by Mia Archer
And that’s the story of how Sandra, the good girl who would never raise a hand against anyone, the girl who loved everyone and was always so nice to everyone she saw, got so mad that she finally slapped one deserving bastard across the face.
Hey, at least she finally got up the guts to tell him she wasn’t interested with a message that even he couldn’t ignore. Though from the way he’s been hanging around in the comments talking about how it didn’t really happen that way maybe he didn’t get the message after all.
Too bad. So sad. She’s never going to be interested in you Darrell, so you might as well give up.
I glanced at Valerie one last time. She looked like she was enjoying this, and she was recording every moment. Whatever. I wasn’t so ghoulish that I was going to stand around and record one of my friends having the most painful moment of her life so I could get some hits on a website or something. I wasn't the real jerk friend that day.
I went to comfort Sandra. Even though I had a feeling comfort from me was the last thing she’d want if she had any idea I was the breakup artist.
Even if I hadn’t done anything. That’s the problem with getting framed for a crime you didn’t commit. Sometimes the person doing the framing does such a good job that nothing short of writing a tell-all series of posts on social media will be enough to clear your name.
Which I guess is a good thing for all you vultures out there reading this even if it isn’t a great thing for me.
21
Surprise Date
Ashley Timmons says
It’s one of those weird things in life that while someone else is having the worst day of their life it’s entirely possible for you to be having the best day of your life.
I’m sure on the day Pearl Harbor was bombed everyone was pretty upset about what was going on, I’d talked to my great grandmother about that when I was younger and I could see the haunted look in her eyes, but at the same time I’m pretty sure there were lots of people in the U.S. that day who had a pretty good day, all things considered. Guys who got to kiss their best gal, that sort of thing.
The point is it’s just how the world works. Bad things happen to good people, sure, but at the same time there are lots of people out there who go on living their lives.
And so it was that I went from witnessing a situation that was going to change my life very soon to having one of the best days of my life. As weird and as crazy as that sounds.
I was leaving the scene of the greatest dramatic clusterfuck our school has ever seen when I felt a touch on my shoulder. I wheeled around, half expecting to see Darrell behind me wanting to demand why the hell I hadn’t come through for him.
Of course I’d never agreed to work for him even if I was pretty sure he was the asshole who’d tried to get me to break Sandra and Sean up. That wouldn’t stop him from getting pissed off that I didn’t do what he thought I was going to do though.
He was the kind of guy who lived in a fantasy world most of the time.
But instead I saw Maddie standing there with an almost hesitant smile on her face. I’m not sure why she’d hesitate around me, but there it was.
“Hi,” she said. “Didn’t mean to startle you.”
I breathed out a long sigh of relief. Of all the people I needed to see right now she was at the top of my list. Near the bottom were Sandra, Valerie, Darrell, or even Steve who I hadn’t even talked to in like a week which I probably should’ve felt bad about or something.
Like everything to do with my boyfriend, though, I just felt a big empty hole where there should’ve been a spark or passion.
Of course there was someone who did fill the hole in my love life with sparks and passion. Never mind that I wasn't sure about feeling that way about another girl. It would seem that my body hadn’t bothered consulting me about any of these feelings despite how inconvenient they were.
“You have no idea how glad I am to see you,” I said.
I pulled her into a huge hug. I really needed that. I felt like my world was falling apart around me, and there she was ready to provide a little bit of support when I needed it.
Almost like what a person was supposed to do when you were in a relationship.
“I was hoping I’d find you,” she said. “We really need to exchange numbers so we can find each other on the regular.”
A chill ran through me at that. The idea of being able to text her whenever I wanted sounded really nice. Of course that was something else that was inching closer and closer to the sort of thing you did if you were in a relationship, but the more I thought about it the less I cared about how weird that sounded. It felt right, and isn't that what really matters?
“Yeah, maybe we should,” I said. “Give me your phone?”
Maddie seemed a little surprised. I’m not sure why she was surprised considering she’d just all but asked for my number. She handed over her phone like she was in a daze, and I typed in my number and texted myself with my name so she’d have my digits.
“There you go,” I said. “Now you can get in touch with me whenever you want!”
I handed the phone back. Our hands didn’t touch when I handed it back, but it still felt like there was an electric spark that jumped between us.
That was what it was supposed to feel like when you gave someone your number. Not the emptiness and the feeling that I was only giving Steve my number because that’s what you were supposed to do.
I keep saying it, but this was different. And I was about to see just how different it could get.
“So anyways, I was hoping to find you and then it turns out you were way easier to find than I ever could’ve imagined,” she said, blushing just a little.
I blushed too when I realized what she was talking about. Of course. It’d probably been pretty fucking easy to find me because I’d been out there in the middle of that confrontation holding Sandra against my shoulder while she sobbed.
