"You should have told me."
"I'm sorry."
He presses his lips to my forehead. "Don't be sorry. Just talk to me, sweetheart. I can't fix things if you don't tell me what's going on in that head of yours."
"I know why you don't want me in Los Angeles," I say after a minute, choosing my words carefully. "But I've spent most of my life being ignored and set aside. I guess I feel a little like that's what's happening here."
After my mom died, my dad made it clear he didn't want me. I was still just a kid, but I had to fend for myself. When I was sick, I had to take care of myself. When I wanted to eat, I had to do the grocery shopping. There were times when he wouldn't even come home for days at a time. I was completely alone and I hated it. Roman is nothing like my father, and I know this separation has been as hard for him as it is for me, but that doesn't make being alone any easier to deal with. It doesn't make me feel any less vulnerable.
"Rationally, I know that isn't the case, but when you're in Los Angeles all the time, and I'm here alone…it feels like I'm right back there again, having to do everything by myself."
"Fuck," Roman whispers, his body tensing.
"I just want us to be together, Roman. Whether it's here or there, I don't care. I just want to be a family."
He exhales a shuddering breath, his arms tightening around me, but he doesn't say anything.
I press on, determined to get it all out there. "I hate that you're missing so much of this pregnancy. When she moves, I want to share it with you, but I can't because you're not here." I brush my hand through his hair and then snuggle deeper into his chest, pressing my ear to his heart. "You didn't get to experience any of this with Talia because of her mom. I don't want you to regret missing things with our daughter too."
"I hate that I'm missing shit," he confesses, his voice a soft rumble. "It fucking kills me that Evan is the one who has to run out and get whatever you're craving because I'm not here to do it."
I press a kiss to his chest, trying to soothe him.
"I'm fucking terrified that I'll take you back to Los Angeles and something will happen to you or the baby." He expels another heavy breath. "Remi was in our house for days. He kidnapped Lillian right out from underneath our noses. He knows everything about the security features and how to bypass them."
"He has no reason to come after me," I remind him. "Jose Guerrero is dead. Elijah Noel is dead. El Demonio is on the run. The drugs are gone. There's nothing left for him in Los Angeles. Give me a bodyguard and refuse to let me leave the house if that will make you feel better about it," I whisper, trying to compromise so we both get what we need. "I'll do whatever I have to do to make you feel better about taking me home, but I don't want to be here without you anymore. The baby will be here soon. I want time with you before she gets here."
Roman's silent for a long moment, but I can tell he's thinking over what I said. I snuggle deeper into his side and lie quietly, waiting for him to decide. My eyes flutter closed, sleep creeping up on me. I'm right on the edge when he presses his lips to my forehead again.
"We'll leave in the morning," he whispers against my skin.
Chapter Two
Roman
"Where are you?" Finn asks as I speed down the interstate, weaving in and out of traffic.
"About fifteen minutes from the house," I murmur, pitching my voice low so I don't wake Mila. She's been out since we hit the I-5 this morning. I should probably feel bad for wearing her out last night, but I can't seem to keep my hands off her. With long blonde hair, bright green eyes, and a curvy little body, she's always been gorgeous. But since her baby bump started showing, that innate beauty of hers has grown. She's something else altogether now…fucking exquisite. Seeing her belly round with my baby keeps me hard.
Spending so much time away from her lately has been hell, but losing her would destroy me. I need her like I need air, and she's already been targeted by Francisco's people once. Had el Demonio gotten their hands on her again, I would have lost my mind. Now that they're gone, bringing her home should be easier, but it's not.
I can't relax in Los Angeles. I'm constantly watching my back, waiting for someone to come after me…or after Mila. She, Talia, and the baby are my world. I'm going to fucking destroy Remi Pledger when I find him. It's the least the motherfucker deserves for putting Mila and Talia in the sights of el Demonio months ago. With him still on the loose, I’m terrified he’ll come after Mila. But I'll deal with my worries if it means giving her what she needs.
