"You mean everything to me. You know that, right?"
"I know," I whisper, and I do know that. No one has ever loved me like Roman does. He treats me like a queen. I've never doubted his feelings for me, nor mine for him. Which is exactly why being away from him is so hard.
We spent four years refusing to even acknowledge the way we felt about one another out of fear of hurting Talia. We're finally past all of that now. My relationship with Talia is stronger than ever. So is her relationship with Roman. And I'm so in love with Roman it's ridiculous.
But chaos keeps overtaking our lives. We've spent one night together in the last three weeks, and countless more apart even before Tristan flew into town. Every time something happens, Roman gets called back to the city to help out. There's no telling how long he'll be tied up looking for Remi Pledger.
Remi was his coworker, his teammate. They weren't friends, but they worked on the ATF's multi-agency gang taskforce and SWAT team together for years. Roman feels partially responsible for what happened to Lillian, but it wasn't his fault. He didn't know Remi was dirty. No matter how many times I tell him that though, he doesn't listen.
He thinks Remi gave Guerrero information about me and Talia. He's hurt and he's angry, and I don't think he's going to let me come home until he finds Remi.
Someone says something else to him, making him sigh heavily. "I love you, Mila. I'll call you soon," he promises and then disconnects.
I drop my phone to the counter and then stand there, staring out at the beach. Waves crash against the shore a few yards from the back deck. It truly is beautiful here. It's peaceful and quiet, and aside from Evan Arias, there isn't another person in sight. It's a little slice of paradise that's starting to feel more like a prison the longer I'm here alone.
"You okay?" Evan asks from behind me.
I nod, turning to face him.
He's standing in the doorway, his arms crossed over his chest, his honey-colored eyes locked on me. Even dressed in jeans and a dark t-shirt, authority practically rolls from him. Like Roman, he's used to being in charge and it shows. He's not quite as physically intimidating as Roman, but there's a hardness in his eyes and in the way he carries himself that's all too familiar. It makes him seem older than he is. He doesn't share much, but I don't think he's had an easy life.
He's locked up tighter than Fort Knox and doesn't let anyone or anything get close to him. He's been babysitting me for months, but I still don't know very much about him or his life. He tries to keep things strictly professional. Even when I pry, he doesn't give me much.
And that's why Roman picked him to be my bodyguard. He trusts Evan to keep me safe and keep his distance. Roman is possessive and doesn't like other men even looking at me, which is ridiculous because he’s the only man I see. He has been for a long time.
"Mila?" Evan prompts, his brows furrowing when I don't immediately answer him.
"I'm fine," I lie, offering him a tight smile.
He eyes me for a minute and then shakes his dark head, making it clear he doesn't believe me. "You need anything before I head out?" he asks, looking at his watch and frowning.
"You're leaving?"
"Yeah. I've got some shit to take care of," he mutters, pushing away from the wall. His eyes land on me again. "My sergeant is going to put a car outside for the night. You sure you're okay?"
"I'm just restless," I say, shrugging a little. "I'll be fine though. I'm just going to get some work done and go to bed early. Go do whatever it is you do when you aren't here."
His lips tip up into a small smile and he shakes his head again. Like usual, he doesn't even give me a hint. I know he works for Santa Cruz Police Department, but that's about the extent of my knowledge.
"I'll be back in the morning," he says before tapping his hand on the wall and striding from the room.
"See you then," I call to him.
He's barely out the door when my phone chimes with a notification. I grab it and then head toward the fridge to get a bottle of water before plopping down at the kitchen table to get some work done. By some miracle, Kelli Cammack didn't fire me when I basically disappeared after my second day at work at the Triton Agency—a literary agency in Los Angeles. Instead, she offered to keep me on part-time as a proofreader, with the possibility of returning to a full-time position once I'm back in the city. If that ever happens. At this rate, I'm not so sure it will.
With a sigh, I settle in and boot up my laptop. While it's loading, I pick up my phone to see a text from Talia.