It was pretty hard for me to keep telling myself what I did on the side was a good thing when I felt her sobbing like that. Even if I knew I didn’t have anything to do with this breakup. Even if I had the example of Kylie thanking me for what I’d done the night before.
I still felt like a piece of shit for making people go through that, even if it was something that maybe they needed to go through.
“Guess I was pretty hard to miss, wasn’t I?” I said.
“Yeah, you could say that,” Maddie replied. “But I was hoping to find you because I…”
“Yes,” I said.
She blinked a couple of times. I guess I’d surprised her by preempting her.
“Yes?”
“Whatever you’re about to ask me, yes,” I said.
Another thrill ran through me at the possibilities. What was she about to ask me? Maybe her phone was dead and she needed to borrow a charger and wouldn’t I feel pretty stupid if I’d just answered her like something out of a romcom and all she needed was a little extra juice for her phone?
Something told me that wasn’t the case here though. No, something told me she was about to ask me out or something. Maybe on a date. Maybe to be her girlfriend.
Either way the answer was yes.
And here we’re getting to a point where a lot of you are probably going to jump in and accuse me of being a piece of shit. Okay. Sure. In this case maybe you’re technically right. I never said I was a reliable or a totally likable narrator here, and what story is any fun if you have a perfect narrator who makes the right call all the time?
The point is yeah, technically at this point I was still dating Steve even if the relationship was over as far as I was concerned.
But come on. I was caught up in the moment. I wasn’t thinking about Steve. I sure wasn’t thinking about calling him up and breaking up with him in the middle of such a happy moment so I could be technically correct about the end of a relationship that was already over and the beginning of a new relationship that had already started.
So yeah. Piece of shit. I
totally own up to that. But at the same time you have to realize that sometimes life happens and you have to let it happen. Sometimes life is messy. This was one of those moments in my life and it’s being broadcast for the whole school to see rather than being kept nice and private like most people who make mistakes when they’re teenagers.
“So you do want to go see a movie?” she asked.
I grinned. A grin that split my face. The kind of grin that can only come from being asked out on a date by someone you’re really into, and this was the first time I’d ever had one of those moments so I was going to enjoy it!
“I’d love to,” I said. “What did you have in mind?”
“Oh I was thinking about someone’s favorite movie, is all,” she said.
I grinned. My favorite movie. That sounded nice.
That was the kind of romantic gesture that had been sorely lacking in my love life up to this point.
Let’s face it. Steve’s idea of a romantic evening was taking me out behind one of the local fast food joints on the main drag in town so we could make out in the back seat of his car.
On nights when he was feeling particularly generous he’d park in one of the student lots down on the college campus, though that was playing a dangerous game since there was always more campus security running around there whereas at the fast food joints the worst you had to worry about was some bored minimum wage worker coming out to toss trash into a dumpster.
Either way, it wasn’t exactly my idea of a romantic evening.
Sorry Steve. I know I said I wasn’t going to talk about you in these things, but I have to show people my basis of comparison.
Besides, if you really want to impress a girl you’re going to have to up your game and come up with something better than the privilege of enticing her into the back seat of your cramped Honda and sucking face.
Unless you find a girl who’s really that into you, in which case Godspeed. But that girl wasn’t me.
Back to the story. I reached out and took Maddie’s hand. I couldn’t get a goofy smile off my face.
“So what movie did you have in mind?” I asked.
She hit me with a look that said she was a little surprised I’d even ask.
“Well if you don’t know then I’m not telling you and ruining the surprise,” she said.
I frowned. “So where exactly are we going to see this movie?”
“That’s another one that’s going to have to be a surprise if you can’t figure it out,” she said.
“Okay then. Who’s driving?” I asked.
“I am,” she said.
“I guess that makes sense. You’re the one who knows we’re going to…”
She hit me with a flat stare. “Nice try, but it’s not going to work.”
I shrugged and grinned a sheepish grin. “I figured it was worth a shot.”
“Yeah, well you’re not getting me that easily. Now come on.”
I felt positively giddy as she loaded me into her car. This felt more like a real date than anything I’d ever been on with a guy. Again, I keep coming back to that point but only to make it clear how I felt. Because that’s what this is all about.
Besides, these are my updates so you will listen to and hang on every word I have to say.
Having said that, I’m going to leave all of you hanging until the next update!
I know, I’m evil.
22
Sneaking
Ashley Timmons says
Well. Things certainly got ugly in the comments section for the last post, and not for the reasons I would’ve thought.
I wasn’t aware that the young Republicans at our school had been reading my posts. Or maybe it was one of those religious groups that’s always going on about how much Jesus loves me but he wants me to burn in hell for who I love.
Either way, it’s become pretty obvious that everybody got so fixated on the breakup artist part of my story that some of you forgot this was, at its core, a story about a girl falling in love with another girl.
At least y’all forgot about it until the point when I started talking about me and Maddie going on a real date.