Talia's phone call killed me yesterday. Knowing Mila's been lonely and feeling insecure wrecks me. I never want her to question how important she is to me. My life is shit without her in it. The last few weeks without her have been some of the hardest of my life.
"Michael Kincaid is making waves," Finn says, recalling my attention. He snorts with amusement. "You'd think he was the boogie man with the way our gangs are reacting to the news that he's in town. They're all scared shitless."
"Good," I grunt, flipping down my visor when the sun breaks from behind clouds to beat down on the windshield. Michael Kincaid, a DEA agent from Seattle, is the boogie man as far as gangs like el Demonio are concerned. He's taken down more of the motherfuckers than any other federal agent ever has before, and he's done it solo. Gangs have tried to kill him too many times to count, but they've never succeeded. He tears through them like a missile every damn time, taking out everyone in his path. Those that survive don't try him a second time.
He hates Los Angeles because of the shit he went through here, but we need him. The man is a goddamn nuclear warhead. If we can convince him to stay instead of going back to Seattle with Tristan and Lillian, we might actually be able to get in front of our gang problem for once. They listen to him because they're fucking terrified he'll rip them apart if they don't. And we need that, now more than ever. Jose Guerrero, Elijah Noel, and el Demonio made a mess of Los Angeles. Cleaning it up and keeping everyone in line will be a hell of a lot easier with Kincaid playing point man.
I just have to figure out how the hell to convince him to take the job here.
His entire life was destroyed by our gang problem. The bastards gunned down his girl's family. He lost his best friend, his home…everything. He took care of the people responsible and then left town. Until last week, he hadn't set foot in Los Angeles in ten years. But his girl needs his help right now and so do we. Especially since I'm out of the field as soon as my transfer paperwork goes through.
Unlike Kincaid, I've spent my career operating undercover as a small arms dealer. With my cover blown, there's not a whole lot I can do to help with the gang situation now. As soon as the dust settles, I'm done with gangs, cartels, and all their bullshit.
I haven't told Mila about the transfer yet, but it's been a long time coming.
"Any word on Remi?" I ask Finn, stealing a glance at Mila. She's still knocked out, her blonde hair partially obscuring her face. She's got one hand on her belly like she's holding our little girl. Seeing her like that makes my heart pulse with emotion.
Yeah, I'm done with the bullshit. She's my future now. Her and the little girl growing in her belly.
"Nothing," Finn mutters.
I press the gas pedal, sending the speedometer inching toward ninety. The deeper into Los Angeles we get, the heavier traffic becomes. I weave in and out of it, eager to get Mila home and get inside her again. Swear to Christ, being inside her is the only damn thing I can think about when I'm with her. My little blonde bombshell keeps my dick hard.
"I'm bringing Mila home," I tell Finn, still speaking quietly so I don't wake her.
"About fucking time," he says. He's been pushing for months for me to bring her back to Los Angeles.
I should have listened to him. I don't want her in Santa Cruz, hurting because I'm not with her. Fuck that. She's spent far too much of her life on her own. Her father neglected the hell out of her, leaving her to fend for herself when she was just a kid. No ten or eleven ye
ar old should ever have to endure the shit she did.
Now that she's mine, I never want her to question if she's wanted or needed. I never want her to feel alone. And I damn sure don't want her feeling that way when she's carrying our baby. She deserves to know I'll be there every step of the way.
If she wants hot Cheetos and ranch dressing in the middle of the night, I want to be the one running to get it for her. When she's crying over some commercial, I want to be there to wipe her tears. When she's sleepy, I want to be her pillow. I'll deal with my fear with a smile on my face if it means she's with me and she's happy.
"Luke Santiago is going to help keep an eye on her while I deal with Remi," I mutter. Aside from Finn, Luke is the only person on the taskforce who I know will lay down his life for Mila without hesitation. He was on Lillian's guard detail with Remi, and is itching for a little payback. He's as pissed as I am about what went down and feels like he needs redemption, even though what happened wasn't his fault. Luke will put a bullet between Remi's eyes before he lets him near Mila.