Talia: OMG. You will never believe who called me.
Me: Who?
Before I can even set my phone down, it starts ringing. I smile when I see Talia's picture flash across the screen. She's never been a particularly patient person. If she has something to say, she can't settle until she says it. She is so full of life and is always going a million miles a minute. That's one of the things I love most about her.
"Who called you?" I ask.
"Your ex," she practically shrieks at me.
"Damien called you?"
"Yes," she huffs. "The cheating bastard heard through the grapevine that you and daddy are getting married. He called me to see if it was true."
"Wow," I mumble, not really sure what else to say. Truthfully, I haven't thought about Damien Wentworth in months. I dumped him after I caught him and my former boss in bed together. I haven't looked back since. I never should have been with him in the first place, not when a big part of me wanted Roman the entire time I was with Damien.
"When I told him that you are marrying my dad, he got all butthurt about it and accused you of cheating on him," Talia says with an angry growl. "What a douche! He cheats on you with your boss, and then has the nerve to accuse you of cheating because you've moved on. I swear he's delusional."
"He's kind of right. I was only with him because I didn't think I'd ever have a shot with Roman," I admit softly, poking through my inbox to find a new manuscript waiting, as well as a good job email from Kelli on the last one I proofread. There's also an email from Missy Beck, who has become a really good friend, dishing all the new office gossip. She likes to keep me up to date so I know what's happening when I finally get to return to work.
"That doesn't make you a cheater," Talia says.
"I fantasized a lot," I admit.
"That's because Damien was lousy in bed."
"True." I can't help but smile devilishly. "Roman definitely doesn't have that problem. He does this one thing–"
"No!" Talia shrieks, cutting me off. "No, no, and no! We are not talking about your sex life with my dad."
I laugh at her and then cut her some slack. Talking about my sex life with her dad would just be weird, but I can't help but tease her about it sometimes. Especially since she has a tendency to overshare about her sex life with Trent Bianco, her basketball star boyfriend. "I'm just kidding," I murmur, clicking to download the manuscript to my Kindle. "Well, I'm kidding about giving you the details, not about him being amazing."
"Gross," Talia groans.
Amazing isn't even a good enough descriptor though. Roman is sex on legs. There's nothing soft about him. When he's in me, he fucks me like he means it. Sex with him is a whole new level of incredible. He's sweet and filthy in turns, and I love every minute of it.
God, I miss him.
"I don't think he wants me to move back to L.A. with him," I blurt to Talia.
"What? Of course he does."
I bite my lip and voice the worry that's been niggling at me more and more frequently over the last few days. "What if he doesn't?"
"Mila," Talia whispers.
The sadness in her tone sends tears springing to my eyes. Just hearing the words out loud makes me feel ridiculous for even thinking them. I know Roman loves me, but a tiny part of me still worries that maybe I'm not wanted. My own father didn't want me. Damien cheated on me. What if Roman is just using Remi Pledger as an excuse because he doesn't want me either?
"My dad loves you so much,"
Talia tells me, her voice gentle. "I've never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you. When Guerrero shot you, he was so afraid he was going to lose you. He looked like the sun just fell from the sky. He's crazy about you, Mila. He's just afraid something might happen to you and the baby. You know how overprotective he is."
She's right. I feel stupid for entertaining that insecure voice for even a second. But it's hard not to let those insecurities creep in when he's been hours away for weeks looking like he does while I'm getting bigger every day. I wasn't a small girl to begin with. That never bothered me before…but I've never been five months pregnant before either. Hormones are no joke. They're making me a little crazy.
"Just ignore me," I say with a forced laugh, trying to shove those insecurities down into a little box where they belong. "I'm hormonal and crazy right now."
"You are crazy if you think he doesn't want you," she agrees. "But I really hate your dad and Damien for making you doubt your worth. I hope jealousy eats Damien alive and his dick falls off."
