that Johnny actually cares for Kyla, think again.” He rubs his thumb just under my ear. “I think she might just be his savior.”
Goosebumps sprout over my skin. The thought should terrify me, but instead, I’m ready. Bring it on. All of us can help Johnny. All of us can help each other. Johnny might need it the most right now, but this is going to be a long road for every single one of us.
“I just don’t understand how she’s going to do that,” Brawler says. He pulls his feet back and sits cross-legged. “In case any of us are missing the point, she also wants to kill his dad, which I don’t think he’ll just take lying down.”
“He’s got a point,” Oscar
says. “Maybe you’re working on something that just won’t happen. Can you give up killing K if it means being with Johnny? Because I sure as fuck would like to get out of the Heights as soon as possible. Football’s over. Fucking—”
Oscar’s rant has me squeezing my nails into myself. “Nope. No. Not happening. Big Daddy K is going to pay for what he did to me. I’m not leaving the Heights until it’s done.” I meet Oscar’s gaze. When I see him, I see his body wrecked by more than just football. His mind, too. Growing up anywhere else, Oscar would’ve been someone. Colleges would be knocking his door down. I saw it enough in the fancy little prep school I used to go to. No wonder why he’s so damn ready to get out of here. “I don’t want to keep you here,” I tell him, meaning every word.
Oscar gets to his feet, stepping around me and storming to the other side of the room. “I’m not leaving.”
I move to my feet and pad over to him. He’s staring out the window, arms crossed. I slip my arms around him from the back, pulling him to me. “We’re not giving up our dreams. It’s like, what, December?”
Oscar laughs, the sound pained and lost. “So, after you kill K, you’re just going to what? Continue on at another high school? Go to college like nothing happened?” He places his hand on my arm to soften the blow.
I step in front of him, lifting my head at a slight angle so I can look him in the eye. “I am. It’s about living the rest of my life just as much as it ever was about killing K. To me, if we all don’t get out of here and start living those lives we wanted before the Crew, killing K won’t have mattered. I need you to dream, Oscar. I need you to apply for colleges where you can play football.”
He shakes his head. “No one’s looking at me, Kyla. Scouts won’t even come to the Heights.”
“Then you make them look. Didn’t you tell me about some scholarship before?”
He grimaces. “The All-State? It’s not happening.”
“Then we’ll do something else. We’ll get you some aid and you can be a walk on. You can play a year at a community college and then get recruited to a bigger one. You must have film of you playing, right? I’ll help you send out copies to every school in this state. Hell, to any schools in this country. You’re good, Oscar Drego. You deserve to be seen.”
Oscar takes my hands and moves them off him. He gives me a half-hearted smile. “I lost the fight in me somewhere along the way, Princess.” He squeezes my hands. “I mean, I’m just a druggy prostitute’s son.” He drops my hands and turns.
I don’t let him get far. “No. No, fuck that,” I say, eyeing all three of them. “I don’t care who we are here. Here, in the Heights, I’m a soon-to-be murderer. Oscar, you’re the would-have-been star quarterback. Brawler, you’re the bare-knuckle fighter who fights for the local crowd when you should be in an octagon in the UFC. Magnum…I don’t know. Fuck.” Reminder to myself to find out what Magnum would be if he left here because I’m dying to know. Surely, his goal isn’t to keep the Heights Crew alive anymore. “This is just something I’m doing right now to get to where I want to be. It’s like braving the storm to get out the other side unscathed.”
“What do you want, Kyla?” Magnum asks. “When all this is over?”
I swallow to keep my emotions in check. What I want is so basic. I don’t dare to think beyond that. I don’t know about college, though I think it’s a good idea. I don’t know about fighting, even though I’d love to. But all that would be icing on the cake because what I really, really want is to just be surrounded by people I love. That’s all I’ve ever wanted since I was twelve. “You,” I say. “All of you. Around me. Being there for me. Caring for me.” The L-word is on the tip of my tongue, but fuck if I can say it right now. I don’t want to put a name to the emotion because what if I lose it all again? It will eat me from the inside out next time.
Brawler rises to his feet. My heart lodges in my throat as he prowls forward, not giving me any time to think. He dips, capturing my lips with his, kissing me thoroughly. His tongue presses against my lips until I relent, giving him access to all of me. Whether he’s meaning it in this way or not, his kiss is like a balm to my soul. When he pulls away, my lips feel swollen and worshipped. “I’m there,” he says. He turns toward Oscar. “I’ll help you, too. Kyla’s right. You shouldn’t give up on football because we got dealt shitty hands with a deck no one cares about anymore.”