"You know you have to bring him in, Roman," Finn says…the same damn thing he's been telling me since we found out Remi was dirty. That's not happening though, and we both know it. If I find the son of a bitch, I'm going to kill him slowly. They won't even find his body by the time I'm finished with him. If I don't find him, Kincaid or Luke will. Either way…he'll never see the inside of a jail cell, not after what he did. He's a dead man walking.
"How's my paperwork looking?" I ask instead of telling my boss that. Some shit is better left unsaid, and we both know that too.
"It'll be ready this week." Finn pauses. "You sure this is what you want?"
"Positive," I say without hesitation, stealing another glance at Mila to find her stirring.
"Where are we?" she asks, her voice husky from sleep. She brushes her wild hair away from her face and blinks those bright green eyes at me. She looks so fucking cute with that sleepy look on her face.
My heart rolls in my chest, my cock hardening.
"Hey, baby," I murmur, glancing between her and the road. "We're almost home."
"Oh." She blinks those eyes at me again and then sits up and looks around. "What time is it?"
"Almost eleven."
Finn clears his throat. "I'll let you go, but I need you to come in tomorrow to sign off on all this shit."
"Will do," I mutter and then disconnect, dropping my phone into the cup holder. I wrap a hand around the back of Mila's neck and squeeze lightly. "You sleep good?"
"Yeah. I can't believe I slept the entire way." She turns her head, planting a kiss on my arm.
"I didn't let you sleep much last night," I murmur, shooting her an unrepentant smirk. "You kept moaning in your sleep like you needed my cock. I had to take care of you."
She smiles mischievously. "I was having the best dreams about this really hot guy."
My hand tightens on her neck and I narrow my eyes at her. "That really hot guy better have been me or I'll spank your ass."
"Promises, promises."
"Mila."
"Roman." She bats those fucking lashes at me.
I shake my head, chuckling as I take the Tampa Avenue exit and head toward the house. "Fuck, I missed you."
"I missed you too." Her face softens, happiness shining in her eyes. "And for the record, you're the only really hot guy I ever dream about. Well, you and Theo James."
"Who the fuck is Theo James?" I growl.
She laughs softly. "The guy from that movie about the apocalypse. You know, the one with Forest Whitaker?"
"Pretty sure you slept through that movie, Mila," I remind her.
She shrugs a shoulder, grinning at me.
I shake my head and turn my eyes to the road.
"He is hot though," she mumbles.
"Keep it up and I will spank you," I warn her though I can't help smiling. She loves fucking with me. I'll never admit it, but I love it too. She's so playful and sweet. Knowing she's happy makes me feel like a king. She brings so much laughter into my life. I never knew it was missing until I claimed her. Never realized how fucking lonely I was until she was in my heart and consuming every thought in my head.
"I don't think your threat is very effective," she says after a minute, squirming around in her seat. "Now I want to keep being mouthy so you spank me. I love it when you're rough with me."
"Jesus." My cock presses insistently against my zipper.
"Do we get to christen the new house?" She reaches across the console to palm my cock.
"Fuck yeah, we do." I buck my hips into her hand, trying to get closer to her.
She squeezes me through my jeans, and I damn near run the stop sign at Vanalden and Casa.
"Fuck." I slam on the brakes at the last moment. The hard stop throws Mila forward before her seatbelt locks, pushing her back against the seat. Her hand slips off my cock, landing against my thigh.
"You okay?" I ask, putting a hand on her belly as a bolt of panic lances through me. I run my hand across her bump, trying to make sure she and the baby are both okay. When I don't find anything wrong, I exhale a sharp breath and grab her hand, bringing it to my lips. "You gotta keep your hands off me in the car, baby. Don't want anything happening to you or our girl."
"I'm okay," she promises, placing her hand against my jaw. "The baby is okay. Nothing is going to happen to us just because we're in Los Angeles again, okay?"
I jerk my chin in a nod, though I'm still fucking worried about it. I still have nightmares about the shit that happened last time I brought her here. It was, literally, my worst goddamn nightmare come true.