"Babe, seriously? What the fuck?" Trent grumbles in the background, making me laugh. He's as possessive of Talia as Roman is of me. He hates when Talia even acknowledges that other penises exist. It's honestly a little adorable.
"Well, it's true," she mutters and then a smack sounds, causing her to yelp. "You can't spank me when I'm on the phone!" she yells indignantly, which makes me laugh harder.
I think I miss her almost as much as I miss her dad.
She and Trent argue back and forth for a second before she comes back on the line. "I gotta go, Mila," she says, a little breathlessly. "Trent's in caveman mode today."
"Have fun," I tease her before she disconnects. Once she does, I go to drop my phone, but see another notification.
Roman: You're so fucking perfect. I can't wait until you're back in my arms where you belong. I love you.
My heart melts as soon as I read the words, my insecurities falling silent.
In the middle of the night, a warm hand caresses my cheek, pulling me from sleep. Lips glide across my bare shoulder, placing soft kisses on my skin. Roman's familiar masculine scent—like heat, spice, and mint—surrounds me as he wraps his big body around mine. I instantly melt into his embrace, an intense sense of belonging stealing over me.
For the first time in two weeks, I feel peaceful, like I'm home again.
"Am I dreaming?" I mumble, not sure if I'm actually awake or not.
He chuckles, the sound vibrating in his chest. His breath fans tendrils of my hair. "You aren't dreaming." His lips slide up the side of my neck before he nips my earlobe. "I needed to feel you in my arms again."
"I missed you," I whisper, and then moan when he nips me again, grinding his erection against my ass. Heat flows through me in a warm current of desire. My nipples harden and goosebumps break out all across my skin. I'm not cold though. I'm suddenly burning up, my body aching for him.
One hand runs across my hip before he splays it over my belly. "How's our girl doing?"
"Good. She's been really active lately," I murmur. She's been moving around like a little acrobat in there. "She likes getting up early like her daddy." I'm not a morning person by any means, but she has me up before the sun most of the time. She starts kicking up a storm, making it impossible for me to sleep any later.
As if she senses her daddy close, she moves around and then her tiny foot bumps against my stomach. It's such an odd sensation, but it isn't painful. I love the way it feels.
I grab Roman's hand and move it slightly so he can feel her moving around. As soon as his hand settles over my stomach, she kicks again. He tightens his hold on my belly, his entire body going still.
"Fuck," he whispers after a moment, burying his face in my hair. "I love that."
My heart pulses at the emotion in his voice. Talia's mom never told him she was pregnant, so he never got the whole pregnancy experience with her. Now he feels like he's missing chunks of my pregnancy too. It's killing him. That's one of a thousand reasons I want to go back to Los Angeles with him.
I don't say that though. I don't want to fight with him about it right now. Instead, I snuggle close to him and just enjoy this moment with him while the baby does a little dance. He holds me tightly, tracking her movements with his hand on my belly.
"She's showing off for you," I murmur when she settles down a few minutes later. I glance at the clock to see it's barely after midnight. "She usually doesn't start kicking until around five. I guess she knows her daddy's home and wanted to say hi."
He presses another kiss to my shoulder and then turns me onto my back. The blanket slips down as he moves to hover over me, holding himself up with his fists planted on the bed at each side of my head. I lift one hand and place it against his cheek.
"Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?" he asks, turning his head to place his full lips against my palm.
"It's dark," I say with a smile. "You can't even see me."
"I always see you, Mila." He shifts around, hitching one of my legs up over his hip. His cock bumps against my clit, pulling a soft moan from my lips. Wetness trickles between my legs. "I haven't seen anyone but you since the day you walked into that dorm room and stole my heart."
"Roman," I whisper, feeling a little like I might cry again.
"I fucking hate being away from you."
"I don't like it much either."
"Talia called me."
"Oh."
He reaches over and hits the switch on the lamp, allowing light to flood into the room. I blink my eyes several times, trying to adjust to the sudden change. When I finally do, I glance up to find him staring at me. The intense look in those gorgeous blue eyes of his steals my breath.
