by Simon Archer
Crabface recognized them too, and that’s when his eyes went wide and pleading. He took a look toward where he knew that Organus and I were watching, two of his legs already sloughing off, in a simulated fashion, from the extremely handsome poison running through his body. The baby had already had enough, and he wanted this test to be over now.
“So, Gobta, King of the Hobgoblins, mighty vassal of Garrett Andrews,” Organus began as the electric fish unhinged their piranha-like jaws and rushed for Crabface, “are you a merciful dungeon lord? Or are you a dark and terrible master?”
I scoffed. “As if that were a question?” I caught Crabface’s watering eyes… how the Black Hells did that work when he was underwater, even phantom water?... and raised my fist towards him, oriented to give him the thumbs-up of mercy…
Then I turned my thumb down.
What? I had to test the dungeon, didn’t I?
Crabface’s eyes went wide for only a moment before his tensed body just relaxed. At that moment, I knew why Barnabas had beaten him, why Garrett had done the same when he had been given his super-crab-body. Crabface just didn’t have the grit to keep going, he gave in to his fate instead of railing against it. To fight your imminent demise with every muscle and power and nerve and breath, that was the mark of greatness, the difference between a hero and the forgotten.
Then the Prince Fishers started biting, and tearing, and shocking. The phantom waters turned into a mess of simulated chum and blood. It was so realistic, so amazingly lifelike, that I wondered if I could learn the shadow magic that powered it myself. It was something to explore in the future, but for now…
“I think we’ve got our answer,” I said with a grin. With a wave of the golden brush, I canted the spell to end the simulation, to dispel all the shadow and bring us back to reality. The water was gone, the Prince Fishers back in their pen, the mithril needles retracted. Crabface collapsed in a heap, his limbs whole once more and every bit of flesh where it should be. “What do you think, Organus?”
“I approve, Gobta,” the Tartaran gurgled enthusiastically. “I believe you have a bright future as my dungeon’s keeper.” His tentacles flailed in what I guessed was excitement, while Crabface simply blubbered on the floor, giving thanks to his gods for being alive. “And to think, he still had two more traps to set off.”
I let out a deep chuckle. “Indeed, my friend.” My meaty frame shook as I felt a good, old-fashioned maniacal laugh come on. “This is just the beginning!”
37
I awoke to find the goddess Rhapsody leaning over me, and like always, time appeared to be stopped. I knew because Thera was cuddled up to me, mouth open wide in mid-exhale.
“She’s pretty,” Rhapsody said as she took us in, a pink flush to her cheeks. “I can see why you like her. Curvy but muscular.” She nodded.
“Well, hello to you too,” I said as I took her in. She was still as pretty as ever. Her red hair framed her face in a way that was, quite simply, breathtaking and served to highlight the smattering of freckles across her nose.
“So, you have done something I’ve not expected,” she said as she turned toward the stone. My eyes flicked toward it, and I saw that the stone was glowing. Sparks of energy were shooting into the air from its hilt even though time was stopped. In fact, it looked like the sword was moving in real time, something nothing else had managed thus far.
“What’s that?” I asked as I tried to tear my eyes from the sword.
“You have started to repair the sword.” She looked at me and frowned. “That is a problem.”
“Why is it a problem?” I raised an eyebrow at her. “Shouldn’t that be a good thing?”
“It would be if the repairs are complete.” She nodded toward where my Destroyer King’s Gauntlet lay on the ground. “But they are not, and that is a problem.”
“Um… can you give me a bit more detail, because I’m a bit confused? Should I not have put the sword in the stone?” I asked, suddenly concerned. “Because it seemed, well, natural to do so, and when I drew it last time, it seemed a lot stronger.”
“I suspect that was part of Titania’s plan.” She gave me a knowing smile. “Of course you should use the rock to repair the sword, after all. That material is very, very rare. The problem is that, now that you have begun the process, you must allow it to finish because every time you draw the sword from the rock, the repairs will be less effective than they would be otherwise. So, you’ll have to face Titania without your sword if you want to maximize its power.” This information didn’t seem to displease Rhapsody. In fact, she seemed amused by it. “And that will be very interesting to watch.”