Oscar rubs the back of his neck. He hits his cap, making it sit awkwardly on his head. He grabs it off, turns toward me, and puts it on my head. Leaning down, he kisses me. “I need a moment. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”
I grab his hand to hold him back. “Don’t go.”
He wiggles out of it. “It’s okay. I’m good. I just…I’ll be here tomorrow, alright?”
Oscar makes it to the door before Brawler leans over to kiss my temple. “I’ll go after him. Don’t worry. We got this shit handled.”
I watch them both go, the door closing behind them. Magnum gets up to lock it as I blow out a breath. “He’s not used to having people stick up for him, not even in front of himself.”
“Which is why we need to get out of here.” I rub my temples, and Magnum moves up, placing his hands on my hips. I love how he’s gone from staying away to touching me like it’s natural.
“Sorry,” he says, like he’s somehow heard my train of thought. “I just don’t want to stop touching you now that I can.” He drops his forehead to mine. “I was sure Johnny would be able to get you back, but…it didn’t ease my worries any.”
My heart squeezes in my throat. His presence looms over me, dousing my body in sensations. Curiosity pricks at me. Magnum and I were friends first. Countless hours spent with each other in his apartment and in the car while he carted me everywhere. We became easy talking buddies after a while, but after the weeks have passed, this seems like a giant leap I can’t wait to take, but it’s still a leap.
“I will go as slow as you want,” he breathes.
My body hums in approval, a slight vibration that automatically moves me closer to him. His arms wind around my back, and I have to remind myself to breathe. “If you’re with me, what do you want after this, Magnum?” I smile, remembering that day in the hospital when the detective let the cat out of the bag about Mag’s name. “Detective Reynolds told me your real name.”
The corner of his mouth teases up. “I am with you.” He leans over, his lips brushing against mine. “And you can call me by my real name.”
“Jacob,” I say, testing the sound of it on my lips, but only serving to increase the friction between us. My mouth buzzes, tingling with excitement as it moves over Magnum’s plump lips.
“Say it again.” His demanding voice sets fire to my core.
“Jacob.”
He covers my mouth with his own, teasing and prying, spreading my lips apart, so he can dive his tongue inside. I moan hard, leaning my hips into him until he pulls me that much closer, removing all distance between us. He reaches his hand up my back, tangling in my hair until he holds me in place while he ravishes me. He plays my mouth like a kissing prodigy, knowing exactly what and where and how to have me gasping for breath.
“I miss my real name,” he says finally. His chest slides against mine as we both compete for the same air.
“Magnum is pretty badass though.”
“I just miss being me,” he admits. “Not an arm of the Crew, but Jacob Cotton—” He presses his lips together.
I swallow. “You didn’t tell me what you wanted after all this.”
“Just to be me again,” he says. “That’s what I want. To be me again. With you. To let everyone see me.”
“That’s pretty vague.” I don’t even know the words coming out of my mouth right now because I keep staring at his lips and trying to regain a state of steady breathing.
“It’s all I got.” He groans when I arch into him. “I have to go before I take you into that room and screw up everything I just promised you.”
He leans my h
ead back, searching my face.
“Don’t,” I tell him. “I don’t want to be alone again.”
He kisses my cheek, hand massaging my neck before he finally speaks. “Okay.”
Magnum follows me into my room. He leaves me to get ready for bed, getting comfortable in a chair in the corner. When I come out of the bathroom in one of Johnny’s shirts and nothing else, his eyes blaze, but he stays where he is. I’m okay with this.
I slip under the covers, telling him goodnight. He whispers it back, and that’s the last thing I’m conscious of as I drift off to the most content sleep I’ve had in the last few weeks.
7
Without the threats surrounding me, I sleep most of the day away. I never let my guard down at Greenlawn’s. Most of the people there were supposed to be there. Unlike me, they’d actually done the shit they were accused of. I tried to stay out of their hair, but by refusing to involve myself with any of them, I made myself a target that I was constantly looking over my shoulder for.
That’s not to mention Gregory or Detective Reynolds.
I don’t know if Gregory ever tried looking for me while I was at Greenlawn, but he had a prime opportunity to find me there and do what he wanted. The RHPD said they were keeping my whereabouts top secret, and the Crew obviously didn’t tell anyone either. Thankfully, I came out unscathed with an unhealthy addiction of watching my back. Most nights, I barely slept, so knowing Magnum was in the room last night gave me my first restful sleep in a month.
When I roll out of bed, I stumble to the windows and open the blinds, letting the warmth of the sun shine in. Greenlawn was so gross—even worse than the apartment I had in Brawler’s building—so I’m never letting this place go to waste again. The tower is like living in a fancy hotel.
“God, you look beautiful in the morning.”
I start, my heart already in my throat. I hate I’m like this now, always wondering what’s about to get me.