He adjusts his position, slipping inside of me without ever taking his eyes off my face. I moan as he stretches and fills me. He's so big…it always takes a minute to adjust to his size. When I do, he still doesn't move. He just keeps staring at me with that look on his face. He always watches me like he sees more than most people do, but this is something different. It goes beyond simple desire to some level of need I don't even have a name for. It sears me to my soul though, settling into those insecure places my dad and Damien Wentworth left behind and obliterating them.
"I told you before that you'd never again wonder if you were wanted. If you were loved," he whispers then. "It killed me to know you thought for even a second that I didn't want you with me. You're the reason my heart beats, Mila. Every time I have to leave you, it rips my heart out of my chest."
"I know that," I whisper.
"Do you?"
I nod. "I'm just hormonal and lonely, Roman."
He shifts around, wrapping his arms around me and lifting me easily. I wrap mine around his neck and my legs around his waist as he flips us over so I'm straddling him. Despite the fact that I've gained fifteen pounds over the course of my pregnancy, he holds me easily. Once I'm where he wants me, he lifts me off his cock before slowly sliding me back down.
I moan softly, my head lolling on my shoulders as he makes love to me slowly, gently. His lips never leave my skin, instead lingering on the scar on my shoulder before questing on. He lifts me up and slides me back down on him, taking me like we have all night. When I whimper and beg for him to go harder, he shakes his head, denying me.
"Like this," he demands, pulling my nipple into his mouth.
Another moan breaks from my lips and I dig my fingernails into his shoulders. He lifts me up and down his cock, not even breaking a sweat. His lips trail across my collarbones and breasts as he makes love to me, leaving behind a trail of fresh marks. We don't speak again until I'm right on the edge, pleading with him to go harder.
"I'm setting the pace, Mila," he says, shifting positions so his cock glides across my g-spot every time he drops me back down onto him. He catches his bottom lip between his teeth, his gaze locked on my face.
He doesn't go harder, but pleasure dances through me in spirals until I'm moaning and pantin
g. Sweat breaks out all across my sensitive skin as the coil in my stomach tightens, pulling me closer and closer to the edge. I'm so damn close, but I can't seem to go over.
"Please," I whimper. "Please, Roman."
"What do you want, baby?" he asks, his hands tightening on my hips. He lifts me up and then slams me back down on him once and then again and again. Our bodies slap together in a clap of sound each time we come together. "This?"
"Yes!"
"Fuck," he grunts and does it again, grinding against my clit. "You know I can't ever tell you no." His fingers dig into the flesh of my ass, spreading my cheeks apart as he grips me harder. "Come on my cock, Mila. I need it."
One of his fingers presses against the tight ring of my ass. He doesn't try to push it into me, but the sensation is enough to send me careening over the edge. I cry out his name and come hard, my inner walls clamping down on him. My orgasm rushes through me in a flood, unraveling me from the inside out.
Roman fucks me through it, drawing out every last ounce of pleasure before he slams me down onto him and holds me there. His head kicks back, a loud growl ripping from his lips as he follows me over.
I moan, brushing his wild hair back from his face as he spills into me. He's so fucking sexy when he's coming. His cheeks flush and his eyes darken to this gorgeous sapphire blue. Just watching him sends another wave of pleasure through me before I collapse on top of him, my head coming to rest against his shoulder.
I nuzzle my face into his throat, breathing him in. He wraps his arms around me. We stay like that for a long time, just holding one another as we slowly float back down to Earth together.
Eventually, he shifts around until we're lying down again. He has to roll us onto our sides since I can't comfortably sprawl across his chest with my belly now. Somehow, he manages to do it without separating from me. Once he has the blankets up over us, he cuddles me close, raining kisses all across my face.
"I don't simply want you, Mila," he whispers against my skin. "I need you in my life."
"I know that," I whisper back. "I'm just struggling with being apart so much. It's messing with my head."
Desire Me (Her Best Friend's Father Book 4) Page 2