“Um… okay,” I said as I let puzzled over it. “Why do you seem pleased by this turn of events? I mean, it seems bad that I started the repair now, no?”
“Do not worry.” Rhapsody grinned. “This will be a good thing. In fact, Titania may have very well sealed her fate.” She nodded toward the sword. “She is expecting you to draw the sword and use it in its imperfect state.” Rhapsody laughed then. “Because she was banking on you not knowing you should wait to draw it. And, even if you did know that, how would you know how long you needed to wait? It isn’t like you had anyone examine the rock and the sword together, now have you?”
“I have not,” I said slowly, not that it mattered because she was just gone. Like, one minute she was there, and the next, she just wasn’t.
“Garrett, is everything okay?” Thera asked as she looked up at me from the bed, and it was then that I realized I’d walked over to the sword and was staring at it. “Wait, what is happening with the sword?”
“It’s being repaired, and I can’t remove it until it’s done,” I said as I glanced back at her and smiled. “So, we’ll either have to leave it here when we go or wait until it’s finished.”
“We should definitely wait.” Thera stared at the sparks coming off the sword. “It is too powerful a weapon to leave behind if we are to face the Oranges under the control of the Fire Bringer. How long will that take?”
“I’m not sure,” I admitted, “but I’m going to find out.”
“I will leave you to it,” Thera said as she stretched, revealing her perfect breasts to me. “I have many preparations to take care of if we are to head out.” She began to dress. “Would you mind if I had Queenie help me summon the Quetzals to load with supplied?”
“Not at all. Thank you for taking care of it.” I gave her a kiss as she approached me.
“It is my pleasure,” she said before giving me one last kiss and heading out. A moment later, I was alone in the hut.
“Well, I feel dumb for not having done this earlier,” I said as I got dressed and pinged Veronica. There was an immediate response, and I hit the button to summon her holographically.
“Veronica’s House of Minerals. If you got rocks, we’ll break ‘em, mash ‘em, and bake them in a pie,” she answered cheerily as her holographic form appeared in front of me.
“Someone’s in a good mood,” I said as I shook my head in amusement.
“Of course. You’ve called me twice in such a short time, and you know what that means.” There was a short pause. “Double appreciation when you get back.” She giggled. “And I aim to collect in full.”
Admittedly, her words made my blood run south, and I let a few thoughts play through my head, though not enough to distract me, well, too much.
“Oh, I’ll be happy to oblige,” I said, “but it’s going to have to wait a bit.”
“I figured that, unfortunately,” Veronica mewled unhappily. “Maybe I could come down and join you there? I could bring Mel, and it could be a party.”
“As much as I really, really love that idea, I think you may need to stay at the Halls.” Now that I knew who was behind this forced world, I wasn’t going to risk either of them by bringing them here in the flesh. I finally drew her attention to the sword in the stone. “What do you make of that?” Silence. “Veronica?” More silence. “Um… is everything okay?
”
“Where did you find Sunstone?” Veronica asked as she turned toward me, tail swishing furiously. “It’s one of the rarest substances in known the multiverse. I thought all of it had been made into weapons like your sword and gauntlet.” She took a step forward. “I didn’t think any raw stone still existed.”
“Well, color me surprised.” I was too. I’d known it was rare, but even still, that it was that rare was surprising. Moreso because apparently, the Destroyer King of Legend had an entire suit of armor made of the stuff.
“So, I’m sure you just didn’t want to show me your sword being repaired.” She smirked. “How did you know that forged Sunstone weapons will repair themselves if given raw Sunstone by the way? I didn’t learn that until I took an advanced mineralogy class on Sunstone specifically.”
“A lucky guess, actually.” I pointed at the sword. “It seemed to know.”