I mean, come on people. I know I’ve been making cracks about how stupid anyone in the comments section is, but did it really take all of you this long to figure out I was completely and one hundred percent serious about the whole lesbian thing?
All the talk about everything feeling right with Maddie wasn’t your tipoff? Me admitting my feelings to Kylie and Craig wasn’t enough for you to figure out that there was a little bit of the homo going on in this story?
Of course I suppose that’s what I should expect from a bunch of people who think they should hate me because their imaginary friend in the sky says they should hate me.
Talk about being loving and kind. This is the reason why nobody our age goes to church. Aside from the knuckle draggers in the comments. Don't think I didn't notice how your IP addresses show that the crowd of you are actually just a couple of people using sockpuppets. Well Craig figured that out, but the point is I'm wise to you assholes and now everyone else reading this is too.
Whatever. All you haters can keep on hating. You all can take this to heart when I tell you that you all truly need to go fuck yourselves.
Maddie made me the happiest I’ve ever been, and as far as I’m concerned if there is some great and powerful being that created all of the universe and us then that great and powerful being was also able to conceive of a situation where I could have a girlfriend and it wasn’t going to be the end of the world.
Okay. Rant over. Now it’s time to talk about my date. And all of you who’ve been asking for steamy details about my date with Maddie can go fuck yourselves too.
This is a relationship I’m talking about. Love. Something wonderful.
It’s not a reason for me and Maddie to be damned to hell, and it sure as fuck isn’t a reason for you creeps to get off thinking about two girls kissing or whatever it is you were talking about in the comments.
Okay. It’s time to talk about the single best date I’ve ever had in my life. Time to rub it in the face of all of you lonely pricks out there who don’t like the idea of me dating a girl, because I totally did go on a date with a girl and it was the most wonderful date I’ve ever been on. It was the most amazing and wonderful experience of my life.
It started by trying to avoid someone at the concession stand. Our old friend the shift leader. That was the one problem with Maddie trying to sneak me into the theater during the day. It wasn’t quite time for the evening shift which meant the asshole was still on watch.
“Why did he have to be here?” I asked.
“Well that’s easy,” she said. “He was always hitting on girls on the evening shift and rather than fire him and lose the couple hundred dollars they spent training him they decided to move him to the day shift and…”
I waved a hand to let her know I got the point. I hadn’t forgotten the history lesson she gave me. I was more frustrated than anything and thinking out loud.
“Are you sure we can’t just walk past him?” I asked.
“Well we could,” she said. “But then he might get the idea to go and check the back theater. And I was kind of hoping we wouldn’t have anyone checking in on us…”
It didn’t take long for the full implication of what she was saying to hit me. And let me tell you, that was the first time I’d been happy about somebody insinuating they were looking forward to making out with me in a mostly abandoned theater.
I shivered. Now the only trick was to get around Keith.
Maddie’s face lit up. “I’ve got an idea!”
“What kind of idea?”
“Never you mind what kind of idea,” she said. “All that matters is this is genius and it’s totally going to work.”
I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go along with whatever crazy scheme she’d come up with. But what I wanted more than anything was to get into that theater all alone with her.
&nb
sp; Now I know what some of you are telling yourselves right now. You’re probably thinking to yourselves that I already said there wasn’t a theater like this at the mall theater. That I made the whole point about me being an unreliable narrator and lying about things.
Well if you have a problem with me talking about going on a date with Maddie in the secret theater that didn’t exist because I already told you I was an unreliable narrator then maybe you need to stop and think that through a little.
Yeah, that’s right. The one sort of naturally follows the other, doesn’t it? Funny how that works when you actually bother to think something through just a little.
Now back to the story seeing as how I’ve taken care of any complaints you dunces in the audience might’ve come up with about plot holes.
Maddie pulled out her phone and hit a button. She put it up to her ear and I heard a phone ring on the other side of the theater lobby.
“What are you…”
Maddie held up a hand. That seemed to be my signal to shut up. Whatever she was planning, it didn’t involve me talking to her while she was on the phone with this idiot.
“Hey Keith,” Maddie said, her voice taking on a tone that was downright simpering. “Yeah, I was wondering if you could check the schedule for me?”
He’d picked up a cordless phone and was talking into the thing while keeping an eye on the lobby, but clearly whatever eye he was keeping on the lobby didn’t include paying enough attention to see me and Maddie on the other end.
Still, I slunk back a little more into the shadows to make sure he wasn’t going to see us. I’d learned that creepers like that could have a sort of sixth sense about when girls were around to creep on.
“Come on Keith,” she said. “I don’t care where you are. It’s not like it’s going to take you that long to look at the schedule with an empty lobby.”
Her eyes went wide and she locked them with mine. Clearly she’d just made a doozy of a mistake, and clearly he’d picked up on it. I didn’t even need to hear him through the phone.