"I'll do whatever it takes to make this easier for you," she promises me in that sweet voice of hers. "Just remember I'm your warrior and I'm going to be okay."
"Yeah, you are," I say, my voice thick. "I won't let anything happen to you this time, Mila. I promise you that."
She hits me with a bright, trusting smile, those green eyes lighting up with happiness. Seeing that look on her face leaves me breathless. Swear to God, she's fucking perfect when she's happy.
The driver behind me blares his horn, alerting me to the fact that I'm holding up traffic. I press a kiss to Mila's palm and then twine our fingers together, holding her hand in my lap. She settles back in her seat as I make the turn, headed toward home and our future.
"Roman!" Mila squeals through laughter a few minutes later, wrapping her arms around my neck when I lift her out of the truck into my arms. "Put me down. I'm too big for you to carry around!"
"Settle down," I mutter, pushing her door closed with my foot. She wiggles in my arms, trying to make me put her down, but that's not happening. "This is the home we're going to raise our kids in. I'm carrying your sexy ass over the threshold. And you aren't too big so don't even say that shit." I fucking love her curves. They're so goddamn sexy, and they've only gotten sexier since I got her pregnant. Besides, I'm a hell of a lot bigger than she is. I could carry her all day and never break a sweat.
"I love you," she whispers, settling in my arms. "And I love the house."
Aside from pictures, she hasn't seen the house before today. It's a single-story ranch-style house with a big backyard and pool, located in the Tarzana area of the city. It's safe and quiet. The garage has an apartment over it. We don't have much use for it, but it came in handy while Tristan and Lillian were staying here. I figure it'll come in handy again when Talia and Trent visit. They'll have their own space, and so will we because there's no way I'll be able to keep my hands off Mila even if my grown daughter is right down the hall. And Mila isn't quiet when I'm inside her.
I fucking love that too.
"Hold tight," I murmur and then wait for her hold on me to tighten before I unlock the door and push it open. Cool air billows out from inside. I step over the threshold with her in my arms. She's practically vibrating with excitement as I carry her inside, kicking the door closed behind us. The alarm panel on the wall beeps. I slide Mila down my body until she'
s on her feet, and then quickly key in the code before I wrap my arms around her, holding her tightly.
Her eyes bounce all around the house, taking it in. The living room, dining room, and kitchen are open, with big bay windows that let in natural light. The house is furnished, but I haven't done much to it beyond that. I want her to have free rein to change whatever she wants and make it our home. The bookshelves in the living room are stocked with every romance novel I could get my hands on for her. So are the shelves in the office.
"What do you think?"
"I love it," she says, turning in my arms. Her belly rubs against me as she tips her head back and smiles up at me. "It's perfect."
"I'm glad you think so," I whisper, leaning down to press my lips to hers. "Because I bought it."
"You bought it?" She blinks up at me.
"Yeah. You fell in love with it when you saw the pictures, so I bought it for you."
"Roman," she whispers. Her eyes shine with unshed tears…the happy kind, I think. She flings her arms around me, cuddling herself up against my chest. "I can't believe you bought me a house." She pauses for a moment. "I didn't think you ever wanted me back in Los Angeles."
I tilt her chin up until she's looking up at me so she knows I mean what I'm about to say to her. "Being without you was fucking torture, Mila. I couldn't even stay here because you weren't with me. I refused to move in until I could bring you home. Don't ever think I didn't want you with me. I wanted you here so badly it killed me."
"Okay," she whispers.
"The only reason I haven't brought you home before now was because of the gang war. I didn't want you or the baby getting hurt. I almost lost you twice. I won't survive going through that again."
"You aren't going to lose me," she promises, those green eyes wide and earnest. "I'll never do anything to put myself or the baby at risk."
"I know you won't." I lean down to rest my forehead against hers. "Until we find Remi, Luke Santiago will be here when I can't be. It's not forever…just for a little while."
Desire Me (Her Best Friend's Father Book 4) Page 3