“Ah. I remember reading about that.” She blew a lock of dark hair out of her face. “It isn’t like we had it in the lab to experiment with…”
“So, anyway, that repair thing is what I wanted to talk to you about, actually.” I gestured at the sparks. “I need to know how long this is going to take because apparently, I can’t draw the sword out until the repair is completed.”
“Can’t or shouldn’t?” Veronica asked as she moved forward to circle the rock. “That’s an important question, actually.”
“Shouldn’t,” I replied.
“Perfect.” Veronica clapped her hands. “So, what you need to do is trust me.” She gestured at it. “Okay?”
“Um… why?” I asked, suddenly concerned. “You know I trust you.”
“Okay, good then.” She moved out of the view of the hologram. “I’m going to send you something.” A moment later, I got a ping from the system, letting me know she had, in fact, sent me something over the link.
I reached into my inventory and found the package. When I opened it, I found a very disgruntled looking Union pixie glaring at me.
“I am not a package and should not be shipped as such,” he said angrily as he twirled his tiny mustache and glared at me through his monocle. “The Union will hear about this.”
“Sorry,” I mumbled as I looked from the pixie to Veronica, who had reappeared. “So, uh, why did you send me the pixie?”
“Jorge,” the pixie said. “My name is Jorge Vondersplat of the Archfire and Brimstone Forests of Namir.”
I probably should have apologized, but before I could, Veronica started talking, and I just shrugged at the guy.
“I sent you Jorge because I want you to put pixie dust on the sword now. The stuff makes magical items better and all that, so it should not only speed up the process but make it even better.” She grinned like a Cheshire cat.
“Will that actually work?” I asked the pair of them, which seemed to anger Jorge.
“Of course it will work.” Jorge snorted. “In fact, it won’t even take long. If I apply my dust directly to the process, for the next, oh twenty or so minutes, it should be completed.”
“That fast?” I said dubiously.
“Of course.” Jorge crossed his arms over his tiny chest. “I’m not one of those pixies who looks at a job that will take forty hours on its own and then bid thirty-nine hours so I can goof off and collect money.” He smacked his chest. “After all, I’m a Vondersplat.”
“Right, okay,” I said as I tried to parse that. “So, it would take forty hours otherwise?”
“Thereabouts.” Jorge nodded. “So, you can see why my services cost what they do.”
“Do I even want to know?” I inquired of Veronica.
“No.” She shook her head. “Not even a little bit.”
“Right.” I sighed as my delusions of grandeur became more deluded and less grand. “Go forth, Jorge.” I gestured at the sword in the stone. “Conquer.”
“You are going to be charged prevailing rates for the time and material for this,” Jorge told me, and when I nodded fervently, he got to work making dust and putting it on the sword.
“Thanks,” I told him honestly. “I think you’re doing the best work I’ve ever seen a pixie do.”
“I should hope so.” Jorge snorted. “After all, the other pixies cannot hope to match the mastery of a Vondersplat.”
“That’s actually true,” Veronica added. “Oh, and leave him your gauntlet. He can do that after because, if my calculations are correct, there will be enough left over to fix that as well.”
“Is that true, Jorge?” I asked the pixie. “You can fix this old thing, too?”
“Yes. Most assuredly.” Jorge didn’t even look up at me. “Just leave it here and give me some time.” He pursed his lips. “Come back in about an hour.”
“Will do,” I said as I took off the Hand of the Destroyer King and set it there. “Thank you, Jorge, and you too, Veronica. You’re a lifesaver.”
“You’re welcome, Garrett,” Veronica said as she licked her lips. “Trust me when I say this: I expect it to be very worth my time.”
“I’ll do my best.” I laughed. “Promise.”
“Great.” Veronica turned to Jorge. “When you come back, bring me whatever is left over, okay?”
“The Union rules say--”
“No.” Veronica shook her head. “You know full well that paragraph C subsection three prohibits the finished work clause in the event of magical items, and you know full well that Sunstone counts. Or do I need to refer you to the case of Manica v. the World of Kol?”
“You do not,” Jorge grumbled. “I am very familiar with it.” He sighed. “Now go. I’ll bring you the scraps.”
“I’m taking it that you’ve had this argument before,” I asked Veronica as I left Jorge to do his thing.
“Oh, yes.” Veronica laughed. “In fact, Negotiating with fairies and pixies is one of the first classes we take at the crafter’s guild back home. We tend to do a lot of work with them, so…”
“Makes sense,” I said as another thought occurred to me. “Say, I have an unrelated related question since we now have access to the Accords.”
“You know me and reading,” Veronica smirked. “It’s one of my favorite things, and from what I’m hearing, you’re going to pay me to read about fairies.”
“Perfect.” I clapped my hands. “See, I’m pretty sure it was Titania who destroyed Queenie and the other scouts during the Diplodocus attack.” I waved off that train of thought. “My worry is that she will escape or vanish or whatever the next time we find her. Is there a way to… make her stay and fight?”
“Like a fairy trap?” Veronica tapped her chin. “I can see. It wouldn’t surprise me. Mind if I snag Mel for this?”
“Use whatever resources you need to use. Stopping Titania is of the utmost importance.” I’d have said more, but Queenie came up to me then with a steaming bowl of porridge.
“Master, I have fixed you a hearty breakfast so that you will not be hungry during our upcoming trip. I have infused it with honey from my Golden Bear’s Honey Pot, so it should be especially good at giving you strength.” She glanced at Veronica. “Not napping?”
“Actually, that sounds like a great idea,” Veronica stretched and yawned. “Check you cats later.” With that, she signed off, much to Queenie’s chagrin, because I could tell the Ant Queen had been about to launch into a tirade.
“Thank you, Queenie,” I said as I took the bowl from her. “I appreciate it.”
“You’re most welcome, master.” She smiled. “Please let me know if it tastes good. I had Jorna show me how to make it.”
I nodded to her and then took a bit, and as the flavor of honey and nuts hit my tongue, my knees went weak. Damn, was that good.
“Oh, my god, Queenie. This is amazing,” I said as I shoved another bite into my mouth and tried to chew slowly so I could savor it, while also eating as quickly as possible so I could have it already be in my belly.
“I am glad you like it, master.” Queenie beamed at me. “It makes me ve
ry happy.” Then she reached out very tentatively and squeezed my hand, which was something she’d never really done before. “Please be careful when you face the fairy queen. I know I should not worry because you are the most powerful and best and smartest master ever, but please…” she swallowed hard. “Do not die.”
“Don’t worry,” I said as I finished the porridge. “I have no plans on dying.” I hugged her close and kissed her forehead. “Now, how about we both go get some more porridge?”
“I would like that very much, master,” Queenie said, and this time, she kissed me on the lips. “Wow, master, you taste better than normal.” She grinned widely. “Maybe next time we can use honey when we mate. I think that might be fun to lick off you.”
And with that thought in my head, I let her lead me to the porridge line at Jorna’s stand.
38
I’ll be honest, the next hour passed so quickly that when I got Veronica’s ping, I was sort of surprised by it. After eating, I’d set to helping pack the Quetzals for the journey since it seemed like almost all the warriors in the Blue Palm Clan wanted to come along. I’d tried to explain why that wasn’t necessary, but who was I to tell them they couldn’t kick ass and take names, though I suspected a large part of it was that they enjoyed riding around on the Quetzals.
Still, I couldn’t quell the giddy feeling that bounced in my chest as I approached Thera’s hut. I couldn’t believe the pixie had finished so quickly. I mean, I knew that their dust sped up the creation of things and whatnot, but still, he’d shrunk the timeframe considerably, and I could only wonder what my sword and gauntlet would look like now.
“Hello,” I said as I knocked and entered the hut to find Jorge the pixie standing there with his arms crossed.